<p>I’ve heard of ■■■■■■■■, both kinds . . . never done it to date, though . . . either kind . . .</p>
<p>You’ve completely robbed the OP of this thread. When I notice a new post, I click on it only to find some post about people’s ■■■■■■■■ activities. If you want to have your clever back and forth ■■■■■ exchange, please start a new thread in the Cafe.</p>
<p>I haven’t read the whole thread and haven’t been around here much lately…but I do have a sibling who had a similar experience. When my sister was 16 she started dating a boy who was a year younger. She had already applied and been accepted to her first choice school. My parents paid the housing deposit and everyone thought she was set. This was until about halfway through her senior year when it hit her she would be leaving her boyfriend 3 hours away (and only 3 hours at that). She backed out and decided to attend the university in the city where we lived. (Luckily we grew up in a college town)</p>
<p>My parents were FURIOUS! She was still going to college but they felt like she was throwing away what she wanted to do for him. They predicted she wouldn’t get involved and would attend class and then hang out with his high school friends. This is exactly what happened. She went to class and that was it. He joined her at the same university two years later, but basically her college experience was all about him. They got married a year and a half after they graduated.</p>
<p>This sounds like a happy ending, right? Let’s fast forward about ten years. My sister got divorced last month from this same former boyfriend who felt like he needed to see what else was out there and so he had an affair and now currently is living with the woman he had his second affair with. My sister was left with their child and the realization that she never had any goals and dreams of her own. She shared with my mother recently that she had always sort of wanted to go to pharmacy school. We were shocked by this because my sister was exceptionally bright but never really cared much about school. This is just one of the things that has come out since the separation and it makes me wonder what she would have done if this boyfriend was not in the picture at the time. </p>
<p>This is certainly NOT the case for everyone! I have many friends who are happily married to their childhood sweethearts. However, I also have friends who are married to their childhood sweethearts but they did not attend the same colleges. In fact one went to school in Mississippi and the other in Michigan and the relationship survived that and grad school. If the relationship is strong it will survive while she pursues her OWN dreams!!! My sister is fine now and thinking of returning to school for a second degree so even if this scenario were to repeat for your child everything will be ok. I just wish my sister had pursued what she really wanted back in '91 rather than waiting until now!!!</p>
<p>Where is the OP?</p>
<p>"Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 30 "</p>
<p>No one noticed that gardener joined in 2004, yet didn’t post until recently?</p>
<p>RUN, DO NOT WALK, and buy the book</p>
<p>WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH</p>
<p>This is a classic, it talks about women who are with men that are not good matches- drinkers, lazy, mean, not trying in life, all kinds of men, that women want to fix - and MANY of these guys are very charming, witty, sweet and others are mean, the typical Bad Boy</p>
<p>Your D says she doesn’t want to embrassass HIM by not having him go to the prom, bet it is also the reverse</p>
<p>I say, say, SURE, if he pays HALF, the rest is your birthday and Christmas present and graduation present, how does that sound</p>
<p>So, tell BF, that is he comes up with $$$ we will match it to visit after you have been at school for 3 months, we feel that is fair, and if you two are really meant to be together, then we will help him. But it means no BDay present or christams gifts because we need to budget for his trip. And if we can budget and go without, he can as well if he cares for you so much, i am sure he can make it work</p>
<p>This way, it is in their court, and it makes him responsible for seeing her, if he can’t save a few hundred dollars from now until Nov say, it will show he doesn’t care about her that much- you can’t say that, you have to say you are SURE he can make it happen</p>
<p>if he does, well, you have your D in the school you want, she can see blockhead, and he has to step up</p>
<p>what other schools does she have, and if she does stay near home, NO CAR</p>
<p>With all of the accusations about being a ■■■■■, I don’t blame the OP for not coming back.</p>
<p>Oh yes. Poor cheers is an idiot. She thought this thread started off as a real topic, then decided the supposedly male poster was writing under a false identity. </p>
<p>Then another frequent parent poster appeared to admit that she too posted under false identities. Takes one to know one, was the expression cheers read. </p>
<p>Apologies for temporarily hijacking the thread but cheers still thinks the thread is probably a ‘■■■■■ using a false identity’. </p>
<p>Apologies for hurting your feelings too, driver. That was quite the diatribe–without politics too. Wow.</p>
<p>One of the above posts about a sister who changed her college plans (against her parents wishes), to be near a “boyfriend” is further proof that we need to change our dating culture here in America. Rarely do parents or teens think that teens should be getting married, so why aren’t we delaying dating? The tradition of starting dating at 16 began when girls got married at 18. By having kids date at 16 with no intention of finding a mate, we are all willing to let our kids develop emotional attachments to people who would never be good mates for our kids. Dating is a pre-martial activity, folks.</p>
<p>So… Why are we exposing our kids to all the emotions that love relationships create when there is little chance that our kids are going to marry these people (most of the time, we don’t WANT them to marry these people.) And when these relationships end up having such enormous influence on our kids (often negative influence). Love is a powerful influence. When one is in love (as these teens think they are) they can’t even imagine that there might be a time when they will no longer love that person. (That is why the OP’s daughter asked her dad, “how would you like to be away from mom for a year?” A teen in love will equate her relationship to a married relationship of 18+ years!!!</p>
<p>I reposted my earlier thread below to further the point:</p>
<p>This thread has just reminded me why there was a time when a man had to prove himself worthy to “court” a woman. Just being “nice” or “funny” was never enough. Since it was widely understood that the purpose of courting/dating was to find a spouse – you didn’t waste time on someone you would never marry nor risk becoming emotionally attached to a 'bad match". For a man to “get his foot in the door”, he had to demonstate his “intentions” and his “qualifications”. This practice was used to avoid DD’s from getting their hearts attached to “undesirables” (unstable, lazy, etc. men).</p>
<p>This may seem a bit sexist, but women are “wired” to develop feelings for men who are “nice to them” and “care about them”. (In an appropriate way – not some kind of stalking way.) And, it can be argued that men can develop similar feelings, too. But, it is not healthy for anyone to form these attachments to people who will not be an appropriate spouse because its those deep feelings that lead people to want to become spouses.</p>
<p>Maybe today’s parents need to encourage the practice of “courting” again. Some of us seem to have forgotten that dating is ultimately about finding mates (which is what OP’s D seems to think that she has done) and when we think dating is just “casual” we end up with kids wanting to marry someone inappropriate because that relationship began as something casual.</p>
<p>Please keep in mind that a parent might use an alternate username to discuss a very sensitive topic. Parent might even want to hide their identity from their own kid who frequents the board. Don’t assume this story is made up for the purpose of winding you up. You may have really done a disservice by chasing off someone who is in a difficult situation and came here looking for advice.</p>
<p>Regardless of the veracity of the OP’s situation, it is a valid topic of conversation - and not far removed from the situation one of my friends is in.</p>
<p>Last two posts – I agree. I could see trying to hide an identity from a kid when discussing a sensitive issue regarding kid. And it is a good topice for discussion, could affect any of our kids.</p>
<p>About accusations of ■■■■■■■■…</p>
<p>I am neither vouching for nor against the legitimacy of the OP–in fact, I have not read most of this thread. However, I did want to point out that when I first posted about my son’s Yale rejection last year and asked for help in revising his list, I was also deemed a “■■■■■” by a couple of people for reasons unknown…I think they had to do with my use of effusive language or something like that.</p>
<p>Then, there were several posts from people vouching for my legitimacy. And the whole thing was so surreal to me. I mean, here I was sittin’ on MY side of the computer, saying to myself, “BUT I <strong><em>AM</em></strong> REAL, AND SO IS MY SON, SO IS HIS STORY!!!” And I was just ROLLIN’, cause it was so bizarre to read others saying, “Well, <em>I</em> think she’s legitimate 'cause she posted this or that…” Talking about me like I wasn’t there, or wasn’t REAL, or just WASN’T. What a strange experience! </p>
<p>I have seen others adopt name changes due to the presentation of sensitive information, and I have even seen stories change…like, for instance, there might be someone who claims to have two daughters who REALLY has a S and a D. If you look back at old posts by people, you can find stuff like this sometimes…</p>
<p>Recently, a “brand new” poster posted on a thread I was on and lambasted me, making oblique references to things only a veteran of this forum would know…
Some people regularly get new identities if they don’t want to say whatever under his/her regular s/n.</p>
<p>I guess it’s all just part of internet communities. Just for the record, though, I have never posted under any other name on this forum! :)</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>From #149:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Truer words have never been spoken.</p>
<p>DT123: Good one!</p>
<p>…now, that’s what I would call a true Freudian slip. Jlauer - just how many of your dates did you get slapped around on, anyway? :)</p>
<p>I thought CC banned people who had multiple screen names though?</p>
<p>optimizer dad: </p>
<p>What does this mean??? </p>
<p>“just how many of your dates did you get slapped around on, anyway?”</p>
<p>I remember that Berurah-- anyway, so glad that you are <em>real</em> and not a ■■■■■!</p>
<p>I concur with NJres - really have thought that the OP might have used a different name to avoid recognition. </p>
<p>I’ve also seen people who haunt the boards for years with only a post or two - there are some people with all of like three post counts who know where I go to school (something I haven’t mentioned on CC in a few years). It does happen.</p>
<p>
Agreed. I remember being 18; remember having friends when they were 18. That’s the age when we are encouraged to start becoming adults; and part of adult life is to find a long-term relationship. It is not unusual to, at that time, mimic what you see your parents doing. Also, many peopel in your generation were married in their early 20s - so 18-year-olds understandably see their b/f or g/f as a future spouse, not as someone who is going to get chucked during winter break for the hottie in Anthropology. Also, that’s the time when it’s really hard to conceive of yourself changing very much - although the greatest changes in young people can come during the 18-25 age range. </p>
<p>It’s up to parents to take responsibility and talk to their kids about this stuff. Like a lot of conversations that happen, it’s often too little, too late. Those talks need to happen throughout middle school and high school, so that kids will know what to expect from a relationship. They also need to know (esp. girls!) that packing up and leaving the sig. other is the best thing for them and the relationship. You guys are fighting cheesy romance movies - why not inject a little reality into the situation? Let them know that the chances of them being together at age 50 are miniscule. Let them know that there’s a reason why most divorces are between people who met when they were teens. Talk about changing your life path, moving away from home (a lot of people at my law school used this as their first opportunity to leave their home state - something they didn’t want to do at 17), and finding someone who is compatible with the values that you all share. </p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with imparting values to your children and calling them that. Big on education? Think women should support themselves and not be waiting to be hitched? Think that waiting to find a life mate is a good thing? Think that women should be independent and tough? Don’t think that you should get tied down and change college for a boy? Those are values, people - and they don’t need to be “conservative” to be values. Kids who are raised with one set of values are ultimately never going to really work with someone who was raised with different values. </p>
<p>That doesn’t even get into the issues about living with someone - a lot of people don’t understand how tough it is to make a living situation work until they have to pay rent and utilities with others. Then again, how the hell is an 18-year-old supposed to know that she and Johnny aren’t going to work long-term because he is horrible with money and she’s a saver - unless you tell her? </p>
<p>Kids are not psychic! Have the talks.</p>
<p>Gheez, can we try to stick to the topic here? As I recall, it isn’t about ■■■■■■.</p>