<p>So…received call from kid claiming to be a “concerned friend” of my hs S, but didn’t want to reveal his identity when pressed. Claimed his concern that S has started to partake in risky behaviours (drinking and pot smoking). Claimed he didn’t want to get my S in trouble, was concerned and felt we should know. Claimed he had talked with his GC who told him to talk to S, or us or admin.<br>
Not sure what to do. Do I believe this anonymous caller? S has not demonstrated any noticeable behaviours, and I’m the Mom who DOES call other parents to make sure of supervision during parties, no alcohol, etc. (much to my kids embarrassment), and I greet kids arriving home at night with hugs (& sniff test). S has been good kid other than stupid boy decisions (skateboarding down steep hill, ordering fireworks online, leaving cell phone on car bumper and expecting it to still be there!); he’s quite happy to invite others here often and spend hours playing Xbox.</p>
<p>While I’d like to believe caller was prankster trying to get my S in trouble,
I’d hate to dismiss this if accusations are true. Haven’t talked with S yet, as
I’m trying to decide best course of action.
Appreciate any advice!</p>
<p>Hmmm… tricky. Obviously without knowing your son I have no ability to give a ‘gut feeling’ on the situation. It very well could be a prank, but maybe it’s real too. I know sometimes parents are the last to know of what their kids are really up to. </p>
<p>I guess my advice would be (if you really have had absolutely no previous indication that something is up) is to just really be super super vigilant in the future and see if you notice anything. Maybe even just have a chat with your son about drug and alcohol issues (without mentioning this call) just to see how that goes.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to just sit down and ask your son flat out, explaining that this call came then…
How about a call to the GC? If kid who called really discussed this with GC then GC should recall the conversation.</p>
<p>Maybe watch your kid a little closer for a while, see if you get any clues.</p>
<p>If after that you are still pretty sure he’s clean, tell him about the call, and ask him who and why would make such a call in his opinion.
It can very well be some stupid “dare”. Do not accuse your son of anything you are not sure of.</p>
<p>I think you & H should sit S down calmly & tell him about the disturbing claims made in the anonymous call. His reaction will tell you plenty.</p>
<p>Do you have caller id? I’d be mighty curious about the caller, particularly if it is a nasty prank.</p>
<p>edit: I wouldn’t call the GC, either. No need to associate drugs & your S in her mind! Also, relaying this anonymous call to your son is in no way accusing him or implying that you believe the accusation. It’s something you need to discuss either way, whether he’s innnocent or the victim of a nasty slur. Neither scenario is a good one.</p>
<p>Um, let’s see. Who to believe, who to believe? On one hand we have “a good kid” who’s also greeted each afternoon with a hug and a sniff test. And on the other hand we have an anonymous caller who says he doesn’t want to get the S into trouble – and then calls The Mom (rather than a Peer Counselor or such).</p>
<p>I guess didn’t think about calling the GC and the association…okay second thinking this one. If you think you know your kid, etc. I vote for sitting him down and having a conversation as per above.</p>
Yes. It’s better to be safe than sorry in this situation, and I can definitely see a friend who’s worried give mom an anonymous tip. That doesn’t mean you need to get him in trouble, though. Keep a super close eye on him, bring up the call point-blank (with the risk of getting the anonymous caller, who may actually be a very good and concerned friend, in trouble), or–and I really hate to say this–snoop through his stuff a bit (with the risk of invading his privacy and finding nothing). I’m 19 years old, and I can tell you that many of the biggest drinkers in my high school had wonderful, caring, attentive parents. I can also tell you that there were many friends of these kids who didn’t know where to go to get help for their friends. </p>
<p>This seems like it would be a weird prank. I’m sure the caller wouldn’t expect you to suddenly ground your son based only on his call with no other information. What would the pranker’s goal be? It just doesn’t seem like a very good prank. Did the kid on the other end sound nervous? If so, I would give his call more credence. A prank caller would be on the verge of laughter and probably wouldn’t be feeling very nervous.</p>
<p>How many kids who partake will own up to these activities? I know this sounds terrible, but I would seriously think about giving my son an unannounced drug test, and then explain why (after the test). It shows a lack of trust on my part, but how else could I be 100% sure? I would want to know, and know now, before he decided to binge drink, drink/smoke pot and drive, get into legal trouble, etc.</p>
<p>Northeastmom, I don’t believe alcohol abuse would show up on a drug test. I would be probably most concerned about the possibility of heavy drinking, especially since many high schoolers choose to drink and drive due to lack of other transportation options.</p>
<p>I’m afraid I’m a rather confrontational person; if it were me, I would be in the GC’s office TODAY asking if such a discussion with another student really did happen, and if so, please produce the student, NOW, not sometime next week, and, then, I would (with appropriate adults present) say to the student, you called my residence (and how did you get the number); you made a statement, please support it. Bring your evidence. </p>
<p>Of course, if the GC says “what are you talking about” right from the start, then, you know this is a hoax. I wouldn’t be even slightly concerned about whatever associations the GC chooses to make. </p>
<p>This feels like a hoax to me…or even perhaps a jealous sports or romantic rival?</p>
<p>I don’t have experience with the over the counter drug tests, but I thought that there was something out there that did test for alcohol and pot. I know nothing about it, but I would look for what I could possibly test for. I would also start looking for water in my in any alcohol bottles in my home, in my child’s room for alcohol and pot, and missing alcohol bottles.</p>
<p>I agree with corranged. Seems like a weird prank. What could they possibly get out of it?</p>
<p>My method would be to calmly tell my son about the call. Without accusing or blaming. Just matter of fact. Ask him if he has any idea who would do this. See how he reacts and go from there.</p>
<p>^^ I agree, in the absence of other, different information, I simply cannot imagine doing things such as snooping through a son/daughter’s belongings, or doing drug tests, snooping around in bottles, etc., certainly not on the basis of an anonymous telephone call.</p>
There might be no evidence. I don’t think this is a fair treatment of the “concerned friend” if the story is indeed true. And if the kid really went to GC, and then called the parents based on GC recommendation, it probably is true.</p>
<p>As for talking to GC, I guess it depends on your son’s school. If it is a fairly large public school , where GC does not know the kids personally, unless they are major trouble makers, the only thing she will remember by the time college recommendations are due, is that “this kid was somehow involved with drugs at some point”…</p>
<p>I’m having some difficulty envisioning an adult GC putting a student in the position of continuing a crusade and then advising them to call another student’s parents, particularly in a situation where there appears to be no existing relationship between the anonynous accuser and the accused’s parents/family. Meaning, this is not a voice the OP recognized so it is obviously not a “friend” who has visited the home to socialize, play video games and the like. </p>
<p>Unless there is some other reason to believe there may be fire related to this particular anonoymous smoke signal, I would be very aggressive in chasing this down. I don’t think false accusations, especially those delivered behind the cloak of anonymity (sp???) are very nice, and I would be very, very confrontational about this. </p>
<p>Besides, if a “friend” were truly concerned, why the hiding and the sneaking? If you believe something and your intentions are legitimate, you should put the weight of your name behind it. </p>
<p>As a parent I have never received a call like this but if I did, I would be quick to locate the caller.</p>
<p>LateToSchool: In trying to get a clue about anonymous caller, he indicated that his counselor was “he”…my S’s GC is a female…they attend private school, with approx. dozen counselors…so I’m not inclined to contact my S’s GC at this point…<br>
Romantic rival? Kind of doubt it…S’s great loves are sports, Xbox, donuts and cartoons–I think he’s still a little mystified by girls (late bloomer?).
Sports rivalry? possibly…but unlikely, and sports teams not in session now, although alcohol or drug use would jeopardize his sports career–not only from the school’s standpoint, but from his parents!</p>
<p>LateToSchool: your second post: anonymous said GC advised him to talk to my S or us or admin…and frankly, I can see some of school’s GC’s doing that…they are big on getting kids to speak up themselves when they have issues. Caller told me he felt my S would not listen to him and his concerns, that’s why he called me. I tried to extend conversation as long as possible…kid was calm, articulate…and stated that he could understand my reluctance in believing him, but also stated he had to attend school too and wasn’t brave enough yet to state his name.</p>