<p>My 2015 daughter has a part-time job at our local grocery store. She cashiers/occasionally sacks groceries–the basic first job type deal. She has a coworker who is consistently awful to her. This coworker is early twenties, a girl, and seems to absolutely have it out for my kid. Coworker does not “outrank” my daughter, but the coworker has been there for many years. Daughter has tried the “just be nice”, “just talk work”, “try to ignore her”, and is still met with open hostility. Remarks like “being a smart @$$ kid won’t help you here” and “your Mommy can’t help you here” are common.</p>
<p>I know I’m the Mom, but I also know 100% my daughter has not done anything to cause this problem. This is her first “official” job, and in typical first-born fashion, she is completely fastidious about her work conduct. </p>
<p>My first instinct, which I sadly can’t (shouldn’t) act upon, is to waylay this coworker in the parking lot and wrap a shopping cart around her neck. I have also considered contacting daughter’s supervisor and making him aware of the situation. Husband has pointed out while this might seem the thing to do, in the end, it’d be robbing daughter of the lesson in learning how to deal with a-hole coworkers. </p>
<p>Parents with kids who’ve gone through this, please advise me. Each day daughter comes home in tears is one day closer to me leaping out of the darkness at this coworker.</p>
<p>It’s unfortunate when your child has to deal with butt-hole coworkers and you know you can’t do anything (directly) about it. I understand it hurts to see your daughter come home over and over distraught. </p>
<p>This is what needs to happen: your daughter needs to share what is going on with her manager and report the coworker for harassment. Clearly, the coworker an her cannot be civil; therefore, someone with authority needs to step in.</p>
<p>Based on my own experience (from when I was a teenager, not now), it’s possible that the problem is that your daughter takes the job seriously in an environment where others – especially this woman – do not.</p>
<p>I was teased, picked on – bullied, really – at a job I held in high school because I actually tried to do the work carefully, which others did not.</p>
<p>This is a difficult situation to resolve. You can’t tell your daughter to goof off, steal, falsify her timesheet, and come to work stoned (the things my co-workers were doing). And yet it may not be a good idea to tell her to act in a professional manner, either, because it could make the mistreatment worse. </p>
<p>I suggest a different job, in the hope of finding a different environment.</p>
<p>Hubby is correct. Any discussion with the boss needs to come from her. </p>
<p>Question…is your D a sensitive-type kid? If so, you may need to help her develop a thicker skin. Having a “pat” response to her co worker might help too, so she is not reacting in the moment. Something that will deter any more conversation, yet is polite enough to not inflame the situation. “Thanks for the advice” or “I"ll be sure to remember that”. If it gets too much worse, I’d suggest she talk to the boss. He may be unaware, but then again if its that bad and others have also complained, maybe this will tip the scales towards him counseling coworker to back off or be fired.</p>
<p>Good luck to your D. I’d be struggling not to confront the little witch as well ;-)</p>
<p>I actually like the confrontation in the parking lot idea, but sadly you might in up in a bit of trouble…lol</p>
<p>Unfortunately I have no real advice other than what your husband has said. Please don’t contact the supervisor, you might just be making it worse, but maybe your daughter should contact the supervisor directly, it seems this person is creating a “hostile work environment” </p>
<p>Have your daughter ‘be nice’ and ‘talk’ to the other co-workers. I doubt your daughter and this person will ever be friends. </p>
<p>I am looking forward to the responses that you get for future reference. </p>
<p>First she needs to try and resolve this herself. Then she needs to go to her boss with concrete examples of the behavior. Do not step in, this could be a real learning experience for her.</p>
<p>I, myself, had a similar situation with a retail job that I’ve been working at for about two years now. Early on, I had to deal with bratty and snotty college-aged coworkers who would make my job harder than it was. They would openly remark upon me getting hours over the workers who had “seniority”. They would purposefully give me clothes and items last minute causing me to be behind in maintaining the sales floor. On top of that, they would bump me in the stock room. </p>
<p>The solution would be to go to my manager. Couldn’t do that. My manager was just as bad. I remember nights when my manager would purposefully give me hour long tasks to do when I had 15 minutes left of my shift. She would openly ridicule me in the stock room. There were nights when I had to bite my lip because I was on the verge of tears. Only after I clocked out and ran to my car could I start crying and call my mom to tell her what happened. </p>
<p>It’s hard. More importantly for your daughter, she needs to gain a tough skin. I, a sensitive person, know first hand how hard it is to let stuff roll of your back or "not care’, but that is what your daughter needs to do. She needs to focus on the task at hand: working.</p>
<p>With time, I got better at my job, and with the gained skill, I gained respect. I do not consider any friendly communications with my manager or those who were cruel to me to be sincere. Your daughter will have to realize that, as well.</p>
<p>Such an opportunity for you to practice biting your tongue - a skill that will serve you well as your children enter early adulthood!</p>
<p>Emotionally, I’m right there with you. You KNOW you can’t do anything and you feel powerless when the kid comes home upset. Some of it may be that the other worker feels envy that she, as a 20something is working at a deadend job, while your D is doing so as a highschooler with higher potential goals.</p>
<p>There may be nothing she can do about that. Reporting it to a manager is unlikely to be effective. She might try cultivating the other worker (“sucking up” subtly) but that could also backfire. She needs to create strong relationships with other coworkers so that any hostility is confined to this one person rather than becoming a group bullying thing.</p>
<p>First, start a log. She needs to record any harassment on a log. Date and time,comments the girl made, and who was present/witnesses. Second, she needs to realize this is an immature person who obviously is acting out in jealousy. Clearly your daughter is everything she isn’t; smart, loving family, goal oriented , etc. like I said everything someone who is at the grocery store for years isn’t. Then, after a couple of incidents, I would have her talk to the manager, with her log, to explain to him how this person makes her feel unwelcomed and under appreciated.
The log will send a clear message, it is being documented. Any company in America who has an attorney on call or staff would immediately address the situation. But beware, there are crazy people in this world and she might get her car keyed, or rumors spread. If so, there are cameras and additional visits with the manager. As you know, this is an important lesson in standing up for herself. If the manager is no help, then I’d probably have her quit. Which is exactly the goal of the 20 something. But I really thing the manager would review some tapes and then address the issue. Every cashier is filmed at nearly every store in America. Thus the log could provide times for him to review. No audio, but plenty of body language. He could copy the log, but she should always keep it.</p>
<p>Let her fight her own battles - no confrontation in the parking lot. If you do…you are validating one of the taunts, that your D is not capable of handling her own battles. Stay out of it. Lots of good advice on the thread. In life their are bullies and mean girls.</p>
<p>I agree with all that has been said, but I’d also like to suggest that a grocery store job may not be the best environment for you daughter. Is there any other type of job she could get??</p>
<p>Your daughter has the right not to be bullied and treated badly at work (hostile working environment). She should stand up to the co-worker to let him know he can’t speak to her that way, so it would be her warning to him that he is creating a hostile working environment for her. If he continues, I would have your daughter record him on her phone and go straight to her manager and HR. If she officially files a complaint with HR, they would be obligated to investigate the situation. </p>
<p>I will give an example. Someone who works for me found a dead bug on the floor, he picked it up and put it on a young woman’s desk. He thought he was being funny, except the woman didn’t. She reported it to HR and I was call in. My staff was given a warning.</p>
<p>At some point, she may need to pull herself up and say to the co-worker, “Look, I don’t know what I did or didn’t do to make you act this way, but knock it off. I’ve had enough. I’m going to do my job. If you don’t like how I’m doing it, that’s just too bad. Now back off.”</p>
<p>Often, standing up to bullies is the only way to make them back off.</p>
<p>The reason the co-worker has it out for your kid is likely jealousy. It’s tough to see a kid do the same job you’re doing full-time. Your daughter has a great future that she’s looking forward to, while co-worker may feel like she’s stuck in a dead-end job. Sometimes it’s easier to take the crap when you can feel sorry for the person.</p>
<p>I love the shopping cart idea! But really, I would have your D write down the taunts for a couple of weeks. Then just present them to a manager saying that she loves her job but unless the hostile work environment is resolved, she has too much self respect to stay on. At the end of the day, you do not want her in an environment where someone is berating her every day. You may be surprised. I think the manager would at the very least speak to the co-worker, and if not, then it is not the work environment for your D.</p>
<p>Remarks like “being a smart @$$ kid won’t help you here” and “your Mommy can’t help you here” are common.</p>
<p>??? </p>
<p>Why is she mentioning “mommy”. What has gone on for “mommy” to come up?</p>
<p>The smart ass part I may understand. Does this Twenty-Something girl know that your D is college-bound? If so, then the girl is jealous that this job is just a temp job for your D until she moves on to college and something better.</p>
<p>I encountered this when I was in college and working at a dept store. A young woman that was stuck in that job was jealous of the college students.</p>
<p>Don’t do any recording, it’s illegal in many states.</p>
<p>She should confront the person first, and tell her to back off. </p>
<p>If that doesn’t work, she should write down or otherwise remember specific examples and complain to their immediate supervisor. In my experience, good managers go a long way to creating a happy work environment. If the manager doesn’t help, it’s time to start looking around for a new job and pay attention to the atmosphere of the place when you are looking!</p>
<p>I don’t believe it is illegal as long as you are present, especially if the person is speaking to you. It would only be illegal if you are recording someone’s private conversation. Of course I am not a lawyer…</p>
<p>Now, what about Google glass? A friend of mine just recorded a fight at a subway station and he sent it to the police.</p>