<p>Your daughter needs to deal with her co-worker herself. End of story.</p>
<p>I did some googling about recording. It is not many states which require “all party consent.” It is especially the case if someone is speaking very loudly at a public place. I think it has to do with “reasonable expectation of privacy.”</p>
<p>Many states have the “one-party consent” rule, which this would fall under. Her daughter, who would be taking place in the conversation, would know it is being recorded. </p>
<p>OP, does your daughter HAVE to work with this coworker? I know at my workplace there was a situation between coworkers and one of the managers offered to change the schedule to ensure their time together was limited. It’s a temporary solution…</p>
<p>The most important thing to remember is this is not your problem to fix. Your daughter needs to do this. Have her stand up. Have her talk to her manager. Have her do SOMETHING. If she lays back and takes it, she’ll continue to be miserable.</p>
<p>Recording someone without their knowledge is illegal in many states.</p>
<p>In many states it is NOT illegal as long as YOU are part of the conversation. I’ll look it up, but I think there are more states that allow it, then disallow it.</p>
<p>looks like only 12 states require consent of all those included in a conversation. </p>
<p>Most don’t as long as YOU are part of the conversation.</p>
<p>I’m still wondering about the “mommy” comment. That doesn’t seem like it’s coming out of nowhere. Why does this girl mention the mom? </p>
<p>OP…what has gone on that this girl is mentioning YOU.</p>
<p>What your D could do is this…tell her story to a “higher up” and ask that they “lay low” and pay attention to what this girl is saying to your D.</p>
<p>This is one quick link I found, m2ck. It confirmed what I had previously believed. </p>
<p>
[Recording</a> Phone Calls, Conversations, Meetings and Hearings](<a href=“http://www.dmlp.org/book/export/html/1246]Recording”>Recording Phone Calls, Conversations, Meetings and Hearings)</p>
<p>Is there another grocery store in your town, or another retail outlet where your d could get a job with her work experience? It may not be worth the time and effort for her to solve this problem. Evil co-worker is not going to be a permanent part of your d’s life, and sometimes you can’t fix mean. I’m not always on board with the “he/she is just jealous” argument, but that seems to be going on here; I can’t see why else a 20-something adult would haze a younger co-worker.</p>
<p>Life will give your d many opportunities to practice dealing with miserable people. Lots of folks with personality disorders out there, and sometimes you have to deal. But if she can find another job, maybe your d won’t have to this time.
Because she has no clue about appropriate social behavior? The comment is out of line, whatever the reason.</p>
<p>I don’t know where this is taking place, but if it’s taking place in the “public” part of the store or even the break room, there isn’t a privacy right in regards to recordings anyway.</p>
<p>Since this person is being mean in a location that easily could be overheard by anyone, she wouldn’t be protected by any recording laws anyway.</p>
<p>the mean girl can’t have an assumption of privacy when she’s doing/saying things in public or where others can see/overhear.</p>
<p>*Quote:</p>
<h1>Why does this girl mention the mom?</h1>
<p>Because she has no clue about appropriate social behavior? The comment is out of line, whatever the reason.*</p>
<p>No, I don’t think that is it. This girl likely has seen/heard the mom. Maybe the mom comes into the store to shop? maybe to pick up her D? Maybe to meet her for lunch? </p>
<p>The targeted words involving “mom” suggest (to me) that the mom has been around and this mean-girl is somehow annoyed by it. Maybe annoyed that her own mom was inadequate? I don’t know. The targeted words in regards to “mom” are a red flag.</p>
<p>Agree. She needs to fight her own battle, but parents can give her pointers. Unfortunately, bullies don’t just exist on the 5th grade playground. This 20 something has probably done this before. The manager may or may not already know this happens.</p>
<p>As a mother who has been in a similar situation with my middle daughter, my ire agrees with the parking lot scenario. However, I also understand that we have to build our children into adults so. . . . . . .
I’ve had to tell my young-adult children that people have a lot of problems in their lives. I stress to them: **“What kind of miserable home life must that person have, to attempt to make someone else feel miserable?” **</p>
<p>I’ve told my children that we should feel sorry for people who are always miserable. Misery loves company and people with low self-esteem try to bring everyone around them to their misery levels so that they then can feel superior. </p>
<p>Your daughter has to feel empowered, and explaining the psychology of miserable people will help your DD. So because DD doesn’t feel strong enough yet to confront the witch or “tattletale”, empower your baby girl. Make her feel strong, let her know that you will support anything positive that she does.</p>
<p>Tell your daughter that she can choose to ignore the bullying or use a script:
Broken record: “GOD Bless you” or </p>
<p>** “I’ll say a prayer for you”** Then “act Catholic” and make a sign of the cross.( That usually either scares them, or shuts them up. The religious thing however may get DD in trouble with management so tred cautiously.)</p>
<p>What I would love to have her say with sickeningly sweet honey:
**"Thank you for admitting that I’m smart <a href=“re:%20Smart-a$$%20kid%20comment”>/b</a> and walk away. OR </p>
<p>“I appreciate that you value my intelligence and skills SO MUCH that you constantly give me so much time and attention!”. </p>
<p>Re the mommy comment, “I’m glad you can see that I love and value my Mom so I do appreciate your noticing it.”</p>
<p>This 20 something needs her job. A talk with the manager might have her rethink her actions considering what it may cost her. I have lived in similar situations and she will keep on hurting her victim until she realizes it may hurt her. It makes her feel superior. She feels power over the smarty, but if she is called out on her actions it would “knock her down a notch” so to speak. I disagree with aunt bea, she will just then make fun of your daughter 's religion. This can be a lesson learned for both of them. One feels empowered, the other perhaps more humble hopefully.</p>
<p>I know the recording of someone’s voice, without their knowledge or consent, is illegal in Maryland. Local prosecutors went after Linda Tripp for her taped conversations with Monica Lewinsky (even though she was in DC) but Ken Starr gave her immunity. A motorcyclist was charged after his helmet cam recorded a cop who pulled him over, but it was dropped because he couldn’t have turned off the volume in time to not record what the cop said. </p>
<p>I just wouldn’t mess with it. If the manager doesn’t believe you, there are bigger problems.</p>
<p>How important is this job? Does she need the money? I think she should be looking for other options. In the meantime, you can help her with some gentle replies, such as responding to the “mommy” taunt, with “Yes, my mother does help when she can with things.”., and “no, I’m not so smart here, just doing my best, appreciate the help”. Always low key, always humble. If there is an opportunity, opening to mention this to the manager, that may be the way to go, but often in such scenarios, it does no good unless you can truly nail the employee making a flagrently harassing statement that has to be addressed (racial, ethnic, sexist slurs, threats, for example), and even then if it can’t be proven, a manager might let it go. </p>
<p>It happens with jobs later too. My DH was harassed horribly when he first came on board with a company, even late in his career, and there were issues that arose, that he had to accept, confront, ignore, report, all balancing acts. That’s unfortunatley a part of life that I wish were not. My son was bullied and poorly treated at a job also. He managed to get through it, but it was an incentive for him to find something else which I don’t think he would have done otherwise. </p>
<p>I’m sorry this is happening. The problem is the answer is not a one size fits all, and timing can determine when a response might help and when it could aggravate.</p>
<p>
I don’t agree with this. </p>
<p>She doesn’t need to humble herself. She doesn’t need to minimize herself for this girl. She’s not out there dancing about claiming her superiority at being a cashier. She’s doing her job as it is.</p>
<p>My sympathy for your daughter’s ordeal. The bully girl is causing a “hostile work environment.” If your daughter must write a summary of her complaint have her use the phrase. Read what Shiloh77 said. This is how you handle it. Have your daughter make a copy to give the manager; do not relinquish the log. The log is what is needed for a lawsuit or criminal harassment complaint.</p>
<p>Shiloh77 said:</p>
<p>"First, start a log. She needs to record any harassment on a log. Date and time, comments the girl made, and who was present/witnesses. Second, she needs to realize this is an immature person who obviously is acting out in jealousy. Clearly your daughter is everything she isn’t; smart, loving family, goal oriented , etc. like I said everything someone who is at the grocery store for years isn’t. Then, after a couple of incidents, I would have her talk to the manager, with her log, to explain to him how this person makes her feel unwelcomed and under appreciated.
The log will send a clear message, it is being documented. Any company in America who has an attorney on call or staff would immediately address the situation. But beware, there are crazy people in this world and she might get her car keyed, or rumors spread. If so, there are cameras and additional visits with the manager. As you know, this is an important lesson in standing up for herself. If the manager is no help, then I’d probably have her quit. Which is exactly the goal of the 20 something. But I really thing the manager would review some tapes and then address the issue. Every cashier is filmed at nearly every store in America. Thus the log could provide times for him to review. No audio, but plenty of body language. He could copy the log, but she should always keep it. "</p>
<p>
I totally agree with this. D was a server the summer after freshman year and the regular staff was not so nice. They gave her the worst sections, made sure she had the least appealing tasks, etc. They knew that at the end of the summer, D would go back to college and they would still be at the same old job. D ‘sucked it up’ and made sure she did a fabulous job, earned great tips, and had regular customers request to be seated in her section. She made sure she had a better job the next two summers… And this experience taught her a lot about people - it has greatly helped her in her current work.
Wishing your D the best as she works through this. ((HUGS))</p>
<p>“I’ll say a prayer for you” Then “act Catholic” and make a sign of the cross.( That usually either scares them, or shuts them up. The religious thing however may get DD in trouble with management so tred cautiously.)</p>
<p>lol…I have visions of uttering some Latin words and sprinkling her with Holy Water.</p>
<p>I have to admit…If we had a D, my tall and athletic H would go to this store and give this girl such a stare that she’d be afraid to say anything to D again.</p>
<p>Bullies work like this: If they get a reaction, they’ll keep going. If they don’t, they move on. </p>
<p>I’m often the youngest at my jobs and have had similar issues more than once. It gets worse when you’re clearly more competent than the older person. I’ve learned that if I just smile and pretend like he or she isn’t there, that person will move on. </p>
<p>Your D needs to deal with this on her own. In no way should you get involved- that will make it infinitely worse. She needs to just ignore the person and carry on with others (hopefully she has nice people there she can talk to instead). </p>
<p>She needs to not let it affect her (I know, easier said than done) or start looking for a new job. She should learn now that you have to leave issues at work or else it’s going to be hard to function for the rest of her career.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Not IME. Bullies thrive on feeling a sense of power and control over their victim and could get it either through non-reaction or ineffectual reactions. </p>
<p>Many bullies I’ve experienced in school and to a limited extent, work will take non-reaction as a show of weakness and escalate. A reason why this commonly given motherly advice is IMO, worthless in practice. </p>
<p>Instead, there needs to be some sort of confrontation the bully cannot overcome…whether it’s a bloodied nose(not recommended in the workplace) or a competent non-lackadaisical manager who confronts this bullying colleague and read her the riot act to shape up or find herself another job.</p>