Dealing with daughter's awful co-worker; help!

Parent Cafe
101

<p>^^^
Yes, sometimes you have to quit. </p>

<p>But, it’s easier to get a job when you already have a job, so the OP’s D needs to be looking now. Then once she finds another job and gives notice, she can then say why she’s leaving. The same type of boss who wouldn’t do a dang thing while an employee is being harassed will often “start taking notice” after he’s lost a good employee.</p>

<p>I would still like to hear the variety of scenarios where this mean-girl acts-up.</p>

<p>cashiers/occasionally sacks groceries-</p>

<p>So, is this stuff happening in the check-out line where customers could overhear? What are the instances and details?</p>

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<p>Helimom,
Please let us know how it turns out. I’m thinking it will all be fine in the long run. Your daughter should feel empowered so many people are on her side rooting for her! Good luck!</p>

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<p>Again, please empower your daughter with information and let her know how proud you are that she has committed to working in an environment with a (hostile, jealous, vindictive slimeball-my words, not yours) bully. </p>

<p>If your daughter can’t write down the information because it will be “awkward”, or it’s too painful, have her put a checkmark on her calendar, for every nasty day the GREEN MONSTER has made a comment. </p>

<p>Additionally, in every workplace, there is always a worker’s “bill of rights” from the State Labor Board. She should take a look at that, and see if she can quote from that to her manager. If manager doesn’t do JACK, then daughter can follow up with the state labor board.</p>

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<p>If the manager isn’t sympathetic, and given quite honestly what I have seen of store managers, who generally aren’t much better than the young woman abusing your D, then she has a couple of choices:</p>

<p>1)She can stand up to the person who is bothering her, and if she says something like ‘your momma isn’t here’, your D can respond “your right, my momma is a nice person, which I won’t be if you don’t cut the crap”. I have been in the position your D was in, I worked a job in a store when I was 17, where there was this nasty older guy who had more complaints against him from customers and fellow staff but was protected by the piece of garbage shop steward…he used to ride me all the time (I didn’t work in his area), he once came into my department and deliberately messed up one of the displays we had (long before they had security cameras all over the place) so I would have to straighten it, he was basically a stupid jerk in a dead end job with the intellect of a can of sardines. I finally had it one day, I was back in the compactor room compacting boxes, and this jerk had some boxes and literally tried to push me out of the way, cursing at me in the process…friend of mine said I turned livid white (to use his terms), said every muscle in my body tensed up, and in 4 and 5 letter words I told the dumb piece of crap if he said one more word to me, he was going in the compactor, and I think he knew he had gone too far…among other things, I told him the worst they could do was fire me, which wouldn’t be a big deal,since i didn’t plan on spending my life working in a department store the way he did…and he knew I was angry, and also knew I was strong enough that I could probably have broken his neck. …</p>

<p>Not saying it was the right thing to do (though my friend who witnessed it said if the guy tried to complain, he would tell them the guy threatened me and physically assaulted me…), but the guy backed down, because he knew I didn’t need the job…</p>

<p>With your D, I think if she stands her ground with the person I suspect it will change things. I realize it may not be easy for her, but she has to realize the other woman is jealous and is taking it out on her…if she pushes back, I think she will find that the other person is going to back off, it is the nature of bullies…and if the store manager takes the other woman’s side, what is the worse think that can happen, your D gets fired? Not exactly going to scar her job prospects down the road <em>shrug</em>. </p>

<p>or 2)find another job and quit, and make sure to tell the store manager and if they have an HR department why. </p>

<p>In the real world, there are places where you can win the battle, and where you retreat, the trick is knowing which to do, in your D’s case, she is lucky that either way she will be okay:)</p>

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<p>So, I’ve run the full gamut of emotions in reading your kind responses. Yesterday, I was vexed; this morning I am in tears. I need estrogen in my coffee, I think. Thank you all again.</p>

<p>bookreader, that is an awesome story of justice administered! I admire your daughter’s perspicacity in relating the story to you years later; I’m guessing you’d have gone right down there and socked the sleazeball cheff yourself! (That’s what I would’ve done.)</p>

<p>So, daughter worked last night with Horrid. Daughter was cashier, Horrid was sacker. The usual litany of taunts/sarcastic bombs started up. Daughter said she stopped in the middle of ringing up a customer (she said the customer is observing all of this), and asked Horrid, “Can we just work together in silence? It’s rude to do this in front of customers.” Horrid zipped her lip. Daughter said later the customer was talking to one of the evening managers. I am thinking the manager will want to talk to both workers, since the customer maybe complained/related the incident? I told daughter if this is the case (called in by manager) to be upfront and honest. Her work habits and demeanor will speak for themselves. Worst-case scenario (which I didn’t share with her): she gets fired, and she finds a much better job. Come to think of it, that’s actually the best-case scenario, aside from the icky feeling of being fired.</p>

<p>However it shakes out, it’s a learning experience I could never provide for her. So, that’s a good thing.</p>

<p>Thank you from the bottom of my heart, all of you, for caring about a young lady you do not know. I’m thankful for a community of moms and dads who will provide words of wisdom in situations like this.</p>

<p>P.S. If you see Oklahoma headlines about a crazed mom attacking someone in a grocery store parking lot using a shopping cart…well. It was a good ride.</p>

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<p>This. Something good will come of this.</p>

<p>I also have to compliment your daughter on her response. She said nothing rude; she said something appropriate; she took into account that the customer was there. She handled it brilliantly. Kudos to her.</p>

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<p>HeliMom, I hate to tell you this, but your daughter doesn’t seem to need you too much in handling herself! What a mature and professional young lady. You did good there!</p>

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<p>HeliMom - your D handled it brilliantly! If I were the shopper I would have also reported that to a manager on duty. Fingers crossed that the manager actually does something about it.</p>

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<p>Thank you, VeryHappy, Zoosermom, and eyemamom! I am proud of her. I’m anxious to see what, if anything, comes of it.</p>

<p>On another note, is there a way to “like” posts on CC? So many posters in this thread have been helpful, and I’d like to give them props. I’m a n00b, so it’s probably something obvious I just haven’t figured out yet.</p>

110

<p>WAY TO GO HELIGIRL!</p>

<p>I have to tell you when I read your first post about the shopping cart I laughed out loud. It was just so unexpected but so mom perfect. Thanks for the laugh.</p>

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<p>HeliGirl has solved her own problem. From now on, the ONLY thing she should say to Horrid is: “Can we just work together in silence? It’s rude to do this in front of customers.”</p>

<p>Whether or not she thinks customers can hear, that should be her one and only response. Plenty of times, customers will hear. Even if they don’t, colleagues will. It’s not like a cashier and bagger work alone behind a closed door. </p>

<p>Other than that one line, she’s got NOTHING to say to Horrid. Just pretend she’s invisible. </p>

<p>Likely that either Horrid will get bored or someone will call her out on her craptastic behavior.</p>

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<p>Quote: However it shakes out, it’s a learning experience I could never provide for her. So, that’s a good thing.</p>

<p>And that’s why I strongly think that teens should have part time jobs. They learn things that can not be learned in a classroom. In my daughter’s case, she was working with people who would very likely remain at these dead end positions for the rest of their working lives because they were not doing anything to learn new skills and because they were making poor choices in their personal lives. My daughter got to see the consequence of poor choices and that did help motivate her to continue with her education (for a kinestetic learner, work was much more interesting than sitting in a classroom). I would have paid good money for her to learn this, but I didn’t have to. Her job paid her to learn this!</p>

<p>And had my DH knows about the chef sexually harassing her, he’d have been there in a NY minute to give him some black-belt justice (he’s a black belt in his martial art discipline). DD knew this and thought it best to handle this herself and save her dad a trip to jail. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>In her situation, the manager didn’t do anything about it because he didn’t want to lose his chef. So sometimes the manager may want to do the right thing, but for other reasons, feels hampered and chooses to do nothing.</p>

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<p>Daughter was cashier, Horrid was sacker. The usual litany of taunts/sarcastic bombs started up. Daughter said she stopped in the middle of ringing up a customer (she said the customer is observing all of this), and asked Horrid, “Can we just work together in silence? It’s rude to do this in front of customers.” Horrid zipped her lip. Daughter said later the customer was talking to one of the evening managers. I am thinking the manager will want to talk to both workers, since the customer maybe complained/related the incident? I told daughter if this is the case (called in by manager) to be upfront and honest. Her work habits and demeanor will speak for themselves. Worst-case scenario (which I didn’t share with her): she gets fired, and she finds a much better job. Come to think of it, that’s actually the best-case scenario, aside from the icky feeling of being fired.</p>

<p>So, Horrid does do this in front of customers!!! Yay! Hopefully, the customer did complain. I was actually hoping for something like this. I was even going to suggest that you “plant” some friends by having them go thru your D’s line and try to witness some bad behavior and report. </p>

<p>If your D gets fired (which hopefully won’t happen), be prepared with the right super supportive words to help her move on. The words a PARENT use at a time like that are SO important. Words like, “it’s their loss, that job was not your life. We know that you weren’t being treated with the respect that you deserve” and so forth are what she’ll want to hear.</p>

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<p>I agree completely with those that say this situation can be a learning experience. But it is only a learning experience if it is handled properly going forward; no one learns anything by having someone berate and bully them on a constant basis. I am certain your D feels powerless right now. She is 16 and trying her very best to succeed in her first job, only to encounter a bully who is attempting to trip her up. These types of people are so full of self-loathing that there is little your D can say or do that will stop the verbal abuse. It is part of who they are.</p>

<p>If it were my D, I would have her speak to a manager in an attempt to resolve it. But I first would have a conversation with my D and talk about the necessity of sometimes removing yourself from situations that are unsupportive, and the importance of always maintaining your dignity and self-respect. No job is worth compromising those things. She should go to the manager with the knowledge that if he/she does not assist her in resolving the situation, then she will have your full support when she resigns. I would rather give my D a little spending money while she looks for another p/t job than have her subjected to this woman. She sounds classless.</p>

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<p>Daughter was cashier, Horrid was sacker</p>

<p>I meant to comment on this. ^^</p>

<p>Usually, being the cashier is the more “senior” job. Usually being the sacker is the lesser. If this sort of thing has been going on, then likely Horrid is annoyed at that. It’s not your D’s fault of course, but it may be a reason.</p>

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<p>I really like the comments that say that young people can learn things doing their high school jobs that they wouldn’t learn in school.</p>

<p>Two examples: My daughter worked for 4 summers for the big ice cream franchise company. One hot evening, the owner was out and my daughter was in charge. One of the ice cream machines broke and they couldn’t fill the orders fast enough. The drive through was delayed and the line got really long. Impatient customers left the line, further screwing up the delivery of orders. The customers were irate and took it out on the teenage workers. “I’ll call the owner and you’ll be fired”. etc. Later, customers called from their homes with similar threats.</p>

<p>My daughter felt bad about what happened and was worried. So, the next morning she and a coworker called the owner and they met for coffee and explained the situation. The owner was entirely sympathetic to and supportive of her workers. She knew they had done their best.</p>

<p>The best part of that story: my daughter told me about it after they had their meeting She had learned to deal with problems without a parent mediating.</p>

<p>Story number two: The ice cream shop is on the outskirts of our rural town. One day a group of horseback riders rode through the drive through. Naturally, a horse or two took a dump and there was horse poop where other customers had to drive and where the picnic tables were. Again, my daughter was in charge. She brought out a broom and dustpan and politely asked the horse people to clean up their mess. The males of the group were irate. One said, “You do it! Don’t you know the customer is always right?” My daughter said it was their responsibility to clean up their mess and she left the broom and dust pan there. A little later, one of the female riders returned the equipment and apologized for the jerky men in her group. She had cleaned up the mess. I get a huge charge of this memory because my daughter is a quiet person, and thought of her standing up to these wranglers makes me proud.</p>

<p>You can’t teach that in school!</p>

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<p>Update: The manager has not had a sit-down with my daughter, but another co-worker daughter knows says she (co-worker) was asked by the manager if daughter and Horrid had these exchanges on a regular basis. Coworker told manager “yes, [Horrid] is like this all the time.” Manager did not offer further comment, but for the past three shifts daughter has worked, she has not been paired with Horrid. Hooray! Daughter is still mulling applying at some other local teenager-friendly job locations for the summer, which makes me happy. The bloodthirsty Mom in me sort of wishes Horrid had been fired. (I’m awful.)</p>

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<p>Well at least mngt is now aware of Horrid’s behavior and will keep them separated. Wonder if anything was said to Horrid. </p>

<p>Your D may not have been the first to be bullied by Horrid, and I doubt she’ll be the last. </p>

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<p>Helimom, that’s a pretty good outcome. Your daughter should feel somewhat protected from Horrid’s abuse. </p>

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<p>Awesome and realistic outcome so far. </p>