<p>This is what I read, which is why I responded in such a manner.
“If this young woman is cowering because someone is unpleasant to her, she needs to get a spine.”</p>
<p>I am far too sensitive.</p>
<p>My husband always tells my kids that he works two jobs so they will never have to work in miserable environments. What is normal/usual/acceptable in this kind of job is very different than what would be tolerated or even considered in a place of employment with more educated and permanent employees. Sometimes it’s good for young people to see what they don’t want.</p>
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I understand completely why you reacted the way you did because it really was part of a two-post conversation and didn’t really stand alone. You are not too sensitive, you are a mom whose daughter is unhappy and you can’t fix it.</p>
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Your kids don’t work? Or your husband working two jobs allows them the mobility of switching jobs?</p>
<p>Frankly, I think that just pulling out a mini-recorder, and saying, “please continue,” whenever this crazy girl starts up will shut her up. </p>
<p>Or have the recorder recording, catch her saying something nasty, pulling it out and hitting “playback” for her to hear.</p>
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My husband works two jobs so they can learn to read (which he didn’t), get a college degree and get jobs where they never have to lift X tons of boxes overnight for decades, dealing with criminals and other fun folks.</p>
<p>My girls worked from the time they were 16, sometimes more than one job at a time, but always working toward that education that will let them do better. My son isn’t yet 16 so has never had a job.</p>
<p>Well, I’d back you up with the second grocery cart if you didn’t take her out on the first run…
Will agree that jealousy probably plays a large part–but that doesn’t help your D. Feeling sorry for the bully never stopped the bullying.
Keep a log–short and sweet. Record if necessary.
D should go to the manager. If he/she is any good they’ll speak to nasty co-worker. No, it won’t make her any nicer–but probably much quieter. Or maybe a schedule change will keep them from working together. If manager DOES speak to co-worker and there is improvement–D needs to be her usual nice self.
In any case, co-worker needs to know that your D is not a doormat. Ignoring a bully (sorry, Romani) is not a good idea–unless you want to just live with torment.
If manager does nothing–there are two options–be more proactive (change your own schedule if possible, pull out the recorder every time she says something, enlist help from other employees) or find a new job.</p>
<p>For the record, which anyone can check here, I introduced the word “cowed” in post #50 regarding the manager, not your daughter.</p>
<p>ZM next used the phrase “If … she is cowering” in post #60.</p>
<p>From this, the OP recalled it as some poster calling her D “cowering” and being offended by that, with some statements about where such ideas all could be shoved.</p>
<p>That’s conflating what I, at least, posted in this thread. I won’t let it stand because I didn’t say your D ever “cowered.” How would I know?</p>
<p>What I did suggest is that the daughter inquire as Sax described to the manager, and then another idea: to look the offender in the eye and say, “Oh, stop. Just stop.” I stand by that suggestion. </p>
<p>Please check.</p>
<p>p3t, I am the one who confused the issue. I misread. Me, not the op. I apologize to both of you.</p>
<p>Actually, it was shiloh in post 59 that I was referring to.</p>
<p>You know, I completely overreacted. My emotions were running high as I related my daughter’s experiences, and that overabundance of emotion leaked into my exchanges with folks I do not even know, and who do not know my daughter. </p>
<p>An ironic part of this: in the car ride to school this morning, I discussed with my 8th grader and 11th grader the perils of online arguments and dust-ups. Jeez, I need to ground myself.</p>
<p>Aw, gosh, we’ve all been there, HeliMom. </p>
<p>ZM, I think you’re giving away the store here against yourself, for the sake of peace. I do respect you for that.</p>
<p>Let’s get beyond and continue helping HeliMom and her D. That’s what we’re all here for.</p>
<p>
Right. So I will distribute the pitchforks and you will light the torches?</p>
<p>This girl is such a nonfactor? Why even bother?</p>
<p>While I agree that making a log of each incident is a good idea it is possible that the manager will not act. If that happens, then your daughter will have to decide how to solve this herself.</p>
<p>Let me tell you what happened to my daughter. Like your daughter, she had an entry level job in high school. She was a waitress and the chef was ‘inappropriate’ with her. She told the manager and nothing was done. She told him again and again nothing was done. So, she clearly had to solve this one on her own. The next time he touched her (it was only ever touching - never anything more), it was done in front of restaurant patrons. So, in front of restaurant patrons, she smacked him in his face. He was humiliated (his pride took a big hit!) and never again did he touch my daughter. Her manager, again, did nothing and she continued to work there for some time afterward. </p>
<p>I will also tell you that I only heard this story quite some time after the fact. Sigh. But I do admit to being proud of her.</p>
<p>Now THAT is what you call justice!</p>
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<p>Agreed. Comes close to the “give the bully a bloody nose after he throws the first punch” school that I agree with and practiced starting in second grade. :)</p>
<p>The few times I was assisting a supervisor or was in a supervisory position and saw this sort of behavior, my first conclusion is if someone has enough time to be a bully to colleagues/others, it means he/she is goofing off or doesn’t have enough work to occupy him/her. My first inclination is to assign more work to him/her and insist he/she cannot dump it off on others at the risk of further sanctions. If he/she must stay late as a consequence, that’s his/her problem and no one else’s.</p>
<p>I feel bad that your daughter is being harassed. I am sure she can handle it, but I am equally sure it must be difficult/frustrating to experience as a parent.</p>
<p>And if at the end of the day, an ass kicking is required, let me know. I know a guy who does excellent work at somewhat reasonable prices.</p>
<p>Helimom…we’ve all been there (online emotional outburst) and look how fast you realized it and recovered nicely!</p>
<p>Well, if your D finds a new job and gives notice, then she can mention it to her boss at that time. </p>
<p>What are the settings for these incidents?</p>
<p>There are all kinds of mean on a job. Some levels of mean cross the line and some just need to be dealt with because the world isn’t perfect and there are a lot of angry, stupid, jealous, short-tempered, insecure people out there who somehow feel better when they put others down and somehow feel elevated by doing this.</p>
<p>I think the OP needs to discuss this in length with her daughter. What crosses the line? Outright verbal abuse: ie, cursing or calling someone stupid or a liar? Physical abuse? Is there any touching at all taking place ranging from pushing to sexual advances?</p>
<p>In the real world this is a whole lot of not being nice. Down right *****y (or bastardy) bosses who have no clue how to speak to people with respect. There are co-workers who will do everything possible to throw you under the bus or take credit for your success at every turn.</p>
<p>Unfortunately behaviors that don’t cross the line legally, but are nonetheless lethal to the workplace are commonplace. And often are ignored. Which puts one in the position of either working there despite the situation (sucking it up) or resigning.</p>
<p>Older D had a horrid first boss out of college (think the Devil Wears Prada with D as the assistant), combined with a co-worker assigned to train her who chose not to. Well, they did enough training to make it look like they did, but not enough training to help D really succeed at her job. D sucked it up for a while, but when D was called a liar by her boss for putting a name in column one vs. column two, enough was enough and D quit. Best move ever, and she got a much better position at a corporation with the reputation of being a tough place to work. Not for D. It was like a walk in the park!</p>
<p>The point is that there is no way that D could have fixed the situation at her first job. The only thing to do was keep it for as long as she could to have as a learning experience or to quit and move on.</p>
<p>But the whole experience did help D grow and I think she knows the value of being a team player and treating people with respect.</p>