<p>That’s just it. One never knows how others are going to react. You can only control yourself.</p>
<p>So you take the high road. This is a throw away job so no matter what happens the daughter will learn something about handling herself in a work environment.</p>
<p>Might as well try to go through proper channels and just ask “what does one do in this situation in this position in this job”. </p>
<p>She will know pretty quickly where “management” stands on this by their answer.</p>
<p>I think coming from an angle of asking for guidance is the least problematic.</p>
<p>I do believe most companies care about their part time workers since in many companies they are the majority.</p>
<p>Managers cannot make co-workers be nice and most are not going to want this problem. It will be very easy for the girl who has been there for years to make the new girl look like a whiny new employee. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all the time in these sorts of jobs. Treat it like a game and forget about it when you punch out. Easier said than done, I know. But, that’s the reality.</p>
I agree about asking for help, I just don’t think it should be the manager if there is an HR person anywhere in the store.</p>
<p>I also think the OP’s daughter should assess her own conduct and statements to make sure she has never done anything to foster conflict with the co-worker and also to assess whether this is personal for her or just the co-worker’s way.</p>
<p>I have a co-worker now who is the nastiest person I’ve ever met. She is nasty (not vulgar and not discriminatory) to absolutely everyone regardless of rank. However, she is fantastic at her job, the first person to man the battle stations when something needs to get done, and always completely correct in her answers. If someone has a problem with work product, she is the person to ask. She will answer you w ith a nasty tone, but will make sure the answer is correct and will move heaven and earth to make sure the problem is resolved. It’s not great that she is nasty, but she is more valuable than her demeanor. Maybe there is something about the co-worker that the manager knows but the OP’s D doesn’t.</p>
<p>Creating a hostile work environment is against the law. It is just a matter of verifying that is what exists. I do realize this happens everywhere, and I’ve seen it handled best by a southern grandma who with the most warm and innocent smile on her face would utter in her sweet southern accent, “oh my dear you are such a pretty girl, its a shame it gets lost in the vile aura that spews from your mouth.” Still smiling, “have a good day”. I will say this, southern women know how to insult with grace and a smile! I worked in the south–retail and office–and this c*ap was handled so eloquently by these grandma customers. Believe me when I say it can be nipped in the bud. In the Midwest, people tend to ignore and walk away but I have seen how it was handled in the south and I am inspired.</p>
<p>Helimom. Your daughter will immediately feel better as soon as she realizes what she has control over and what she does not. That she can be professional, take the proper steps and see what happens (which is not under her control). She has already learned that work can be extremely stressful and can make her physically sick. This will help her evaluate her jobs in the future.</p>
<p>No matter what this is a win situation for your kid as long as you help her process it correctly.</p>
<p>Because if the manager was skillful at managing, the situation would not exist. There would be clear expectations that employees are expected to work together courteously and cooperatively.</p>
<p>I told a story earlier in the thread about a situation where a manager reacted badly when a recently hired employee told the manager that the department secretary had delayed getting restroom keys for new employees. This manager was not very good at being a manager. She was in a high-level position because of other skills; managing was only part of her job, and it was the area where she was least competent. She probably felt threatened by the employee’s complaint, and I don’t think she knew how to approach the secretary appropriately.</p>
<p>This secretary continued to treat other employees badly – including doing things that impeded their work, like not giving them their phone messages – for a couple more years, until a new manager came in. During his first week on the job, that manager saw the secretary take a message for another employee while she was out to lunch. He then saw the employee return from lunch and noticed that the secretary did not give her the phone message. The manager immediately spoke to the secretary and made it very clear that having staff members get their messages promptly was essential to the success of the business. From that day onward, the secretary’s behavior changed dramatically for the better.</p>
<p>This person knew how to manage. His predecessor did not.</p>
<p>We haven’t heard anything else about other coworkers. Is there anyone else there who your daughter likesand she can get feedback from/check in with. Other coworkers can give you a heads up about nasty persons (“She’s always like that!”), ineffectual (or effectual!) managers, or just give general support.</p>
Not necessarily. Every “hostile work environment” is not illegal. The hostility must be against a member of a protected group and by virtue of the protections afforded that group. So the “hostility” needs to be due to sex or race or age or disabilty or, in some states, sexual orientation. Hostility because “I don’t like you” is troublesome but not illegal. It doesn’t seem like the hostile work environment being created here is illegal unless there’s something we’re not being told.</p>
<p>The manager would have no choice but to handle this. It is to the manager’s best interest to deal with this bad apple. Sometimes managers are reluctant to deal with difficult employees because they have special skills and they are hard to replace. In this case, this 20 something should be quite replaceable.</p>
<p>Handling such situations is one of the basic duties of someone in a supervisory/management position. This was my observation and what I was told by older relatives and supervisors giving me mentoring advice when I was just out of college. </p>
<p>A reason why I stated a competent non-lackadaisical manager would do their utmost to resolve this issue once and for all. Managers who avoid dealing with such issues or worse, blame the messenger as recounted in one of the posts is IMO, being derelict in one of the main duties in their job description. </p>
<p>The D does need to try addressing this somehow with the supervisor/chain of command to give them a chance to hear about it and resolve it. I’ve reported folks bullying others during my time in school and work as well and in every instance, the management were clueless/ignorant of the bullying, but did their utmost to resolve the issue whether it’s reading them the riot act and keeping a close eye on the bullying student/employee or if that didn’t work, expelling/terminating them from school/employment.</p>
<p>As managers, we are trained at work about various violations and how to handle them. The reason companies do that is to make sure they are not sued by employees. They also do employee training to make sure they all understand what’s allowed at a work place. If this manager does not address the issue and later it becomes a problem, he/she will be written up.</p>
<p>Have any of you worked a minimum wage retail job lately? Because nasty comments from co-workers are quite common. My D has an older woman who thinks all college kids are useless idiots and has no problem telling them that. The ability to deal with drama was one of the interview questions at the group pre-screen. I don’t think you can sue anyone for being snotty.</p>
<p>*Creating a hostile work environment is against the law.
Not necessarily. Every “hostile work environment” is not illegal. The hostility must be against a member of a protected group and by virtue of the protections afforded that group. So the “hostility” needs to be due to sex or race or age or disabilty or, in some states, sexual orientation. Hostility because “I don’t like you” is troublesome but not illegal. It doesn’t seem like the hostile work environment being created here is illegal unless there’s something we’re not being told.</p>
<p>About the one-party recording - it is illegal in these states (they have the “2 party rule”):
New Hampshire
Massachusetts
Connecticut
Pennsylvania
Delaware
Maryland
Florida
Michigan
Montana
Washington
Nevada
California
State by State Compliance</p>
<p>If your daughter works in any of these states, do not record the conversations.*</p>
<p>I do not think this is true IF any of this is going on in a public place - especially when using normal speaking voice. There can not be an assumption of privacy/confidentiality when conversations or actions occur where others can easily overhear or observe.</p>
<p>OMG! Can you imagine the drama if a kid goes to a grocery store manager with a recording of a co-worker being mean? Unless this is crazy extreme stuff that isn’t indicated by the OP at all I would advise my own kid to suck it up. But, she’s pretty good at that by now. </p>
<p>If the co-worker hates her now, she will really hate her after she’s turned in for nastiness. And, there is no guarantee the results would be in her favor. It’s hard.</p>
<p>My DD has been the target of a very tenacious bully for the last 8 years, thru HS and College. The bully never gets a reaction from DD because DD isn’t affected by her nonsense - yet the bullying has escalated over the 8 years. </p>
<p>Others on their team were the ones who ended up putting this bully in her place. They let her know that the GROUP did not condone her behavior and had a bad opinion of her.</p>
<p>Sometimes bullies are so enabled in their home lives that it takes a mass revolt to get them to stop - or at least cut down on their nonsense.</p>
<p>I am overwhelmed with your kind and helpful responses! Thank you all! Some replies to questions:
Daughter is 16-years-old, a junior in high school. She normally works one-two weeknight shifts and two or so on weekends. She is occasionally paired with Horrid Co-Worker; one will cashier, the other will bag groceries. There are other places of employment, but this one is close by and convenient. I am hoping daughter will expand her search for different summer employment.</p>
<p>In response to how/why Horrid Co-Worker has latched on to the “Mommy” thing: I have no idea. I do not shop for groceries when daughter is working. I do not identify myself to her coworkers as “Daughter’s Mom”. I didn’t get the job for her. When I drop her off for work (she does not have a car), I park in the lot, say “good-bye” (no dramatic hug/kiss), and daughter gets and out and walks into work. Same low-key sitch when she’s picked up from work. She’s never called in sick or failed to show up for a shift. So, I’m stumped. There are several other high-school kids who work at this store, and I imagine the kids leave for other/better jobs or college; perhaps this is a source of aggravation for Horrid.</p>
<p>I really like the suggestions of keeping a log, if only so she can have dates/numbers of instances in mind when she asks the manager for pointers on handling the co-worker. Both GREAT ideas! I got much-needed giggles over the holy water/Latin incantations/mean dad stare. I am not ruling ANY of these out! Bottom line: I know absolutely this is not my fight to have. It is a growing experience for my girl, and, sadly, will most likely not be the last time she has to deal with an unpleasant co-worker.</p>
<p>One poster commented my daughter is “cowering” and “needs to grow a spine”. Recognizing this poster doesn’t know me from Eve, nor I her, and in the absence of coming right out and telling the poster to stuff it up her butt, I would like to demonstrate how none of those words applies to my girl. She’s working a part-time job, she’s 16, she’s maintaining a 4.0 in 6 AP classes. She’s doing these things herself. A cowering nature and lack of spine are not the issues here. :)</p>
<p>That lack of Momness aside, I would like to again thank you all for taking the time to offer suggestions and commiserate with me. It really helped remind me this is not a life-ending situation and that my daughter will ultimately benefit from it. Thank you very, very much!</p>
<p>Wow, this makes me grateful for the job experiences my children had in high school. They had good bosses who were “hands on” and aware of how their employees treated each other. Problem employees hours were cut if they didn’t tow the line. Soon they’d get the message and quit. In fact, I think that my children found that their work experiences had less bullying than their school experiences.</p>
<p>My advice: Mom, don’t confront the bully. That may lead to more bullying. Plus, as unpleasant as it is, your daughter should start handling her own issues now. Does your daughter have friends who are happier in their work experiences? Maybe a friend could grease the skids and help her get a job elsewhere. Employers I know often use recommendations of their current young employees to hire new employees.</p>
You misread. The poster above me used the cowering word and I said that IF that were the case she should get a spine, but I didn’t indicate that I believed she is cowering because I don’t, which is why I pooh-poohed the use of that word.</p>
<p>Northern, thank you for your reply. My thought is (and only the vaguest research supports this) the hours daughter works are not always the same hours as the most attentive managers. Those seem to be the daytime slots. In my customer-only experience, the store seems to have good managers. I really feel like a manager could address this properly and fix the problem. I don’t know if this co-worker treats others the same way, but even one person is too much.</p>
<p>Daughter will handle this. I will still fantasize about the shopping cart scenario, though.</p>
<p>I like your idea of polling friends for other job ideas, especially as we get closer to hiring time for teenager-heavy summer jobs.</p>