<p>Guys, this guy is not going to go straight from no friends to knocking random girls up. Let’s be sensible here. </p>
<p>Hey, I don’t have any friends either and I’m not even a good student. You’re looking better off then me. I think the image people are getting is of someone who is completely socially awkward and unable to hold simple conversations with anyone (someone suggested that you had Aspergers?). If that is you then you have a problem which you can ignore or not, but if you do ignore it, it will ultimately be to your determent in many aspects of life as many others here have stated. </p>
<p>I personally am just not interested in social things and am not really an interesting person. I can still talk to people sometimes in classes and such, but I don’t manage friendships well. I rarely hang out with people. Just how I am. I’m not going to do anything about it. This is what I guesses you are. </p>
<p>As for getting your parents to leave you alone, I don’t really know. I wouldn’t go to a shrink, that’s just silly. You can tell them you’ll make a good effort to try to make friends.</p>
<p>I understand your response to my post, but have a follow-up. You asked what would it matter if you don’t do parties, etc, when you are working as long as you are a good worker. As a scientist or engineer, you could be in a position of having to “smooze” a bit for financing of projects, whether it is research monies needed, or whatever. I know people in both professions. Yes, they do have to attend many social-themed events as part of their positions, especially the more they have advanced in their careers. The professor who begins un-tenured surely won’t be looked at as a true part of the faculty if they always avoid the faculty dinners, holiday parties, and always sit behind a closed door. The best professors overall - the ones students can connect to and learn from the best, also know how to relate personally to their students. You need social skills for that, which you learn from having friends and practicing those skills over and over. I am not in any type of glorified career, yet I was criticized by an employer once for not attending the company Christmas party when all my colleagues were there. It was looked at as not fitting in, and the fact I had chosen to travel to my hometown instead was not looked at as a good excuse. Be prepared. Get involved with people so that you can practice the skills you are lacking as a result of not having meaningful friendships.
You answered my question about being caring about others by saying that you feel empathy, but don’t care about people’s personal lives. That’s sad. Part of being a person is that we form connections with people and care about them. We ask about their lives, celebrate their successes with them, listen when they need a good listener, try to help if there is a problem, etc. It sounds like you haven’t had anyone do that for you, and haven’t been able to learn how to do that. I don’t care what you say, even students at the most prestigious colleges take time from college studies to form friendships because they are smart, and know how important friends are to their own well-being and happiness. You have the intelligence with books smarts, but it sounds like you are lacking in at least one or two other intelligences, according to Gardner (multiple intelligence theory). At college, there should be counselors who can help you in the process of developing these intelligences. You may have also perceived competition and cut-throat mentality where none really existed, I am sorry to say. Also goes with some disorders…Even at some of the best prep schools, sure, students compete, but it isn’t like you will die or never have success if you aren’t number 1 sometimes. Kids at Exeter, Andover, etc, also are capable of having friends. You have found excuses to hide away studying that really don’t hold water. You wouldn’t have posted if you weren’t really aware of this.</p>
<p>you know i had no problem with OP in the beginning. okay, he was different.</p>
<p>but then i saw how he responded to all the posts and i saw that he wasn’t looking for advice. all he did was disagree with everyone and remain stubborn in his stance. so his attitude ****es me off.</p>
<p>People really like talking out of their ass don’t they? If you don’t really idenitfy with the OP in the way, you really can’t say much. You could “I think” all you want, but you can’t help him unless you identify with him because you’re outside looking in. </p>
<p>Anyway, OP, you’ll be fine. Based off your posts, you’re good. I’m very much similiar to you in the sense that you value your alone time (however, I don’t study as much as you do lol). I have a very small group of friends, and when I’m not with them or my family I want to be alone. I’m not crazy. I don’t have a disorder. And my social skills are on point. If my social skills were so bad I wouldn’t have had summer internships on Wall St. these past two summers (not including this one). My social skills must be somewhat decent.</p>
<p>So OP, don’t sweat it. If you want to continue to be alone, do it. Don’t change because 99.9% of the people here don’t agree with ya. Also, take your parents “nosiness” as a sign of caring. Just look at it from their view point. I really don’t think your parents mean harm by being “nosy.”</p>
<p>Except I’m pretty sure the OP said he/she doesn’t interact or have any friends at all. There’s nothing wrong with valuing quality over quantity of friends, but obviously parents are going to worry when there’s no friends at all.</p>
I don’t think I’ll fall into depression. Although sometimes I need a break from academics to either read or occasionally play video games, I definitely feel very content with my life. As for my family, they couldn’t relate with me even when I was a kid. I always looked through great figures in science as those I could relate with, although that may come off as very arrogant and I did not intend for it to. </p>
<p>I don’t plan to put off having a social life for the rest of my life (though it may happen), just until I am doing my studies. After I finish my studies, there will be ample time to form friendships with like-minded colleagues.</p>
You make it sound like studying college coursework is a chore, and I certainly do not think so. I’ll be taking classes I enjoy (math and physics) so, unlike prisoners who lose their mind due to having a lack of freedom to pursue their passions, I will be doing what I love.</p>
<p>I don’t see anything wrong with not wanting to attend Prom or Graduation. I have plenty of friends that didn’t go to Prom or Grad Bash. Some cause they didn’t have the money and some just didn’t want too. Graduation…it really is more for your parents than for you. That’s why I went. So my parents could see me graduate. I’ve made it perfectly clear however that I have no intention of sitting at my college graduation. I can understand why your parents are worried and at the same time I understand where you’re coming from. Who on this thread would respond kindly to their parents suggesting they go to therapy? I don’t know you personally so i’m obviously not qualified to say if there’s anything wrong with you or not, but it seems to me that if you simply like to keep to yourself then there’s no problem.</p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong at all with most of what you said. I myself am very reserved and won’t be attending prom (it has no appeal to me and looks like a ridiculous waste of time/money).</p>
<p>However, never having any friends? I get what you’re saying about not being able to relate with people your age and that you’ll have time to make friends when you’re surrounded by a more intelligent crowd. I often feel very distant from others my age (at least, those who attend my mediocre high school). I do, however, have plenty of friends. I don’t have a “best friend” or even close, mind you. We’ll simply go out to eat or watch movies (I’m sure you enjoy these activities to at least a certain rate?) every now and then and it’s nice to be able to do that. </p>
<p>I get all of that. But there are advantages to making good friends. Social skills are simply invaluable and are things meant to be developed. Being able to communicate effectively and being able to communicate intimately are completely different things. You might not have to use the latter skill very often, but it’s certainly a very handy skill.</p>
<p>You seem to have a little bit of a superiority thing there- as if you’re beyond all your “peers” who, in your eyes, mostly party and get drunk and waste their lives. This is a very myopic view. You may not find people at your caliber, but you will probably find someone you can enjoy spending time with. </p>
<p>Lastly- yes, you’re content with your life and all. It IS your life, certainly, but would it kill you to make a friend or two in order to please your parents? I mean, why not? It’ll be a worthy effort at the end and it’s hardly going to take any time out of your day.</p>
<p>I can relate to your situation a bit. In general, I prefer to be alone simply because I get more work done and I’m more productive. The few close friends that I do have understand this and never pressure me to “be more social” or anything like that. Don’t listen to the people saying that this is a sign of some sort of psychological disorder or anything. As long as you’re content with your life and aren’t bothered by spending time alone, you’ve got nothing to worry about.</p>
<p>As for your parents, maybe you could try and give the impression that you’re being more “social” at school. For example, you could casually mention how you’re working on a group project with some study partners. Even if these partners don’t click with you at all, make it sound like you’re having fun. This way, you’re parents will start to realize that you don’t have some disorder. You could make friends if you wanted to, you simply choose not to.</p>
Your assuming that just because I do not have friends or engage in social interaction much that I lack any social skills. You don’t need to form social bonds with colleagues and employers in order to communicate your ideas or work in a team. I am sure as long as I’m a productive worker with competent social skills, my employers or colleagues wouldn’t care if I am not interested in their private lives or attending their social functions.</p>
Hey Stratusfaction, thanks for the helpful advice. People are assuming I have no social skills due to a lack of friends, which is simply not true. If I need to get things done, I can communicate my ideas clearly and am not awkward. I just find “small-talk” and the majority of subjects most people converse about outside of work (movies, celebrities, gossip, etc.) as mundane just simply ignore them. </p>
<p>Congrats on getting a wall-street internship, I don’t know how you cope in such a superficial environment. Aren’t your co-workers and employers magnitudes more judgmental than the posters on here?</p>
<p>As I’ve mentioned before, the problem is that students who may be similar to me in many aspects at my school are not interested in making friends. Instead, they see each other as enemies and possible detriments to their future. I also am a very very boring person (I do not enjoy movies or going out to dinner), so I am sure that excludes me from forming friendships with the majority. </p>
<p>Why are you assuming that I do not have any social skills? I can work on projects with others and keep it strictly professional and can communicate my ideas clearly and without awkwardness. As long as I have this skill, why would an employer or colleague care about my lack of intimate communication skills since it does not impact the job at hand in any way? </p>
<p>No, I do not feel above my peers nor do I have a superiority complex. If most of my peers want to party and engage in lewd behavior, more power to them. However, that is not for me and I would never be interested in engaging in that lifestyle, much like how they would probably never be interested in studying out of interest for hours on end. </p>
<p>It won’t kill me, but it would waste both of our times. I am interested in keeping to myself and either studying or acquiring knowledge while they would probably be interested in socializing and going out, like most college students.</p>
That’s the problem, I didn’t come asking for opinions on my life, but rather how to deal with my nosy parents. Unfortunately, I haven’t found any helpful advice on that as of yet.</p>
<p>I do not see how your parents are being nosy. Far from it actually. I think they have legitimate parental concerns stemming from them caring about you, and while this may be a result of them not understanding who you are, neither do you understand where they are coming from. Frankly, have you even tried? I feel as if you impose your own rationalizations on others, as what they should think, without considering that most people simply do not rationalize the world as you do. The problem is that you think what they should think triumphs what they actually think.</p>
<p>For example, consider what you said:
//As long as I have this skill, why would an employer or colleague care about my lack of intimate communication skills since it does not impact the job at hand in any way?//</p>
<p>While you may legitimately question why an employer or colleague may care (and I understand your rationalization based on it not affecting your job performance), it is irrelevant if they DO care. It does not matter from your mindset if they should care, because a lot of people (and I would guess more than you’d think or like) simply do not share your mindset, and WILL care, and this will effect you. A second example is that you seem to perceive your class peers as competitors, and this may end up being self fulfilling and hurt you in the long run.</p>
<p>Perhaps the reason you have not received the advice you seek is because most people here agree that there is no advice to give because we perceive no issue. It is only an issue that you perceive. I do not see why you appeal to people for advice who see the world from a perspective that is not yours, but more akin to that of your parents.</p>
<p>Frankly, having to communicate with concerned parents more than you’d like to is a trivial and common issue at best, and that there is no solution other than sucking up and being patient.</p>
<p>No problem dude. People are annoying by assuming that. Not wanting friends doesn’t equal socially ■■■■■■■■. I totally see what you’re saying. You can be social when need be (i.e. working a job, group settings, etc) but prefer to be alone when you have the option. In general, I’m very much the same way. As humans we are constantly put in social situations so we are always going to be “improving our social skills.” </p>
<p>So if I have a friend who constantly talks about drugs, I guess I’m “improving my social skills” by being friends with him, right? <em>rolls eyes</em></p>
<p>And yes people on wall street are very superficial and fake (say one thing to your face and something else behind your back). But in all fairness, it is a cutthroat - dog eat dog - world there so I can see why there are superficial and fake people there. Granted this doesn’t apply to all people on wall street, but this certainly rang true for the majority of people I’ve observed while working there.</p>