Dealing with nosy parents while commuting?

[Luna713]

<p>As for your parents majjestic, they are just concerned. A huge part of becoming mature is trying to understand people, to try and be in their shoes. You have alot to learn, everyone does, even me. But you need to detach from your negative feelings and step outside the situation to better understand what everyone else here sees. I’m sure half the people here wished their parents cared half as much. You should be grateful for what you have and not take it for granted like you are now.</p>

[starbright]

<p>

The professor who begins un-tenured surely won’t be looked at as a true part of the faculty if they always avoid the faculty dinners, holiday parties, and always sit behind a closed door. The best professors overall - the ones students can connect to and learn from the best, also know how to relate personally to their students. You need social skills for that, which you learn from having friends and practicing those skills over and over.

</p>

<p>While i generally agree that having high EQ is very helpful to one’s career, being an academic, especially a scientist, is the perfect place for someone without strong EQ. As a professor I can tell you, its the one profession that largely rewards you for what you produce, not how well you schmooze or your social skills. Good lord, most amazing researchers are pathetic in that department. But I love them just the same. Academia is a place that strongly tolerates the socially quirky. I can also add that many a socially awkward person can be a superstar in the classroom…I’ve seen it time and again in every school I’ve worked. They stare at their shoes at the cocktail party, but when the role demands it, they are beloved by their students.</p>

[Majjestic]

<p>

I do not see how your parents are being nosy. Far from it actually. I think they have legitimate parental concerns stemming from them caring about you, and while this may be a result of them not understanding who you are, neither do you understand where they are coming from. Frankly, have you even tried? I feel as if you impose your own rationalizations on others, as what they should think, without considering that most people simply do not rationalize the world as you do. The problem is that you think what they should think triumphs what they actually think.

These worries only started to surface recently after my parents got to talk with some arm-chair psychologists claiming I may have a psychological problem. Before this, my parents always encouraged my intellectual pursuits and to become an academic. I would much rather prefer them that way rather than thinking there is something wrong with me for being nonsocial and keeping to myself. </p>

<p>

While you may legitimately question why an employer or colleague may care (and I understand your rationalization based on it not affecting your job performance), it is irrelevant if they DO care. It does not matter from your mindset if they should care, because a lot of people (and I would guess more than you’d think or like) simply do not share your mindset, and WILL care, and this will effect you. A second example is that you seem to perceive your class peers as competitors, and this may end up being self fulfilling and hurt you in the long run.

Well, first of all, I doubt my future colleagues would invite me to their social functions. After all, who would invite the colleague you’ve never talked to outside of work issues to their wedding? The only issue that would possibly arise are company functions. Intimate social skills are only important in finance or business, definitely not in the field I want to be where competence and knowledge are valued above one’s social skills. </p>

<p>

Perhaps the reason you have not received the advice you seek is because most people here agree that there is no advice to give because we perceive no issue. It is only an issue that you perceive. I do not see why you appeal to people for advice who see the world from a perspective that is not yours, but more akin to that of your parents.

Indeed, I made the wrong assumption. I assumed CC was filled with fellow academics who are driven to succeed. </p>

<p>

Frankly, having to communicate with concerned parents more than you’d like to is a trivial and common issue at best, and that there is no solution other than sucking up and being patient.

I’m going to hold out for more practical advice. If my parents went from encouraging my introverted habits to denouncing them in just under a year, then it can surely be reversed to the way things were. Thanks anyways.</p>

[Fullofpop]

<p>It’s like reading posts from Sheldon Cooper.</p>

<p>Except even he has friends.</p>

[Hauteclere]

<p>There IS something very wrong about you. Humans are a social species, after all.</p>

<p>I’m very introverted too. I don’t like drunk and horny teenagers, either. I don’t see what’s fun about partying. I know what it’s like to want to be alone sometimes, but I always want to have friends, and I like talking to others, even though I can’t trust anyone.</p>

<p>You need help.</p>

[RioBravo]

<p>"Indeed, I made the wrong assumption. I assumed CC was filled with fellow academics who are driven to succeed. </p>

<p>Have you seen any of the ‘chances’ threads on here? There are tons of motivated, driven people on this site. Probably a little TOO driven. And I’m sure they have at least a few friends.</p>

<p>You seem to equate spending time socialising with not wanting to ‘succeed’ when that couldn’t be further from the truth.</p>

[Stratusfaction]

<p>U N33D H3LP1111111 WE SOOOO-SHALL SPEEE SHEES HOW CUN U NOT WUNT FRIEND$???u GOT A MAJOR BRAIN DEEEZEEEZEE GET HELPPP OP!!!1111</p>

[Fullofpop]

<p>Anyway, OP. If you have a job, any job, there’s a good chance you’re going to have a co-worker or a boss. Or several co-workers. If you’re working at a university you might get some grad students, and you might end up teaching undergrads.</p>

<p>Social skills are very, very important for things like that. You can be the most brilliant person in the world but if you are reclusive and unintentionally hateful or hurtful to your boss, coworkers, or students, you’re not going to progress in your field at all.</p>

[Stratusfaction]

<p>^You don’t need friends to practice that skill genius. Notice that there is a difference between being friendly and having friends. Don’t inappropriately group the two.</p>

[Gemini116]

<p>^ Based on what I have read, he does not seem friendly though.</p>

<p>“Indeed, I made the wrong assumption. I assumed CC was filled with fellow academics who are driven to succeed.”</p>

<p>You can have friends and want to succeed, genius. The only “smart” people I know who have no friends and go to no social events were people who skipped grades and were graduating when they were 14, which is the parents’ fault.</p>

[Fullofpop]

<p>"^You don’t need friends to practice that skill genius. Notice that there is a difference between being friendly and having friends. Don’t inappropriately group the two. "</p>

<p>Looks like someone didn’t practice their social skills often enough. </p>

<p>God, this place is ridiculous.</p>

[Stratusfaction]

<p>With 2 summer internships on Wall St, I think I did practice my social skills enough. Must have somewhat decent social skills. </p>

<p>If you dont like it here, dont let the doot hit you on the bum on your way out.</p>

[RoxSox]

<p>Ew, why does this thread have so many replies? I realize I’m contributing to it, but it kind of feels like beating a dead horse at this point.</p>

[Majjestic]

<p>

There IS something very wrong about you. Humans are a social species, after all.

Wrong. Humans needed to be social species in the past in order to survive and thrive. Today, that is no longer the case. Our society is very different today and one does not need social interaction anymore in order to survive. </p>

<p>

I’m very introverted too. I don’t like drunk and horny teenagers, either. I don’t see what’s fun about partying. I know what it’s like to want to be alone sometimes, but I always want to have friends, and I like talking to others, even though I can’t trust anyone.

You don’t seem introverted to me, at all. A real introvert does not need other people in order to thrive and is content with being alone, a complete independent person. Like all other extroverts, your happiness is dependent with other people. </p>

<p>

You need help.

No thanks. I know I don’t need help. I am not a danger to people around me and I am perfectly content with my life. Psychologically, there is nothing wrong with me. The only psychologists who would say otherwise are being intellectually dishonest and just looking to make a quick buck.</p>

[Majjestic]

<p>

You seem to equate spending time socialising with not wanting to ‘succeed’ when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Except, that time spent uselessly socializing can be spent doing something productive.</p>

[UAKid]

<p>“Today, that is no longer the case. Our society is very different today and one does not need social interaction anymore in order to survive.”</p>

<p>Dumbest statement ever. It is an impossibility to accomplish anything without social interaction. The roads you drive on are a form of social interaction…even indirectly.</p>

<p>It doesn’t seem like continuing this thread has much benefit. You seem to be here looking more for an argument than actual help.</p>

[Hauteclere]

<p>

t couldn’t be further from the truth.
Except, that time spent uselessly socializing can be spent doing something productive.

</p>

<p>Have fun living an empty and boring life.</p>

[capenn15]

<p>UAKid - you hit the nail on the head. Just seems to be here to prove how right he/she is.</p>

[Majjestic]

<p>

Anyway, OP. If you have a job, any job, there’s a good chance you’re going to have a co-worker or a boss. Or several co-workers. If you’re working at a university you might get some grad students, and you might end up teaching undergrads.

Yes, that is true. I’ve already acknowledged this. But, why would my co-workers, boss, or grad students care if I don’t attend their socials or talk to them about useless nonsense so long as I can communicate effectively and am competent at what I do? Well, first of all, they wouldn’t invite me to their social gatherings since we never talk about anything that isn’t related to work. So, this is a non-issue. </p>

<p>

Social skills are very, very important for things like that. You can be the most brilliant person in the world but if you are reclusive and unintentionally hateful or hurtful to your boss, coworkers, or students, you’re not going to progress in your field at all.

I never disagreed that social skills are not important. But, why are you assuming that one who does not have a “social life” does not have social skills? I can work effectively in a group and communicate my ideas and even lead the team if I need to. I just don’t want to waste time engaging in useless pursuits such as “small talk”.</p>

[Hauteclere]

<p>

But, why would my co-workers, boss, or grad students care if I don’t attend their socials or talk to them about useless nonsense so long as I can communicate effectively and am competent at what I do?

</p>

<p>Build trust > become more familiar with them > make valuable contacts > help your career.</p>