<p>You could think the OP is crazy or whatever but what’s really dumb is you guys thinking that social life = social skills which is certainly not true. You don’t need friends to “enhance your social skills.” So I guess working on a group project in college wouldn’t be considering “enhancing your social skills” huh?</p>
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Actually, I am looking for help on how to deal with my parents. But, instead of giving me practical advice, you people tell me that there is something wrong with me and that I may have a psychological disorder. That is quite offensive. I was never looking for advice on how to “improve” my life, rather on how to cope with my parents in first year.</p>
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My life is not boring or empty at all. I actually feel it is quite fulfilling. </p>
<p>Isn’t it interesting how the posters with the “superior” social skills are also the most offensive and judgmental?</p>
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</p>
<p>I don’t have good social skills. I can’t trust others. I understand how you feel very well.</p>
<p>But I know how valuable it is to have friends. I want to help you.</p>
<p>
That may be true in some industries, but not as a scientist/professor. I’m sure most respected post-secondary institutions and national labs would prefer the “antisocial” scientist who has many publications and contributed to their area of specialization, rather than a social butterfly who has only published one or two papers at most. A scientist’s publications, which is reflective of their competence, matters much more than their social connections.</p>
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</p>
<p>So, why can’t people with friends make just as many publications as people without friends? Where do you get this idea?</p>
<p>Successful people with contacts > successful people without contacts, in any industry. It’d help you with getting recommendation letters written, getting a promotion or something, because they know you better.</p>
<p>Fullofpop: LOL at the Sheldon Cooper comments. It’s actually perfect. </p>
<p>Honestly, I’m just keeping up with this thread because the OP has such an extreme perspective on reality that is so far from the norm. I mean, when I said to just suck up and be patient with his parents minor inconveniences (like everyone else), his response was basically that surely there must be a way to revert his parents attitudes to a previous state that was more convenient for him. What??? That’s such an extreme, and frankly self centered, point of view. Or when he says “A real introvert does not need other people in order to thrive and is content with being alone, a complete independent person,” so his cutoff point for being an introvert is so far to the introvert extreme of the spectrum that it consists of the .1% of the population including himself. Or when he says “I know I don’t need help. I am not a danger to people around me and I am perfectly content with my life.” </p>
<p>I feel like he has no conception or does not care for the motivations and thoughts of people other than himself, and views relationships completely in terms of how people act and respond in ways that affect him. His want of complete independence from the people around him, except interactions that affects his goals, is bewildering. It’s more bewildering because he believes his views on the nature of social relationships are correct, and that everyone else is unenlightened.</p>
<p>…aka Sheldon Cooper.</p>
<p>
On the contrary, I do have good social skills. I don’t not trust people, I am completely neutral to people who haven’t caused me harm. I don’t have any trust issues at all. </p>
<p>I don’t know why you are trying to “help” me with a nonexistent problem. I am completely content and happy with my life.</p>
<p>…aka Shelodn Cooper lolozzzlewlzzzzz</p>
<p>
Are you alluding to the “norm” that promotes anti-intellectualism, the norm that labels those take interest in their studies as “nerds” and losers, the norm that glorifies meat-heads that spend their days partying and engaging in questionable behavior as “studs” and “winners”? Then, no thanks. I proudly am not part of the norm that is espoused by our idiocratic society. </p>
<p>I never said that real introverts do not have friends. There is nothing wrong with having friends, but real introverts can easily do without friends and do not need social interaction to sustain their happiness. Then again, you probably think any individual who isn’t actively socializing, partying, and isn’t obsessed with sex must have a psychological disorder. </p>
<p>
And why is that so wrong? I think most rational people can appreciate a person who does not care about their personal lives and does not involve themselves in matters that does not concern them. But, apparently, the reverse is the norm for people who are “psychologically healthy”. Also, what is wrong with wanting complete independence from people except when their interactions affect my goals? When it does not affect me, it is not my business and it isn’t my concern. Or is it the norm to stick your nose into matters that do not concern you?</p>
<p>Let’s just let this die, okay?</p>
<p>I’m a science major that wants to go to graduate school and it definitely is important to build familiar relationships with them to get things like personalized letters of reference rather than the generic ones that don’t stand out to grad coms. I’m not BFFs with the people in my lab group and honestly don’t care to be, but being personable and not having your nose stuck in a book all the time makes you more approachable. The more approachable you are, the more people get to know and trust you and not everyone is able to leave their personal feelings for others outside of the labs or classrooms. I’ve seen that happen many times.</p>
<p>And having numerous publications and being “antisocial” versus being a social butterfly with a few are just the two extremes. There is a ton of middle ground there. And, to me, having quality papers published about huge scientific breakthroughs with you as first author is more than reason enough to justify having a few versus more than you can count on your hands. You don’t have to be in self-imposed isolation to be a good research scientist.</p>
<p>//Are you alluding to the “norm” that promotes anti-intellectualism, the norm that labels those take interest in their studies as “nerds” and losers, the norm that glorifies meat-heads that spend their days partying and engaging in questionable behavior as “studs” and “winners”?//</p>
<p>None of the above.</p>
<p>//Then again, you probably think any individual who isn’t actively socializing, partying, and isn’t obsessed with sex must have a psychological disorder.//</p>
<p>Nope, but nice try.</p>
<p>//Also, what is wrong with wanting complete independence from people except when their interactions affect my goals? When it does not affect me, it is not my business and it isn’t my concern. Or is it the norm to stick your nose into matters that do not concern you?//</p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with that. I just find that you take it to an extreme that I find curious. I neither disapprove nor condoned your perspective or the fact that it is not the norm (and what your opinions about the norm you perceive is irrelevant.</p>
<p>For someone as supposedly smart and rational as yourself, you’re surprising dense and prone to taking what other people say to extremes they did not intend, and you have a tendency to assume they think things or believe things they do not actually think or believe (see the first two quotes above for how you have made faulty assumptions about me and others). You’re surprisingly defensive and judgmental, and your perception of social reality and social norms are extreme simplifications, parodies, of the actual reality. While there is certainly significant anti-intellectualism in today’s society, this is all you see, whereas the reality is not as clear cut. Though the fact that you avoid the social stage in the first place has definitely influenced these extreme perceptions, not that you care, or I care that you care. You give off a very you vs everyone-else-that-is-not-like-you superiority vibe.</p>
<p>Lastly, after 7 pages in which there has been a failure to provide a solution to your original “problem” that is to your liking, it’s surprising that you have not concluded that continuing to respond to this thread is a waste of time. Either this is a failure in your ability to rationalize, or you just like being argumentative/defensive.</p>
<p>RedSox: “Let’s just let this die, okay?”</p>
<p>yeah sorry.</p>
<p>I don’t trust this topic very much. I can understand not wanting to go to the aforementioned things, but I feel as if disingenuous motives exist here. Parents will be parents and they aren’t perfect, but neither is anyone else.</p>
<p>I see what this is, I will thoroughly dissect you behavior and explain to you what your problem is.</p>
<ol>
<li>You are very competitive and have a “superiority” attitude towards your peers.</li>
<li>You are denying being a sociopath but you every description you give us is a symptom of a sociopath</li>
<li>You say that you have social skills but I find that hard to believe because “good” social skills only come with practice and meeting new people. I doubt you have any good social skills and I am 100% sure that you have a low self esteem. Your behavior and the lack of social skills and the importance of academics you have reminds me of a student that committed suicide because of a bad report card. reading your post, it reminded me of him. Im not saying that you have suicidal tendencies however, I am saying that your behaviors also resembles the early warning signs of depression. </li>
<li>You use your academic competitiveness to justify your sociopathic ways however I don’t buy that because even the smartest of the smartest have social lives. This is why the top schools look for EC’s and Community service to make sure that you aren’t just a bookwork (like you are). </li>
<li>Being focused on doing your college work is great and I applaud you for your determination however, If you can’t even make any friends, how are you suppose to “make friends” with your professor to get recommendations for graduate schools? How are you suppose to do good on a job interview if you have never had a friend? How do you relieve your bad feelings in life? Do you just keep you feelings trapped in a bottle and let it build up? Humans are social animals and you cannot say that you condition is normal. How are you suppose to start a family? matter fact… how are you going to find a mate if you can’t even make friends with the same sex?</li>
</ol>
<p>I seem bashing but I’m giving you the utter reality. You should reread my points and make your final decision. You are very defensive and stubborn! with this attitude, you will never change your ways but… i guess being a 50 year old with no one to share your life experiences will not bother you? I guess that not having a family will not bother you? Yes! I want you to argue against my post! argue argue defend… just know that It will not help you change as a person. Its not too late to change actually. You can get help! you are just way too defensive (like a drug addict denying his addiction), the only way to get out is to admit you are wrong.</p>
<p>LOL. Everybody’s a physiologist and therapist now a days. Lewlz.</p>
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I don’t feel superior to my peers. If they want to spend their time partying and socializing, so long as it does not affect my life, then more power to them. What annoys me is that they are considered the “measuring stick” for psychological health and the more you do not fit that description, the more likely you are to have a psychological disorder.
Do you realize that most sociopaths are extroverted and have vibrant social lives? In fact, most of the upper management across industries is composed of sociopaths who ascended the corporate ladder. You stereotypically assumed that sociopaths are people who keep to themselves and mind their own business, and you couldn’t be further from the truth. A defining hallmark of a sociopath is the obsession to manipulate people. Clearly, I am not interested in manipulating people. </p>
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You are wrong. Meeting new people is but only one way to gain social skills. Observing social nuances and the “do’s” and “don’t’s” is also another effective way. I also find it amusing how some stranger over the internet can determine if I have a deficiency in my self esteem. I am confident and content with my life, thanks. You are projecting your experiences in life as fact. </p>
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Already explained this to you. I do fit the sociopath definition at all. I simply keep to myself and do not concern myself with the personal lives of others’, unlike most sociopaths who love to manipulate others and see them in ruin. Also, I couldn’t careless if the “smartest of the smartest” have social lives. That is their prerogative. That does not imply that I should have a social life or there is something wrong with me. People are individuals and like to do different things. Surely you understand that, do you not? </p>
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With my professors I can discuss what I love to study at great lengths and indepth. Despite that, professors are not interested in befriending undergraduates. There is a clear line between friendships and student/teacher. I’ll do research and definitely talk at great lengths with my professor about it, but talking about other aspects is useless and I am pretty sure they are just as disinterested in my personal life as I am with theirs. As for the job interview, again, you are assuming that being friendless and social skills are mutually exclusive. I have competent social skills and can easily carry myself professionally in a job interview. As for bad feelings, I simply use that to study more or just cool down by reading a good book on the history of sciences or mathematics. I am not a clingy person, ergo, I don’t solve my problems by complaining to others about them. About starting a family, I really could not care less. So “not finding a mate” does not worry me in the least. I don’t care if that is abnormal.</p>
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If you were to be accused of being a sociopath on a very faulty premise, you would gladly accept it as truth? And yes, I would have no problem being 50 years old and still living as I currently do so long as I am where I want to be in my career. Also, what makes you think I want to change as a person? I am perfectly content with myself, but you would never understand seeing as probably you draw your personal self-worth from the amount of friends and social interactions you engage in.</p>
<p>If there was an Olympic for stubborn and defensive people, you would WIN gold, congratulations to you!!</p>
<p>You made this thread because You are asking what will make your parents get off your back about your social life. We are giving you the only solution there is and you are not accepting the truth. Well I find it a waste of time to ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer to. In fact, I assume you made this thread for self enjoyment because you don’t have friends and have nothing better to do after you finish all of your school work. Well I have to congratulate you on your new hobby! It’s quite entertaining and I really enjoy debating with you about your boorish and anti-social life. Please do keep me entertained! </p>
<p>Sent from my PG86100 using CC App</p>