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I love when someone, who has never even been to college, tries to talk about things they don’t know anything about.</p>
<p>I have had long conversations with half a dozen of my professors - about things unrelated to academics. My adviser especially loves to know what’s going on in my life. (I also enjoy hearing about my adviser’s kids. It’s amusing).
And yes, this is in engineering.</p>
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Then that is definitely the exception rather than the rule. I’ve spoken to family friends, cousins, and upper year students who are in the sciences and engineering at the school I am planning to attend. According to them, professors are considered to be “uptight” and expected to uphold the highest standard of professionalism. It is not professional for a teacher to befriend their student, but of course there are exceptions. </p>
<p>Who would a professor give a better recommendation letter? A student who was highly productive in their research and accomplished much but didn’t talk much outside of their research or a talkative student who is not as focused on their research but is much more social (or tries to be) with the professor? Of course, if this was in the humanities or business, then the latter would win out, but I don’t think science and engineering professors are as superficial.</p>
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So, using that logic, the same solution to controlling parents who want their kids to study 24/7 is to just listen to them and do it? That is how ridiculous your suggestion sounds. I am not going to force myself into something I do not want to do, just because it is the “norm”. Your assumption is wrong, I have tons of knowledge to immerse myself in and wouldn’t expect to be done anytime soon. In fact, making this thread has left me behind in terms of the work I wanted to cover by now.</p>
<p>Go kiss your mom and dad goodnight.</p>
<p>this is amusing. what did you expect posting this on cc, honestly? the best advice anyone here can give you is to either ignore it, talk to them about, or move out. it’s simple. it really intrigues me that you weren’t expecting these kind of responses.</p>
<p>aww, Majjestic, you didn’t even bother to respond to me. that makes me sad. is it because i didn’t say anything you’d like to argue with?</p>
<p>//Who would a professor give a better recommendation letter? A student who was highly productive in their research and accomplished much but didn’t talk much outside of their research or a talkative student who is not as focused on their research but is much more social (or tries to be) with the professor? Of course, if this was in the humanities or business, then the latter would win out, but I don’t think science and engineering professors are as superficial.//</p>
<p>Why is that you ALWAYS leave out the third choice, which is the ‘student who was highly productive in their research and accomplished much and talked much of their research AND could relate to professors and discuss things outside of their research’.</p>
<p>//Then that is definitely the exception rather than the rule. I’ve spoken to family friends, cousins, and upper year students who are in the sciences and engineering at the school I am planning to attend. According to them, professors are considered to be “uptight” and expected to uphold the highest standard of professionalism. It is not professional for a teacher to befriend their student, but of course there are exceptions.//</p>
<p>Unlike you, a lot of us have been through part or all of the university experience as STEM majors, and frankly, it is NOT the exception to the rule. Friendship would be taken it to far, but the majority of professors you’ll find do like to talk about social things. It might not be apparent in lecture environments, but in seminars, office hours, and as research mentors, they likely will if you’ve gotten to know them. Alcohol and pop culture related humors, and personal anecdotes are not the uncommon in classes. I’m talking about science and engineering professors. Many of them drink socially with their colleagues, e.g. bars. I think you’ll be in for quite a shock to be honest. </p>
<p>At the same time, they’ll probably realize you don’t care for such things, and won’t attempt to talk to you about such things. The same goes for the people you have talked to, if they think their professors are uptight then they’re likely to act in ways that will make professors respond in an uptight manner, or not care to get to know their professors and thus wouldn’t be sociable with them anyways. It’s a self reinforcing perception.</p>
<p>It seems like you originally had two questions, first- how to deal with overbearing and nosy parents in general and second how to convince your parents to let you live the life of solitude you desire. </p>
<p>I’ve found the cleanest way to deal with overbearing parents is to move out and not rely on them for money. Then, you can simply not talk to them when you don’t agree with the way they are treating you. Of course, that’s not the easiest option to implement, and has its own problems. My guess is as long as you live in their house, you’re going to have to deal with them being nosy. </p>
<p>Is there any way you could sooth their worries? Perhaps talking to them about how you feel, pointing out that you do have things that you enjoy and people with whom you feel connected, even if you don’t spend much time together. Would you consider going to a therapist once so that a professional can tell them that you don’t have any problems, and they really don’t need to worry?</p>
<p>Your writing reeks of, “I’m better than you because I lead a life of constant productivity and reject social norms.” Whether you mean to or not, you sound like a tremendous d-bag.</p>
<p>If I wanted a college essay, I’d just come to CC start a controversial thread about my topic, wait for peoples 5 paragraph responses, and just mesh those together.</p>
<p>To OP,
Good luck, parents are there to stay…Unless they are dead.
Anyway, point is even after you’ve graduated, moved out, got a job and your own life. Your parents are still going to be all up in your junk yo. Ride it out for now, things will change once you move out.</p>
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<p>I get being introverted. I am, too. I find other people exhausting at times and I enjoy my own company just fine.<br>
Having said that, you seem to be postulating that there are only 2 extremes – being “intellectual” like yourself, or being drunk/partying/superficial/dumb/with-friends. There is no reason someone can’t be fully intellectual, engaged and loving learning, and still have friends and a social life.</p>
<p>Truth is, both introverts and extroverts have friends. The largest introverts tend to have one or two really really good friends, while the largest extroverts tend to have several superficial friendships. In both cases, though, the quantity and quality of the friends add up to be approximately the same amount of “friendship”.</p>
<p>The best students I know of don’t just lock themselves in a room and study all day. Sure, they study a lot and take academics seriously, but they also know where to draw bounds and socialize at all sorts of events. These include everything from a club meeting to a wild party on the weekends.</p>
<p>In any situation: the people here have provided you advice, and it’s ultimately your decision whether or not to take it. Just remember that you’re responsible for what you do!</p>
<p>To answer your question about your parents, the only thing you can do is ignore them while you live in their house. I do feel however they have the right to be concerned about you as has been previously stated, having no social interactions is indicative of psychological disorders such as social anxiety disorder which sufferers often have false beliefs about and avoid social situations and have negative opinions about others. I am not saying that you have this because I don’t know enough about anything, but it is something they may be concerned about. </p>
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<p>You do realize that research is becoming increasingly collaborative and the chance of getting grants to fund research increases with more minds working together. I personally would not work with someone I do not trust to be competent. Being smart enough to come up with ideas and being able to explain to others those ideas are two separate things. You say you have the necessary social skills to convey your ideas, but you appear to become aggravated at everyone who holds a different opinion than you. To be tenured, it does not hurt to go out of your way to meet people and attend social functions. </p>
<p>Also, being able to compromise and see others point of view is very important in any profession. You seem to be dismissing everyone’s opinion as misguided and asserting your own as superior. </p>
<p>Also, how do you plan on getting recommendations if you never actually talk to professors and get to know them? Professors will not be able to say much about you other than the grade you got and that you were in class unless you actually talk to them and get to know them. I feel that the norm is that professors get to know some of their students outside of the classroom.</p>
<p>hah you remind me of myself…but I did go to my graduation as my parents paid for my high school education and I went for them, prom…out of the question and I agree with you it is a complete waste of time.</p>
<p>I guess it’s understandable that your parents would worry about all that. I guess all you can do is reassure them is that you are okay and not to worry about you.
My parents get it and don’t bother me about not having friends and all that it took them time to understand, but they get it now…</p>