Dealing with parents...what is enough?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Why does my dad never express that’s he’s proud of me? Sure, I haven’t done extremely exceptional things, but I mean, I’m not a complete ■■■■■■. here’s a short story. So he wanted me to go to Berkeley. Now I go here. When I told him I got admitted, he said “okay, good.” That was about it. He thinks I should get 4.0s, etc. I have a 3.7 or so, which he’s probably upset about. I only got in the early 1400s out of 1600 on my SATs because I didn’t study, and my parents have both told me it was low. He always tells me stories of his friends’ kids who go to Harvard. Ok, fine, I know I suck, but I dislike hearing stories about how great his friends’ kids are. I hate disappointing my parents, and I hate having low goals, but I just sometimes get irritated with them. How to deal?</p>

<p>Oh, and he’s also upset that I make friends with Berkeley students who aren’t that studious. He says I should stop liking only “fun” people (They all have GPAs over 3.5 though.)</p>

2

<p>It’s your life, what do YOU want to do with it?</p>

<p>Are YOU satisified with the way things are going?</p>

3

<p>I don’t know. To be honest, I’d rather become a professional musician, but that would get me nowhere. I did learn piano for 11 years and take vocal lessons and compete though, so it’s not completely out of the air. Of course musicians hardly make it, so my parents say it’s ridiculous to dream.</p>

4

<p>If it is ridiculous to dream it is ridiculous to be human.</p>

5

<p>Some parents just never provide any praise. My mother was so negative that it was a family joke (a bitter, sad one) that if she ever did say something in praise of us, we’d fall over dead in shock. I recommend writing down your goals, then striving to meet them, then comparing your goals with what you did, and patting YOURSELF ON THE BACK as often as possible. </p>

<p>Find other people who will provide you with reasonable and affectionate feedback. In my case, it was my older sisters and brother; in your case, it may be a teacher, an older friend, a professor… </p>

<p>You sound to me like you’re doing pretty well. </p>

<p>As for becoming a professional musician, there are a million (it seems) different ways to make money doing music. There’s popular music, concert music, playing at weddings and events, teaching children privately, teaching adults privately, teaching in a school… And you don’t have to work full-time as a musician unless you want to. </p>

<p>And don’t feel you have to make a decision today. You have your whole life ahead of you.</p>

6

<p>Compete? How?</p>

7

<p>Through the Music Teachers Association. For example, I took lessons from a music college professor who was a member when I was in high school and then competed with classical pieces.</p>

8

<p>Here’s a thought. How about staying in school for the time being. You’re getting good grades in a tough school. See what kind of weekend gig you can get, it can even be in a wedding band. It’ll stretch you a bit and you can see how it’s like playing in public in a different situation.</p>

<p>From those modest beginnings, you can rachet it up if you enjoy it and are good at it but cut your losses if it isn’t what you expected.</p>

<p>Understand that being a professional musician takes a lot of discipline. You also have to be flexible as to the type of music you’ll play in order to put food on the table.</p>

9

<p>Well, my friend told me to join a college band and play indie, rockish types, with the keyboard. (Since girls don’t sound good leading emo/indie rock bands.) Right now I’m just taking a couple of music classes at college for fun. I like singing classical stuff, but I like listening to alternative rock type music…so whichever.</p>

<p>The problem is that I also like money, so that conflicts with my interests. :)</p>

10

<p>Click onto this oldie thread .<a href=“http://www.collegeconfidential.com/discus/[/url]”>http://www.collegeconfidential.com/discus/&lt;/a&gt;

</p>

11

<p>Not that it matters, but I had you pegged for a guy. Same advice. </p>

<p>Sounds like you’re in limbo over making that your profession or your hobby. Stay put in school until you sort this issue out. Don’t leave school to pursue your hobby.</p>

12

<p>■■■■■. 10c</p>

13

<p>Smytty…who are you? ANd what does “■■■■■. 10c” mean?</p>

<p>Dad…I sound like a guy eh? I would never want to quit college under any circumstances. I plan on applying to graduate school, but I’m not sure if I really want to do what I’m going to study at grad school.</p>

14

<p>If someone has the problem " I can’t ever please my father", it’s usually a guy.</p>

15

<p>Really? Well, add me as another girl-exception then.</p>

16

<p>some parents just aren’t good at expressing their pride. i’m sure your dad is proud of you. and anyway, he just wants you to be your best. he’s a human too with flaws like all of us…so he may be mistaken in thinking that you aren’t doing your best. well, are you doing your best? if you’re not, your dad isn’t completely off the mark in criticizing you. he’d rather put the blame on other people (ie, those fun friends) than his own child. its actually kind of sweet.</p>

17

<p>Dad…it’s just my dad has always been the strict one in my life, which is odd considering I lived with only my mother for my entire life due to divorce. The only fathering he’s ever done is tell me to do better academically.</p>

<p>Jimbob…maybe. He does blame me too though. It’s just hard because when he was in college, he was ranked number one in physics and he has a graduate degree in computer science; he’s always been arrogant about his intelligence, because I guess he has a right to be since he was always number one in everything. LIke when I told him I wanted to study economics, he basically told me it was a worthless degree. Then to make matters worse, I told him I wanted to double in economics and history, and that was even worse considering it’s history. He actually mocks me to a certain extent for being interested in history and music, basically worthless in his eyes. Because he was so smart, it means that no matter what I do, it’s basically not good enough. I mean, I guess it’s not comparatively, but my interests are completely different from his, same with my personality, and I didn’t inherit his physics brain.</p>

18

<p>Sounds like your Dad has some issues. I’m an actuary but I know the world needs other people besides mathematicans. My oldest S is just starting in September and is aiming for Math degree with History minor.</p>

<p>Can you talk things over with your Mom?</p>

19

<p>Yeah, he probably does have arrogance issues. Actually, along those lines, my mom majored in mathematics and she isn’t like that at all. So your son is folllowing in your footsteps? That’s pretty cool. Math is a hard major.</p>

<p>I do talk to my mom quite a bit but she’s really just letting me do my own thing and figure things out, as long as I get to grad school.</p>

20

<p>So you’re trying to please a father who really wasn’t there for you. A yhoung person does not have to earn a parent’s love.</p>