<p>I wouldn’t do anything to include the nervy, manipulative mom and new gf. Let the kids figure that out if they wish, which hopefully they won’t. It sounds like you have a very nice arrangement now, imo don’t go out of your way to tamper with it.</p>
<p>gee, look at what I said</p>
<p>that mom shouldn’t have gotten involved and that this is in the BOYFRIENDS hands, gee whiz</p>
<p>and seems the boyfriend doesn’t take his new GF all that seriouslly, because he seems not to care much about how she feels about him hanging out with an ex and exes mom</p>
<p>I don’t care, and I said the mom should have stayed out of it and that the OPs and her D should look for a new theater companion because the wrtiing in on the wall</p>
<p>lets see the boys, er HIGHSCHOOL Sophmores options, shall we</p>
<p>Has a new GF who is upset about him seeing another girl…what a horride girl she is, to be a bit jealous of her BFs relationship and going to shows with another girl</p>
<p>guess no one hear remembers being in HS at all</p>
<p>and the MOMS are setting up these little get togethers and to some, it can APPEAR like dates, sorry, but appearance mean alot to HSers, silly as that seems to some</p>
<p>don’t think the mom of the new GF cares if the two moms hang out, she seems worried, not saying she is right, but worried about the double dating going on</p>
<p>I never said the mom of the GF was right, but me thinks the boy involved may not be handling this well at all, why all this blame on the new GF, the new BF seems to not have much respect for his new relationship</p>
<p>the guy, I would bet you still has a bit of a thing for the old GF, their families are intertwined and the new GF senses it</p>
<p>most guys, when they get a new GF, if they actually care about her, care about her feelings; and if he is sending signals, she is picking up on them</p>
<p>he may not be, but I would bet he is</p>
<p>you may not THINK you have an agenda, but there is always something under the surface when it comes to Ds exes, no matter what age they started</p>
<p>there have been numerous threads about mom’s being attached to ex BF long past the time the D was, they missed the boy, and the family</p>
<p>and the new GF may be wrong, but the OPs needs to really look at her own actions and emotions in this</p>
<p>the OP doesn’t really respect the BFs and the GFs relationship much, because a month in HS land is a long time</p>
<p>i see undercurrents here that people are afraid to admit, even to themselves</p>
<p>I am pointing out some possiblities and knowing human nature, well, bet there is some truth</p>
<p>interesting how everyone defends the OP and her D and family, and the BF, and call the other mom names while not even considering what the other family may see in the relationships</p>
<p>i guess i am the lone dissenter here, but I just get the feeling that there is more to how the BF is acting and the OP is then is being said here</p>
<p>having seen it, heard about it, and read many threads here about similar situations, it is something that needs to be considered</p>
<p>imagine if you were the new GFs mom and asked this question:</p>
<p>my D is upset because her new BF, been going out over a month, but have know each other a long time, well he seems to spend lots of time with his ex and her family</p>
<p>does that seem normal to you </p>
<p>and thanks for yelling at me, they were in HS, which I figured out</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>curm’s earlier posting, ROTFLMAO</p>
<p>by the way, seems the boy was in HS, and the girl was in MS school when they were a couple, is that correct</p>
<p>Okay, here’s an example of a situation that occurred recently. I took some friends who were visiting from out of town to a musical recently. I also took my own daughter and a friend of hers. Didn’t plan an outing with the other family (the boy and his mom), but we had talked about going before the new romance started. They decided to come the same night we did, but we didn’t go together, didn’t end up sitting together. My friends and I sat on one side of the theatre. The boy, his mom and his grandma ended up sitting on the other side. The two girls ended up in the front row. The three kids chatted during intermission. I chatted with the boys mom while in line to the bathroom. I think it all seemed pretty respectful of this new relationship, not like a double date in any way shape or form. </p>
<p>The new girlfriend’s mom told me that she didn’t think I should have taken this other girl to the show. Because this other girl is also one of her daughter’s friends and, well, actually I forget what the reasoning was, exactly. I think she was afraid this other girl would flirt with this boy?</p>
<p>So, yes, the other mom does seem a little insecure/controlling to me!</p>
<p>and the boy I am sure is sending mixed signals, but guess he is all innocent in this</p>
<p>she may be all that you say, but seems the boy doesn’t seem to have a clue how he is acting with new GF, because this kind of stuff doesn’t come out of the blue</p>
<p>sure, the mom sounds controlling and insecure, i never denied that, I am however pointing out that sometimes our own behavior can lead to these confusions and dramas</p>
<p>k- i also see something else that might be going on that moms can sense, but can’t quite put their finger on, the mean girl thing</p>
<p>old bf has new gf and maybe, just maybe the old friends are not being nice to new GF- I have seen it very often</p>
<p>just think about it…please, think about it</p>
<p>I remember being in HS- I was new, and this boy paid attention to me, I was just starting to make friends with some new girls as well</p>
<p>turns out on of the girls, well this was her ex, well, I was shunned, and it was in subtle ways</p>
<p>girls can be very sneaky about shunning an old friend and parents have no idea, thinking its all sweet and nice, and then when the mom oversteps the boundaires and tries to help her D, she is seen as controlling etc</p>
<p>if you haven’t been shunned in mean girl land, you have NO idea how hard it is</p>
<p>may not be the case, but with all these intertwined lives, and little discussion about the boy involved, i really wonder what the new mom is sensing, having been there myself</p>
<p>I was very tempted when my oldest was dumped by her friends in middle school, took all my self control to not tell those mom’s how awful there seemingly sweet girls could be- seemed all nice and friendly when girls were together, but behind the scenes, it was not very nice, and the moms, well, they never saw it</p>
<p>i guess I am trying to see the possibilities here- it is quite possible there is more to what is going on here, jsut possibly</p>
<p>In boy world someone would punch someone else and then they would all go play poker together. This thread makes my head throb.</p>
<p>it is NEVER as simple as it seems, ESPECIALLY when it comes to HS girls and boys, and my gut tells me there is more going on in this little drama than meets the eye, more than just one over involved mom</p>
<p>and all I am suggesting is for the OP to look at her part, the BF part, and the girls parts in all this</p>
<p>my younger D has friends who don’t like it when their friends start flirting with an ex, get a bit mad, don’t want to hang with the girl, etc</p>
<p>sure its immature, but happens all the time</p>
<p>is this the first GF the boy has had after Ex, and if not, how many and how long did they last, and if they broke up, why</p>
<p>i think you can see where those questions are going</p>
<p>Tks. all, for your views. I think CGM may be right about things looking like a double date – will have to think about that. At any rate, probably a good idea to avoid anything looking like that for now (as I tried to do in the above example, even if it still caused some insecurities-- oh well!) Remember I am friends with all of these people. . . Would like to keep it that way.</p>
<p>You don’t have to tell anyone off.</p>
<p>If there is a concern, the boy is perfectly situated to address it.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>And this thread is also reminding me why I am glad I had only sons 
There’s enough drama in my extended family already. I don’t think I could’ve handled having this stuff on top of it.
And FTR I was a dork in middle school and never had a BF that young. so I missed out on my own drama.</p>
<p>eta: who am I kidding. I’m probably still a dork :o</p>
<p>that is why you just step back, and the boy needs step up</p>
<p>he is the one in the middle of all this, and yes he is young, and I am not blaming anyone, it is a muddled situation</p>
<p>and sometimes we moms need to step back…the boy’s mom must have some clues herself</p>
<p>i understand the friendships, etc, and the need to keep them, and that is why i wanted to show all the possible, I said possible, things that could be going on</p>
<p>having 2 teen girls, and hearing all the stories from their friends, and how weird things are for HS- and irrational, and how most parents stay out of it until it gets really ugly or blows over, well sometimes some parents do cross that line, thinking they are doing right by their kid, because most likely their kid is hurting</p>
<p>I would bet the new GF is indeed hurting, maybe for valid or invalid reasons, but her mom is trying to help, in a clumsy irrational way</p>
<p>please, yes I see the “dark side” because it is never so simple as a wacko mom</p>
<p>and you don’t think some girls can be sneaky and mean</p>
<p>that is amusing</p>
<p>suspicius and angry, well, I was trying to show other possibilities besides the crazy, controlling manipulative mom others were so quick to label</p>
<p>and yes, i have stories to tell, as do many others</p>
<p>and yes, I showed other possible explanations for what is going on, what a horrid thing for me to do</p>
<p>the OP asked if the request was a reasonable one, and I said NO…however, I said that the OP needs to look beyond her own befuddlement at the request of the new GFs mom, and maybe see what else may be feeding the mother’s angst</p>
<p>menlopark, you response to me indicates that you don’t get the nuances of human relationships</p>
<p>I think it is not responsible to just tell the OP, yes, the other mom is whacked, and you and your family and the BF have no responsibility at all for how others in your realm react to your behaviors</p>
<p>of course they do</p>
<p>and it is never that simple when you have exes, moms who get the kids together, a new GF who is also friends with the other girls, a BF who starts a new relationship</p>
<p>do you really think, menloparksmom, that everyone involved doesn’t have some emotions involved at all?</p>
<p>yeah, like girls never get jealous or mad at their friends for the stupidest things</p>
<p>it wouldn’t suprise me if this is the BFs first serious GF in a while, or that if he had other GFs, the relationships were short lived…</p>
<p>this is relevent for a variety of reasons, because it can affect how the new GFs old friends may treat her, if there are any residual feelings at all, and often mom’s get all mother-bear like…rational or not</p>
<p>sure, everyone may be just friends, with no jealousy at all, but I just wanted to point out that in teen land, it is often more complicated than that</p>
<p>as mom’s we shouldn’t step in to try and fix relationships our kids have, HOWEVER, it is our responsibilty to see what part we may be or our kids may be playing in those relationships, and to consider the possibilty that our actions DO affect others- even if perfectly innocent</p>
<p>call me whatever, I am just looking beneath the surface</p>
<p>maybe the new GF is incredibly insecure, jealous, and is sharing that with her mom, who reacts</p>
<p>to the OP, has this mom, who you have known for awhile, acted like this before</p>
<p>and you have known the new GF for some years, what is her personallity like</p>
<p>to just say, well, ignore the mom and do whatever the heck you want without first thinking, wondering, and considering what might be going on is not right</p>
<p>it is our jobs as mothers to consider ALL the children involved, not just our wants and needs</p>
<p>CGM, you sure like to assume a lot. I love to watch a very simple; yes simple; question go on for 3 pages with nothing but assumptions. Just like the whispering game we did in 1st grade. Whisper something to the person next to you and have the whisper it to the next person. But the time it gets to the end, it isn’t anything like the original message.</p>
<p>The truth is, there are some adults that are friends. Whether their kids are no longer a “Couple” or not is totally irrelevant to whether or not the adults want to stay friends. And as long as the 2 kids, who are no longer a “Couple”, still like sharing interests, then they too can stay friends. And all four can have family outings if they like.</p>
<p>As far as the “New” girlfriend goes; if she doesn’t like her “Boyfriend” hanging with his “EX”, then that is her problem. Not his. She is free to go find another boyfriend. But again, that is your assumption. There is nothing from the OP that implies that this girls doesn’t like it; minds at all; or is “Hurting”, These are your assumptions. With nothing stated and no proof at all.</p>
<p>As said earlier, these are junior high school kids. Relationships with them last about as long as a weekly “Sit-com”. And is about as serious. My son has probably had 5-6 girlfriends in the last 3 years. There are plenty of times that “Ex” girlfriends still come over to the house to do home work with my son. Most of these kids are all in the same classes together. There’s no getting around not seeing each other. These kids have no problem with this interaction. Last year’s Prom; a group of 5 couples shared a Limo. Of the 5 couples, 3 of them basically were variations of who was “Dating” who 6 months prior. My son’s ex was someone else’s date. Another’s ex was now my son’s date. And so on. They all did fine.</p>
<p>No adult should alter their relationships, which are much more long lasting, because of a teenage romance. Especially a junior high fling. You are right however about one thing. Some of you moms need to step back. This boy is not in the middle of anything. This boy doesn’t need to “Step up” to anything. The girls don’t need to do anything. The only one that needs to do anything is the new girlfriend’s mom. She needs to go in the corner and color. She’s out of line and has no business telling another adult who they should or shouldn’t spend time with. If she is so concerned about her daughter, then she should convince her to find another boyfriend. On the other hand, if she would butt out, the kids will work it out themselves. It’s part of growing up and they will figure it out. They will either deal with it or they will go off into their own directions. </p>
<p>But if you read JUST the first post by the OP, then there is nothing to read into this. There is nothing that says this new girl is hurting. She could be totally fine. Your “Gut” isn’t telling you anything, because this is just a forum. You are only reading words. Words that could be false. Words that could have totally different meanings than what you are reading. You have no contextual clues that can properly illustrate these kid’s true relationship. And you definitely have not seen these kids together. If you feel something in your “Gut” it’s probably the Pizza you had the other night.</p>
<p>To the OP; I would just blow off the words and comments of the new girlfriends mother. She is out of line. Forget she ever mentioned it. If she brings it up again; simply tell her that you are friends with the boy’s mother and that no junior high temporary fling is going to change that. And either the girlfriend confronts the boyfriend and ex-girlfriend with any concerns she has; “If she even has any”; or if she really can’t handle it, then she tells the boyfriend that she is breaking up with him. Then she can go find another boy. And if the mother doesn’t like that, then she can tell her daughter that she MUST break up. Again, way too many assumptions here. But obviously, from the OP, the only person with any problems seem to be the mother of the new girlfriend.</p>
<p>How is it obvious from the OP that the only one with a problem is the new GF’s mother? We see HER side only and we need to see the other side as well</p>
<p>i have not said that the new gfs mom was right to call and make demands or whatever</p>
<p>However, I am saying that for some reason, this mom is trying to protect her D…does that come out of the blue? not very often</p>
<p>it comes from the D talking to her mom…if all was well, mom wouldn’t be involved, and obviously all is not well in that house</p>
<p>I don’t care if the gf and bf break up, or if they end up getting married</p>
<p>but the OP asked a question, and I said the request was NOT REASONABLE</p>
<p>but something is going on here, and before mom just ignores the other mother, the OP needs to look at what is going on with her own daughter, the boy, the friends etc. at least LOOK</p>
<p>what if, per chance, there is some truth to my conjectures that the girls are treating the new GF differently, that the BF is playing up the get togethers</p>
<p>as a mom, how would you feel if you reenforced and fed the drama?</p>
<p>my point is and has been, that this mothers reaction, albeight, over the line, most likely comes from wanting her D not to be hurt, and as a mother herslef, the OP needs to consider if she, in any way, is part of that hurt, or if her daughter is</p>
<p>why is that so difficult for some to even fathom? do you just want the OP to not at least wonder what else might be going on? to consider possibilities</p>
<p>sure, most of the time, everyone gets along, but we are talking 9th grade girls here, not the most mature creatures on the planet, no matter how wonderful we think they are</p>
<p>Don’t know what about you, but often among teens there are unwritten codes among girls to not date each others exes, sure seems silly, but it is what it is, and if you don’t think girls get mad at each other when one friend starts going out with anothers ex (again irrational and silly to get mad) well, think again</p>
<p>more friendships breakup over a boy then most other reasons</p>
<p>and yes, the boy needs to step up, this is HIS gf, someone he is supposed to care about</p>
<p>if it has reached the point where HIS GFS mother is calling his other friends moms because his GF is going through something, he IS INVOLVED and think, oh yeah, what is going on here?</p>
<p>all I suggested regarding altering of relationships, was that the writing in on the wall, the boy has a new girfriend and obviouslly there are issues here, and maybe mom wants to CONSIDER encouraging D to look for others to invite to shows</p>
<p>yes, for the hundreth time, the GFs mom crossed the line in making the request</p>
<p>but if you think that request came out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever, I sincerely doubt that</p>
<p>did I say I had any proof? no, just that these are possibilities to not be ignored, and having talked to girls for years about what goes on in their lives- the pettiness, etc, it is very possible there is more here than meets the eye</p>
<p>Even adult women get a bit upset when their exes get new GFs, and you expect more from 9th graders, whose whole life can happen in a week</p>
<p>yes, boys can go through girls left and right, and girls can go through boys left and right and just move on</p>
<p>but sometimes, the break isn’t so clean, even a year later, especially if all the familes are still hanging out together</p>
<p>I remember reading some threads last year were the parents relationships with the childs BFs were stronger than the kids relationships with each other-“he is like our son”</p>
<p>I am not assuming, just pointing out some strong possibilites, and I bet I am closer to the truth than some want to think</p>
<p>The reason it is difficult to fathom, is because you are assuming that the new girl expressed these concerns of feeling “Left Out” to her mom. That isn’t in the OP. The other reason it’s hard to fathom, is because the first two mothers are friends. As such, it isn’t up to a junior high school kid’s feeling; if they are affected; to come between them being friends. Especially if it’s not their kids with the so called problem.</p>
<p>What ISN’T difficult; is life. The reason people have problems in life is because they are made to believe that life is so difficult and serious. It isn’t. Life is short. You are born, you live, and then you die. While you are living, it is a time for learning and enlightenment. Use each moment and experience to become a better person who is happy. Instill that into children instead of pessimism at always finding the dark side of things, and life can be a wonderful experience. Too many people worried about getting to their destination instead of enjoying the ride.</p>
<p>Sorry if I seem frustrated. I am very familiar with how short life is. I have a very difficult time around pessimism and always concentrating on the negative. There is nothing in the OP that implies that this new girlfriend has any problems or that the boy is “playing both sides” or that the first girl is trying to get back together or that the first 2 parents are manipulating the situation. The ONLY thing implied in the OP is that the 3rd parent is butting into another adults life by requesting that they don’t spend time with certain people. Totally out of line. It doesn’t matter in the least WHY she would go there. It isn’t anyone’s job to find out why. It that mother can’t handle it, then that’s her problem. She can stay miserable. The OP doesn’t have to let that bother her life.,</p>
<p>CGM you expect WAY TOO MUCH out of a 16 year old boy. I know from other postings that you have girls. WELL I have boys and one girl and let me tell you there is a world of difference!</p>
<p>When boys this age think it goes something like this:
hungry-eat food
itch-scratch and don’t pay attention to who is looking :eek:
hot girl-look, maybe flirt too (then when girlfriend gets angry they don’t have a clue why, honestly)</p>
<p>so the OP should just not concern herself with anything, jsut what she wants…</p>
<p>and I think the OP should concern herself some- this new GF is also a friend of her Ds, and something IS going on here</p>
<p>to the OP, this woman was your friend, is this request typical of her character?</p>
<p>I actually am pretty positive about humans, but a bit more realisitic than some</p>
<p>So, according to the OP we have this</p>
<p>OP is friends with these moms</p>
<p>Mom C, whom OP likes, and didn’t seem demanding or controlling in the past or at least the OP never mentioned, calls her out of the blue and suggests, requests- that the OP not do these group get togethers with the EX, because Mom C daughter is feeling left out</p>
<p>Then Mom C, makes another comment at another event where she feels D was left out, recently</p>
<p>So does logic tell us that Mom C is crazy lady…or that mom C has some concerns about her D and her Ds friends, which have pretty much come up once D started dating the Ex- </p>
<p>i am NOT SAYING the mom was right to ask people to stop seeing their friends, when did I say that?</p>
<p>But I am saying, sometimes, it is helpful to look at something from someone else’s perspective, and at least consider that there is more to this than meets the eye</p>
<p>If I got that call, and i knew the entanglements involved, i would at MINIMUM take a look at what was going on with the kids involved- and see of the caller had any validity in her concerns at all</p>
<p>is that too much to ask of the OP, guess so</p>
<p>So, if you got a call from a friend, asking that you not "exclude’ their child, wouldn’t you at least wonder a bit about what you might, or your kids, might be doing or not doing?</p>
<p>The OP assumes that all is well among the girls, weill seems not so much, if a mom is calling up</p>