Death of a frequent poster

[Dorothy_ParkerX]

<p>Mummified body found in front of CC web site</p>

<p>

Police called to a Bay area home discovered the mummified remains of a woman—believed to be a popular College Admissions web site poster—lying on the floor in front of flickering blue-and-white computer screen that they said appeared to have been logged-on for more than five years.</p>

<p>According to police Lt. Mick Ronson, the college admissions poster had apparently rolled off of her couch at some point within the last year, inititiating a cause of death that has yet to be determined. However, “she was completely covered with Dorito crumbs and congealed bean-dip, which seem to have attracted mice and other animals,” said Lt. Ronson. “These animals scampered all over her laptop keyboard, resulting in numerous mispelled posts at the college web site, along with a great deal of fractured syntax, creating the illusion that she was in fact, still alive. We think that chunks of plaster falling from the ceiling may have randomly hit the keyboard, resulting in additional posts, further contributing to the illusion of a live, if very eccentric, person.”</p>

<p>Most fellow posters contacted for comment chose to remain anonymous. Several suggested “binge drinking” as a likely cause, noting that Wexler surveys of frequent College Admissions posters indicated that most had consumed 4 or more drinks at some point during their lives prior to their most recent postings. Others pointed to the addictive nature of participating on message boards where one can argue with obsessive-compulsive twerps 24/7. One, a Bay-area attorney, ruefully noted the number of his former clients now serving lengthy prison terms–”I’d ask for continuances, and then run off and argue with teenage girls at the College Admissions site,” he chuckled, twirling his pony-tail.</p>

<p>One former poster was willing to comment for the record: “Driver” was reached aboard Anthony Keidis’s yacht late last night. “Frankly I wouldn’t be at all surprised [could you grab me another margarita?…thanks so much….] to learn that any number of compulsive CC posters are in fact mummified corpses. I mean, just read the leftist dreck that they write, over and over and over. It’s hard to imagine that it’s all not actually posted by vermin and/or random chunks of falling plaster.”</p>

<p>Lt. Ronson noted that the woman’s body has not been moved, and that the coroner’s investigation could last for months. “There’s an unbelievable amount of crumbs and crust on that sweater of hers….she could be posting on CC for months longer with all those critters running around,” he said, shaking his head. “I wonder if anyone at that web site will notice.”

<a href=“http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=domesticNews&storyid=2007-02-17T211521Z_01_N17362175_RTRUKOC_0_US-DEATH-TELEVISION.xml&src=rss[/url]”>http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=domesticNews&storyid=2007-02-17T211521Z_01_N17362175_RTRUKOC_0_US-DEATH-TELEVISION.xml&src=rss&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

[Dorothy_ParkerX]

<p>…could all the ‘binge-posters’ please post a little missive in this thread so that we know you are ok and cross you off the list.</p>

<p>I am scared to death it is…well, I better just wait and see.</p>

[mkm56]

<p>Checking in—alive and laughing!!!</p>

[parent2noles]

<p>The real questions are…what operating system was the poster using (Mac/Windows/Linux/Unix) and was pizza involved?</p>

[jym626]

<p>I read somewhere that no one missed her because she was an angry, nocturnal antisocial hermit with few friends, who posts frequently before the sun comes up and has no life.</p>

<p>I think they also said she was a college student…</p>

[Allmusic]

<p>Ah, Dottie…thanks for letting us know about Driver. I suspect she is still with us, behind her own flickering screen.</p>

[jym626]

<p>A follow-up news report said they found a suicide note. Apparently she became acutely despondent after her favorite thread, about the christmas trees at Sea-Tac airport, was discontinued.</p>

[backhandgrip]

<p>Ah,…the time we waste here!</p>

[scansmom]

<p>And then there will be a few of those PC leftist posters who will be “outraged” that a group of presumably mature college-educated adults would sit around like adolescents, making fun of the elderly, the Hispanic, the disabled, and - gasp! - the deceased. Not to mention implying that leftists are really vermin, or worse. And all the while thinking such dreck as, “If ONLY I could reach out and save those poor unenlightened beings from themselves…before they suffer a fate worse than carpel tunnel syndrome, and wind up writing for a bad remake of The Simpsons!”</p>

[hereshoping]

<p>And we assumed cgm was still alive! Ah, the shame.</p>

[binx]

<p>I laughed too, till I read the actual article Dodie linked to. Poor man apparently had absolutely no one who cared about him. No friends, no family. Why didn’t the mailman notice the mail piling up?</p>

<p>Edit: cross posted with several above. I’m not leftist, and not making fun of anybody. I thought Dodie’s article was amusing. I just feel really sorry for people who live out their lives without friends.</p>

[asteriskea]

<p>binx, I had the same thought you did about the mail - and I even commented to my elderly mother about unpaid bills piling up and the possibility that everything was on auto-pay. The tv was still on after a year? In any case, I couldn’t help chuckle at the CC spoof post but - since I saw a news report on that poor L.I. man yesterday on tv - I have to admit that it was only a chuckle and not a hearty laugh.</p>

[mkm56]

<p>Okay, I have to admit I didn’t click on the link early this morning–that is so sad. But Dorothy’s spoof did wake me up and make me laugh.</p>

<p>My mother was ill recently and didn’t get her mail out of box for one day, the mail carrier came to door to check on her. Maybe this man had a mail slot in door?</p>

[JHS]

<p>Way to bite the hand that argues with you, Dorothy. I had convinced myself that I was doing a small service to Truth and Beauty by serving as a whetstone to your wit, but you’re right: Arguing with teenage girls is a dead end.</p>

[1sokkermom]

<p>Are we sure that the cc body was that of a female?</p>

<p>The binge drinking clue suggests to me that it could actually be a male. Statistically speaking, a male is more prone to binge drinking. The body could be an angry ex-fraternity member who was an alcoholic because he drank too much in college. ;)</p>

[hereshoping]

<p>JHS has a pony-tail? I pictured curmudgeon as the pony-tailed one.</p>

[micromom]

<p>Good spoof! I don’t know what I would do for entertainment without CC. I think I know who the attorney with the pony-tail is. Hint: His screen-name starts with a “K”. I don’t post much but I do read CC religiously (and so am familiar with the cast of characters):-)</p>

[fundingfather]

<p>There’s nothing to say that “k”, JHS and curmudgeon don’t all have pony tails. But, I would wager that only one has body piercings.</p>

[JHS]

<p>Just to be clear, no pony tail and no piercings of any kind here.</p>

[Allmusic]

<p>Who’s “k”?</p>