<p>rutgersmamma- you are, of course, free to believe what communion means to you. Catholics, however, ask that you respect what communion means to them(us).</p>
<p>I don’t know how many caskets there are in the home. I’ve just experienced it once. The deceased was Catholic and originally from Sri Lanka so who knows what customs were being observed.</p>
<p>I would think that Protestants would not <em>want</em> to take Communion at Mass. It would be a repudiation of their own beliefs.</p>
<p>When the priest says “The Body of Christ”, and you respond “Amen” and take the Host into your mouth, you are, in effect, affirming that this is the actual, not symbolic, Body of Christ.</p>
<p>If Protestants don’t have this belief, why would they want to take Catholic Communion? To me, it would be like making a solemn promise that you have no intention of keeping.</p>
<p>I’m no religious scholar, but wasn’t belief/disbelief in Transubstantiation one of the issues that led to the formation of the Protestant Church?</p>
<p>I was raised Catholic but am not at all observant and have some serious doubts about much of what I was taught in Catholic school. I never take communion because of this. I feel it would be disrepctful of what others believe. I have gotten dirty looks from my mother at family funerals but H (also a lapsed Catholic) and I abstain.</p>
<p>Funerals I have attended in my community for friends or friends spouses are usually at a church followed by a reception at one of the local country clubs. Passed hors d oeuvres and copious amounts of alcohol are served.</p>
<p>Catholics would view the receiving of communion by a non Catholic as incorrect because of what Holy Communion symbolizes. </p>
<p>I have never heard of there ever being a casket in a persons home…maybe that was done 100 years ago but nobody from this country would ever do that. As far as the casket being open Christians view this as respect for the sould of the deceased body. It does not “creep” us out because the person whose body we are viewing was loved. How could viewing a body creep out someone if you loved them. I went to my first open casket wake at the age of five and my parents explained everything to me prior to going…I actually find it strange not viewing the body of a loved one.</p>
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<p>I’m sure that’s true. Although I consider myself fortunate that the only two dead people I remember ever seeing were the person who died in the bed next to mine in the hospital a few years ago, and, when I was 9, a man who worked in my building who was decapitated in an elevator accident (my mother and I were the ones who first heard the accident and found him lying outside our door). I’m not particularly eager to see another one anytime soon.</p>
<p>momma-three when I was in college a friend was killed in a car accident. The family had the viewing at home. This was 27 years ago and I was freaked out at the time. My friend was the oldest of 7 and it was strange (to me) to see his much younger siblings wandering through the living room with the open casket.</p>
<p>Most of the family funerals I have been to are open casket.</p>
<p>Re: Open caskets and Judaism. I have seen only one open casket at a Jewish funeral. Many years ago a friend of mine was murdered. Her parents had her dressed in a wedding gown. I cannot begin to tell you the anguish for many reasons…of the parents, the rabbi, the Orthodox grandparents. The rabbi, a true mensh, stopped all “discussion” of the suitability of the open casket immediately.</p>
<p>Legally, as I was told, prior to a Jewish funeral, a relative must identify the body. And then the coffin is closed. </p>
<p>As for shiva: Yes, it depends entirely on the level of observance. BUT, I have been told that if Shabbat occurs during shiva one must observe Shabbat, and cease mourning.</p>
<p>Also note: If you are going to a shiva home bring something sweet. (A sweet “sweetens” the taste of death.) This can be anything from a cake, dried fruit, a jar of jam, or a box of candy. The idea of sending a gift certificate to a local restaurant is terrific. And sending a donation, no matter how small or large, is definitely appreciated.</p>
<p>The first funeral I went to was a Jewish funeral, my mother’s. I was fifteen. I had no idea the casket would be open. I had not seen her in her final weeks in the hospital because that’s what the adults decided would be best. It was very unexpected and upsetting. I had no idea this was unusual at a Jewish funeral since it was my first. For reasons that I can only speculate about, I think it was hugely important to my dad to have the casket open. It must have been as he was a very devout and observant Jew who observed all the other customs of Jewish mourning in textbook style. As morbid as this sounds, I think he needed it. I think he needed his own last memory of seeing her to be one he could live with, where she wasn’t suffering and looked more at peace. If that comforted him, then I’m glad he broke with tradition although I do wish I’d been given more choice, etc. It was a different era.</p>
<p>Three years later, my father died very suddenly while I was at college. My one request was that the casket remain closed. I later realized that this was a mistake – not that it was closed for the service, but that I didn’t see him. It was too easy to wonder later if he’d really been in the casket, if the whole surreal event of his death had actually happened. I think that seeing a loved one in a casket can help a person accept what has really happened, particularly in cases where there was no warning and no chance to prepare.</p>
<p>mimk6: I am so sorry that you lost both your parents so very young.</p>
<p>Re: Catholic funerals and open caskets, etc–
A distinction should be made between the situation at the funeral home vs during the Funeral Mass. At the funeral home, the casket is often (usually) open, and there is period of one or more days where there is “visitation” at the funeral home. (I’ll describe what happened at my uncle’s funeral a few years back, as I think it’s fairly typical) Just prior to moving the body to the church for the mass, a priest may be at the funeral home to say a few prayers and tell about memories of the deceased. anyone who wants to can be there for this. Then, everyone but immediate family leaves the funeral home and waits outside in their cars. The priest remains w/ the immediate family, and there is a ceremony/prayers as the casket is closed. The casket is then placed in the hearse, immediate family gets in their car(s) or limo, and there is a procession of the hearse and cars to the church, with immediate family in front, then other family, then friends/others.</p>
<p>The casket is ALWAYS closed at a Catholic Funeral Mass, as far as I know.</p>
<p>It was too easy to wonder later if he’d really been in the casket, if the whole surreal event of his death had actually happened.</p>
<p>When my dad died it was like that. One night he was taken to the hospital ( he was 43) & died a few hrs later.
Then he was cremated & at the memorial service, even though I was a very shy 17 yr old & no one had said anything about it to me( it may have even been my first memorial service), I was asked to say something, but I couldn’t .
But for years after, every time I saw ( or heard) a Volkswagen bug, I would look up.</p>
<p>I also had a couple friends die in separate accidents, where their bodies were not recovered.
That was difficult also, especially when there are younger members of the family who were having a lot of trouble. with the death :(</p>
<p>Thank you, Ellebud. Emeraldkity4, I wonder if part of it is the age you and I were. At this point in my life, I have seen and heard and lived through so much more that I would be less likely to question anything. But when you’re young and you have no reference point, it’s more difficult to comprehend a sudden death.</p>
<p>Non-Catholic here, but I have attended many Catholic funerals. Even as a child, I knew as a non-Catholic it was verboten to take communion. The non-Catholics here don’t participate in the “stand-up/sit-down/kneel” of the mass, either. However, I do sing along with the beautiful music. Several of my favorite hymns are the ones often sung at Catholic funerals.</p>
<p>My mother died a number of years ago and was cremated in accordance with her wishes. Some of the elderly Protestant relatives thought this was awful and put her soul in jeopardy.</p>
<p>As someone mentioned upthread, do not send flowers. It is tradition to make a donation to an organization of the family’s choosing in memory of the deceased. It may be, for example, the American Heart Association or any other health related organization (if the family member was ill with any particular disease) or it could be something of importance to your friend (ASPCA, Homeless shelter, etc). </p>
<p>Sorry for your loss</p>
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<p>Several members of my family were cremated in accordance with their previously expressed wishes – as I will be when the time comes. In some instances, there was no service at all or the service was private (immediate family only). In one instance, the family got a lot of complaints about this from friends and former professional contacts of the person who had died. I consider that offensive. The arrangements are the family’s choice (or those of the person who died, if that person had a preference). It’s nobody else’s business, in my opinion.</p>
<p>I don’t like open caskets myself, but that’s a personal preference, too.</p>
<p>I was raised Catholic (now belong to Methodist church, having given up on the Catholics after 12 years of their schools). My father died 18 years ago. His wish was to be creamated, which was fairly unorthodox for a Catholic back then, so not to upset people, there was a closed casket at the funeral home during visitation hours and a casket at the funeral. He was interred at Arlington, so there was no faux cemetary trip. (It takes several weeks to arrange a ceremony at Arlington, so that didn’t raise any eyebrows).</p>
<p>My FIL died 10 years ago and his wake was held in the church the night before his funeral and an hour before the funeral the next day. That was his wish, as he loved his church. It was open casket, which was closed just before the funeral mass started. He was also buried at Arlington several weeks later, as he was an officer in WWII and got the full send off).</p>
<p>I was raised Catholic, most of the family in NYC and one of my major childhood memories is driving there for wakes and funerals. My father never missed one. </p>
<p>For one of them, a cousin, the deceased was laid out in his bedroom (bed & other furniture removed or moved around) and the family held the wake in the living room of their apt. Every so often someone or two would slip into the bedroom to say a few prayers. I found that strange at 9 years of age but it is the traditional Irish wake. </p>
<p>Nearly every funeral I have ever been to was open casket and I think it is the way to go, for all the reasons mentioned above. I see no disrespect or creepiness about it. The finality of the person being gone is brought home — “closure” as the therapists say—and when my mother died I was comforted by being able to see her face a few more times before the funeral. Even though she was no longer “living in there.” </p>
<p>I plan to be cremated myself—but have it done after the funeral. The reason for the cremation plan is when I went to Jamestown, I saw they have Bartholomew Gosnold’s skeleton, which they found a few years ago, all laid out in the museum. No plastic mold, the real thing. I have been having misgivings about burial for a few years, because of the tendency of archeologists and anthropologists to merrily exhume people for the damndest reasons (latest attempt, Jesse James I think). Seeing his there, which had been removed from a grave, was the last straw. I told this to an attendant and she said she felt the same way. </p>
<p>All these folks over thousands of years were buried in the belief they would be left at peace until their Judgement Days (or whatever). It’s extraordinarily disrespectful and dare I say ghoulish to dig them up and dispplay them just because their closest relatives aren’t around any more to complain. The same is true of old Egyptians, et al, too (though I know that they have Tut back in his tomb—just in a plainer casket than the one he started out with).</p>
<p>Thanks for the explanation about non-Catholics taking communion. Certainly not my intent to offend anyone. Apologies if that’s the case. Various catholic friends have given their ‘approval’ for me to go up for communion. (I occasionally sit with a Catholic at Catholic services…Should I go up with you? Sure come on–that kind of conversation…) Never realized it was offensive to some since it wasn’t to them. Suppose if they don’t know about my own faith, they assume I’m Catholic…</p>
<p>Regarding having the body in the home… This used to be the southern tradition. I remember my grandmother’s stories of taking turns “sitting up with the body” overnight. Friends/family members didn’t want the deceased to be left alone, so they took shifts during the night. I also know of a couple in the Pennsylvania who wanted to be returned to their home for the viewing/visitation. Those final wishes were honored by their survivors. That took place in 1996.</p>
<p>I’ve made my family promise that nobody but immediate family sees me after my death. Just not comfortable with the concept of others viewing my body.</p>