<p>EmKity – Thanks for the link – I love the idea of a tree being nourished by what remains of the body. i was “in the market” for burial advice recently, and I quickly realized that leaving it to the last minute was a good way to waste a lot of money on caskets, embalming, visitation hours, etc. Why not use that money to celebrate the person’s life with a special ceremony?</p>
<p>I would recommend that every person write their own obituary. It is the usual practice where I live to publish an obituary in the newspaper, and often the funeral home uses that same narrative in a booklet or (nowadays) online.</p>
<p>My point is, that I have read many, many obituaries that contain inadvertent factual inaccuracies. I like to read obituaries that contain the information that genealogists are looking for when they search out these documents for study in later years.</p>
<p>Also, if you write your own, you can give your career, hobbies, ex-wives, etc., the spin you want.</p>
<p>My father was cremated and we just had a graveside service. The same will be done for my mother.</p>
<p>My H doesn’t care what happens to him after he’s dead. I’d like for us both to be cremated and interred or spread in a common area. To spend eternity together. :)</p>
<p>Re obituaries, when my father died, the small town local paper did not print the obituary we submitted, instead they truncated it and changed some of the facts. They also would not print the picture we submitted, saying they only printed contemporary pictures of the deceased (his picture was a wartime photo). This was a lie. It was all very upsetting, but probably politically motivated.</p>
<p>I want to make it difficult for the Rapture to get me - I don’t want to go live with those people.</p>
<p>Silpat, That is terrible. If you feel up to it, I encourage you to speak to the Patient Advocate at the hospital and share your experience. I know many people who’ve donated their loved ones organs and/or bodies and all have had very positive experiences. What happened to you should not happen. </p>
<p>I must say that I like the rental idea for graveyards. Although then the very old graveyards I like to visit would not exist. Hmmm…it’s always give and take, I suppose.</p>
<p>I hate to even bring this up but I would encourage parents to have the difficult conversation of what they would do if it were their child. It somehow came up in our home and my husband and I, who agree on what should happen with our own bodies, were shocked to discover how much we disagreed. My deepest hope, of course, is that we need never revisit that conversation but if, god forbid, we had to I’ll be thankful we hashed it out ahead of time. Of course, now that our son is 18, it’s time to ask him what his wishes are.</p>
<p>Another advance planning advantage is that survivors are more likely to follow the deceased’s requests.
I have a paper attached to my will describing what I want. It isn’t legally binding, but it takes out the guesswork for survivors.</p>
<p>Plus, I tell friends and family to send me flowers now, not after I’m dead.
I ask female friends to dress up for me now, not after I’m dead.</p>
<p>Got this general attitude from my Grandma, who felt after she was dead was too late to treat her nice, and too late for her to enjoy nature’s beauty.</p>
<p>My church has a memorial garden … the ashes are placed in the garden. The flowers in that garden are beautiful!</p>
<p>My brother & my mom both passed away recently. We did not have obituaries, funerals, or viewings for either. We did have small gatherings for each, but these were meals (not services or “memorials”). We figure those who were close to them had seen/talked to them not too long before their deaths, and we notified close friends personally. My mom’s friends did have a mass & small gathering (my parents lived in Florida & the rest of us live elsewhere), but my dad hates being the object of pity (as he sees it) so he only tolerated it because he knew the friends needed it for their own grieving process. We were completely comfortable with how we handled things … but people outside my immediate family have expressed surprise that we didn’t do more. </p>
<p>Are we odd, or are there others who are as low key about the whole final send-off as we are?</p>
<p>Younghoss, you probably have done so, but make sure your family knows about that piece of paper. As mentioned earlier, your heirs may not look at the will right away and might start with other plans than you have specified.</p>
<p>Mini, I just went back and read a few posts I had missed. I spit smoothie on my keyboard… :D</p>
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<p>I don’t think that’s odd at all. I have noticed that, generally speaking of course, that deaths involving younger people and unexpected deaths tend to have the more traditional funerals whereas older people and those with longer illnesses are having smaller services or even no service at all.</p>
<p>To me, it makes sense. Knock and wood and all of that but if Mr PMK had died on active-duty, we would have had the traditional ceremonies. But now that he is retired? He has asked for something much smaller and more personal (hopefully in about 40-50 years!) </p>
<p>Funerals of any kind are really for the living and that can include it being appropriate to not have one at all. Most of all, I strongly feel that arrangements after a death are not something an outsider can or should judge.</p>
<p>I’d like to be buried. Cremation is an uncomfortable concept for many Jews. For one thing, the more conservative branches of Judaism don’t allow it. For another, there is an association with the Holocaust that is hard to get past for many.</p>
<p>I’m relieved to hear that I don’t have to have a funeral or memorial service. I worry that no one would show up and everyone would know I was a (dead) loser.</p>
<p>I have been to far too many sad services that are emotionally overwrought and hard to sit through… I would rather have family and friends have a big party months after my passing, with lots of laughter and good times. :)</p>
<p>One of the hardest things for me when my sibling died what that we had to go through two memorial services. One was the funeral in our hometown where he was buried. He had lived several states away for his adult life, and had many friends there. His friends arranged another service while we were there cleaning out his house. I know they needed the closure… but I wish I could have gracefully skipped the second service. One is excruciating, two is just pouring salt on the wound.</p>
<p>My dear brother died suddenly at the age of 40. He is buried in a family crypt with my father, who he was named for. I visit his grave often, just recently, on his birthday, which we share five years apart. It gives me comfort to touch his name, and my daddy’s, on the headstone. It also gives me comfort to see him with my daddy. I always think of the two of them up in heaven on a boat fishing, something they both loved to do. We are Catholic and Southern, and bringing flowers to our loved ones’ graves is a deep tradition in our culture. We live in New Orleans, and tourists come from all over to visit our cemeteries. They are beautiful memorials to the people we love.</p>
<p>And that, Montegut, is the best solution for your family, regardless of others’ opinions on the matter. I am pleased that you can derive comfort from your visits to their grave sites. Our family does not have similar, comforting traditions.</p>
<p>I need to write up my preferences so that that, after my death, my family isn’t further stressed by wondering and maybe disagreeing about “what she would want.”</p>
<p>Thank you, mafool, for the respect. I think everyone has to do what is best for their family.</p>
<p>My mother in law passed away last year, and we were very, very close.</p>
<p>She was cremated, and her funeral was very short, and I found, impersonal.</p>
<p>However, her ashes are buried in a cemetary plot, with a headstone, and we often bring flowers to her gravesite as well.</p>
<p>So, regardless of whether one is cremated or put in a coffin, there can still be some sort of memorial where loved ones can visit and remember them.</p>
<p>Some people plant a memory tree, and some go so far as to erect statues, as my aunt did for her three sons who were lost at sea. </p>
<p>We are very lucky to have the belief that we will see our loved ones again, something that gives us great comfort when we lose someone we love.</p>
<p>In Vermont you can be buried in your own back yard. Here’s the instructions from the Vermont Dept. of Health:</p>
<p>Home Burial
Some towns may have local ordinances regarding home burials, so you should consult with the town’s attorney or local zoning authorities.</p>
<p>If you live outside the village or city limits, you can usually create a family burial ground on your own land. The site should be 150 feet from a water supply (100 feet from a drilled well) and 25 feet from a power line. Avoid areas with a high water table. It’s also a good idea to bury at least 20 feet from the setback on your property.</p>
<p>Draw a map of the land showing the location and have it recorded with your deed at the town clerk’s office for a permanent record and easement on the land (there’s usually a small fee to pay). If you need advice on where to locate the burial grounds, call your town’s health officer. After burial, sign the burial transit permit and file it with the town clerk.</p>
<p>Nothing can guarantee your descendants will have the right to visit burial sites on private property. In practice, there is no evidence that home burial grounds lower property value, and there have been no reports of new owners denying families access to burial grounds. In fact, family cemeteries are an American tradition, and many Vermonters are proud to own such land.</p>