Denied by colleges? Use this thread as a support system.

Parent Cafe
141

<p>It is worth it to take a look at the 2005 thread," We’re picking up the pieces, what went wrong" . This is what happened to Andison:
"My son’s second grade teacher said that it was unusual to see a boy who was so intellectually talented not only in mathematics but also in language. Today, a high school senior, he quotes Shakespeare as easily as he writes equations in his physics class. His passion for classical music has brought him joy and wonderful performance opportunities. </p>

<p>This year when he applied to colleges, he selected places where he felt he would be challenged intellectually and that would offer him music opportunities such as good music teachers and fellow students whom he could perform with on a comparable level. His teachers and guidance counselor thought his list commensurate with his love of learning, grades, test scores and course load.</p>

<p>He’s one of 12 National Merit Scholars from our very competitive suburban HS, and four of the other winners -his peers- have been accepted at Stanford, Harvard, MIT and Brown. (don’t yet know about the others) He’s won other types of awards but listing his stats here is not my point.</p>

<p>The results were as follows:</p>

<p>Waitlisted [and eventually rejected] at Oberlin, Swarthmore and Wash U
Rejected at Harvard, Yale, Princeton, U Penn and Columbia"</p>

<p>He took a productive gap year and got into some wonderful schools the next year that were the equivalent of some of the top colleges that rejected him the year before. If you don’t want to read the whole thread, you can skip to the end to read where he got in.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=47867&highlight=picking+pieces[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=47867&highlight=picking+pieces&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

142

<p>Accepted (in order of preference): Smith, Hampshire, Bard, Goucher, Clark</p>

<p>Rejected: Bates.</p>

<p>It’s kind of funny that I got rejected from Bates, as Maine is my home state. Oh well—Smith got the better approval rating on USNEWS and looks like a much better fit. Bates was only my #5 choice, so it’s okay. :)</p>

<p>Getting two of these letters on opening night was cathartic, but definitely an interesting experience.</p>

143

<p>I just got rejected from Bard. I’ve wanted to go there since I was 12 years old. I feel like a complete failure at life. The only place I’ve gotten into so far is a tiny jesuit school that accepts 90% of the applicants. </p>

<p>I hate myself.</p>

144

<p>WildLion, that was very well written. Thank you. I’m pretty sure I am that same 18 year old, and it is quite a shock when you realize that you aren’t a shoo-in for that top school, and you’ve been rejected. But if you make the most out of wherever you go, it will pay off. I hope I can move on in time and stay competitive, like you said. Thanks.</p>

145

<p>wild lion- hear, hear!
thank you for your beautifully written and inspiring reflection…it could apply to so many situations in life, not just college disappintments
I’m going to print that one out!</p>

146

<p>I just got rejected from 4 schools and accepted at 1. I feel like crap but I’m going to try to make the most out of wherever I go. At least now I know what it feels to be rejected , and even though I had been telling myself that there were worse things than a rejection from Yale, it still hurts ( I know Im being overly dramatic but you should have seen me earlier).
Anyway, I will wait for Northwestern, visit some schools and make my decision( and hopefully it will be a good one).
In the meantime I’m thinking of the most dramatic way to get rid of my yale t-shirt. Any opinions? (btw Im totally not hating on Yale)</p>

147

<p>Hmmm…Yale t-shirt bonfire? Yale t-shirt pinata? Yale t-shirt stew? Mail it back to Yale? Feed it to dogs (or wolves)? I’m out of ideas.</p>

148

<p>This thread is necessary but so sad. If you’re crying, please see my post #16on this thread. Wish I could help some.</p>

149

<p>“Part of the reason I only aimed high was because I feel obligated to compete on that level—if I’m not good enough to get in, then I’m not good enough, period”</p>

<p>Armond–
Those could have been my words years ago when I was rejected by 12 of the 13 graduate schools that I applied to. I absolutely took the rejections personally–believing that I wasn’t good enough. So much so, that a few years later when I applied to do an MBA and was accepted by both UChicago and Northwestern (both far more competitive schools than the ones that rejected me) I was sure that they had made a mistake. </p>

<p>It wasn’t until I had been working for a while and became involved in recruiting and hiring for the company that employed me that I learned that companies hire for their needs, and that the “goodness” or qualifications of the candidate weren’t the primary considerations in who was chosen for the job. I was absolutely shocked when I discovered that the best candidates could be rejected (for internships and job positions) because they were too good, or would want too much money, or would probably accept a job from a competitor.</p>

<p>The experience of being on the choosing side, helped me to understand that not being chosen was NOT personal–it wasn’t a judgement about my abilities or my being good enough–although I had certainly thought it was before then. The recruiting choices were made were FOR the company and its perceived needs–not about the quality of the candidate.</p>

<p>I realize that I am talking about jobs and everybody is writing about colleges. But the parallels between being chosen or rejected for a job and being selected or rejected by a particular college are quite striking. </p>

<p>For me, the real healing from all of those rejections from graduate schools didn’t take place until my recruiting experience. I finally understood that colleges and universitites choose for their needs, and their rejections were not evaluations of my worthiness as a student or as a person.</p>

<p>My heart goes out to everybody here who has been rejected or waitlisted. I know it is a painful experience. It is disappointing to dream about attending a certain college and find out that your dream will not become a reality.<br>
But when a hundred thousand or more highly qualified candidates try to fit into ten thousand or fewer openings, many thousands of very intelligent, accomplished, hard working students are going to be disappointed. </p>

<p>So take the rejection for what it is–a lost dream to grieve.
Don’t allow the rejection to be a measure of your worth.</p>

150

<p>Glad to have been able to provide a little bit of perspective. I should also note that it was 2 rounds of PhD application cycles before I was admitted to a program, but without that college admission process, there is no way that I would have had the patience and the experience to know that it was just all part of the big picture and part of the journey.</p>

<p>Just soldier on and hopefully, eventually, come to the realization that–even for those who get denied and waitlisted everywhere the first time around–the world can still be at your fingertips.</p>

151

<p>I know what rejection feels like. A couple of months ago my heart was torn out when University of Maryland College park rejected me. Since tenth grade that was the only college i wanted to attend. Furthermore, i only had safties left in the colleges i applied too. NYU and BU would for sure reject me, I thought. </p>

<p>Well I was wrong. A week ago i made it on the BU waitlist. I am thrilled to be on the waitlist, Especially with my low stats.</p>

<p>So far all i have to look forward too is NYU rejection Tomorrow.</p>

152

<p>From WildLion82:
“The pain of rejection is nowhere near as brutal as what you lose by not taking that chance in the first place.”
“They learn from rejection how to take full advantage of the opportunities they do have.”</p>

<p>Lovely. I agree completely. The only difficulty though is not letting a few rejections adn waitlists completely skew your own evaluation of your self-worth. </p>

<p>I think it’s pretty unrealistic (in my case, for one) to say that receiving multiple rejections is just bad luck on my end, so where do I go from here? Accept that there was some missing indicator of potential in my app, ok…or become extremely bitter and lurk around CC’s rejection thread? </p>

<p>If this was some science competition where you’re judged extraneously, it really wouldn’t hurt this much. But since it’s just been grinded into my head how intuitive and deliberate and almost SACRED this selection process is, what with all the attention on defining yourself through essays, ECs, etc…well, I thought I did… I really truly believed that my self-portrayal was heartfelt (mostly…) and attractive. I think I’m too naive x]</p>

153

<p>That was an insightful post, friendshiplady. Hope those hurting can see the truth in it.</p>

154

<p>I’m the Mom of a top notch student who applied to a lot of colleges after receiving a rejection ED. He is now getting a whole new round of rejections, and some really tremendous acceptances. The colleges (Top Universities) that want him, REALLY want him. They have been extremely generous with scholarship offers and grant money. The other colleges just don’t have enough room for everyone. </p>

<p>I believe that if you have not received any rejections, then you probably did not aim high enough. My son wears his rejections as a badge of pride. He has learned and grown just by getting a few rejections. It provides him and his friends with a bonding experience. You are going to be rejected over and over again in this life. If you can receive rejections graciously, you are a better person for it.</p>

<p>None of the universities would have rejected my son if they really knew enough about his intellectual abilities. Any professor would be delighted to have him in his/her class. But he can only go to one university. And he’ll go to a top ranked university that will appreciate what he has to offer. As for the colleges that rejected him … their loss… they have no idea what they will be missing…</p>

155

<p>As a 14 year old applying to college, I first thought, wow, who wouldn’t want a child prodigy? That was arrogant of me. I was immediately humbled when I called around to ask if certain schools (Amherst, Swarthmore, Cornell…) that I was interested in would take some one my age. A flat out NO. So, I had to find schools that might take young people and I came up with Harvard, Upenn, Columbia, Williams, Carnegie Mellon, Wellesley, Colorado College, Georgetown, and Reed. </p>

<p>Originally, my first choice was Harvard…an alum talked me into applying. I had the best interview with Harvard. I had 2 alums pulling for me. I even had some inside information. I really thought I had the best chance of getting in. I was rejected…but the light at the end of the tunnel was a place that was better for me.</p>

<p>I thought I had no chance at Columbia and Williams, and even Upenn (some one from my school had already gotten in ED). I was amazed when I got accepted to Upenn and Williams, I was even thankful for the waitlist at Columbia. Also received admission to CMU and Colorado College.</p>

<p>Although, I am still awaiting decisions from Reed and Georgetown, I am at piece. When I look back at the odds, they were truly against me. I shouldn’t even be applying. And now, I feel I have a duty to leave behind a helpful guide for the next young person who applies to college, and share with them a possible outcome that may be a better road to take. I am lucky that I have received what I have, because I could have received a lot less.</p>

<p>So, for those of you rejected, please post your stats to help others in the future. Don’t hide away…for this is an opportunity to help some one else. </p>

<p>PUNKIE, I know that you were rejected from all of your schools thus far?it is their loss. I admire your spirit and energy not to give up. I cannot say that I would be as good a person. I truly wish you well.</p>

156

<p>I originally posted this in the Vanderbilt forum, but feel free to substitute any school’s name that you wish!</p>

<p>My personal waitlist story and advice:</p>

<p>Getting waitlisted sucks! I was waitlisted in 2005 from Vandy (my first choice) and it was totally devastating. I think it’s easier to take, though, if you remember that the majority of the applicants are probably more than qualified and more than smart enough to attend. The Vandy people most likely had to reject or waitlist thousands of people who would’ve shined there, solely because of number constraints. If you got waitlisted or rejected, it doesn’t mean that you weren’t “good enough,” necessarily. It could mean they already had 150 kids from your state after ED and EDII and had to deal with diversity stuff. Don’t take it too personally, especially because all of you guys on here are incredibly smart and seemingly motivated.</p>

<p>It took me the last two years to realize and to become okay with this. I enrolled at another school with no desire to look back, but when I hated it, Vandy was the first school on my list for transfer. The best part? I’m going in the fall! </p>

<p>When you’re in high school, most people have this grand image of going to their dream school, graduating in 4 years and having a white picket fence life. In reality, life gets a lot more complicated and you’ll need to be flexible. I had that plan too, but my life has shown me a different direction. I may be a 21-year old sophomore next year, (ahh lol!), but you better believe that I’ll be the proudest 21-year old sophomore that Vandy has ever known! </p>

<p>Don’t lose hope. Work your butt off showing the admissions people how much you want to attend and you might get off the waitlist. If you don’t, there are thousands of schools out there that you could be blissfully happy attending instead (my sister is one of them!), and finally, if you go to another school and don’t like it after REALLY giving it a chance, apply for transfer to your “dream school.” You might just end up like me!</p>

<p>Finally, you just cannot base your self image on things that can be taken away-- your looks, your status as “the best student at your school,” your GPA or the awards you win etc. Because when those things aren’t “good enough,” by some random person’s standards, you feel worthless. If you base your self image in things that cannot be taken away (such as for having good morals, being a good friend, or a helpful addition to society by volunteering with the elderly), no one can tell you that you’re not good enough. There is so much more to life than what random admission counselors think of you. There’s life outside of high school and the admissions process…no one is going to die over this!!
Mal :)</p>

157

<p>I don’t know i mean i’ve been rejected to 3 out of the 5 i applied to but the easiest thing you can do or i’ve found is just move on and as hard as that may sound it actually makes things a little easier…although of course their is the resentment but life moves on and just because a decision seems to rule our lives and crushes our dreams we are the ones that can do great things just maybe getting that acceptance to harvard or stanford might help but still it’s you that has the potential and so the school of your dreams didn’t see that…it still shouldn’t discourage you from doing what you want to do just because you don’t have that name brand…i don’t, i guess this denial, guilt trip, sun shiny, outlook helps for me anyway and maybe it might for someone else lol <em>shrug</em> :)</p>

158

<p>bexline, i have to tell you that i’m really impressed with what you’ve accomplished. i have an friend who applied to college at fourteen; she graduated early and was the valedictorian of her high school class. despite being articulate, intelligent, an incredible writer, and mature beyond her years, she was rejected or waitlisted by all but one of the colleges she applied to, and most of them said they would have accepted her if it hadn’t been for her age. she didn’t have any support network, resources (i didn’t know about cc at the time, otherwise i would’ve recommended it to her), or the knowledge to do the sort of research you have, and it was reflected in her admissions outcomes. she came out all right in the end, and continues to shine at the small, “no-name” school she attends now, but i know she’s still a bit disappointed that she never lived up to everyone’s (not to mention her own) high expectations. so even if harvard didn’t accept you, you’ve accomplished more than most people your age would even dream of. you have every reason to be proud of yourself. :)</p>

159

<p>About a year ago today, my daughter was locked in the bathroom, lying on the floor sobbing. She had been rejected by her dream school and was devastated. After about 30 minutes of a good cry–mourning period, she came out and found her sweatshirt with that school’s name on the front boldly, and threw it out on the front lawn. Then she and her little sister wrote some rather rude things about this school on the poster she had made that was hanging on her door – anger. Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call. “Mom,” she said, “it is so beautiful here and I’m so happy. I just wanted you to know that!”</p>

<p>Life does go on and wonderful things await all of you!</p>

160

<p>So many well-written responses on this thread, everyone! For those of you students who have very recently felt the “sting” of a rejection or waitlist letter, come back to this thread in a day or two, after you’ve had a chance to let the disappointment dissipate a little. Then, carefully read the sage advice of those who’ve posted on here - many have been where you are now, and are proof that life goes on, and dreams can change yet be just as sweet! It’s hard for our words to sink in now - the pain is too raw, and that’s okay. But, seriously, reread these when you’re ready. You are not the equivalent of a letter of rejection. My eyes teared up when I read the post of someone who said they hated themself now. You are each unique, wonderful, with many gifts, talents, demonstrated work ethic, etc! You will find your niche - and it may be better than your wildest dreams you have at your current young age. </p>

<p>And pay close attention to post #149. I, too, help hire at a large corporation. It’s not the school we hire - or the paper the school issues its degree on. It’s the individual who is hard-working, intellectually creative - and resilient! </p>

<p>I wish I could give each one of you a big hug and tell you it will be okay - because it truly will. It just may not feel that way for a bit. Hold tight - the best is yet to come. I promise.</p>