Ok so I had the big 50. I thought I would get something really great from my family. A little background is that I never care what I get because I like simple things but turning the big 50 I thought I would get something special. Well I got a throw blanket from my husband, a candle from my daughter who is 18 and nothing from my son who is 19. I am still in shock. I feel depressed now. Am I crazy for feeling this-way?
No not crazy. Our family has low key birthdays, but I sometimes secretly wish they would step it up for the big milestones. I works best if I am very specific about what I want-- kids and H not very imaginative when it comes to presents(sigh).
Treat yourself!!!
@suzyQ7 Oh I am!! I am going to book a full body message 
Funny story. When I turned 50, my husband had to work all day and my kids were away for the summer. So I was home alone all day. I decided to treat myself to a gourmet sandwich at a famous local take-out shop. The shop is always super crowded, and you have to take a number. Well, guess what number I picked? 50! As the counter people called each number – 47, 48, 49 – then “50! Who here is 50!” I had to shout above the crowd, “Me! I’m 50!”
@brantly That is so funny! That gave me a laugh
I think you have to consider whether you clarified your expectations to them. They can’t read your mind… if you are usually happy with simple things, and didn’t let them know you expected something more, then it is hard to blame them for doing what they always do. I do agree that you should treat yourself to something you really want.
@intparent - Your right I should have done that but for just once I wanted to see if they, especially my husband could surprise me with something that I didn’t specifically ask for. I always go above and beyond on birthdays so just once I wanted to feel special. I will though once I book my message this week
Ah… well (no offense to the guys on CC or the rare woman with a spouse/kids who is good at the grand gesture) – but husbands and kids are notoriously terrible at making a production that will make the wife/mom in their life happy. Cuz YOU usually take care of that stuff.
Maybe you can make your H feel a little guilty and you two can plan a nice trip together this year or something.
I have had several friends celebrate their birthdays with a girls evening out for dinner or a day trip. Would that be something that you would be interested in? Book a spa day and really pamper yourself and then go shopping and buy something really nice for you. For example one of my friends had a birthday party at one of those paint and wine places that was fun.
Go and buy a convertible and tell your husband it is your mid-life crisis car. Or a fat tire bicycle. Or a Harley. That should wake him up.
Friends decorated my porch on my 40th.
I got a surprise party for my 50th. It was all family and was planned by my Mom who lived 4 hours away. It was a total surprise and wonderful as they all lived hours driving away. I believe H had a bit helping to do with it. I think I got a bathrobe from him.
60 was a total no frills. My mom is dead. Not at all sure what I got from H. I think D1 forgot but was reminded by D2 and then she called. Maybe it was that one that I got a big floral arrangement delivered from D1 afterwards. I know I did for one as a “forgive me” arrangement. Not sure if it was this one.
But I have gotten others right on time for whatever occasion. Birthday, Mothers, etc.
My kids and H aren’t big on occasions at all. I gave H a little dinner with a few friends for his 50th birthday. Not sure what I’d really want for my upcoming 60th. My niece is getting married a week afterwards, so my kids will be in town for that event. Maybe we will do something as a family when the kids are in town.
Last year, S surprised me with an iPhone 6s, which I thought was sweet. This year, D begged me to make a suggestion and I told her I liked a particular watch at Costco and tried it on. She and S gave it to me. Mostly I buy what I like because H is pretty bad at choosing things and he and I prefer what I buy for myself.
Enjoy that massage, @Nurse001 --you deserve it. And happy b-day!
Happy Birthday @Nurse001! I had high expectations when I turned 40. H got me a cordless screwdriver. He had no idea the jokes he walked into with that gift.
The past several years, I started taking the day off work for my birthday, making a list of possible things to do/places to go/treats to buy, and then doing whatever I felt like that day. Now I don’t care what H does or doesn’t do. I wish he was the romantic, unexpected, planning ahead gift-giver he was when we first dated, but he lost his touch somewhere in the past 30 years. lol.
My 30th birthday was just after we got home from a long vacation to find our house flooded from a broken pipe. A friend offered her shower/washer/dryer the next day since we were too poor (or stupid) at the time to just go to a hotel. I walk in grubby & jet lagged to hear: SURPRISE!!! DH meant well, but that party was a major miss.
That’s 25 years ago, but it did change my view of “the big picture.” Day-to-day, I couldn’t ask for a better partner. He’s been a loving husband and a great dad to our kids. So he sucks at birthdays and presents. If I want something I need to be very clear on what it is. I can deal with that.
@psychmomma I love my cordless screwdriver!
I’m sorry if this seems insensitive to the OP, but I don’t understand the need to be pampered with gifts. DW and I are comfortable but not extravagant, and haven’t exchanged gifts for years, including birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries (31 and counting). The way we see it, we have everything we need and pretty much everything we want, and if either of us thinks of something we want we’ll communicate it and jointly or individually go out and get it.
We’ve never held back on Christmas and birthday gifts for our kids, so it was a surprise to me this past Christmas when we hosted our kids and their significant others and they decided that we should make it a present-free holiday. It worked out well all around. Nobody needed anything and we all preferred hanging out to going out shopping.
But once there are grandchildren I expect I’ll do more than my part to stimulate the economy!
I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to be treated special once in awhile, on a milestone. I might agree with the idea of “we never do anything”, if it was specifically mentioned to hubbie. 50th Birthday is generally known as s big one…and it wouldn’t have hurt hubbie and kids to do something special. He could have even acknowledged it before it happened and asked what she wanted. DH does this with me on bdays, and most the time I say nothing, but sometimes I speak up and once in awhile I get an offer I can’t refuse.
I have this issue with one son. I just think many males are so accustomed to letting the women in their lives be the caretakers like this, it’s not on their radar.
OP…I personally think you need to speak up, so this does not fester and to give your DH a chance of redemption. But it shouldn’t be “why didn’t you…” or " my feelings were hurt…" conversation. It should be in a light hearted moment and “hey, you know what Honey? Turning 50 really had more of an impact on me then I thought it evervwould and I feel like I need to do something to celebrate it. Let’s go to “fill in the …” for a weekend! I really need this!”
You are letting him know your feelings, without making him feel guilty. If he feels guilty and says…“but you never want anything elaborate, I feel bad”, of something along those lines, just say “don’t feel bad, i guess I wanted this more than I knew”.
I’m sorry you feel badly, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect them to know what you want. If I want something I always mention it, but usually I buy myself exactly what I want. I don’t like surprises and would not react well to a surprise party, or a large gift I did not pick out. A couple of years ago my husband and daughters were going on a scuba trip around the dates of my birthday, so I planned a trip by myself. It was great.
Sometimes guys are just clueless. Kids can be wrapped up in their own lives at that age and get lazy. I’m sorry you were disappointed. I’m sure they love you and there is no negative take away from this.
DH made a point to ask me what I wanted for Christmas. I said, “I don’t need anything.” He insisted, so I told him:
1)A dash cam for my car
2)Some good quality ear buds
3)a smallish Weber propane grill
He got me clothes, none of which I liked, and none of which fit. So I had to trudge to two malls to return. Then he acted all butt-hurt about it.
Like I said, clueless.