@mom2collegekids I love that idea. I will start one immediately, so no more excuses from anyone.
@emilybee, I agree about the kids, I don’t expect much from D who is in college and yet she is the one who always comes through. For my birthday she handmade a very cute card for me and it got here the day before my birthday. That’s all I ask. For Christmas she bought me a book she knew I would like and a groupon for paintnite My son sent flowers for my birthday which I am quite sure his girlfriend had a hand in seeing that they were delivered overnight UPS which must have cost much extra $$. He makes double what I make so I don’t feel that flowers are too much but I would have been happy with a card and a call as well. And he always tries at Christmas, the effort is obvious.
Except for Christmas, my family growing up paid little attention to these things, while they were a huge deal in my wife’s family. For Mother’s Day when the kids were young I had them make cards and bought her a small gift she did not like. She threatened to divorce me if I ever blew one of “her” days that badly again.
I have to say, I have been much more attentive since then, breakfast in bed, day with the family planned, better presents (play tickets or jewelry, typically), nice dinner with dessert. My fear of loneliness has been a strong motivator and also made me a lot more aware when someone else is getting shorted. For her last birthday we landscaped the front yard. That seemed like overkill at the time but was much appreciated.
Anyway, happy birthday Nurse101, and sorry it wasn’t better acknowledged.
Yes, happy birthday @Nurse001! And if you really are a nurse, I know you put a lot of extraordinary care into noticing other people’s needs. You deserve that massage!
I’m sorry, @Nurse001, I can imagine your disappointment. I agree that you may want to let your family know that you’d like to celebrate in a big way. It isn’t too late, you’re going to be 50 for a whole year!
A side story: A friend of mine decided to throw herself a 60th birthday party and invited all of us to a catered dinner. When asked why she did that, she said, “Why not? I can celebrate myself if I want to.”
Birthday is big in my family. My girls enjoyed birthday month growing up. Now they are adults, they go out of their way to help me celebrate. They know it is one day that is mine. I have been fortunate that Mother’s Day is still shared with my mother, and all other holidays are all on me to make them special for everyone.
I totally agree it is not about how expensive presents are, it is about time and effort. One of nicest presents D2 has ever given me was to frame some pictures she took while we were on a vacation.
I guess it’s probably due to the illness and tragedy in my family, but I’ve gotten to the point I just let people know what I want, instead of expecting them to guess and then being disappointed by their actions. Life is way too short for that. Getting off my soapbox now!
40th…went on cruise with my best friend from grade school. No husband’s. It was great.
50th…2 different friends gave me parties. I celebrated for months. It was great. To be honest, I don’t remember what DH or my kids gave me…and really it didn’t matter to me.
60th…best friend threw me an awesome brunch. Then a few couples went out to dinner later in the month. Again…perfect.
Neither of my kids was here on my 60th. For my 50th…they were both in HS.
For my 40th…they were both under 10.
I’m totally beyond gifts for birthdays. If there is something I want…I just say I want it…and we get it.
I work hard to acknowledge my kids’ birthdays and it does sting a little they don’t put much effort into it. Christmas too.
I send group text alerts for family birthdays (grandma, grandpa, dad, siblings), which they seem to appreciate because then they at least remember to send a birthday text to each other. So…I send them a birthday alert text for me too At least no one can say they “forgot”.
S1’s birthday is 3 days before mine, so for 28 years, I’ve made the same cake and then eaten the left-overs on my birthday. Just once, I wish someone would buy me a little cake of my own.
I was also sort of bummed no one gave an extra iota of imagination or effort for my 50th. I was with a good friend on her 25th wedding anniversary, at a livestock show. About 5 pm, she decided her H wasn’t even going to remember enough to mention it! I don’t know where the romantic men went, but I didn’t seem to get one on either try!!
I would NOT want to be surprised for my birthday. I am NOT a birthday person, and I do not enjoy being the center of attention. Hopefully, my husband knows this by now.
DH loves his birthday; I should surprise him with a party some day. He’d love it.
It’s nice to feel special, pampered, and remembered on a birthday or on any other occasion. I am a person that makes a big deal about other peoples birthdays. I send cards to my siblings and give them a call or send flowers. I’ll knock on my friends door and surprise them with flowers, balloons, and a cake. I have a daughter that has a birthday a few days before mine so as she was growing up I would be busy planning her special birthday celebrations and by the time my birthday came a few days later it would just pass by. Add to that the month of my birthday is a month of many birthday celebrations amongst family and friends so it seemed that every weekend we attended one celebration or another. I don’t remember the last time my birthday was celebrated or the last gift I received. I will turn 50 next year and dd will be graduating college the following month. I am now thinking thanks to the ideas given in this thread to plan a vacation for dd and I to celebrate our birthdays and her graduation since it’s been years since we have gone on vacation. I like the idea of planning a special day just for you doing the things you love. I was always hesitant of doing things by myself but now reading some of your views on this thread I think I will plan a special day for myself for my upcoming birthday this spring.
OP I hope you treat yourself. Take a day to do things that are meaningful and bring joy to you. Happy Birthday!
My H is a very nice and good person. Nonetheless, he completely messed up my last-66- birthday, in front of D and her BF and S and his family. D was embarrassed and angry. She had talked with him twice and he simply did nothing.
I had purchased a necklace 5 months prior and he thought that was that.
On my 50th I opened an envelope, in front of friends, that had crumpled bills falling out of it.
They laughed hysterically while I was very hurt.
He had, and loved, a surprise party for his 50th.
After nearly 35 years of marriage I have decided that this is no longer acceptable.
This guy remembers all of his 4 sibs and his mothers every year. So, that was it for me.
He now has a very clear message that he is an intelligent man and he can ask D or my BGF for ideas
if he cannot figure it out.
I am not shy about saying things that would please me.
I really will not accept “you are hard to buy for” as I am not if you listen.
Just DONE will excuses. You love me? Then figure out what to do.
And yes, I think that my changed attitude that I do deserve it and I do expect it has left an
impression.
But HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP and we are all happy to be here discussing with you.
Years ago I realized my DH, the engineer, is most comfortable knowing what’s expected of him, and then he’s delighted to meet expectations. So I put a lot of thought into giving him some options to choose from a month or so before any event. I send links, colors, sizes. But, honestly, his best gifts to me have not been on particular dates. Recently, for example, when my car gave me trouble, he spent hours doing research, narrowed it down to three or four cars, sent me to test drive, then did the final negotiations and brought the car home. Four hours of negotiation with the dealer. He got a lot of perfect husband points for that.
Remember, it’s your Jubilee Year! You can have as many birthday gifts/events/occasions as you want! You could even give your H a do-over. Order yourself a cake, get some champagne & candles, and make some magic!!
@auntiek Not sure why but just seeing your post of giving hubby a do over just struck a cord! I have been down all day and he knows how bad I feel. I think I might leave him a little note by his bedside as he is sleeping that next weekend is my 2nd 50th birthday. Give him a chance to redo
@Nurse001 - go you!! And enlist anyone & everyone who can help ensure your dream 50th comes true! The kids, his family, your friends, his friends… Just because they can’t read your mind doesn’t mean you can’t read it aloud to them!
Every time I ate cake or did something else indulgent in my 50th year, I credited my birthday. It made the whole year a lot more fun! Jubilee, baby!
This thread made me think… I remember what we did for my 40th, and I remember what we did for my 60th. But I have no recall of what we did for my (or DH’s) 50th. None. No idea what we did. Hmmmm… Oh well… Really- in time it wont matter.
Understand that you ae disappointed, but be thankful that you and yoru family are happy and healthy. It could be worse.
“S1’s birthday is 3 days before mine, so for 28 years, I’ve made the same cake and then eaten the left-overs on my birthday. Just once, I wish someone would buy me a little cake of my own.”
I’m impressed a cake would last 3 days! Not in my house which would mean a new cake instead of leftovers. Seriously though, I’d either by myself a cake I wanted or tell husband a week ahead “for my birthday next week, I want you to order me xx cake from xx bakery.” Time foursome training!
“I think I might leave him a little note by his bedside as he is sleeping that next weekend is my 2nd 50th birthday.”
Why wouldn’t you just tell him instead of leaving a note? I think it’s better to address your thoughts and concerns directly which will more clearly set expectations going forward.
My son sent flowers for my birthday which I am quite sure his girlfriend had a hand in seeing that they were delivered overnight UPS which must have cost much extra $$. He makes double what I make so I don’t feel that flowers are too much but I would have been happy with a card and a call as well. And he always tries at Christmas, the effort is obvious.