Depressed over short relationship and kissing a certain girl.

<p>I just transferred colleges last year from a local college to a liberal arts college this past fall. I live in a small dorm building, which is labeled substance free, which I completely adhere to. A freshman girl in this dorm ended up really liking me within the first few weeks there. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend from back home, partially because of me and partially because of the long distance. To make a long story short, we ended up cuddling and kissing several times over a couple month span. </p>

<p>Problem is, I never liked her nearly as much as she liked me. She even said this to me at one point and I couldn’t refute it. We never actually were officially in a relationship. At one point, however, tired of my own indecision, I convinced myself to just go with, see how it would be if I tried to let myself like her as much as she did me, but all that seems so false now looking back on it. </p>

<p>She and her roommate were good friends with my quad mates, and vice-verse, so we saw each other all the time. Throughout all this I knew that I didn’t like her as much as I’ve liked a couple girls in the past, so why didn’t I just break it off? I mean, we even agreed to be just really good friends, but the physical relationship kept going. As my first semester living away at college, and at one point thinking that maybe I made the wrong decision to transfer, it was just comforting to have someone to talk to and to have some physical contact with.</p>

<p>She is the first and only girl I have ever kissed. I’m 20. </p>

<p>Eventually I got control of my feelings and I think she grew tired of my indecision as to whether I liked her or not, so the relationship just naturally ended, and she is even talking to another guy. We left for break still as friends. I feel absolutely no jealousy and felt that the end to the relationship was the best possible way it could have happened. </p>

<p>So the couple weeks after, as I headed into winter break, I more or less thought that while I would have done things differently had I gone back, it’s whatever. No hard feelings over it. </p>

<p>But then a couple weeks later, I woke up one morning and randomly just started replaying the events in my head, and got really angry at myself for letting any of it happen. I am not religious and don’t believe in sin, and I in no way feel guilty towards her or anybody else. But I feel like I can’t forgive myself. When I think about all the times I just could have said no and could have stopped myself from kissing her, I feel sick about it all. </p>

<p>In the end I just tell myself that we didn’t do anything more than an average high school sophomore does. And all around me plenty of college guys and girls and making out and having random hookups every other weekend.</p>

<p>But now I’m literally depressed, like I’ve done something terrible, betrayed myself. I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like I gave into physical temptation, even if it went nothing further than a kiss. It’s like I was untrue to myself.</p>

<p>Don’t be so hard on yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were exploring the relationship and you learned there was not enough there. Let it go and don’t let it bother you. It’s part of growing up.</p>

<p>Honestly if my daughter called and described this relationship to me, from the perspective of the girl, I would have absolutely no problem with what you did. It sounds like you behaved very well toward her. Are you sure you are not troubled about something else?</p>

<p>You are being way to hard on yourself. Being away from home, dating and finding yourself is what you are suppose to do in college. Finding your eventual soulmate in life is a journey through other relationships. I believe you handled yourself in a very respectful manner.
Could there be other things bothering you, maybe being away from home?</p>

<p>That’s the thing. I wasn’t terribly bothered by it until a couple weeks after coming home for break and then thinking back on it. </p>

<p>I just feel foolish, like I’m embarrassed to myself. I’m not against trying relationships out if I truly think something is there. And at one point, when I was home for a few days for Thanksgiving, I remember truly feeling like I missed her. </p>

<p>I just hate the fact that after weeks of knowing deep down that there wasn’t anything long-term there, that I somehow convinced myself that I liked her more than I did, and that it was based more on physical attraction than it was on other factors. </p>

<p>I don’t know. Maybe it’s just a perfectionist mentality. I’ve made mistakes in the past and have gotten over them like every other normal person, but when it’s something like this, where I feel like I have gone against my own values (values that are personal, not from another source such as religion), it’s like a wound that keeps breaking open every time I think back on it. </p>

<p>I know it was a stressful period as my first semester at college, and so my whole way of thinking and everyday life was different, but I don’t like making excuses. </p>

<p>And yet 3 weeks ago, after I had been home and all this has been done and over with, I didn’t feel depressed at all.</p>

<p>It’s also perfectly acceptable to be physically close to friends with no intention of dating. You didn’t do anything “wrong”: just be more honest with yourself and your friends next time and the relationship will feel less awkward.</p>

<p>Trying to interject some levity into this post…</p>

<p>Sing with me and Katy, argan!</p>

<p>I kissed a girl and I liked it…</p>

<p>Thanks for the comments, everyone. It does help.</p>

<p>I’ve had a problem in the past with obsessive rumination. There’s definitely some of that in this situation. It’s just very hard to get past. </p>

<p>And Batllo, even when I am truly depressed like this, that song has run through my head, lol. There are moments throughout the day like that where I feel like everything’s ok, but then I hit low points too. </p>

<p>It’s just been a long while since I’ve felt this bad. I’ve been happy for 98% of my life. It just sucks right now.</p>

<p>You are 20 and had your first kiss. After you have a few more experiences with other girls, it isn’t going to seem like such a big deal. Your first for anything is always going to stay with you, but eventually you realize that kissing someone you’re not head over heels for isn’t an awful thing. Sounds like you both got something out of the relationship at least, a good friendship. Even if she was let down, it sounds like she’s moving on okay.</p>

<p>It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like THIS, it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss…</p>