<p>I would like to second berurah’s thoughts about having children.</p>
<p>It is quite possible to learn from, and therefore avoid repeating, unfortunate childhood experiences. I, for example, quite clearly remember vowing as a young child, roughly 45 years ago, after numerous negative and often frightening experiences caused by my mother’s drinking, that I would never allow myself to be so influenced by alcohol. And I never have been. </p>
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<p>The fact that you could say this shows that you should not automatically give up on children! Your empathy suggests to me that you are likely to be such a devoted and attentive parent that your children will thank their lucky stars for you for the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>Hi again bbecker: When you are looking for a job, try to present it as you becoming more of a regular college student employee who will be returning regularly to work on vacations and in future summers. My D was a server in a restaurant and worked during the four weeks of Dec. break and during summer after freshman year. You might be glad to have the job during breaks.</p>
<p>I think you should pursue counseling now but you will also have access to counseling at Florida State. </p>
<p>I also had a rather dysfunctional relationship with my mother at your age, and I have managed not to pass that along to my D at all. You don’t have to repeat anything negative from your family of origin. </p>
<p>I hope better days are coming soon for you.</p>
<p>thank you all for the advice. I hope to talk to a professional soon, I cant sleep, this happens everyday, I’m up all hours of the night doing nothing because I just cant get to sleep. Im so tired of feeling this way.</p>
<p>Well, those things may help, but waking early is also a symptom of depression.</p>
<p>Bbecker: I too had a terrible relationship with my mother, couldn’t wait to get away. Going to college will help tremendously, as will talking to someone now. Even talking to one of us via PM. But I agree with everyone, DO find someone professional. It’s sad to say, but it looks like you can’t expect much from your mother. There ARE other people in the world whom you can depend on, however, so don’t think you’re all alone. You just don’t know yet who those people are!</p>
<p>Well I’m writing to update on the situation. Since I wrote this I still haven’t slept a wink and my mother has still be stressing me out with her yelling. I woke up this morning March, 15th with a really sore, restless body. It was so overwhelming because i haven’t gotten ANY rest even when I take sleeping pills. I went into the ER at the children’s hospital alone and the doctor came in and asked me a couple questions and I told him everything that was going on with me. I told her how I felt and also that I’ve been extremely sad, not motivated, no energy, headaches, body aches, I haven’t slept in weeks, weight gain and since I wanted to be a doctor, I always tend to look up my symptoms. on the internet before going to the doctor. I took a depression evaluation and it suggested that I might have severe depression, I discussed this with him and he took notes. later on he called a social worker who came in to talk about my feelings and gave me a few numbers for therapist as well as physiatrists. And they were very proud of me for becoming in and getting help when i did. Now I wish I could of gone in sooner. So on monday I have a doctors appointment with my primary care in which im going to ask her for a referral for everything that the social worker gave me because it goes through my insurance company instead of me paying for it out of pocket. I hope to see one soon and getting my depression and sleeping under control. As for now I’ve been told to take tynoel and advil for the next 24 hours to get my headaches under control caused by my restlessness. As for my mother, when i got home. She didn’t seem to care, she asked me what they prescribed and I told her NOTHING because I have to see the physiatrists first but its already established that im going to be on medication for depression which im extremely scared about. I hope she can let me be for a little, since I don’t sleep at night like most people I’m extremely tired during the day but i still don’t sleep and i don’t have the energy to just get up and go. I’m trying, slowly to do a few things but its just hard because my body cant catch up with my brain. Thank you all so much for your advice. I was afraid to seek help before but now I’m glad I wasn’t imagining my terrible feelings. Thank you all so much! I cant thank you enough.</p>
<p>You are a smart and courageous person. I am proud of you too!</p>
<p>Thank you very much for seeking help, and for letting us know. I and no doubt many others will be thinking of you over the weekend. Please let us know what your doctor says on Monday.</p>
<p>Just want to add my words of encouragement and support. Good for you for seeking help!</p>
<p>Also, I am one more example of someone who had a pretty dysfunctional relationship with my mom (an alcoholic). I think those of us who grow up under those sorts of circumstances have so much to offer in terms of empathy and perspective as to what is important later in life. I know my relationship with my own family has been a huge blessing. </p>
<p>Hang in there kiddo! We are all here for you.</p>
<p>Bbecker, good for you! The first step is the biggest to take, and you’ve taken it. From here on in, it will get easier and easier. You’re taking exactly the right steps to put yourself in a better place. You can’t change your mother, but you can change how you perceive her and how you interact with her.</p>
<p>On another note – THIS is what I love about this discussion forum. Strangers from all over the country – no, from all over the world – can help someone we’ve never met. Isn’t this wonderful??</p>
<p>Sometimes anti-depressants help quite quickly, sometimes it takes a while for them to have full effect, so don’t be discouraged if results aren’t immediate. I hope at least, they will help with your sleep situation quickly. Just getting normal sleep should be a good start toward feeling better. You are doing a great job of taking care of yourself! You are definitely on the road to recovery. Please keep us posted.</p>
<p>{{{{{{soft, gentle hugs}}}}}}} to you. I am <em>SO</em> completely, totally proud of you for taking action on this serious situation that was getting worse and NO better! It takes great self-awareness, strength, and motivation to do what you did, and I can’t tell you how relieved and happy I am to read that the hospitial took matters under control and is helping you to follow-up and get the help that you so desperately need. I hope your doctors can get you on the healing path very quickly.</p>
<p>I would echo what bethie said in that you may need to give it a bit of time to see results from antidepressants. In addition, I would add that if you end up with a doctor with whom you do not connect or feel truly supported by, DO NOT STAY with that doctor. Request a new one and keep looking until you find someone with whom you connect. This really is very, very important. Meanwhile, be SO proud of yourself that you have taken THE MOST IMPORTANT step in your recovery! It’s a HARD step to take, but YOU DID IT!! Way to go, bbecker!!! </p>
<p>bbecker, you’re an amazing young adult!! That took so much courage to go to the ER at the children’s hospital on your own. I wish you all the best in getting your depression under control. You’ve taken the hardest step, actually a giant leap, in your road to healing. Include me in the list of parents who couldn’t be more proud of you!!! Thank you so much for your update.</p>
<p>Like many others here, I have been checking in daily hoping for word from you, bbecker. So very very glad that you took this first step. Courageous. We are all with you. We have all been touched by your voice.</p>
<p>So today, I haven’t slept at all. My head hurts so bad it feels like it’s going to fall off eventually.</p>
<p>I come out my room to take my dog outside and my mom comes in and out of my room telling me to look out for the tech. coming to fix her flat panel screen tv in the family room that is has mysteriously stop working. She come’s in and out again to ask/tell me a few things. Then all of a sudden she comes back in, turns on my light and starts asking me what’s going on with me. (Like i said before, I told her with the doctor in the ER said…Depression&insomnia which one is caused by the other) So…by now she’s completely forgotten all about it. And starts telling me that I need to get up and get a job and stop laying around the house. A reaction to her telling me that is crying because I have tried so far to get up and get moving but its so hard when your body is sooo exhausted and everything just hurts from me not sleeping. My grandmother comes in and tells me that the best way to fight depression is to get up and go walk around places (sure, if i had the enery to) I explain to her that I hope to feel better after i seen the doctor about medicine and she thought i was joking. It seems that their both not well informed and they just think I’m being lazy. Grandmother is really old fashion, no matter how old your child is, She believes in taking them to the doctor regradless of what they say. My mom = she believes that I’m old enough to handle myself and do things for myself, so i do. She goes to my mom and tells her, I dont know what. But my mom ends up calling me into the family room and starts telling me the same things over again, I snaped and said how heard it is to get up and do anything when you dont sleep. She says that I can’t sleep because I choose to stay away all night on the computer and watching tv, this is when my mom’s ignorance really annoys me. She never bothers to really find out what’s going on with me, she just assumes everything. Then she starts talking about me taking sleeping pills to go to sleep and i should try it and I told her I have tried, they dont work. The doctor in the ER told me to stop taking them because I can destroy my liver. And then she says that I just need to get up and get out of it, which is just annoying to hear because some people are under the impression that depression is something you can get up and just shake off, I wish. I wish I could shake this achyness and sad feelings but I cant. So a result I have to seek professional help and recieve proper medication. I dont know if she understands anything at all, but im tired of trying to make her understand. I dont know what to do anymore but I dont feel any better.</p>
<p>That was me who said that before. I say it again.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, you’re not going to get any warm fuzzies or “aw baby”'s from either your mom or your grandmom. It may be because they are ignorant; it may be because they are mean; it may be because no one ever gave THEM any warm fuzzies, so they don’t know how to give them.</p>
<p>One day you will be able to give warm fuzzies to yourself when you need them. For example, if you’re run down and tired, you’ll be able to give yourself a break, because you know you deserve it. If you’re proud of something you’ve done, you’ll be able to be happy for yourself, without having to hope for their cooing over you. You will be a grown-up. </p>
<p>And one day, you may be able to forgive them for their faults. Maybe. Not necessarily.</p>
<p>In the meantime, Bbecker, just hold on until Monday. This is the worst time right now – you’ve recognized you need help, you’ve asked for help, but you don’t HAVE the help quite yet. You’ve lasted – what – 18 years?? without it so far. You can last another few days. </p>
<p>bbecker,
Your safety is the most important thing. If you do not feel you can remain safe, if you have an urge to hurt yourself, or others, go back to the emergency room or call a hotline.</p>
<p>I am an ER nurse. I am proud of the way you are seeking help for your depression. You have amazing fortitude despite what your illness is putting you through.</p>
<p>If you think it would help, show your mother your posts and all the responses you have received.</p>
<p>Hang in there honey, we are all praying for you.</p>
<p>You can come here for warm & fuzzies. Try to hold on until Monday. Meanwhile, drink something warm to help you calm down and perhaps get some sleep. Stay off Coke and coffee and tea and other drinks that keep you awake.
Consider meditation as well as medication. If you can’t walk, can you do some yoga at home? Some physical exercise usually helps, whether it be doing household chores or jogging or doing aerobics. Do a few things at a time, perhaps ten minutes or so.
Sending you hugs.</p>
<p>I’m with mominva and VeryHappy. People who haven’t educated themselves about depression always have the “Get over it” attitude.</p>
<p>We are all with you here. And I am glad you can come here and get support, even if it is no substitute for getting it at home. </p>
<p>I am anxiously awaiting hearing how Monday goes for you - just as I would be if you were my own kid. I know other parents here feel that way too. Hang on til then. But if need be, go back to the ER for help if you can’t wait.</p>