<p>Well, I have at least came to the conclusion that I have a problem aside from my depression that needs to be fixed or put under control. </p>
<p>I have always had a problem with impluses but now It’s really taking a break in my life. </p>
<p>Lately, I’ve been shopping wildly with my mom’s credit cards. Three different ones. And bought stuff that I don’t even wear, or even need. The rough part is that I couldn’t stop. I don’t know why I did it at all. My doctor wanted to make sure I didn’t have signs of being bipolar but they are obvious now. I have done it before but it wasn’t as bad as now. I felt bad when I did it, I feel bad now. I don’t know why I did it. I don’t even use any of the stuff I bought AT ALL. I am seriously debating calling my doctor’s office tomorrow and begging to fit me in to see her. I’m afraid that things are way out of hand now. My mom found out about everything, she confronted me about it today and all I could say was “You never ask me anything about how my day at work was or how my orientation at FSU went, you only talk to me about bad stuff” and she admitted that her problems are the most important things to her. Which is true. At orientation I was the only person without a parent, It felt so bad, terrible. </p>
<p>I don’t know what to do, I dont want to ever do this again. I want to apologize but I know it won’t fix anything. I need to get my impluses out of control before I hurt myself or someone else.</p>
<p>I’m a terrible person, I know and I’m scared, I know it takes alot to admit you have a problem but I seriously have a problem and I need major help and advice, What should I do? Am I going to ruin my life? I feel soo terrible, I just want to drive off a bridge right now. Seriously.</p>
<p>She apparently called my brothers and told them about it too. My middle brother called me and told me what she said. He said that she threaten to kick me out. </p>
<p>Besides what I’ve done and her coldness, not carring about me or what goes on in my life, I want to go to FSU and never come back. I don’t even want to call her, its so hard to try to make someone involved in your life and they don’t care. I know doing this doesn’t help but I seriously couldn’t help it.</p>
<p>I’m sorry you are in a tough situation again. You need to separate your problems from those of your mom. She is having difficulties and they are causing her to lash out at you or ignore you. You, in turn, are lashing out at her, at least on CC. It’s okay, it’s a safe place to vent.</p>
<p>The more important thing is your acknowledgment that you cannot control your impulses. You need to talk to your doctor about this and see that s/he has to say. Is it bipolar disorder? Is it OCD? Whatever it is, it needs to be brought under control. But bear in mind: You are not a terrible person, you are not a bad person. You are someone in need of medical care.
Call your doctor tomorrow and let us know what happens. I wish we could give you hugs.</p>
<p>I am calling her first thing in the morning. I have to go by to pick up my glasses in the morning and maybe I can go in and then to work at 1. I really hope they can fit me in, besides I have a bad cold.</p>
<p>Oh dear. When you don’t feel well, things look bleaker than they should. Take care of yourself. Drink plenty of fluid and take plenty of rest. I hope things look up tomorrow!</p>
<p>Hang in there ! Many moms here want to give you a hug. Please, please see your doctor ASAP. This change in behavior can be a side effect of the meds you are on. (Do I remember that it’s Effexor?)</p>
<p>I always know that you guys are wondering how I’m doing.</p>
<p>I went to the doctor today, She prescribed an inhaler for my breathing uncomfort, I have brochitis. And she also prescribed Seroquel, I’m on 50mg’s right now. I have to see her in a week so she can check on me and see how’s its working. </p>
<p>She asked me If I’ve ever thought of counseling and I told her no, she thinks its a good idea that I go see a counseling and she is going to try to put me in with a psycatrist. Since I’m going away to school soon, its going to be hard but she still wants to try. We talked about going to the school counseling but we both thought it wouldn’t be a good idea because of the VT situation and school cousnelors seeing depression as a sign of like…killing my classmates or something. </p>
<p>My problem isnt with other people at all, so I would never in a millions years do something like that but I dont want to be judged so I rather to go a private counselor who isn’t going to report me or something, iono. Im very scared and I dont know how to deal with all of this. Depression now bipolar disorder. Wow</p>
<p>thank you all for your support, I will def keep you posted.</p>
<p>On the other hand of things, work is going great. I have a week and a half left. School starts june 25th, I move in june 20th to enjoy all the fun stuff on campus and with my new classmates. I registered for classes and I’m going to take english and math this summer.</p>
<p>bbecker,
I’m so glad you’ve started the process of getting help. You and your physician may want to get a little more info, though, before you reject the idea of seeking therapy on campus. There have been a couple of highly publicized cases where a student has suffered from the misuse of private information. I can see why you’d be cautious! However, most counseling centers pride themselves on their provision of confidential services. Most are governed by both state and federal law that requires them to uphold your privacy. Exceptions are quite limited (imminent danger to self/others being one such exception) and then, only minimal information can be legally released and then only to those who can prevent harm.
I’d advise you to contact your college’s counseling center and ask about the degree to which they can ensure your confidentiality. Questions to ask would include are the providers licensed? Who has access to records? How long are records kept, and if you WANT them to be released to someone, what is the process? An advantage of counseling center treatment is that the health providers are very familiar with the university environment and can help you tailor interventions to that particular setting. They can be great advocates should you need special assistance such as recommendations to professors for incompletes or if you must consider a temporary medical leave. It’s one more resource that you already pay for! See what yours has to offer.</p>
<p>I am so glad that you checked in here. I think about you often.</p>
<p>One of the things that has struck me from the beginning of this thread is your level of self awareness and your willingness to acknowledge and seek help for problems. This is really quite a remarkable thing, honey, and I think it is serving you well.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear that you are now facing the possiblity of dealing with bipolar disorder. This is a more difficult disorder to deal with than depression, and it is very important that you obtain and stay with an excellent psychiatrist. I’m glad that your doctor is taking this seriously and referring you to a competent psychiatrist.</p>
<p>I hope that you can find a good way to continue with your treatment while at school. The freshman year can be stressful under the best of conditions, and adding other issues to the mix will be a challenge, but one I’m sure you will conquer.</p>
<p>I wish you the best and as always, encourage you to keep us posted.</p>
<p>I hope you’re at school now and getting ready for classes, Life won’t throw anything at you that you can’t handle as long as you accept the help you need. We all need help and there is always someone around who wants to give it.</p>
<p>I am also wondering how things are going. Please let us know.</p>
<p>My sister in law has bipolar disorder. It’s a tough diagnosis, but it can be dealt with. Stay on you meds NO MATTER WHAT … don’t go off when you start to feel better & don’t like the side effects. Therapy is also something you should continue at school. You can learn to live well with your disorder.</p>
<p>Bbecker, I’m sorry I missed your posts around May 20 – wow, a whole month ago. I’m also hoping you got new meds, saw a psychiatrist, and are now at school. Actually, if you’re now at school we might not hear from you for a while.</p>
<p>But we ARE here, and we will be here when you’re ready to log back in.</p>
<p>Please, please remember that (a) bipolar disorder can be controlled by the right medication; (2) you are not a bad person; this is a chemical imbalance.</p>
<p>You seem awesome. I agree with Berurah that you’re self-awareness is terrific. That’s what’s going to keep you going, and keep you seeking help. Imagine how awful all this would be if you weren’t aware that’s what’s going on isn’t right.</p>
<p>I’m fine, I’m in counseling. My depression is under control with medication symbyax to be exact. I took this semester off and I’m going back in spring but to KSU in kansas. </p>