Someone else mentioned in another thread, “it’s hard to find your tribe.” You know who you are. I couldn’t agree more and that really stuck with me.
In real life I don’t think I’ve found my tribe outside of my family.
So I thought it might be interesting to pick some traits or qualities of someone “in your tribe”.
My tribe?
—First it would be small. I’m not someone who wants/needs a large tribe. Keep my circle small.
—Sense of humor. I like to have fun and laugh. A quiet serious discussion for too long, is…yawn…
—Active in interests, active in life. So physically and emotionally active. Have a good health focus. Wants to talk about fitness, food, community efforts.
—Upbeat. Glass half full. This is a MUST for me. Life isn’t all the time, but even in not-so-good times, some sense of “life is good”.
If anyone meets my requirements let me know so we can form a tribe. (teasing, sort of…!)
Smart, inquisitive, sense of humor. I’ll forgive a lot for smart and funny.
Dependable helps. I have a sil who has a ton that I really like about her but she’s very undependable so it can be hard to be “friends”. When we are together, it’s great. But when someone can’t be reliable, it’s hard.
I like people who are interested in what they are doing. I don’t necessarily need to share what they do, but I find if you have one thing that you really like to do, that is very appealing. Tolerant. Must be a tolerant person. I meet a lot of people where I live now who aren’t. It was a bit of a shocker when I moved here.
While you don’t have to be fearless, some sense of adventure is great. I meet people all the time who are afraid of so much. Afraid to travel or go out on your own occasionally. I like to live my life on what I can do, not what I won’t do. Or try.
I thought I wasn’t that picky. Maybe I’m pickier than I thought.
Our tribe is a meld of Mr R’s high school friends, my high school friends, and college friends. There’s about a dozen or so of us including Mr R’s brothers and their wives. (one of the reasons Mr R and I knew we would last is because we got along so well with each other’s back-home friends).
The only thing that really unites us is our love of nerdy and geeky things. In one way or another (usually through D&D or cosplay things), most of us talk to each other at least weekly and see each other monthly. Even now with kids, we make it work. We’ll see how that changes as the # of kids grow and the kids grow up.
We have fun but can also talk very deeply about politics. This is one of the few groups of mixed political ideology (we range from center-right to far left and some with libertarian leanings) that I can have reasonable but intense conversations with.
The most important thing though is that we support each other. Many of them came to our undergrad graduation and my master’s graduation. Something no one in my family besides my parents has done. When there are bad times (health-wise, financially, etc) we pull together to make everything work. Just this morning we found out that one of our tribe members is going to go into very early labor because of health problems and we’re already working on a plan to make sure that she and her husband are well taken care of once the delivery happens.
I’m not sure if I have a tribe. I’ll need to think on it longer.
I have had the experience of getting really interested in something, reading up on it, feeling “all in”, then when I attempt to connect to like-minded people with the same interest IRL? I’m all “Hoo boy. These people are CRAZY”, and I want to run to the nearest exit.
Hahaha. It’s making me laugh just thinking about it.
Maybe I’m a loner. Or a contrarian. Or maybe I don’t play well with others! IDK!
I don’t have any close friends any more. But I have people I can call up and do things with. Work sucks up a lot of my time and mental energy.
Our original tribe and mainstay is mainly college friends from long ago but the current circle grows ever larger as friends of friends are introduced to one another. Like networking a friend group. It’s a pretty large circle now.
The real “got your back, won’t EVER let you down” group is small but overall it’s like having a vetted group of good people who have the same ideals and compatible personalities. We look out for each other. It always feels like you have a bond of some sort. So always fun on a lot of levels.
Other “tribes” are people in clubs or organizations that share common interests. Met some great people and love them but it’s the common interests that keep us involved with each other. Enjoy talking and visiting but the relationship will probably end with when the interest in club fades. (Not always of course but a good probablility).
I was at my high school reunion last spring and was reminded once again, how that set of women is much more my tribe - even the ones I ddin’t know in high school - are more my tribe than a lot of people I know now.
My tribe likes to read - and doesn’t feel guilty about reading sci fi, fantasy and some romance along with more literary fiction.
You are probably moderate to liberal and paying attention to politics. You are a feminist. You are not a racist,
You care about art and music and movies and like to talk about them. You read enough about science and current affairs, economics and social science to be able to have interesting conversations even if you are not an expert. Yeah - smart and inquisitive.
You like to travel - and even if you don’t travel now - you have experience in the rest of the world.
You like board games. That’s the hardest one to find.
In real life my local tribe is scattered, in that I don’t feel as though I have a big coherent group of close friends, but close friends from various groups, who don’t necessarily know each other.
Recently, my real life tribe also seems to be refinding or refocussing on family and old friends who I don’t live near, and who I hadn’t necessarily seen in years. We seem to seeking each other out again. We have old history, and old, deep understandings of each other.
I find that I am seeking and valuing more “real” friends and family as my tribe. This past 18 months (in terms of both political fissures and personal major health issues) has splintered some groups that I would have considered to be parts of my tribe a couple of years ago.
My tribes seem to be reforming at this stage in my life.
“able to have interesting conversations even if you are not an expert. Yeah - smart and inquisitive.”
This past weekend while visiting D she said she missed our family round table dinner conversations/debates (we were sitting around a fire having one of those fun debates/conversations).
My dad teased me later that I was having “empty nest syndrome” but he still did also even at age 96.
Guess my family is my best tribe.
Our tribe is liberal, probably listens to NPR, is reasonably well-educated, likes to have dinner at friends’ houses (often involving long rounds of Cards Against Humanity or other games), and partakes in regular excursions to the city or surrounding towns. Many of us have come to this area from overseas, the UK in particular. Because I’m American and hubby is British, we host regular gatherings which will have a fairly even split of Yanks and Brits.
Various members of the tribe are known for having occasional “adults behaving badly” gatherings, which can involve far too much alcohol and inappropriate “teenage” behavior. (Fun note: yours truly once hosted a legendary Halloween party where everyone had to come in costumes based on CAH cards. Two midgets _____ in a bucket is do-able.)
Interestingly, and this is pretty solidly confirmed after ten+ years here, the Brits will ALWAYS outlast the Yanks. I don’t know why. I’m in the Yank camp. I’m always ready to go home long before hubby is. We have great friends, but when I’ve had enough of the fun, I’m out.
My tribe is very close. We do everything together. We are 7 families, 5 empty nesters now. I just realized we do not talk about politics. Don’t remember any political discussions over the last 15 yrs. sometimes we do discuss local issues affecting the community.
My tribe makes me laugh. I have to be comfortable enough to get goofy and laugh. We sing, dance, cook, eat, watch movies, shop (this is my one tolerant thing, but I endure because my D loves to go with them) and play board games together. We don’t do any type of team sports together. Very dependable friends, although we don’t assign appetizers anymore to one couple because they are chronically late:)
I have found I am perfectly happy with this one small group of friends and I don’t make a good effort to go out and meet new people, even though I should. Having to go to a cocktail party full of casual acquaintences and make small talk is my worst nightmare.
I am in Lindagraf’s tribe!
I love good talk and good food and every once in awhile some boundary breaking behavior.
I have done some research about friends and aging. We make our circle smaller, especially in our
60’s. We separate the real friends from many we collected due to kids and church over time.
I do not do undependable anymore. I do not do boring self centered anymore.
I value people who have a sense of each human’s vulnerabilities and are basically emotionally safe
friends. I do not like hot and cold behavior. I hate someone wealthy acting as if they are not.
I have a super powerful radar for inauthentic behavior.
I am really picky. I am also a marvelous friend to others.
I’m not really clear on how tribe is defined here. I think I have a bunch of different tribes. There are the Singers, the Sewers and the Pool People. There is a certain amount of crossover; some of the Singers sew, some of the Sewers go to the pool, some of the Pool People sing. Wait, maybe I’m the only one who does all three. Nonetheless, good people all. And then we branch out and do stuff that has nothing to do with singing, sewing or swimming. And in a couple of days I’m going to visit my bff since 1968 who lives 1500 miles away but we still like to hang out.
My husband doesn’t seem to need as many friends as I have. A couple of work people and a good neighbor seem to be what he needs. We do rejoice in having kids (and son-in-law) in town and happy to come to us for dinner, conversation and baseball or Jeopardy marathons (with time out for HQ of course.)
People who don’t brag about their kids. I am sooooooo over this. Is it our culture? Social media? It’s endless…blah, blah, blah my kid is amazing. Yawn.
Most of what everyone states here are great traits for my tribe. Unfortunately, mine has shrunk down over the years as members have moved far away, moved on when our kids got older, or, sigh, died. Facebook helps a little, but is a poor substitute for in-person tribal rituals.
I couldn’t agree more and that really stuck with me.