<p>Motheroftwo and dstark - I only entered CC and increased my understanding of all the nuances of EDand the whole process AFTER S had gone ED to college “A” (similar or somewhat higher caliber than Tulane). (Apologies to those who have already read some of these details in earlier posts, but Moft and dstark asked). S had vacillated between the two as his top choice and we had advised him not to go ED for that reason. GC told him to think hard about his real first choice before deciding. He decided he was sure of A and so went ED there, EA to Tulane (in case he didn’t get in to A). As I said, we knew Tulane gave good merit aid, but S did not seem to “make the cut” for that, largely based on SAT. We were not cndidates for need-based. He received acceptances to both on same day. We sent in dposit to A, and emailed GC re how one “withdraws” from other applications (he had a few out EA, rolling and RD) - do you email, call, send letter, etc. but, of course, it was Xmas vacation so didn’t get any response from GC immediately. We traveled for Xmas vacation and came back to merit award ($22K) to Tulane. That is how our saga began. (All my posts show our thoughts/learning since then.) </p>
<p>We, of course, spoke with A and GC, and A and GC spoke, too. (Most important to us in the ethics of the matter was not harming relationship between our PHS and A, and thus negatively affecting future chances of kids from our school at A). Our GC felt we should/could definitely withdraw from A based on finances. A accepted that, although not immediately. </p>
<p>We had watched our S “leaning” more and more toward Tulane, even after going ED to “A.” Obviously this is not cricket. He had already committed by going ED. But that was before receiving courtship letters from Dean of College of Engineering, dean of Admission, dean of Fin. Aid from Tulane (all coming after apps. in). Naive (as I say I was never on CC ahead of time) we didn’t think that kind of thing went on after apps in. We thought schools had finished bombarding us with brochures, unsolicited scholarhips etc.</p>
<p>Hindsight tells me he never should have gone ED. But he was 17 - and you know they are - insisted he knew for sure what he wanted to do. Altho I can’t get inside his head (he won’t even let me try), I think this is what went on in there: he had always liked Tulane location better, he had alway felt (and still does) that “A” is a better school by at least some margin and that he should go to the “better” school, location be damned; but I think he re-weighted how those factors balanced out for him the more he thought about it.
Bottom line: We have raised him to be an ethical human being, not take the easy way out, and honor commitments. So now, We had to weigh enforcing ED decision vs. what now seemed best place for him and where he wanted to be. He is not an ungrateful kid, but the budgetary factors are not what’s affecting him. The $$, in our case, is delightful but not the key thing. For whatever reasons (I’ve guessed above), he now feels Tulane is where he wants to be. Do we say - go to A, you made your bed now sleep in it? For those who see ED rules as black and white, and think there is no excuse to still be growing in one’s depth of knowledge re this whole process, we have sinned. In our case, it’s not take the money and run, game the system, etc. It’s an evolution of thought that, granted, shouldn’t have taken place but did, partly due to outside events and partly due to a 17-year old claiming to be certain of something (why wouldn’t he be, he’s in possesion of all knowledge in the universe?) when he wasn’t. That’s my whole rub with ED, the questionable appropriateness of committing when you don’t have the whole picture. But I never in a million years could have anticipated this (well, I could have if I’d been on CC). I will advise all friends not yet in this process to be there early and often.</p>