<p>As the MIL of a DIL who does her nails in the family room, sometimes forgets to use a coaster, and falls asleep on the couch with the dog, I am darned glad she joined our family! 
She fits right in! (Esp. since I have been known to do the same thing!)</p>
<p>Pizza-Seattle was still mostly woods 90 years ago. But in New England it wasn’t out of bounds to see 90-year-old furniture in someone’s house.My childhood desk was from the early 1900’s-bought by my parents at an estate sale, the hutch was probably almost as old. But in Seattle-I don’t run across that too often.</p>
<p>Glad OP has it all worked out with her DIL. And Counting-I think you and my mom would have gotten along.</p>
<p>I am one of the people who has a large dog that constantly sheds (even though he has short hair he sheds more than any longhaired dog I ever met). He is allowed on all the couches and beds. It’s not that I necessarily LIKE couches covered in dog hair, but having him next to me and his comfort (he really wants to be close - touching and is a very cuddly dog) is far more important than what’s on my couches or what they look like. He is a member of my family, and it’s as much his home as it is mine, and I want him to enjoy all the comforts. Stuff is just stuff. </p>
<p>I would neither want nor care for any furniture (either passed down or bought) that wouldn’t allow for a dog on it - basically, I would just let the dog come up one way or another ;), so if someone wanted to pass down furniture they expected me to keep in pristine shape, I would politely decline. </p>
<p>I grew up in a house where the dog wasn’t allowed on the couch. I made my decision back then that if I ever get a dog or any other animal, they will be allowed on all the couches. I couldn’t be happier with my decision :)</p>
<p>ellebud: it sounds like you are feeling better today!</p>
<p>After 27 years of marriage, I still would not be comfortable painting my nails at my MIL’s house. (Mostly what I want to do there is clean, but I don’t because it would offend.) I probably wouldn’t have come by with my grandmother for a visit, either. I think you’ve done quite well that she is so comfortable at your home.</p>
<p>I am feeling better today. Thank you! Future DIL dropped over for lunch and we talked about silly stuff. Nothing important, just pleasant. And the grandmother is one of the nicest, brightest and together person that I have met in a long time. </p>
<p>I think that regardless of the issue this thread should be read by future in laws. The issues may change, but the advice doesn’t. And yes, there are differences of opinion but it is a wake up moment for all sides.</p>
<p>Thank you!</p>
<p>I’m kind with Hunt on this one:</p>
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<p>You don’t mention whether a look of horror flashed over your face before you opened your mouth (it easily could have). And the comments about the living room – also remind me all to much of my mom’s house where it is all about having things “look nice” and not about people “living there”. I do know from past posts that you have the MIL from h*** – but many, many kids have moved further from their parents for much less than what your MIL put you through. Your DIL will have a whole lot of say in how much you see your son and grandkids in the next 40 years… Even if this one issue blows over, you really want to think hard about whether taking care of your nice stuff is worth jeopardizing that relationship. We live 600 miles from my parents, and partly because it is exhausting to visit them for various reasons. And too much focus on their “nice stuff” is part of it. I’d much rather have a great relationship with that third generation than have furniture in pristine condition to give them, so watch that your focus on the “stuff” doesn’t drive them away.</p>
<p>Bevhills,</p>
<p>I hate to be bluntly honest about this but you were 100% correct.</p>
<p>Your future DIL was reared in a barn … she had no clue … it’s just the way young people are these days.</p>
<p>I would totally have asked her to do her nails in a place that wouldn’t damage the furniture. No apologies necessary. Also, no judgment necessary about living in a barn, as someone did above. No reason to go there, think that.</p>
<p>BUT, what I don’t get, is how disgusted some posters are about fingernail clippings. I really don’t care if someone (clean) clips their nails in my living room. They are just fingernails. We aren’t talking about smelly things. It all seems a bit prissy.</p>
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<p>Why IS it that when ONE young person does something bad then somehow it’s reflective of an entire generation but when ONE young person does something fantastic, it is considered a fluke or something? Ugh. No. Most young people aren’t like this.</p>
<p>@red: I’m about as “unprissy” and classless (as I’ve been told on here) as you can be and I still find nails gross. Sometimes things just bother people for no reason other than they find it yucky.</p>
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<p>Oh, puhlease…</p>
<p>Generalization, much? Geez.</p>
<p>I do agree that she shouldn’t have been doing her nails anywhere but the bathroom. My D spilled a bottle of nail polish remover on my cherry coffee table after YEARS of being told NOT to do her nails anywhere but the bathroom or on the kitchen counter (formica…talk about classless).</p>
<p>She thought she wouldn’t spill it. Thought it would be fine. And then…a bubbling, oozing finish on half the coffee table. </p>
<p>It should just be common sense. And if common sense doesn’t tell someone NOT to do something, they shouldn’t be offended when someone else does.</p>
<p>Yesterday I saw a man walking through a store parking lot. As he walked he put one finger to each of his nostrils and blew hard through the other. You know…to clear his nose. I guess he thought he was alone, in his bathroom.</p>
<p>Another time I saw a man start clipping his nails at the counter of a burger joint. Yup. Just clipped away while the people around him tried to eat.</p>
<p>And one other time, I saw someone whip out the dental floss at a restaurant and start flossing away after his dinner.</p>
<p>I don’t think that trying to keep a nice home and protect your belongings equates with having a home that is not meant to be lived in. I have a very casual home but I have boundaries. </p>
<p>By the way, if you ever ruin the finish on a wood table with nail polish remover, sand it with fine grit sand paper and then rub mayonnaise into the area. Buff and it looks as good as new. :)</p>
<p>Bev, glad to hear you’re feeling better since having lunch together today. :)</p>
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<p>Yes, it is. And lots of my other furniture is much older than that. A lot of it was my grandmother’s. (Ellebud, that sofa has belonged to three generations of my family so far. 
) Some of it was my parents’. Some of it was antique when they acquired it. We actually haven’t bought much furniture ourselves, to tell you the truth. :)</p>
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I know right. Where did these young kids go wrong?</p>
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Call it prissy, but I don’t want your dead cell chunks lying all over my floor. Grooming is to be done in the bathroom or bedroom.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your insight (from all of you, even if you don’t agree). I will say for the record: I do have a wonderful family. And this includes significant others. (I really REALLy love them all.) No one is perfect…and I have to pick my points of difference. Do I mention that one SO likes sweet wine? Makes me want to retch, but I always have it on hand. One of my SO must have kale salad, and since I never know how many people are coming to dinner, I always have fresh kale available. </p>
<p>I may be a bit controlling, but I try. </p>
<p>Consolation: A 90 year old sofa will be a much better quality than something new. I have a early 19th century credenza. It is beautiful…far nicer than anything I could purchase now. (in the living room…).</p>
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<p>Oh good grief. She didn’t think for a moment, and broke a house rule she didn’t know existed. Big whoops. That’s a little extreme.</p>
<p>This is along the lines of letting a dog jump up on the furniture and being told in our house the dogs don’t go on the sofa. They don’t in mine, but that doesn’t mean anyone who does was “raised in a barn.” Or feeding a dog table food and being told in our house the dog is only to eat dog food and not to be fed from the table. That’s what we do, but it doesn’t mean people who feed their dogs from the table were “raised in barns.” People do things different ways. It’s a big, big world out there.</p>
<p>What you did is not a social faux pas in the very least. DIL is completely in the wrong here for not asking whether it is ok to do the manicure and where. </p>
<p>After all, it is your house, not her’s. </p>
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<p>This is a type of entitlement mentality/presumptuousness which puzzles and annoys me to no end. </p>
<p>When you’re in someone else’s house, you don’t have the right/entitlement to assume you can do whatever you want there. Especially if it is something which may be unsanitary and/or has potential to cause damage to the house or property within. </p>
<p>While I’d personally wouldn’t have a problem if they did it in my apartment’s living room or bathroom…I can understand why other homeowners would have a serious issue with this behavior. Some I’ve known regard it on par with picking one’s nose in front of other people. </p>
<p>However, I would regard that as a bit odd as most people I know do manicures at their homes or in manicure parlors…not while being guests in someone else’s home.</p>
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<p>Agree with the first part. However, IME…it is certainly not limited solely to “young people”. It’s more about whether someone has genuine respect for the other person and his/her property or not issue. </p>
<p>An affliction which affects folks of all age groups.</p>
<p>I think what you said was totally fine, bevhills. And you seem to be past it at this point, so that’s good!</p>
<p>I think that alh’s comment in #23 about keeping the water ring that a friend left on an end table is very sweet! (#hopes for that level of serenity)</p>