<p>bevhills, I haven’t read through all the comments but I cannot believe anyone would blame you for this. I would have objected on the basis of the smell alone–it can linger in the air for hours, and some people find it irritating. And Pizzagirl is right–all kinds of things can and do go wrong with nail polish and nail polish remover. My daughter and I both know that.</p>
<p>Your DIL seems either clueless or presumptuous. I’m guessing she hasn’t been taught to use coasters either, and that her parents’ homes are full of ring-marked wood furniture.</p>
<p>You and she are still getting used to each other as you prepare for her to become part of your family. Definitely put this behind you and try to enjoy the lead up to the wedding!</p>
<p>Actually, I think your DIL might misinterpret the gift of the manicure. She might think you are sending the message that you would prefer she not do her nails in your home at all. Or worse yet she might interpret it as a statement that one does not do their own nails.</p>
<p>Haven’t read the entire thread, but you certainly were ‘allowed’ to say something. A reasonable request, indeed…no faux pas. Let it go. For me, the takeaway is you now have insight into an easy present for her–mani/pedi gift cards! Consider sending her a note in the next few days to let her know you are glad she’s joining your family.</p>
<p>^^I doubt it would be misinterpreted …just an olive branch IMO. At some point perhaps a ‘girl’s day out’ to a day spa? I think it depends upon your personality–I’d turn it into a light-hearted occurrence rather than walk on egg shells about the incident…</p>
<p>If it were me, I wouldn’t give the mani/pedi gift at all. It just prolongs any tension or bad feelings by reminding her of the situation. Better to let it go entirely.</p>
<p>She could have just been so anxious/ distracted that her common sense got buried temporarily. Lets hope so.
I agree that in the bathroom or kitchen with the fan on would be most appropriate.
I think I would have just focused on the smell rather than implying that she was sloppy.
I don’t know what her personality is like, but I have known people who came off as annoyed when they actually were embarrassed.</p>
<p>I agree with emerald, maybe she was just embarrassed. It seems to be rather obnoxious to be annoyed if you were just asking her to do her nails elsewhere, so unless she is annoyed often at trivial things, maybe she was only embarrassed. I wouldn’t worry about it one bit. You have every right to ask any guest to relocate their activities, whatever they might be, in your own home. As long as you were polite, and it sounds like you were…I wouldn’t give it a second thought. I know you want to please, but you don’t need to worry about something as small as this.</p>
<p>I am wondering why this one event was so upsetting. Do you have a good relationship with her in general? If so, this shouldn’t be a big deal, and she won’t be stewing over it. </p>
<p>Do you have any daughters? They can be so moody, and often their reaction has nothing to do with you. </p>
<p>I would move on, and continue to build a warm relationship.</p>
<p>In my experience if someone seems “quite annoyed” , then it’s more likely than not they are. It could be that your future DIL had a visceral reaction to being asked or told “what to do.” It could be that she feels so “comfortable” with you that she thinks nothing of giving you a bit of attitude. Or it could be that she’s got a bit of a temper. Hard to know from here. You did say there are significant family issues, so who knows, maybe there was some kind of trigger.</p>
<p>How I would react would depend on the definition of “quite annoyed.” If she was stomping and complaining, as opposed to a rolled eyes moment or a sigh, then I’d have taken her aside to talk. </p>
<p>As far as treating future DIL to a manicure anytime soon, ,my sense is that you were kidding, but if not, I would not consider this. It could come across as patronizing. Besides, if anything, she’s the one who should be making a greater effort with you, not the other way around.</p>
<p>I think the future DIL is more than a bit oblivious. People presume makeup to be non-toxic but the chemicals included in nail polish and nail polish remover are sold alongside toxins and solvents at the hardware store! What if she had gotten nail polish on something upholstered or on a rug? </p>
<p>And clipping your nails without thought of where the clippings will end up is truly clueless. It’s like people who brush crumbs or eraser bits onto the floor. They’re clearly not doing their own cleaning and expect that the magical forces of the universe will take care of it all. </p>
<p>If you think it would be awkward at this point to give her a gift certificate to a nail salon, try giving her a larger gift certificate to a day spa where she can choose whether or not to get her nails done or something else. A pre-wedding relaxation day! Maybe you and her Grandmother can go along.</p>
<p>I too wonder if rather than annoyed, the DIL was just taken by surprise and didn’t quite know what to do. I’m picturing her reacting as I would, exclaiming “Oh!”, grabbing my stuff and rushing off to hide in the guest room or something. I’m shy and hard of hearing-I often am thought of as being “crabby” or “unhappy” around people when it’s just that I’m unsure of myself and often wondering what I’m not hearing. I’ve been accused of being rude more than once.</p>
<p>Not that we have a marble table, but my younger D once started doing her nails at what we do have with no protective covering and while H was horrified, she figured she was good enough at it that she wasn’t GOING to spill. He asked to humor him, please cover the table-problem solved. But it just hadn’t occurred to her. I’d bet on the DIL not thinking about the possible problems because it her house it’s just not an issue.</p>
<p>As a teen I used to babysit for a family with fine things, rooms that were off-limits (even to their own kids) and rules about who could do what, where. I never felt comfortable there, even in the rooms I WAS allowed in. I was always sure I was going to break one of the rules inadvertently and was paranoid that one of the kids would cross the border into one of the off-limits rooms and I’d get in trouble. It made me appreciate my own rather sloppy but fun home where dogs could get up on the couch and the dining room table had a certain “weathered” look.</p>
<p>For the life of me, I can’t understand why people think it is nice to have couches covered with dirt and dog hair. Who wants to sit on that? And, as a person who has always had double-coated large dogs who shed constantly, I am not one of those people who faints at the sight of dog hair floating around on the floor.</p>
<p>I really love dogs, but my dogs stay on the floor. They also have their own bed, which usually is next to my bed.</p>
<p>My house is very comfortable, but I see no reason for the entire space to be given over to personal grooming, kids’ art projects and toys, feet on the table, water rings on every surface, and other such stuff. We use every room, including the double parlor and study and dining room. We use the real china and the silver. Nothing is kept “for company” or special occasions. But that doesn’t mean that things should be abused. That does not lead to a pleasant, gracious environment.</p>
<p>We just recently bought new couches and our main criteria was whether they were dog durable lol. Our pit sheds so little that a quick vacuum of the couches once a week erases all dog evidence. But if people have an issue with it, there are chairs where she can’t sit so they can sit there :)</p>
<p>romani, one difference might be that when I buy a piece of furniture I expect it to last for the rest of my life, and be able to pass it on to my S. The sofa in my living room was bought by my parents at an estate sale circa 1950. It has been recovered and slip covered several times. It’s a great piece of furniture from the 1920s. You couldn’t duplicate it today. Lots of contemporary furniture is basically disposable.</p>
<p>Vacuums. Dust cloths. Brooms. The couch was a very sturdy piece that held up to 7 people and two dogs-recovered and sold only when we all had moved out. It never sagged or was otherwise ruined by the dogs. It was from Ethan Allen.</p>
<p>When my girls go to their SO’s home, I often do remind them that it is not their home, so mind their Ps and Qs. But in our house, we don’t usually trim our nails outside of our room or bathroom. The girls will bring their nail polish to the family room sometimes while we watch TV, and will place nail polish removal and polish on a napkin/towel. They wouldn’t do their nails in front of company or at someone else’s home.</p>
<p>Many years ago, my brother brought his GF (now wife) to my parents’ home. My SIL fell asleep on a coach in the living room, which upset my parents because they felt it was not polite to take over a whole couch and sleep in front of people she didn’t too well. Over the years, my parents have had many strange notion about what DIL, SIL should do or not do. Bless my SIL, she has always taken my parents’ craziness with stride (or she just really loves my brother a lot).</p>
<p>As the “mother” of two large goldens, both of them adopted, I know dog hair. The kitchen and morning room are swiftered every day…as is the entry hall and the den. Why? We have friends who are allergic. I want them to come over and not have an attack.</p>
<p>The living room and formal dining room have doggie gates. The dogs can’t go in there. or so we though. One of our dogs was a revenge pee=er. After she died I discovered that she had “buried” bones (the rawhide kind) in our sofa and the chairs. I thought that it was a gift to us</p>
<p>I think that most of you are correct: she may have been upset that she just didn’t "know " what she should have done. </p>
<p>To all of you who helped decipher the code of other things that were really going on or may have been going on…thank you. Consolation: Me too. I truly hope that some of my furniture will go to my children…some of this is 3 generations in use. Boys…thank you. And yes, there are many scenarios that could have been in play…the why and possibly other buttons that I may have pushed.</p>
<p>I know that entering a family is challenging. We are, by all reports, VERY close. (I feel the closeness. To quote RHONJ…you think that you need to get to the mom…no…the sisters. (Caroline Manzo) And I have gone to great lengths (happily) to make her feel happy and wanted. And she has done the same. I was thrown for a loop…but…It seems like things have blown over. Future dil is coming over today to pick up a few things. I’m buying lunch.</p>