<p>^ it was just my opinion bev, I obviously don’t know you. But based on your reply, you do sound ( to me) like being “right” is what’s important. You don’t really want to consider a different point of view, you just want everyone to agree that the girl is a barbarian and you had to do what you had to do. Ok.</p>
<p>Your post about the red wine didn’t mention a " party" just your son going in the room and sitting on your couch. A party is a different animal.</p>
<p>3BM, the OP had plenty of places where the gal could do her nails. I do not have anything that is too nice…but what I DO have In certain rooms could be damaged by nail products…and I would have nicely asked the girl to move too. </p>
<p>When people have beverages in my family room, I politely hand them coasters. I’m not a fan of liquid damage to my tables and such. So far, no one has told me they were offended.</p>
<h1>61^^oh boy - I’ve been interpreting that ellebud is guilt ridden over nothing.</h1>
<p>My best guess (knowing no one in the story!) is that DIL was much less distressed than you by the incident. It is clear you want to be the best MIL ever after your own bad experience. I agree with making DILs feel welcome, but after a brief honeymoon period - they have to become part of the family. Don’t they? If ellebud’s daughters aren’t allowed to do manicures in the den, why should the DIL? If I walked in on one of my kid’s visiting friends doing a manicure in the dining room, I would say absolutely nothing. I don’t have daughters. If it were my niece or my DIL, I would absolutely say something.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, when did I say or even hint that I felt she was a barbarian? I asked her not to do her nails on the marble table. Should I have said anything or let it happen again and again? That was my question…simple.</p>
<p>And yes, I am not happy that I could have hurt her feelings. She is a terrific young woman and we are delighted that she is to become part of our family…sans the beauty treatments in the den.</p>
<p>Just curious…they live less than a mile from you and she was doing her nails at YOUR house? Why didn’t she just do them at her house either before coming over, or after she returned home?</p>
<p>You definitely should have said something. Allowing her to do it again and again is just unfair to her. You aren’t treating her like one of the family in that case. And potentially putting her in an even more embarrassing position.</p>
<p>imho</p>
<p>eta: I have the same house rules for DIL as sons. I have different house rules than her parents. This does not seem to have created any problems. She spends every holiday at my house. She talks to me about the future grandchildren. I think it’s all good between us.</p>
<p>It is my opinion that most people would be *more *upset to have damaged something than to be redirected to a more appropriate/more substance tolerant spot. At least that is the way I hope I would feel.</p>
<p>My son’s GF impressed me from the very beginning by removing her shoes in our front hall – and ours is not a very fancy house. But I do appreciate not having to clean more than the minimum! What I like is that she respects keeping things, and places, from deteriorating. This thread makes me think I should tell her mom how much I appreciate son’s GF’s thoughtfulness in that respect.</p>
<p>thumper: Future dil came over for lunch bringing her grandmother who is possibly the nicest, bright, and fun woman I have met in a long time We were all going out later for dinner together. We were just hanging out and talking. I guess that future dil was dressed and wanted to do her nails and let them dry…here.</p>
<p>^Clearly, bevhills, you have made future DIL feel very welcome in your home. And that is a “good thing.” </p>
<p>When she went a bit astray re house rules, you guided her back on track. Another good thing IMO.</p>
<p>Relax – this is a small matter. (There probably *will *be bigger ones for all us mom-in-laws!)</p>
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<p>Haha…She’s not a dog!</p>
<p>I think the most important part of this is that you are trying to make sure that you have a good relationship with your future DIL. And to the person who said she will likely influence how much your S and future grandchildren visit - that is true. You said you had an awful relationship with your in-laws. I am in my late 40’s and have in-laws who have insulted me directly and indirectly over the years. Once, my MIL asked me “why is it that you can fight with your mom and your sister, and get over it, but you hold it against me forever?” I thought about it - also discussed with a counselor I was seeing at the time - and came up with this, which I think is relevant to your post.</p>
<p>In-law relationships are like a bank account. If you make many “deposits” in the form of positive interactions, and have a “full” account, then you can afford the occasional “withdrawal” or faux-pas. But if you are at “zero” than any little slight or “withdrawal” puts you in a “negative” or “overdrawn” situation. It sounds like Bev has a great relationship, so even if this was an awkward encounter, everything should be fine in the long run.</p>
<p>It sounds like you tried to tread your future DIL in a way that you would treat someone you truly care about, and that is what matters. I think she will feel that caring in the long run. Caring for your furniture/things and people are NOT mutually exclusive.</p>
<p>Hi Ellebud–</p>
<p>I haven’t read the whole thread–but my take would be that a young adult should know that you don’t do manicures or use chemicals on a marble table. Period. Or on any piece of furniture that has a finish that can be damaged–for example, polish remover is removing “paint” from her nails–easy extrapolation, polish remover will remove the “paint”/finish from furniture too.</p>
<p>No faux pas.</p>
<p>She should know better; a polite reminder or request from you should not even have been necessary.</p>
<p>I think you were totally fine in asking her to please take the nail polish into another room where you would prefer her to use it. It is hard to imagine she was miffed at you, but maybe she was simply embarrassed. I’d let it go. Keep in mind that she in fact must feel quite comfortable in your home to do this in the first place, and she visits frequently and so in the scheme of things, it sounds like the relationship is fine. It’s your home and if you don’t want certain items in certain rooms and you politely ask, you are doing nothing wrong at all and she should comply willingly.</p>
<p>I think it’s common knowledge that nail polish remover is pretty caustic and damaging. I think you did nothing wrong. But I wouldn’t “gift” her with a manicure or pretty polish. Just let it go.</p>
<p>If she was annoyed then I feel sorry for your son…</p>
<p>Bev, for some reason there was something about this occurrence that was disturbing and left you with unreconciled feelings enough such that you felt compelled to write about it here. Maybe it seemed unexpected or out of character? I have no idea, just guessing. There was a third person present, the grandmother. Threes can be hard. Maybe there was something in the dynamic, the discussion, who knows…</p>
<p>There may have been more to this conversation that I am unaware. (Thank you for giving me that possibility) I love my friends and family…and when loved ones are brought into the mix the happier I am.</p>
<p>I am unsettled and this is unusual for me. I am going to forget it. We have a wedding to plan! And I hoped that I would make it to this time…I intend to have a blast!</p>
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<p>I don’t understand this comment in the context of this situation. It wasn’t as though bevhills objected to the girl sitting on a sofa or otherwise using a room as intended. She was using substances that have the potential to cause a lot of damage. Nail polish and nail polish remover, if spilled, ruin things. They are the equivalent of bleach or Krazy Glue – easy to have an accident and something is ruined.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter if the things are the heirlooms from the queen or cheap stuff from IKEA – you don’t cavalierly and deliberately use substances that ruin other people’s things. In my own house, my D and I wouldn’t use nail polish remover unless we were in the bathroom and using towels or rags underneath that could be tossed if ruined. They are just damaging substances.</p>
<p>From what I can see online, there are ingredients in nail polish remover (not the acetone) that can cause etching on marble. I’m still not sure about the effect of acetone itself on sealed surfaces, but it seems to be a moot point.</p>
<p>Let it go. Me thinks your future DIL is NOT stewing over this! </p>
<p>In my opinion you made a reasonable request of her. And it’s done.</p>
<p>Now…on to the wedding planning!!</p>