<p>Hunt: It was an even tone, not angry because nothing had happened…yet. And future dil has gone with my girls and me to get mani pedis together. (Yes, I pay for everyone).</p>
<p>But this is a new question: Why would I pick a fight with anyone? It is so easy to say what you mean nicely and move on.</p>
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<p>Here…let me fix that…</p>
<p>The only excuse I can imagine for her is that she might be oblivious.</p>
<p>Bev, having seen a new piece of furniture get the finish ruined one week after arrival at home as a kid, I could understand if a parent were to sound a little annoyed if they thought someone was unthinkingly manhandling something special of theirs. Patience is a virtue but humans are humans.</p>
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<p>okay - now I have an opinion 
Take her with you for a few weeks and after a while give her gift certificates when there is an occasion for a present. If she has already been with you for mani pedis, she shouldn’t reasonably interpret invitations or certificates now as an insult of any kind. Problem solved!</p>
<p>Here is the thing. If a guest in my home is unconsciously damaging something, I will try my very best not to say anything. My kids know the rules. My DIL has the same rules as the kids. All are equally nagged. It has recently been brought to my attention that their visiting friends also come in for some nagging. (not about furniture ever though) I always have a full house, in spite of all the nagging.</p>
<p>Based on the additional information, I think I’d skip the gift altogether. Her nails should not be or become a control issue for anyone. You’re entitled to your house rules.</p>
<p>And my grand piano is not a freaking table for cripes sake, it’s a musical instrument. People should be comfortable and have enough brains to respect nice stuff. If not they should live in a pig pen. Good luck with your future daughter in law. If she is annoyed at that simple request, now, I see much awkwardness in your future.</p>
<p>oh yes, I needed a flat smooth surface for my manicure and the back of your guitar was perfect!</p>
<p>My dog has for some strange reason started to lick our oriental carpet, leaving a large wet spot. That don’t fly neither!</p>
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Possible good news. She will not scrutinize the pre-nup plus the home manicure indicates she is prudent with her spending–just don’t do it on fine furniture and wood floors.</p>
<p>IMO, the d-i-l should have apologized. To act miffed at being told to manicure in another room is just bad manners on her part. It’s your house and she needs to follow your wishes, even if she disagrees/doesn’t understand. </p>
<p>I grew up in a working class/lower middle class culture. Extremely informal. Wear shoes in the house. Nothing of value in the house. Nothing fancy that kids can’t touch. . . and we don’t do nail polish.
But even <em>I</em> think it is rude and clueless of her not to do her manicure in the bathroom/bedroom. Everything is casual in MY world, but I don’t think you are being picky or materialistic for wanting to keep your nice things nice. In her own home she can groom at the kitchen table. But to assume she can just go, without asking, into your “best room” with chemicals that could stain or ruin finish if spilled–she really ought to have more sense. (Didn’t her mother ever teach her anything? 
)
For goodness sake, don’t even think of giving her a gift (as if YOU are apologizing to HER). Just forget about it and hope it doesn’t come up again.</p>
<p>ellebud: Are your son and DIL going to be living with you? Maybe living with you now? </p>
<p>If so, I like the mani gift idea even more.</p>
<p>I’m confused as to why there needs to be gift giving… did I miss an event? It’s something to keep in mind for a future need for a gift but this situation certainly doesn’t warrant a gift.</p>
<p>And if she’s embarrassed by what happened, I don’t think she’d want a reminder.</p>
<p>I’m not apologizing to her. I was really wondering if I came out sounding “wrong” to say what I did during the manicure time…or after. She was doing the manicure in the den. I know that everyone is afraid of my living room.</p>
<p>My son (this is the humor in my family) one day threatened to sit in my living room…on the sofa…in jeans. AND he would wiggle to ruin the conformation of the pillows. AND he was going to take a glass of red wine in there. he didn’t take the red wine…but he did sit in the living room. All alone…all alone…except for the dogs who joined him and jumped on the sofa…</p>
<p>I am always looking for gifts for my kids for birthdays, Chanukah, Christmas…and Yeah it’s Tuesday! So my shopping for gifts now isn’t unusual. I already have a few Chanukah gifts ready to go.</p>
<p>What about biting nails?</p>
<p>What about biting nails and spitting them out? What about biting nails and spitting them out onto hardwood floors?</p>
<p>Yes, I’m being silly. Have a great day everyone. :)</p>
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<p>Me too, and I completely agree. </p>
<p>I think the DIL was quite uncouth to be doing a manicure in a reception room at someone else’s house, and as atomom said above ot act miffed about it is out of line.</p>
<p>One can only hope that this behavior is an aberration. I would not get anything nail-related for her; I think it would likely be taken badly. I would just not mention it again.</p>
<p>No they are not living with us. They live in an apartment 7 minutes from here. And before people say Ah Ha! Know but this: our home is 9 short blocks from where I grew up. This is not unusual. Most of my generation have been able to stay in West Los Angeles or the Valley or now…beach communities. So, this is natural…we stay if we can. It is not unusual to see faces from high school, college who still live here. My son is looking for a house. And he is looking here. </p>
<p>Funny how someone used the words prenup…that word has been used by several of our friends. We aren’t suggesting anything. After all, when we got married I had a savings account and a nice(r) car…Mr. Ellebud didn’t…although he had potential, as we used to say. So…we shall see.</p>
<p>We had a weekly babysitter who did her nails at our house. She must have spilled something on the pull-out keyboard drawer under my desk. The armrest part of the drawer has the finish taken off, now flat and dull instead of shiny and finished like the rest of the desk. I guess she was doing her nails and surfing the net on my computer. </p>
<p>I was unhappy about it but decided not to say anything about it. If I was there while she was doing it, you can be sure I would have asked her not to do her nails at my desk!</p>
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I agree. If I need to do emergency nail repair while away from home, I do it in the bathroom. D’s ‘probable’ future MIL made mani-pedi appointments the last time D visited. D was delighted. </p>
<p>Bevhills - I am sure you were perfectly calm and polite. If she is upset, she’ll get over it once she tells a friend and the friend tells her that you were correct.</p>
<p>IMHO, I think you may need to work on the “warm and fuzzy” side of your personality. You sound like you may be wound a little tight ( given the scenario with your son on the couch) and future dil doesn’t understand where you are coming from. I get the impression that your “stuff” is more important than people feeling comfortable in your home. Seriously, no red wine in the living room?</p>
<p>So she made a faux pas… Big deal! Why couldn’t you have just said something like," Oh sweetheart, I’m sure you never spill your manicure items but that darn marble is just so sensitive…blah blah blah. Let me help you take that to the table out back." Easy Peasy. No one likes to be " shamed" or be made to feel “uncultured”. Yes, she made a mistake but this is FAMILY. There are gentler ways to get what you want.</p>
<p>Please keep in mind that SHE will most likely decide how often they come for a visit and how much access you have to future grandchildren. You will always rank #2 to your son ( if you’ve raised him right) so put some effort into making sure she feels welcome. You can stand your ground and be " right" but I guarantee you’ll pay the price.</p>
<p>Tone is everything with this sort of thing. It’s important to avoid the use of the royal We which will feel very condescending. On the whole, isn’t it great she feels so comfortable in your home.</p>
<p>A friend of mine had the “pleasure” of going to the Super Bowl on Donald Trumps jet. No red wine allowed.</p>
<p>:You know I may be wound a little tight…but I said it (in front of HER grandmother who was visiting for lunch) in an offhanded way. And when the grand children come…I will take everything dangerous and pack up. Crystal and china…packed up…heavy dangerous items…gone. I will call one of the companies to child safety and hire them…I have already taken the rose bushes out of the backyard. But I do appreciate the fact that you assume what I said and how nasty I was when I said it.</p>
<p>And since I had the in laws from hell…anyone who has followed us here…I did have the in laws from hell. I learned…plenty. Son and future dil come for dinner every Sunday night…not my idea or my insisting…we go out as a family most Sundays. And future dil comes over a minimum of 1 day a week.</p>
<p>As for the red wine and big parties: ask anyone who has nice carpet, rugs or sensitive upholstry…you don’t serve it at big parties that are in house. The first thing the caterer says is, “No red wine.”,or drippy soy sauce…red beets…unless we are outdoors…all bets are off.</p>