D19 said this to me last year: “We could probably power a small city with the combined angst of students and their parents”. Ha! We could power the entire city with MY angst alone 
@Sarrip - posts grow like weeds, and there is no way of controlling it. Everyone will project their feelings, beliefs and experiences, sometimes it’s related the questions you asked, many times it’s not. But all so interesting to me.
@Sarrip - posts grow like weeds, and there is no way of controlling it. Everyone will project their feelings, beliefs and experiences, sometimes it’s related the questions you asked, many times it’s not. But all so interesting to me.
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@Nhatrang - I’m not sure what you are referring to?
“The comments about students only getting opportunities because they went to private elites is short sighted. As we don’t have time turners and can’t be in two schools at once, it’s impossible to know how things would have played out elsewhere. A student bright enough to be admitted to HYPS would shine at lower rank school and who knows what kinds of experiences that could have brought.”
I agree with this and think the reasons go beyond grades and just being bright enough. The elite universities tend to have students with focus and who are actively engaged in their education process. They seek out opportunities to learn beyond the classroom. You put those students into a less elite school and what will happen? They will still be focused and actively engaged. They will take advantage of the opportunities afforded them and stand out to professors and others in and outside of the university environment. Being a top student in college will get you noticed but only the student can use that to turn it into research opportunities, internships or coop opportunities. Only the student can seek out leadership positions, projects, become a teaching assistant, tutor or mentor others. All of these things and others I haven’t even thought about are some of the things focused and engaged students seek out and participate in, not just because they should, but because they want to. It’s in their nature. It’s those characteristics which lead to success. The school is just the vehicle.
Kiddo #1 turned down an ivy for a full ride elsewhere. It was a decision that we both cried over. My tears were from a feeling of failure of not being able to afford her dream school that she’d worked so hard from. (Before anyone gets on me for allowing her to apply to a school we couldn’t afford - we could barely afford it based on NPC, but as I am self-employed, the NPC wasn’t as accurate as we had thought it was.)
She quickly got over it. She loves that she doesn’t have to have a work-study job. She’s active in several organizations and has an active social life as well.
BUT - and this is probably not what others want to hear - at this point we are concerned about employment opportunities due to graduating from safety vs Ivy. There isn’t the same level of recruiting. She has struggled to get internship interviews (even with excellent academics and activities in her resume). Although the original idea was to get a job for a few years and then consider grad school, she’s looking to go to grad school direct if she can get into a prestigous program.
I was accepted into every PhD program I applied to, including Cal & UCLA, with full funding, after attending a small, not-very-highly-ranked LAC (a “CTCL” school) on a full ride (NMF). There is another poster here whose high-stats son turned down more elite schools to take a full ride + funded research at Bama, who is now doing a PhD in astrophysics at Cal. Perhaps it’s true that your DD would not have been able to accomplish what she has, or get into Cal, without having attended Harvard, but I can assure you that plenty of other students can, and do.
@Corraleno Congrats to your daughter, it is very good to hear!
Would you mind sharing if your D has high GPA at Harvard? My friend’s son who graduated from Cal with EECS degree with GPA of 3.7. He applied to MANY grad schools and the only one that accepted him is Purdue. He knew he wouldn’t get accepted at Cal b/c they rarely accepted undergrads from Cal, he has been told. He loves Purdue, but it’s a bit surprising to us that a GPA of 3.7 was considered low for grad school, especially it wasn’t easy to get high GPA at Cal for CS major.
How can one possible know what she could or could not have achieved or accomplished if she went to a lesser school? The only answer is that she can’t know.
Students who are dedicated and curious and hardworking seem to excel in any college setting.
My S applied ED to a school and we are waiting to hear still. Yet, we got a full ride from another school. If the ED school doesn’t give us money, we can’t go. Can we break the contract for ED if we show the schools we can’t afford it and show them the better offers?
While I completely agree that @collegedad13 DD could not possibly know that she could not have achieved great things if she had not gone to Harvard or “similar school”, there are schools, well down the rankings list, that would not offer a very bright, intellectually curious kid a good education. Quality does matter, but the difference between students at the top 20 and the top 50 or even 75 is not as wide as people seem to think. But between Harvard and directional state U in many states? Quite a gap.
Many people have had remarkable careers coming from schools outside of the top 20.
All of my kids were disappointed they couldn’t go to the full pay private at the top of their list, but ended up happy at the affordable choice. I honestly did not feel bad about not being able to give them all they wanted, as I came from a relatively poor family so being able to give them a nice childhood and afford college felt like a win.
@georgiac Yes you can break the ED agreement if it’s not affordable. That’s really the only reason. Did you run the Net Price Calculator before applying to get an idea of what aid might be expected?
I feel sorry for any student who believes their hard work in HS “was all for nothing” if they don’t get into a prestigious school. Some kids are able to see the knowledge, skills, and self-confidence they gain from working hard as a reward in itself, not as a sacrifice they make in the hope of winning a prize. Some kids don’t care about the “prestige” of a college any more than they care about the perceived prestige of the car they drive or the clothing brands they wear; they look for what best suits their needs, gets them where they want to go, and fits them well.
@GeorgiaC - They will not care about better offers because your son agreed to attend if accepted however if it’s unaffordable (whatever that means) then you are not obligated. This is the reason I did not allow DD20 to apply anywhere ED despite her desires because I wanted to see all the offers in hand prior to making a decision. She feels that she would have been done with this process and able to focus on other things. True, she would have been done with the process of being accepted but we would not have been done crunching the numbers and stressing over paying her tuition. I have no regrets.
I think you meant to tag collegedad13, not me. My kid actually chose a strong OOS public over several T20 privates, including an Ivy, because the flagship was higher ranked in his major, with better resources and course options, than any of the more “prestigious” schools that would have cost $300K more. He is currently a sophomore with a 3.98 GPA, has already taken many 300- and 400-level courses in his major, and has definitely attracted the attention of profs in both his major and minor. He is confident he will have excellent options for grad school.
@“Erin’s Dad” We did do the net price calculator. The tricky thing is that we are divorced and now having had different offers come back all using the same data – we are receiving different financial aid awards - One school offered $5,000 aid and one offered $25,000 financial aid. As long as we have a case, I feel good about going back. Thanks for this. If it turns out the aid isn’t what we need, then it builds in to the topic above is that my S will go to a less well known school but it is still a good school and will get a lot in his major and the experience overall.
Honestly, I look at 1000s of resumes and we never really look at the school anyway so my two cents is that the school name doesn’t matter these days as much as people
“feel or think” it does; unless applying to graduate school.
@S did EA 7 schools and my S got in to all of them with great packgaes so we actually do have a contrast to the ED II we have done. However, I think you are right that the early ED doesn’t allow this to happen which is why we opted for this approach.
Re: #133 @GeorgiaC
When you ran NPCs, did you include accurate financial information for both ex spouses at those colleges that want both ex spouses’ financial information?
@ucbalumnus We did the NPCs and included accurate information for both – we used the same information that we included with the aid package… What we noticed in the EA awards is that each school gave different financial aid. The swing between schools was tremendous so my conclusion is that each school has different weights that they put towards different things or wanting a student.
@GeorgiaC Would you be willing to name which colleges gave actual FA that matched their NPCs, and which ones gave actual FA that was very different from their NPCs?
I got into HYP, CM, Penn, and others and turned them down for a good scholarship at a state school. I didn’t get the biggest merit offer possible there, but I forgave them for it and I’m loving my time so far. I wish the student body was a bit brighter, but they’re unpretentious and there are many great folks. I would have paid 50-75k at these schools a year, and instead that money gets invested. I’m very happy with my decision, and my parents supported me.
For some, this would be a big risk. I am aiming for grad school and I’m a top candidate in my field already, so I’m banking on getting in even without a T20 name behind me.
@GeorgiaC Would you be willing to name which colleges gave actual FA that matched their NPCs, and which ones gave actual FA that was very different from their NPCs?
For example,
Tulane gave us wayyyyy less
Union College wayyyy more