According to the National Center for Education Statistics, about 80 percent of college students in the United States end up changing their major at least once. But what this data doesn’t reveal is how many of these students tell their parents before they make the switch … or even shortly thereafter!
One mom recently complained to me that she didn’t realize that her daughter had dropped Biochem in favor of Gender Studies until she saw a list of final grades that didn’t include a single science class. Another parent learned about a major move only after overhearing his son’s phone conversation with a friend. And the number of “Ask the Dean” questions I receive from flummoxed—or downright angry—parents who were left out of the major-change-decision loop seems to be on the uptick.
My approach with my own son has been, “This is your choice to make. Dad and I would love to weigh in but that’s your choice, too.” However, I know that many other parents feel that they should be consulted before a teenager takes a new academic path, and some even insist that, if they’re getting the bills, they should get veto power as well.
So I’m interested in hearing from CC parents whose children made major changes, especially those that seemed to come out of left field or that involved moving from one academic area to a very different one. Were you consulted first? Did you believe that you should be? And if it’s in your rear-view mirror now, how did it all work out?
let them make their own mistakes and win their own battles. It’s not your life to live, let them live it. Your decicison to let them decide after a discussion with parents is the best route.
If a parent has an objection on kids picking their own courses then they have a control issue and using money to control someone’s choices is sad. Your responsibility is to educate them so they can make decisions themselves, right and wrong. It’s not like success is guaranteed with choices of parents and nothing unplanned would change the outcome.
I have an Indian friend who was pushing medicine on her son, he got into medical school but eventually committed suicide because he hated that stressful path. He wanted to enjoy easy college life and go into teaching inner city children.
My D spoke to H and I when she was considering a change in major after her freshman year of college and we talked things through. Her change in major was accompanied by a change in career path. She decided she didn’t enjoy the grind of pre-med and didn’t want the many years of med school/internship/residency etc. necessary to become a doctor. My D always wanted to work with children, but wanted to find another path to do so. She switched from a chemistry major to a psych major and is now very happy in a master’s in speech pathology program. Fortunately it worked out great for her.
Wouldn’t this only matter for parents who want to control their kids’ majors?
Can’t see it mattering otherwise, unless the change would increase cost beyond what was planned for earlier (e.g. if extra semesters would be needed, or a major-dependent scholarship would be lost).
@ucbalumnus - There are LOTS of potential financial considerations for some students who change majors. The ones you’ve named already (extra semesters needed? major-dependent scholarship?) can be biggies. But there are also down-the-road considerations. I had a friend, for instance, whose son was burning up the fast track in physics and it looked like he’d land himself a graduate school grant with no trouble. But then he decided to change majors and head to law school, so suddenly his free ride to grad school didn’t seem too certain. When parents expect to help with such expenses, the choice of major can indeed make a big difference to them.
The parents who fret the most about major changes are often those whose children start out in pre-professional fields where there are jobs looming post-Bachelor’s without mandatory grad school (e.g. accounting, nursing, engineering … ) but then switch to areas where the path to employment may seem bumpier (philosophy, French lit, art history … ) or where grad school is an imperative.
I’m not saying that the parents’ pocketbook should govern their progeny’s life choices, only that there can be considerable financial ramifications that follow certain changes in major. So many parents do worry that they’re not prepared to pick up the tab and yet Junior has nary a clue how steep that tab could be.
So I think that communications is key. In a perfect world, or at least in a perfect family (are there any??), a student who is counting on parental financial support should discuss intended switches before they happen; the parents can voice concerns; and then (hopefully) the student (and not the parents) will make a more informed decision.
D1 attended a program in which she put together her own concentration. I was not consulted nor did I want to be; I was happy that she loved college. D2 discussed her thoughts about majors with me but mostly not to get my advice; rather, she knows I’m interested in everything about her life. When I was in college in the 1980s, I only told my parents what I was majoring in once I was sure. They were fine with that.
My parents still barely know what my undergrad majors were.
How many college students are teenagers? It would seem that for the majority of college for the average student, they are in their early 20s… but I have a really hard time calling an 18/19 year old a teenager.
I told my parents but the idea of controlling my major, or even heavily guiding it, is just not what we do in my family. A large part of that is probably because I was the first to go to college.
A close friend’s kid dropped out of college completely and never told his parents!
I have not had a child change a major unexpectedly, but my oldest did want to make a big change during 2nd semester senior year in college that would have impacted his future career. We were glad he consulted us first, because we brought up issues/rpotential ramifications that he had not considered. We left the decision to him. He thought about it and told us a few weeks later that he had decided not to make the change.
Since we are paying $280K for our second kid’s college, a “sneaky” major change would feel like a slap in the face. We would support our child’s decision if it seemed like he had thought it through, but we would appreciate honesty. I can understand, however, why some kids might be afraid to consult their parents.
If a student is on his own financially, then I’m not sure that parents should feel any expectation to be told of a major change. Although, as a family, it’s still nice to share information.
Did the parents previously make an open-ended promise to pay for graduate or professional school?
Also, law school does not require any specific undergraduate major. He could have stayed in physics and aimed for law school, or changed to a different major but not aimed for law school, so it is more the change of post-graduation goal (from presumably-funded PhD program to expensive law school) than the change of major that may be relevant here.
I wouldn’t like it if my kid didn’t even bother to tell me but I would be more concerned about our relationship, where he or she has to hide things vs worrying about change of major.
My contribution to their education is to contribute as much as I can for an undergrad and then a graduate/professional degree. I don’t want to dictate their major, check their grades or wether or not they can take a gap year to work before going to grad school.
Then again I’ve comfort of knowing that if GPA went below a certain limit, they’ll loose merit scholarship and have to tell me. I don’t have to nag them every semester about their grades.
The main reason that I could see for having a problem is if the change comes late enough that the student can’t fit the new requirements in before the expected graduation date. We have been clear with our daughter that we don’t care what she majors in, but we are only paying for 4 years of college.
My older daughter picked a major in college and is now in a grad school program that is an “offshoot” of her undergraduate major. My younger sophomore has a major (possible double major) that she will likely stick with for all four years, however what she intends to do with this major changes on a weekly basis. She can go from medicine to law to teaching all within two weeks- but she does tell me ( maybe it would be better if she did not lol). I do not care which career path she chooses, as long as she is happy and able to support herself.
I’m a parent whose child dropped out of college and only let us know after it was a done deal! This was mid-semester in the Spring of her junior year! It definitely had financial repercussions for us, and beyond that, we were very hurt (and angry) that she didn’t speak to us first. I like to think that we would have come around to supporting her choice if she had given us the opportunity, but we were never put to the test. And we were brought into the process at a point where all we could do was damage control, we didn’t get the chance look into handling it in a way that might have wasted less of our money. So while this is very different from not being told of a change of major, it is similar in that we were impacted financially without being brought into the process ahead of time for our counsel and opinion.
I have a daughter that has changed her major three times. She did not tell before doing so and I’m okay with that. Her first two were never a good fit for her and she had to figure that out on her own. We do not have major financial obligations with regard to her education and maybe that makes a difference. I’m happy with her choice now even though I don’t think it will net her any high paying jobs in the end. If my younger daughter did the same I may be more upset. We are paying significantly more for her and I would at least like the courtesy of being consulted.
I tried to talk my kid out of her crazy Mech Eng major for something sensible like performance art curation. But she never listens to me… I’m only half joking. But by the time they’re in college, the cake is baked. We can have a financial convo, but as far as pursuing their dream, it’s now or never.
@b1ggreenca It must have been hard for you and your daughter after you discovered she had dropped out. of college so close to graduation. I don’t know her situation, but I think kids are sometimes embarrassed or fearful to tell parents about things that they think the parents won’t approve of. I never told my parents everything…
I hope things are going well for your daughter now. My friend’s son who dropped out secretly is struggling with drugs and alcohol.
I would guess that all families have serious breakdowns in communication at some point in life, whether with our kids, our siblings, our spouses, our in-laws, or our parents. I know we have. Thank you for sharing your story.