Somehow I wish our son could read this thread and realize how his parents are not half as bad as he thought (thinks) we are. Bravo to the adult children who rebel against parents’ expectations. Even my own, sigh. There are reasons a child won’t tell/discuss possible plans with parents. Just as there are reasons to choose, gasp, a “dangerous” field. The insistence of some parents that they maintain a parent/small child relationship with their grown children shows problems with the relationship. YOU are the ones who raised your child to act the way s/he does. More than one possible reason comes to mind, it can vary.
Once again, you do not own your children, even if you are footing the bills. Trust yourselves that you did a good job of raising your child- too late now if you think you didn’t.
I also disagree with comments about a lack of maturity because an adult child hides things from parents. Are the parents always behaving in a mature manner regarding their children???
Hard as it seems, we need to let go and realize our children are going to forge their own paths- just as we did. I’m sure no parent has led a perfect, always smooth life, especially as a young adult. Sometimes it is good to step back and look at our own lives- conflicts we had with our parents, how we followed similar patterns or rejected their “wisdom”/ways.
Take note of examples of lifelong relationship problems. Are you afraid of losing your D? You could if you insist your ideas are best for her. Making mistakes is one way of learning- nothing posted indicates a life threatening decision, regardless of how dangerous an occupation is perceived.