My son did change his major – under the college radar. He entered as an engineering major, all along intending to be a pre-med. I don’t know what he was thinking, probably that it would look cool on the application and he can manage the double curriculum. He got merit money from the engineering department. Pretty soon DS realized it was a mistake, once he was placed into advanced physics class without ever taking physics in HS. He did surprisingly well, but totally hated it and decided it was not worth it. I begged him not to tell the school as long as he could, but when he came out he lost the scholarship.
LOL, some of you guys are on the ball, you know that? International politics in unstable regions. She wanted to specialize in someplace that allies with US interests, and then she decided out of nowhere to specialize in non-allied/dangerous/warzone regions. She can do it, no doubt. (Even though women are far more likely to be hurt/victimized in such places.) She can do anything, I swear she gets everything down. That’s not the question. Are we terrified she gave up a so-called normal life? Absolutely. Could she at least have let us know beforehand, giving us a bit of time to adjust to it? YES. Will we support her no matter what? OF COURSE. But are we devastated? Isn’t it ok if we are? Not many parents would send their kids off happily to that line of work. That’s not a job, that’s a lifetime career that encompasses your entire existence. You don’t just change your mind and work somewhere else if you don’t like it. I know that that line of work demands the best, and she is…but this is still our little girl. I’m not asking for any sympathy, but maybe some understanding. I don’t think she understood that we would be so upset. It isn’t a control issue. It’s more like, no one would willingly choose for their kid to live such a hard life. We’re getting over it, but man, it hurt.
You are worried about nothing. Some of the most talented people on the planet who work in International politics for dangerous war zones end up living in the Hague (one of the prettiest places in Europe, in the Netherlands, a perfectly lovely country), London, Hong Kong or Singapore, etc.
This is what you are devastated about? Good grief. Do some research. If she’s planning on becoming a foot soldier for a UN Peacekeeping force (a job for which you do not need a college degree) then your fears are founded. If she’s interested in policy, negotiation, strategy, and the like (i.e. the careers for which you need a college education) she will likely end up living somewhere lovely and safe at least most of the time.
And you do realize that the likelihood that she’ll change her mind and end up at the World Bank or Unicef doing development economics is extremely high?
My original post was edited in entirety and no longer says what I intended. “MaineLonghorn” emailed me and called it “annoying”. I cannot abide by something like this, and will be withdrawing from the website. Thanks to all you who gave me some good back-and-forth.
Probably a good illustration of WHY the student should have consulted with people with more life experience than he had… he could have gotten his Physics degree, and still attended law school, but possibly he didn’t know that, whereas he may have after a conversation with his parents…
I’m paid for school 100% on my own; I wouldn’t have told my family had I chosen a major change.
Unless someone’s parents were paying for their school and a new major meant more semesters in school, I can’t imagine my family would’ve cared, nor would my friend’s families have cared. Except the batch of friend’s parents who encouraged pre-law for the sake of their adult kid going to law school and making bank.
I don’t see it as a “fragile” parent-child relationship if the kid (18 year old adult) is paying for their own school to not tell their parent about a school studies change. Meh. It’s not like they’re hiding a cocaine addiction by switching their major to calculus.
If I was paying for my kid’s college, I would say… I’ll pay for 8 semesters. What you do or major in those 8 semesters is up to you, and if it takes longer-- the cost is on you. If you graduate early, you can have the remaining tuition money in cash.
Since pre-law students can do any major, would those parents encouraging law school have cared about their kids’ majors?
^Just what I was thinking. I was just chatting today with a young friend who got an engineering degree and then attended a prestigious law school. You can major in anything and go to law school as long as you have good grades and do well on the LSAT.
Somehow I wish our son could read this thread and realize how his parents are not half as bad as he thought (thinks) we are. Bravo to the adult children who rebel against parents’ expectations. Even my own, sigh. There are reasons a child won’t tell/discuss possible plans with parents. Just as there are reasons to choose, gasp, a “dangerous” field. The insistence of some parents that they maintain a parent/small child relationship with their grown children shows problems with the relationship. YOU are the ones who raised your child to act the way s/he does. More than one possible reason comes to mind, it can vary.
Once again, you do not own your children, even if you are footing the bills. Trust yourselves that you did a good job of raising your child- too late now if you think you didn’t.
I also disagree with comments about a lack of maturity because an adult child hides things from parents. Are the parents always behaving in a mature manner regarding their children???
Hard as it seems, we need to let go and realize our children are going to forge their own paths- just as we did. I’m sure no parent has led a perfect, always smooth life, especially as a young adult. Sometimes it is good to step back and look at our own lives- conflicts we had with our parents, how we followed similar patterns or rejected their “wisdom”/ways.
Take note of examples of lifelong relationship problems. Are you afraid of losing your D? You could if you insist your ideas are best for her. Making mistakes is one way of learning- nothing posted indicates a life threatening decision, regardless of how dangerous an occupation is perceived.