Difficulty finding a significant other in 20' and 30's

When D2 was using dating apps to meet guys she said that many men had that they were 6 feet in their profile and they were no where near that tall. D2 did not limit the height she put in.

Why are we only focusing on men lying about their height? Every sex lies on dating apps!

6 Likes

I’m sorry, but that seems really dumb of men of that height to do that.

I was thinking more if one were 5’11 - ish, that there could be a temptation to fudge. But someone who is 5’9ā€ā€™is going to be outed as a liar immediately.

And people wonder why height keeps coming up in this discussion! It is clearly very important to some (many??) women. Again, I’d love to know how many women in dating apps use a height filter. @Data10 ?? Not to give you homework, but maybe you could at least tell us how we might learn this.

The dating coach on the podcast (she either still works at Hinge or used to) basically led her input in the discussion in the dating part (around minute 35-36 is where they start discussing dating and dating apps) by saying she advises all her women clients to stop setting their height filter at 6’.

But why assume women are checking the box because men are lying? Maybe men are lying because women are checking the box? :wink: Bumble says about 65% to 70% of women want 6 ft or over.

4 Likes

I have no idea if mine set a height restriction when they used apps. 2 of mine met their spouses using dating apps. My daughter said it was a lot of work. She resisted for a longtime but relented when she realized she wasn’t meeting anyone organically.

1 Like

But you could argue this is like scammers putting obvious mistakes in their emails that ask you to contact them so they can send you money. The point of the mistakes is that only gullible people (easy marks) respond.

The analogy in dating is that if a woman doesn’t reject you when she finds out you are lying about your height, then she must be desperate, and you can take advantage of that.

1 Like

Hmm. Back when I was single and dating most of the guys I went out with embellished their height no matter how tall they were. Even on your drivers license you can add any height you would like… DPS does not actually measure you.
So I do not think one is desperate if they continue to go out with someone who has exaggerated their height… I am sure many of my girlfriends would not fess up to their body weight either. I always subtract 5 lbs if the doctors office just asks me for my weight and does not have me get on the scale… does that make me a bad person… lol.

5 Likes

As @bluedog23 just alluded to, I suspect that the relationship between men and their height is similar to women and their weight with respect to truthfulness on apps/drivers’ licenses, etc. Some will majorly stretch the truth, some might only fudge a little, and some will tell the absolute truth.

5 Likes

I was going to say something similar, and think I have either in this thread or elsewhere.

Men fudging their height is the equivalent of women fudging their weight. It doesn’t bother me at all, though I sometimes chuckle at work. I’m 5-10 and work with mostly men. Some who claim they are 6’ I’m like no way. I’m taller than you!

6 Likes

The ā€œand you can take advantage of thatā€ is disturbing to me.

3 Likes

Men also embellish their height as they want to appear tall - same reason they don’t want to date tall woman - especially ones that wear heals. My daughter is 6 foot with heels and many men don’t want the reality of their lie standing next to them.

Yes, that’s my point. Overestimating your height by an inch or lowering your weight by 5lbs is one thing and actually can be helpful if partners are comfortable with white lies (ā€œdo I look good in this?ā€). A willingness to overlook blatant distortions (overestimating height by 3 inches or underestimating weight by 40lbs) will get you a different type of partner.

Yes it would worry me to. What else they will lie to you about? Being married to someone else?

A few years ago my MIL was in the hospital and a doctor said her weight out loud in front of FIL - she was furious! At the time she was 80 and he was 84!

6 Likes

Oh, I’m sure some men are motivated to lie knowing that a high % of women are setting a 6’ filter.

I’m not blaming women for doing that. I don’t understand it personally (height wouldn’t matter to me), but that’s certainly their right.

1 Like

Things my spouse does not need to know… my weight or true hair color.

9 Likes

Height is an immutable characteristic. Weight is (generally) not.

1 Like

The interesting thing about men/height is it is not just dating apps. If you look at most mens sports rosters, physical stats are many times exaggerated. When my S played baseball the team roster had height/weight for each player. When I looked at sons teammates many of them listed were 20 pounds heavier and 3 inches taller.
Given social media and what our culture values in a partner it is easy to see why those using dating apps might not be completely honest. Better to at least get a second look or date , then be completely dismissed because of something you have no control over.

4 Likes

100% agree. Tv football announcers will even joke about some of the fudging at times.

And I remember when they used to list hts/wts of the women athletes at the Olympics. It was always so obvious the USA women were fudging compared to other countries.

It is why I think the dating scene is do difficult now. Making decisions about someone based on a 2 dimensional profile that may/may not be true. Everything it seems these days is about perception not reality. How can you build meaningful relationships without authenticity?

8 Likes

I’m not sure the height/weight fudging matters. I think what people are rightfully worried about is the serious lying- marital status, recent HIV status, etc. I helped a woman from my gym do a background check on a guy she was dating-- she couldn’t figure out if what she thought were inconsistencies/red flags was just her paranoia after so many bad relationships.

But no. They were not inconsistencies, they were lies meant to obfuscate. Expired order of protection against a former girlfriend (he fessed up to it when she asked him about it, said it was a mistake). But it lapsed because the girlfriend moved overseas, not because she admitted it had been a mistake. Long string of claims and counterclaims (all public record, I’m not in the FBI or law enforcement) about non-payment of child support. And Sex Offender status in a place he used to live (I just used his Linkedin bio to trace his former addresses). Again, he claimed it was a ā€œclerical errorā€.

None of my single friends would care about a person adding a few inches or subtracting a few love handles from their profile. But the out and out lying about your sketchy past? That’s a bridge too far. And very, very common I am told.

11 Likes