<p>I’m debating what to do, if anything. Could use some input here. Is this none of my business?</p>
<p>We know of a 16 year old boy whose mother is remarried/living with someone and moved about 45 miles away. The son was left behind alone in their house, and now was moved to renting a room in a house with strangers. </p>
<p>The 16 yr old does not drive yet. The mother comes to visit her son every few days or so.</p>
<p>This seems very strange to me, as I can’t imagine moving and leaving a dependent child alone.</p>
<p>One of my D’s friends had a similar situation in high school. He went on to graduate from Amherst and Harvard Law. </p>
<p>His parents were divorced. Mom got offered a great job in Florida. It was too good to pass up. S, a high school junior, didn’t want to move. When mom checked out high schools in Florida, it became evident that transferring mid-year would be very disruptive. So, he stayed. Mom visited about 2 weekends a month. He was away doing ECs with school teams the others. He went to Florida for the summer and came back and lived on his own again for senior year in NYC with visits from mom. A family friend checked in on him every few days and he had an uncle who was only about 7 or 8 years older than he was who helped out in any emergency.</p>
<p>He actually did amazingly well. Not all kids mature at the same rate.</p>
<p>In the situation you describe son may not like mom’s new SO. He too may not want to transfer high schools at this point. He may be better off living in a house with strangers than living with a step-father or quasi -stepfather who is abusive or simply doesn’t want him there.</p>
<p>Could it be that the boy doesn’t want to move to another high school? Do they have some sort of agreement with people who he is renting the room from? I would be reluctant to house an under aged person. It’s a lot of liability/responsibility.</p>
<p>Is the mom, her son, or the boy’s landlord a close friend of yours? If any of them is a friend, you could ask him/her about the situation to reassure yourself that everything is OK.
Otherwise, you should just accept that this is the arrangement they’ve made together.
Unless the boy seems abused or neglected, you should MYOB.
I’ve known some families with some weird arrangements that were the best they could come up with under the circumstances-- and they worked out OK in the end.</p>
<p>If the boy is unhappy are you willing to take him into your own home until he graduates?</p>
<p>OP, is there anything you could do to help this kid?<br>
my mother had to accept a transfer position and relate from Chicago to LA when i was a freshman(age 17) in college. my brother (age 16) was a junior in HS. My brother and i stayed behind in Illinois during his senior year in order for him to graduate HS on time. It was not easy but we had no other alternative.</p>
<p>My parents left for months on end when I was 16 due to my parents’ hospital treatments. They would often go to other states for months and I wouldn’t see them as flying was too expensive. To outsiders, if they found out, it might have looked like they abandoned me, but we didn’t tell people about the situation for obvious reasons. I was more than capable of taking care of myself and this boy might be too. </p>
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<p>This. Not every 16 year old is helpless or irresponsible.</p>
<p>This is why I post on this site, because I know I will get perspectives that I have never thought of.</p>
<p>I do know that many 16 year olds are quite mature. The mother of my D’s best friend lost her mom when she was 12 and her dad worked on the railroad so was gone for weeks at a time. She essentially raised herself from 12 years old onward, and her neighbor uncle would stop by to visit her from time to time. </p>
<p>It seems odd to me to place a child in a stranger’s house (living in an outbuilding of the house), without any transportation, but I do know that he manages to get around. </p>
<p>For sure, children have endured worse things. It just seems very lonely.</p>
<p>If the mom comes to visit every few days, then she is still supervising the son, just not every day like most people do. If he is doing OK in school, then maybe it’s all right for now. Maybe he’ll get a car and a part-time job when he turns 16.</p>
<p>We had a somewhat similar situation with a girl in my D’s class. Her mom died when she was a sophomore. The dad moved to Mexico where their second home was and within a year or so remarried there. The girl had an older sister in college and a much older, married brother. I think she stayed with the brother for awhile (but in another town not convenient to our high school); then she was taken in by her best friend’s family and lived with them until she started college. I felt so sorry for this girl and the older sister as I knew them from when my D was in kindergarten, and their mom was a very caring mother and would never have wanted her youngest D to be treated like that. </p>
<p>My grandparents bought a farm in 1942, and for the first winter, they lived with cousins in a nearby town and worked there because the farmhouse didn’t have a furnace or indoor plumbing yet. My uncle, age 12, “boarded” with a widowed neighbor down the road from the farmhouse so he could stay in school. My grandparents were new to the area, so they couldn’t have known the neighbor that well. I was kind of shocked when I first heard this, but that is what the family worked out and my uncle turned out OK.</p>
<p>I’ve known quite a few military families that have left a kid behind for various reasons. They usually stay with friends, but I know at least one who lived in the family townhouse in DC alone. We moved DDs senior year, but she wasn’t that invested in the school social scene and didn’t mind moving.</p>
<p>Where I am, that 16 year old would be required to pay tuition to his high school as his family no longer lives within the district. It would not matter who he was living with if not his parents.</p>
<p>My guess is the student wants to finish school and didn’t want to make the move. We have known kids in this boat, but family or friends provided housing, and the parents paid tuition.</p>
<p>I personally think it’s great that you are keeping an eye on what happens to him. At this point, he may be doing okay, but he may not be doing so well in the future.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose father left the kids to fend for themselves several months after their mother died unexpectedly. He paid the utilities for a couple of months, then quit. They were far too young to be left on their own. No one reported them as being abandoned, and it’s hard to believe that no one knew.</p>
<p>What does this mean? I don’t understand this… is he living in the house? Or someplace else “with strangers”? Or are the strangers in his/his parent’s house?</p>
<p>This brings to mond Jeffrey Dahmer-abandoned by parents at about 16. Kurt Cobain-abandoned by parents at about 16. I’m sure there are many success stories, but a teenager is a child. The lonliness of abandonment and emotional neglect is a heavy and cruel burden on a child and stays with a person for life. This mother may not be emotionally neglecting her son, but, seriously? If the kid had a tough day what happens when he comes “home” to his outbuilding? Is there anyone to talk to?</p>
<p>As far as where he lives, his mom found a house where he rents a room with them. The ’ room’ is outside the main house (bathroom, kitchen in main house). The boy does not know these people. The boy goes to ‘independent study’ high school, so is also on his own during the day</p>
<p>Is ‘independent study’ high school basically home schooling? High school via the Internet? If so, then what was the reasoning for leaving the son there? </p>
<p>I’d be curious whether there are other adults who are keeping an eye on this kid that he hasn’t mentioned or you aren’t aware of. If the boy doesn’t know these people, is it possible the mom does? I have friends that my kids don’t know. </p>
<p>From a legal viewpoint, it would depend on state laws whether this would be considered abuse or anything. It is definitely odd. Is this boy a friend of your child’s? If I knew of a situation like that and the child was a friend of one of my kids, I would probably reach out and offer to have him stay with me. </p>
<p>At one point, it looked like my ex-husband was going to get a job out of state, leaving my son with me full time. I had a job that required travel for a week at a time, 4-6 times a year. I talked to my son about friends he might stay with if I had to travel. He felt like he could stay at home alone at 16, with a driver’s license and a car. I told him that although I trust him and know he is totally capable, it didn’t feel right in my gut to leave him alone for a week. I can’t imagine leaving a 16 year old alone like that, no matter how mature or responsible.</p>
<p>No matter how you slice it, this mother abandoned her kid to be with her new man, and the son will always see it that way. Doesn’t matter if he wanted to stay or not. If the mom agreed that he should stay in his academic program, she should have stayed with him; if not, she should have insisted he accompany her. OP has no idea to what extent the boy is getting proper supervision. (The kind of trouble a kid could get into with no one looking after him for days on end makes me shudder.) Why not report an obviously hinky situation and let the professionals decide if the boy is being neglected?</p>
<p>Even though he’s 16 and may be mature enough, If it were me, I’d contact social services and let them determine the appropriateness of the situation.</p>
<p>Just because it’s not a decision that you would make for your own child, doesn’t mean social services needs to be involved. Seriously, if the kid seems fine then leave it be.</p>