<p>Thisis sad. If there ids no one identified as his legal guardian (he is too young to be an imancipated minor) what happens if he is injured and someone has to authorize medical care? And does he have tansportation?</p>
<p>He is old enough in our state to be emancipated, it depends on the individual state. If in your state he is not old enough to be emancipated, I might think about contacting social services. Doing so simply means you have shown some concern, and they will check up on him. They may find this arrangement is perfectly acceptable, or they might suggest some changes. Keep in mind that he might be staying where he is so that he can continue homeschooling - some places regulate heavily. He may have a plan approved by your school district that would have to be renegotiated in a new district if he moves - whether he moves with his mother, or if Social Services places him in foster care in another district.</p>
<p>If he seems happy with the situation, and is accomplished what he needs in terms of school, I would be inclined to not get involved, other than to be a friendly neighbor.</p>
<p>Wow.
It would not ever have occurred to me to leave my 16 yr old behind. Ever.</p>
<p>I agree that there is variation in maturity and even variation in state laws regarding this.
And I don’t pretend to make decisions for other families.</p>
<p>In our family, we weigh choices and opportunities and reach solutions after (sometimes raucous) discussion. Ultimately, the adults do rule. It would be difficult emotionally for me to leave my 16 year old behind for 1-2 yrs even with extended family. Alone in a rooming house/rental? Not gonna happen. We would stay all together or teen would come with. </p>
<p>I also wonder about consent for medical treatment for the teen described.</p>
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<p>Unfortunately, the majority of voices in this thread seem to feel otherwise. (Thank goodness for the few holdouts!)</p>
<p>The OP clearly isn’t close to this family. Otherwise he/she would be speaking to them directly. So all we have are the observations of an outsider . . . we don’t know the family’s longterm plan, we don’t know the reasons for the family’s decision, and, most importantly, we don’t know if perhaps this was the best of several less than ideal solutions to a problem that we’re not aware of!</p>
<p>We have, at best, a very small percentage of the pertinent information here. None of those who’ve posted here (including the OP) has any real idea of what’s going on in this family. But because the little bit of information that you are privy to doesn’t mesh with your ideal of how a family should function, you’re willing to call in the authorities and really turn this family’s world upside down!</p>
<p>And, just to be clear, county child protective services workers, despite their apparent good intentions, are not paid to make fine distinctions between shades of gray. They don’t have the time or the resources. They have to make crude and hasty decisions as to whether a situation “looks okay” or doesn’t look okay. It’s all well and good to say that a child protective services worker can just “take a look” and make the right decision . . . but they’re not psychic either, and case workers also have their own preconceptions of what a family should look like. So, a case worker’s merest and utterly subjective discomfort with a family’s appearance could trigger intervention. And once that decision is made, the train is on the tracks and there’s not much way to stop it. The time involved, and the steps involved, to close a case, once it’s been opened, is monumental.</p>
<p>This family is clearly not in an ideal situation at the moment . . . but in the absence of any real evidence of actual abuse or neglect, the OP should either offer to help out, if he or she is willing, or stay the heck out of it!</p>
<p>^^Agree dodgersmom. The OP states the mom is coming every several days and we have no idea who is keeping an eye on the kids from the sidelines. We don’t really know anything. It probably does seem ‘strange’ to some people because it’s not THEIR norm.</p>
<p>I’ll echo those who had older relatives who were on their own for long periods of time as young as 12. </p>
<p>My father was also effectively on his own from 12 onward due to having to escape the Communist takeover in Mainland China in 1949. His father died a few years before from a heart-attack, natural mother died after 1 from childbirth, and he didn’t get along with his step-mother anyways. Even at that age, he read Marx and read enough about how the Soviet Union and Mao ran their societies to realize didn’t have a future with them. </p>
<p>During his escape, he was captured twice by communist troops only for them to let him go because “he’s only a kid”, held up by armed bandits who shot a Nationalist Army officer right in front of him trying to rejoin his retreating unit because they wanted his wedding ring and they refused…only for them to let him go becase “he’s just a kid”, and upon reaching Taipei, ended up having to find a job to support himself while studying at night to cover the educational gap from late middle school and high school so he could try taking the highly competitive college entrance exams once he was ready and older. </p>
<p>After a few years, he managed to gain entry to all 3 colleges…including the topflight NTU. Impressive considering over 20,000+ students applied for less than a couple of thousand places for all colleges…including transfer students trying to finish educations interrupted by the Chinese Civil War. However, since NTU only provided free tuition, he ended up going to National Taiwan Normal U…which offered free tuition, dorm, and board. </p>
<p>After graduating at 20, he ended up doing 2 years of required military service as a conscripted commissioned infantry officer because he did college first and there was a shortage of junior officers at the time. </p>
<p>Not too surprisingly, he was strict in terms of academic performance standards, but wouldn’t have felt it was strange to leave a 16 year old to live on his/her own. </p>
<p>Many 16 year olds of his generation in Mainland China/ROC(Taiwan) had already started their working careers after starting apprenticeships between 11-14 and living on their own due to leaving/losing family in the wars, having to relocate for job opportunities, enlisted young in the army, or rarely…even starting college early after passing the exceedingly competitive national college entrance exam.</p>
<p>Communist China =/= suburban America. My grandpa escaped Hungary during the holocaust at the age of 16 by himself, but that has nothing, not a single thing, to do with a 16 year old American boy.</p>
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<p>The main point is that many 16 year olds are more adaptable, capable, and mature than many current American parents give them credit for and actually can live on their own if needed. </p>
<p>Plus, there were also other CCers who cited accounts of 12 year old Americans living independently of family due to prevailing circumstances.</p>
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<p>I tend to agree with this. Not all 16 year olds, but certainly some. It never came to pass thankfully, but I would have had no qualms leaving my third on his own if the situation occurred, but he’s a rare duck. Not my first son, probably not my second son, but definitely my third.</p>
<p>Sure, it is good to know that some 12 or 16 yr olds can SURVIVE on their own if circumstances require. Like in a life or death situation.</p>
<p>Does that mean that it is in the best interests of the child to have them live alone so they could complete school in their preferred school or remain near friends or some other much less urgent scenario?</p>
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<p>I don’t know . . . and neither do you or any of the rest of us here. I’ll repeat, we do not know what the circumstances are that prompted this solution. One can speculate that “school,” “friends,” or “some other much less urgent scenario” was the impetus . . . but those are facts to which none of us, including the OP, is privy.</p>
<p>You’re right, of course, we don’t KNOW.
But the sight of a 16 yr old living by himself is going to invite questions/concern.
And probably someone will be concerned enough to call in Child Protective Services.
And THAT is a can of worms to avoid.</p>
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<p>Alternatively, the mother may have offered the kid the choice to go or stay, and he may have elected to stay to avoid leaving his school situation or his friends. </p>
<p>I have known several cases (in my own generation) in which high school seniors spent the year living with people they didn’t know very well after their families moved. The kids wanted to avoid having to spend their final year in a different high school in a different community. In all cases, this was by the young person’s choice. In some instances, there was also another factor involved: because of differences in graduation requirements, the young person would have had to spend an extra year in high school if he/she moved with the family. That’s a pretty good incentive to spend a year in a less-than-ideal living situation.</p>
<p>^^I actually could envision leaving a 16 going on 17 year old high school junior on his/her own under some circumstances, if there was someone trustworthy checking up every couple days and if the high school knew what all was going on, if the appropriate medical release forms were signed etc. and I would want them with a car and driver’s license which in my state happens most of the time at 16. Preferably you’d find a family to house the young person but I can see other options also. I actually know a situation where this occurred not so long ago which is perhaps why I can see this actually happening and the young woman has grown into a wonderful young adult.</p>
<p>There are not hundreds of good, stable families lined up to take in 16 year old boys. If social services is contacted in some locales, a boy of that age may end up being put into a juvenile detention facility, which is likely to be a far worse situation than the one he’s in.</p>
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<p>Yes, some times it does.</p>
<p>And you do NOT know that the mom abandoned her S to be with her new man. One of my neighbors was a widow with a teenage D. She remarried. WWIII resulted. The girl and her stepfather did not get along, to put it mildly. The mom had not anticipated this because they had co-existed peacefully until they were living in the same small apartment. D told a friend how much she hated her stepfather. Friend told her own mom what was going on. Mom called the other mom and offered to take in the girl. Offer was accepted. Believe it or not, it worked out well. Mom and D continued to see each other regularly, just not at home when stepdad was there. </p>
<p>My point? Maybe the boy tried living with mom and her “new man” and it did not work and this is the best option.</p>
<p>We have friends who moved from the U.S. to Canada when their eldest child was about to begin junior year. She was 16. They made arrangements for her to stay in their town with a family because she didn’t want to move. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were people in that town who thought they were insane and who, like some here, felt that a call to CPS was in order. </p>
<p>I agree with the statements that none of us here, including the OP, know the details of what this young man’s situation is, and without those details, or any other evidence of abuse or danger to him, in my opinion, this is a case of mind your own business. If further details come to light to indicate that there needs to be involvement, appropriate action can be taken then. This is a 16 year old here, not a 12 year old. There are members here on CC whose kids have started college at 16, for Pete’s sake! Maybe they should have been reported to CPS.</p>
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<p>Indeed. One thing about parents remarrying is that there’s no guarantee there won’t be a personality-conflict between the child(dren) of one parent and the new step-parent…especially when said child(dren) are only a few years away from being full-fledged legal adults in their own right.</p>
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<p>Heh. One undergrad classmate friend of mine GRADUATED from my LAC at 17 with honors. I’ve also known a few other undergrad classmates who were 14-16 year old sophomores/juniors…including a few who started off at Simon’s Rock of Bard. A college well known for their early college entry programme.</p>
<p>Moreover, they all dormed and were as independent as the rest of us. Of course, most kept their ages on the D/L unless they’ve gotten to know you fairly well.</p>
<p>I do not know how this will turn out for this person, but I do think “kids” are way more capable than we let them be. It all started with those missing children photos on milk cartons 
and then that issue has spilled into many others and an entire generation of helicopter parents were born who are unwilling to let “kids” try and succeed/fail on their own. It is not the age of the person, which makes them independent and successful, it is the person. I would not call social services, without knowing a little more about the situation, unless you witness something dangerous or life threatening. It is nice that you care. Maybe send over a care package for him.</p>
<p>Yes in my generation 16 was a milestone…you could go get your driver’s license, you could drop out of high school on your own, you could get a job and I remember I could go to the doctor’s office without my mom. Most of these things still occur, but generationally I see alot more heavy duty parenting with 16-18 year olds (and up) than our parents ever did. My H lost his father young and his mom worked all the time so he basically took care of himself and assumed the man of the house at a young age. I had pretty smothery parents, but I did listen to my H if I went too far over the “smother mother” edge (as he calls it) and what young people are capable of if you let them and it’s not all “bad” things they are capable of doing. All kids can use a parent now and then at 16-17 and well into the early 20s, but they don’t necessarily need a parent 24/7.</p>
<p>My grandmother’s father remarried when she was 16 and move in with his new wife and her children in town. My grandmother was left on the farm with her younger brothers an sisters. Her father would stop out once in a while and check on them. Back in the day, no one probably thought much about it.</p>