<p>I think every situation is different and would depend on the laws of the state whether or not a sixteen year old can be left on their own. Not the same situation but I had cousins in MA who several years ago took in a Japanese girl as her father was being transferred back to Japan and the family felt that because she was educated in the U.S. was so far behind academically that it would be a problem. They advertised and interviewed families. My cousins became her legal guardians. She graduated high school, went to both college and grad school in the U.S. and returned home to Japan. She then married and now lives in CA, but remains very close to my cousins.</p>
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Did your cousin’s family do this for free?</p>
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Big difference in your friend’s scenario and what is being described in this thread.</p>
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<p>It’s possible but there’s no way that you, or anyone else here, knows that for sure.</p>
<p>Well, exactly, Alwaysamom! And to reiterate–a wrongly placed call that lands this young man in a juvenile hall could make his life infinitely worse.</p>
<p>To the question about my cousin and family taking in the Japanese girl, I would think that there was some sort of financial discussion. The family returning to Japan were high-level corporate executives and my cousin was a nurse, only working part-time and her husband was always involved in computer programming, usually for large retailers. There son was at that point in college and their daughter was either a junior or senior in high school and a year or two older than the other girl although they are super close and consider each other sisters. They were in each others bridal parties, one wedding in MA and the other in Japan.</p>
<p>“a wrongly placed call that lands this young man in a juvenile hall could make his life infinitely worse.”</p>
<p>I’m not taking a side in this, but how would he end up in JH? Like the OP, I am in N Cal, and I cant get some pretty rough kids in there for love nor money.</p>
<p>I’m the OP, and everyone is right that I don’t know this mom personally. The boy knows my S.</p>
<p>I would imagine that the boy decided to stay in town rather than move with his mom. I just see the boy as having no guidance at all in</p>
<p>^ You might be surprised how many kids are essentially raising themselves, sometimes with the benefit of a good friend with a “good” family. </p>
<p>OTOH, I am often surprised at the number of families that enable a kid or a family like that, with no apparent benefit.</p>
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<p>At all in what? </p>
<p>And what makes you say that?</p>
<p>Is he getting in trouble? Is he not showing up for school or late for school everyday? Are his grades dropping? Is he loosing weight? Are his clothes dirty? What do you think he needs guidance with?</p>
<p>^^I would intervene, but not to child custody services or whatever they call that group, if he was basically “living” with us or if my son wanted me to. I’d probably contact the parent first. If the boy was a good friend, I’d probably offer to have him live with us. If not a good friend, I’d probably ask the mom if she wanted me to talk to her son or check on him every day.</p>
<p>^ Sorry. I felt I was overstepping and deleted my post.</p>
<p>NP Shrinkwrap. I’d still do what I said 
if I thought the young man was floundering on his own in a noticeable way.</p>
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We don’t much of anything posted on CC “for sure,” do we?</p>
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<p>Which was exactly my point! And why no one should be giving such definitive advice as to call CPS when we don’t know the details. Also, why statements like the one you made below, and which I commented on, shouldn’t be claimed with such certainty.</p>
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<p>Re post 55:
True, but usually we know that the OP knows the full story or at least gives us his /her perspective on it. Many of the threads on CC are about parents dealing with their own children. In this case, the OP herself admits that she doesn’t know the mom. Based on her posts, she is getting her info second hand from her S, who is friends with the boy. She doesn’t seem to know if mom is actually remarried or simply living with someone. She thinks that the boy is living with strangers and assumes that the boy is getting no supervision from those strangers. Based on her posts, the OP has never met those “strangers.” She knows the mom sees the boy every few days. We don’t know how long those visits are. We don’t know if the OP has ever met the boy IRL. </p>
<p>We are also told the boy is an “independent studies” high school. We don’t know if this means home schooling or whether the boy has to check in with teachers IRL. </p>
<p>Personally, I don’t think the OP has enough info to call in social services. What happens if she does? Assume the boy is put into foster care. Won’t he be living with “strangers” then? It seems to me that what the OP really wants is some way to orchestrate it so the boy goes to live with his mom. None of us know if doing so would result in a better living situation that he has now. I don’t think we can assume it will.</p>
<p>The only thing that I will add is that leaving a teenager alone in an empty house is a liability for more than just the young man in question - it potentially puts many other teens at risk as well since there is no supervision in place in the home. If my child were friends with someone in this situation what is going on in that house would become my concern, too. </p>
<p>You don’t take on that responsibility when you are sending a 16 yo old off to college,so that’s a very different thing. Also think that if a child is mature enough to be accepted to an out of town college at that age, it at least suggests that not only the parents, but HS teachers and college admissions think s/he is mature, accomplished and responsible enough to handle it. In addition, there is usually an on site 24/7 network of resources available to students, especially freshmen. </p>
<p>Another possibility is that the whole thing is a set up and the boy is not really going to be living there at all! I heard about someone who, rumor had it, set up a rental in the school district while the parents moved to a less expensive area. Supposedly the kid was never really there, and the rental was staged. Also quite illegal, of course.</p>
<p>The situation seems odd to me. I get that many 16 year olds are capable, that this may be better than switching academics, moving in with undesirable SO of mom, going to juvie, etc., but the whole thing is off (outbuilding of stranger’s home?). I would see if OP son has any other information. Does this kid walk everywhere? As others have asked, what about medical stuff? Is the mom consistent with her visits? I would see if there was a counselor at the program available to voice a concern. I could not see a single one of my S’s 16 year old friends successfully navigating this situation despire most of them being responsible “good” students. I have had not personal experience with child services, but is this not exactly what they exist for? If the situation is sufficient, wouldn’t they deem it so? I am feeling pretty judgemental about the mother, which may not be fair, so I will stop here!</p>
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<p>oh yes, in theory. Reality is far more grim. </p>
<p>I work with CPS multiple times a month. Trust me when I say there is a 95% better chance that this kid is better off in this situation than in one where CPS becomes involved.</p>