<p>Ok CC parents my husband and I have a dilemma: what to do with a 93 year old driver.</p>
<p>My uncle used to be one of the wealthiest Jews in the US. He lost it. He had to, in fact, live with us for 3 years, rent free. I was also going through chemo during this period and he didn’t do anything to help. He refused to babysit me on the worst day of chemo.</p>
<p>The Uncle, was and is a jack*** to everyone. He used people. Ok, I get it…he still does. Recently he was hospitalized and the doctors sent his name into the dmv to take away his license. I don’t know what happened there, but he is driving. But he is a terrifying driver. He hit my neighbor’s fence. He has totaled out 4 cars in the last 2 or three years.</p>
<p>He has now demanded from Mr. Ellebud the money for a new car. Mr. Ellebud is not related to the Uncle so he turned to me for the answer. I blew up. This is not a matter of money for us. (well, it could be but not)…I said calmly that I will not buy a 93 year old man a car. I will not condone or help him get a car. Our neighbors would see him driving to our home and literally run away. I did receive, from our neighbors, a few warnings that he almost hit a pedestrian or stroller.</p>
<p>Am I wrong? Should we give him the money for the car under these circumstances?</p>
<p>I thought this thread was previously posted and unanimous that you should do NOTHING to help this person get any vehicle that he would operate. There is NO REASON to help him get his hands on a vehicle and every reason NOT to help him operate any vehicle, which you detailed nicely above.</p>
<p>Encourage H to stand strong and say, “NO,” and then change the subject. If it comes up again, say, “No, the subject is closed.”</p>
<p>This isn’t a dilemma, and I think you know that. He shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a car ever again, period. It’s just a matter of gathering the courage to do what you know is right. </p>
<p>You could try following up with DMV to see what happened with the hospital’s report. Or you could ask how YOU can report an unsafe driver. But please, whatever it takes, get him off the road.</p>
<p>Given what you wrote in your post, bevhills, why is this even up for discussion? Uncle is a menace and a nasty guy to boot. If you absolutely have to spend money on him, find a nice,secure facility that will monitor his activities 24/7 and book him a suite before he kills someone and you end up losing everything in the lawsuit that results from you have enabled him. I wish you well- you need it.</p>
<p>It seems that you do not want to be the person who prevents him from driving. You will have to tell him that you cannot financially afford to give him $ for a car. Lie if you need to and be convincing. Then ask a neighbor or three and a few relatives for good measure to contact your DVM and his doc and make sure he does not have a not license.
Actually, do the license thing first and then tell him that you cannot provide a car for someone without insurance. and then become a broken record.
What you could do to be helpful is figure out in your community the taxis, busses, hire a teen, etc so that he has options.
I like the idea of hiring a teen “on call” and paid to drive him.</p>
<p>Agree that the response has not changed since this was last discussed.** NO**
In fact, call the DMV with the tag # of his car if he gets on the road. Report him. He is a menace and a clear danger.</p>
<p>If he hits someone, YOU could be sued, as you provided the tool that resulted in the injury, fully knowing that it was unsafe to do so. (I didn’t say the suit would win, but you’d still have to defend yourself.) I know if I were the victim, I’d sue you.</p>
<p>I’m just piling on-you know the answer here. If you buy this man a car, he will crash it and hurt people and/or property. You know this. Even if he were a saint deserving of the moon, you should not buy him a car because he CANNOT DRIVE and YOU will be liable because YOU bought him the car and unlike him, YOU have the deep pockets now.</p>
<p>Being related to someone, good or bad, doesn’t mean you owe them whatever they want. It’s not like you’re worried he’s going to cut you out of his millions now, is it? Say no and keep saying it, as has been advised. I agree with the suggestion that, if you have the money, get him a driver and/or some kind of managed care. And if STILL gets his hands on a car, REPORT him. This whole thing shouldn’t even be up for discussion.</p>
<p>I agree with above, but if you find him a driver, Id lean toward someone older than a teen because I would be concerned that he would either bully the teen into letting him drive, or otherwise rattle them enough to affect their driving.</p>
<p>Agree that a teen should not be left with this cranky guy, as he’d be very likely to bully him and possibly cause an accident or take over the driving.</p>
If he has been reported to the DMV then your next step, as mentioned above, is to call the police with the make/model/tag of his car and let them know if he is on the road. They can only intervene if they catch him on the road. The doctor/hospital has done what they are responsible for doing. This next step is yours.</p>
<p>Mini is absolutely right. If he injures/kills someone and/or damages property and you have knowingly contributed (aiding and abetting?) when you know he is not supposed to drive, and worse yet, you are the purchaser/owner of the car (would you be providing the insurance too??) you will be sued big time. Your auto insurance might also drop you when it comes to light that you knew hew was deemed not able to drive. Stop taking his calls. You don’t need verbal abuse.</p>
<p>Your ethical responsibility is to the rest of the LA community to keep this menace off the road. You have no “ethical dilemna” with your uncle. If he calls you you let him know you will be reporting him to the DMV if he drives. And.Do.It. I know this is hard. But it is the right thing to do. And you know it.</p>
<p>So…two thoughts on car purchase: It is very “easy” for anyone to escape liability for accidents. You just give him money…and he can spend the money as he sees fit. I absolutely went ballistic over this one. The other is that my husband drives him, as needed because I can’t at this moment.</p>
<p>Obviously there are so many layers to this one. My mother loved her brother, despite many issues that separated them. And initially what we did to help him was NOT because of the Uncle…it was for my mother. </p>
<p>I told Mr. Ellebud late last evening that he should send me all emails and I would take care of it. He agreed. This morning I am calling senior services for the city of Los Angeles. And I am calling the doctor who originally contacted me vis a vis the driving. Yes, this the road to follow.</p>
<p>Not sure I agree with how “easy” it is to escape liability. One can play dumb and pretend they don’t know what the $ will be used for, but it sounds like there are traceable documents (witnesses, emails, etc) tying the uncle to a request/demand for $ for a car. He is destitute. So if you “happen” to give him enough to pay for a car, then you could easily be seen as complicit. And as mini said, they will go after the deep pocket. Heck, this thread could be evidence of being complicit should you give him the $ for a car.</p>
<p>Sounds like, as hard as it is, you know what to do, and are doing the right thing by making the calls you are making. Stay strong.</p>