I hope it is ok to post this here. I suppose this a bit of a vent but I am also looking for advice on if I should just “drop the rope” or try talking to my relatives.
The backstory is that my niece is starting a new school this year - a charter school that her parents tried very hard to get her into. We were all excited when she was accepted off the waitlist. This school does require a summer assignment for all students, whether or not they are new. It involves reading a book, writing 10 one page papers on it (one per chapter) and then a separate, additional 5 page paper. A lot of work for an 11 year old, but hey, they have the entire summer right?
Nope. My BIL/SIL told her it was optional. She had shown me the paperwork a few weeks ago and I realized it certainly was not. 20% of the overall english class grade, turned in on first day of school, presentations on it the first three days of school - it seems to be a big deal. While she was halfway through with the book she was totally overwhelmed at the assignment. Her parents still claimed it was no big deal if she didn’t do it, but ok’d my working with her on it since she wanted help.
So I read the book and have met with her a few times on it. The poor girl is clueless and her first attempt at the paper on chapter one read like it was done by a 3rd grader. So it’s taken a while to get the first two done but they’re decent in my opinion (she is definitely doing the work - I am just talking through the story with her, asking questions to get her to think, etc - not doing the work for her or anything like that). She has 2 weeks available before school starts (due to a vacation their family is going on), and I’ve just learned that my BIL/SIL feel it is too much work and don’t plan on having her complete it, and that my help is no longer needed.
That’s fine- it frees up my spare time as it’s a hike to get to them. Totally their call on if they want me helping her or not, they are the parents of course. But I HATE that the plan is for her just to not do the assignment with their blessing. I know this is a case of she just gets to suffer the consequences, but it is just eating at me.
Probably the most difficult thing for me to learn in life is something that I have learned many, many times and still have trouble fully grasping it: Sometimes you need to keep your mouth shut and let other people make mistakes.
Sadly this sounds like a case where you are right, but you need to keep your mouth shut, stay out of the way, and let your niece and her parents suffer the consequences.
I feel for your niece. I can only imagine how she will feel on the first day at a new school when she may be the only one not to turn in the summer assignment. I do, however, disagree with summer assignments/readings, etc.
I feel for you. That is not a positive situation for you all. Please make sure the niece is aware that the assignment is in fact due and expected in the off chance your help has enabled her to be able to complete it despite her parents. Summer assignments are common and ,although sometimes controversial, are expected to be completed as she agreed to it upon admission to the charter school. Good luck to her. Thank you for being a positive and caring aunt to her!
If it was me, I’d speak up. It might not be the diplomatic thing to do but given that a 11 year old’s self-confidence is at stake, I think I’d have to say something - to both parents and child - at least once then leave it be. I feel you’ve earned the right to chime in with all the help you’ve given.
I would be concerned that a major stumble academically at such a young age would have negative consequences on her self esteem.
However, based on your telling of the situation, I wonder if your niece is an academic match for the school. I assume the school was chosen because it provides a strong education and part of that is academic rigor. If she is 11, she is probably headed into 6th grade? I don’t find the assignment overly rigorous for a whole summer for someone of that age looking for strong academics. Part of it, however, is time management. I do wonder if it would be better to not worry too much about the quality of the 1 page assignments, let the niece do what she is capable of on her own rather than making each one a big production. I think it would be better to get them all done, even in a sub-standard fashion, then not complete them at all. An added benefit would be that her teachers would have a firmer grasp on the level of work the niece is capable of doing when she shows up at the new school.
I think going to this school is not going to work out if the family isn’t requiring her to do the assignments. Usually charter schools require quite a bit of support from the family.
It sounds like they’ll figure out pretty quickly that it is not the right school for her.
Well, I’d agree that her parents aren’t doing her any favors but not sure you can do anything but hold your “told you so’s” for later. Hopefully they won’t be needed.
All you can do is reiterate to your sibling that it is a REQUIRED 20% of her grade that her parents are allowing a pass on (not to mention it doesn’t make for a very good introduction to the school for either their daughter nor to the teachers).
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Some of these schools do have a huge workload–it doesn’t get easier during the school year. Hopefully the summer work is a “break in” period where you do a fair amount of work and get used to writing so it’s not overwhelming later.
At least she has done some of the work and hopefully will finish the book. I’d probably tell niece to keep plugging at it.
Go ahead and be a cheerleader for her. I’m sure your tutelage will not have been wasted.
20% of the English grade??? How can her parents not care that they are placing her at an extreme disadvantage by not making sure she completes the summer assignment? I feel for that poor kid - and if this is how intense this school is before even setting foot inside, I wonder what the school year will entail? If I were you I would make sure your niece knows that turning in some or most of the work is better than turning in nothing, since this counts for 20% of her grade.
I reacted negatively to this kind of assignment because my son got a similar one the summer before 9th grade. The instructions said to write an essay of a certain length about “The Great Gatsby.” No help with coming up with a topic. I thought that was asking a lot of a 13-year-old. DS worked hard on it but didn’t do very well. It was discouraging for him to enter the school year with a strike against him. I was not happy. And 11 seems so young to have an unguided assignment. It shouldn’t be the parents’ job to do the instruction!
I agree that 11 is young for a required summer assignment, but if that is part of the requirement for this school, your niece (and her parents) need to be responsible for making sure it is completed. If this is 20% of her grade, that is a significant assignment. She is not going to be successful at this school if the current attitude continues. I feel very sorry for your dear niece. Starting the year at a new school is challenging. This will make it even more difficult.
I am pretty sure I would make one more attempt to offer my assistance. Many young people need another adult to support them through the teen years. It is your niece’s good fortune that she has such a caring and generous aunt. Sending you a cyber hug.
I remember when my daughter was a junior and had a huge summer assignmnet for calculus. It was hundreds and hundreds of difficult problems. A bunch of kids showed up to class the first day without the assignment and they dropped the class as they started off with a failing grade. Parents will learn a painful lesson. I feel sorry for your niece as starting a new school with egg on her face is not helpful.
@MaineLonghorn – An unaided 13 year old having to get through/understand/write about The Great Gatsby? That doesn’t even seem age appropriate. Those who “did well” probably had a lot of help from their parents. How fair is that to kids who don’t have parents involved and literate enough to coach their kiddos through this unreasonable assignment?
Not knowing your relationship with your sibling, my comments might not help. What was the reason for applying to the charter school? If it was for improved academics then the parents need to support their daughter in attempting to complete the work. You only have one chance to make a first impression. If she starts the year without making a good attempt at the assignment, the teachers certainly will not have a good impression. As a teacher, I tried not to make snap judgements, but I did tend to react more favorably to the kids who tried. I think at this stage, effort is more important than excellence. If she and her parents don’t want to do the work, she should not take up a limited spot in the desired school.
She is in 5th grade, so the consequences probably aren’t long lasting. First week of school likely will be a wake up call for the whole family. I’d leave it to her parents at this point.
She is going into 6th grade. The reason for going to the school is because she was terrified of going to her assigned school after seeing how big it was on a field trip. It probably has 2500 kids and is an ‘average’ school for our area. Not one people are moving to for their kids education, but not one people are running from either. She was so upset over that her parents looked into the charter schools (private schools are not an option due to cost and the charter school is free).
The charter school is definitely more academically challenging from what I have read. And will only increase from here. Next years 7th grade assignment (available online) is reading 4 books with papers on each. And heck, some of those books are on MY reading list and not things I would consider appropriate for middle school.
I also agree that doing anything for these papers is better than nothing, but from what I have been told her parents are ok with her doing nothing more than she has done already. I will encourage her to continue on her own (we will likely see her once before school starts).
Another issue is that the school requires uniforms. I actually offered to buy them when I heard her parents weren’t. That offer was turned down. They feel if the uniforms are required they should be supplied and plan to send her in regular clothing. I remember 6th grades as being very cruel and fear she is going to have an awful experience.
Strikes me as really odd that this girl’s parents would bend over backward to switch schools for her because she was uncomfortable going to the larger school then sabotage her start by not encouraging her to finish her summer assignment and not buying her the needed uniforms. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around that thinking and doing that to my child. Middle school is all about fitting in, for better or worse. No need to invite problems through inaction that wouldn’t otherwise exist.
As long as you are 100% certain that both the parents and your niece understand that the summer assignment is not optional, I think you have done all you can and need to step back.
This doesn’t sound like it will end well! Didn’t the parents have to agree and sign that they would follow school rules when they applied? Chances are that she’ll be sent to the office every time she shows up out of uniform. If she’s on free lunch they may offer her some donated uniforms. Parents need to realize they are sending her there by their CHOICE.