<p>ThatAngloGuy, I am impressed by the sensitivity and concern evidenced by your posts. Your dad should be very proud. I’d tell him, as most suggest, but when you are both alone. I’d also make sure to let him know that you credit his parenting and sacrifice, in significant part, for your good fortune. Best of luck!</p>
<p>TAG, I won’t forget the look on my Dad’s face when he found out that I was making more than him. I think he made more when I got my 1st job. It probably came out when I got my 2nd job. For an instant he looked crushed. But I suspect he had no idea what people in my situation made, and he was comparing to his salary and nothing else. Does your dad have an idea of the range of offers for your field? You should tell him if he asks, of course, but you can cushion it with your plans for saving for retirement, etc. With some people, you can’t win when it comes to money. Good luck!</p>
<p>Our S got several good salary offers in his SR year. He was also offered moving expenses, scheduled promotions and raises to get to where they wanted to pay and retain him. It seemed quite significant for a new grad, especially to peers who had no offers. It was lower than H’s salary, but he’s been at his job for 45 years. S also has opportunities for employer to pay for his grad school. </p>
<p>H and I are thrilled for S, who seems happy with his job. He out earns me by a wide margin too!</p>
<p>I would only mention the salary if dad asks outright, or mention the range that folks in the field are earning. Agree you can credit mom and dad for getting you to where you are. Save like heck to give yourself as many options as possible, going forward.</p>
<p>This situation is not at all unusual. With a BSEE in computers I passed my EE (traditional electrical) father’s salary in my fourth year out of school. Being an engineer, he just shrugged, saying that’s how it is now with computers. Well, it’s still that way: Our BSCS fresh-out friend just started at 75% of my now pre-retirement income, and I’m delighted for her. Take your dad to dinner; I wish I had.</p>
<p>Yes, our BSEE could easily top H’s salary in a few more years. He is currently working as a project manager but hopes to do more engineering, he says.</p>
<p>It depends on the person. I’d expect most dads in the US would to be happy to see that their children have become more successful than they were. However, there are also some that would not. My dad overcame an extremely difficult situation as a child where he had very little, which led to being sensitive to how much he has/makes in relation to others as an adult, with a lot of bragging and jealousy. He thinks of himself as the financial provider and would be quite distraught, if he was not the primary earner in the family. He refused to let my mom work when I was a child, even though she had a far superior earning potential.</p>
<p>As an adult, I make far more than my dad does. I’m sure he’s figured this out on some level, based on my occupation and home, but I’ve never discussed my salary with him. I know the details would bother him. Instead when he visits, I let him engage in his financial provider behaviors, such as paying for the whole family when we eat together. I’ve offered to assist a couple times, but he’s always insisted on paying for anything we do together in full.</p>
<p>As a general rule, I consider it impolite to discuss salary. I’ll never bring up the subject in discussions with friends, family, or women I have dated. If someone asks about my salary, I’ll usually give a vague, but accurate answer, such as “I enjoy my work and am doing well.” Nobody has ever asked for a specific number, after making this type of statement. Instead it usually becomes a discussion about how work is going and/or details about work.</p>
<p>Your father seems really out of touch if he underestimated salary prospects by so much. Anyway I hope you do see that it is not an unusual situation to be in. Same goes for my daughter, although she is not yet employed full time, her summer earnings indicated a salary level well over what I’ve ever made.</p>
<p>I top you see how foolish it would be to create and live a stupid lie. Either tell him or tell him is was more than expected but you want to keep it private. Man up, as they say. I don’t think there is any delicate way to put it.</p>
<p>Personally, this is one question I’d feel free to decline answering on the NOYOB basis or a vague “I make enough, thank you”. </p>
<p>IMO, this is one question which the asker isn’t necessarily entitled to a straight answer as it’s not only an extremely private matter…but answering it straight could lead to social complications…especially among parents/older relatives who assumed they could handle the news…until they found they couldn’t. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I was raised in a family who’d agreed with some more extremes. In their eyes, asking about someone’s salary is manifest proof the one asking was “raised in a barn” and to be regarded with some suspicion. I’ve had to advise some international students with a tendency to bluntly ask such questions* that doing so isn’t prudent if their goal is to integrate themselves in the larger campus communities and befriend many Americans. </p>
<ul>
<li>IME, seems to be common among recent arrivals from Mainland China.</li>
</ul>
<p>Different family dynamics are different. I would say it wouldn’t be out of the question for my parents to ask. They MIGHT not be offended if I said, “Much more than I would have thought! I’m so pleased!”. They MIGHT drop the subject…especially if they knew I had a financial adviser.</p>
<p>It really depends on the dad. I mean, my husband would be thrilled to learn his son was making so much more. I doubt it will happen, as my son is majoring in what my husband has a degree in and works in. But if it happens, yay!</p>
<p>However, I know some people who have to be the alpha dog, above others, etc. They will get their feelings hurt over something like this. But then I sort those people in to 2 catagories. 1) those who are just good people who don’t get that some careers will simply earn more and 2) the jealous arrogant “I have to be better than you” people. If they are catagory 1 I might tone it down on my income. I would certainly not offer up numbers and I would try to avoid answering if asked. If they are #2, I would tell them how much the earnings are. Afterall, arrogant people need to be taken down a notch.</p>
<p>However, in your case, I am guessing you are assuming your dad will be hurt. I suspect he will actually be proud and happy for you. He might be beaming to know his son is doing so well. I would be!</p>
<p>Also, I like Data10’s advice.</p>
<p>If your dad asks, I would give him an honest answer. I agree that it is in general impolite to talk about how much you make but not with your Dad - at least for your initial salary. If you were my kid I would want to know and I would be very proud and relieved that you would be doing OK. I think a big fear of parents in general especially in this economy is that our children won’t do as well as we have.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who have said that you should pay all of your student loans if you have any - even those your dad took out. I have seen several parents of modest incomes who have borrowed extensively for their kids college and struggle for years to get those loans paid off after the kids graduate. The kids in many instances seem oblivious to this plight. Your dad seems like the kind of guy who wouldn’t ask you to pay, he would just struggle and do it himself.</p>
<p>I’m from a working class background. My family doesn’t know our income or financial situation in the specifics. </p>
<p>If your dad asks, just say its more than you expected and that you are very pleased. Thank him for all his help and guidance through the years. </p>
<p>If he pushes, write it on a piece of paper and hand it to him. This discourages “conversation” IME. And it sends the message that you don’t want to talk about it. </p>
<p>If you think your dad will be uncomfortable, go with your instincts.</p>
<p>If I were your dad, I would think I did good if my kids could be more successful than me. I am still waiting for the private plane (I know not very green) and a separate wing at their mansions.</p>
<p>I am surprised that few responses suggest being more generous with parents. I like momtotwins’ suggestion about paying back all student loans, although discussing this will likely lead to the salary details. Perhaps a good option would be planning a nice vacation and paying for the parents to come along at child’s expense.</p>
<p>My dad earned more than I did, but he was thrilled the first time after graduation that I went to dinner with he an my mom and I paid the bill. I am the youngest of three children, but it was the first time he was treated by any of his kids.</p>
<p>I think it is different with the first professional job out of college. A good salary lets the parent know that the kid is fully cooked. Like a rite of passage, a way for the parent to know that the child can be self supporting. After the first job, I can’t imagine that it would ever come up again</p>
<p>D1 texts me first after each bonus/salary discussion.</p>
<p>You are among an elite few to earn more than your parent straight out of school. I wouldn’t say anything unless directly asked, and I wouldn’t lie. A parent’s dream is that their children have a better life. Very few witness this outcome.</p>
<p>Why do you think that your dad will ask you what your salary is? You can just say it is enough for me to pay the rent plus some more.</p>
<p>I’d be happy as a parent to hear that my S or D earned more than me. Parents (almost) always want to hear that their kids successes, whether it be $-wise or other.</p>
<p>I know my Dad would’ve been happy to hear such news too, may he rest in peace.</p>