@greenwich - this is a cute article written by that little girls mom…
We usually have pretty good Thanksgiving’s here. Those relatives who used to cause stress have either passed away or mellowed now that they don’t have the hosting duties. I’m feeling a bit cranky today & trying not to take it out on the family - so much work to be done & it’s so much work to get them off the couch to help. I try to do virtually all of it today, so tomorrow will actually be enjoyable. Some things have to be done last minute (gravy, turkey carving) but almost everything else can be assembled today & just baked or heated tomorrow.
And tonight we go OUT to dinner!
We’re going out for Mexican food tonight.
I hope we’re getting Pei Wei.
Man I’m unmotivated. I have 45 things to be done and sitting here with CC. Sheesh.
I also get my done ahead, so it’s mainly assembly, not cutting and prepping. It was much less stressful this year since I’m laid off. I’ve been doing it in stages each day. Typically I take Wednesday off and it was a 12 hour getting ready fest…exhausting.
I will look forward to the day i have a DIL who wants to share or take over. Before my BIL divorced, we would trade every other year…that was always a nice break.
Sorry if I made it seem that i think functional families are boring. That’s not the issue at all.
More like, I was once invited to an occasion where people were chatting about hem lines or what not, while my sister was having a miscarriage of a child by her married, out of town boyfriend, while her local boyfriend was camping in our basement, and I was wondering how to pay for college in the fall, and I had no idea how to talk about everything else, or what it meant, or how it related to me. Just, I wasn’t like everyone else seemed to be.
Really it’s not about boring. It’s about world view. And the fact that I’m 40 years older now doesn’t really change that. I don’t want to talk about Gucci or colors or golf or jello or hunting or horsepower or shingles or the city council or where the water comes from or what Kim Kardashian is wearing.
I can do all that but its the holiday and I dont want to. I just wanna hang out. And the stoners get that. And the functional people don’t. Or if they know me a little, they say, “Come on, dude, lighten up.” And I’m like, F you, just because it’s Thursday doesn’t mean my brain turns off.
Maybe there aren’t a lot of truly functional people in the world. Probably a lot of people fake it. I avoid them most of all.
If I were functional, I could set it all aside and make small talk. But I’m not. I don’t do small talk. Wish I could, but I can’t. So I’ll hang in the basement with the stoners and maybe they’ll play some Dylan. And maybe they’ll have some good bud.
@wasatchwriter you have found a better description than I did for what goes on at the functional side of the family. All the conversation is small talk. Don’t get me wrong. I love them all and enjoy spending time with them but it makes me feel like an outsider to not be told who got an “A” on the spelling test simply because someone else might not have. We live the farthest away so I do not get to see them as much as they see each other. I would love to truly catch up with them rather than hear about all the generic things that we do talk about. Even bringing vacation photos to share is not ok since someone else may not have gone anywhere recently. I think we should be able to state simple facts without it being perceived as bragging of any sort. If I saw them more maybe this would be less noticeable to me.
Stoners don’t talk? Or are they just having the DEEP discussions? 
I kid. My guess is a lot of people feel the stoners in the basement are more laid back about everything.
I wouldn’t call my family dysfunctional but not “functional” or traditional either. We don’t talk about fashion and never about the Kardashians or others of that ilk, but we’ll talk about books, movies, and definitely about politics. We are all on the same page politically but that doesn’t keep my family from getting loud and animated about it. 
Our family dinners, holidays or otherwise, are always long and lively. It’s especially nice now with all the offspring in their teens and 20s and having well thought out opinions and ideas and, at times, enlightening us old folks.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
My “functional” family members don’t talk about Kardashians or fashion or golf or those kinds of skin-deep evasions. Like @doschicos, we talk about ideas and books and music and jokes, tell stories about things that have happened in the past year, or maybe long time ago (the now grown up grandkids love to get my Mom talking about growing up in the Depression/ww2 etc), we talk politics but keep the arguments for another time, we make jokes, we laugh. We make plans for Christmas, or other get-togethers during the coming months. One year spontaneous juggling of clementines broke out at the table after dinner, among three of the guys attending (one being my H.)
I think that is all pretty functional, so I’m not sure what, @WasatchWriter, you’re calling functional.
Also, @WasatchWriter, maybe I’m shallow, but I’m guessing my SIL doesn’t want to talk about her mental illness, the state of her marriage, etc, with a crowd, though we will when we’re alone.
If my brother’s version of grief, which is very deep, for his wife who died this summer, seems shallow to you because he also doesn’t want to talk about it in a group, I guess he’s guilty as charged.
I probably won’t ask my nephew how his college plans are going, and I sure as hope no one decides my D’s fertility issues are table fodder either.
Gosh, we’re so shallow, maybe we are the Kardashians. /sarcasm.
garland, I guess I rubbed you the wrong way. That was not my intent, and I apologize.
No probs. Maybe I asked for it with the thread title. Happy Thanksgiving! 
For anyone trying to survive a dysfunctional family Thanksgiving, here’s a suggestion… ;))
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/a-thanksgiving-miracle/2941763
@Wassatchwriter, you don’t sound “dysfunctional,” just a little grumpy. Our conversations run the gamut from “small” to “deep.” You’d be welcome at our table, but you probably wouldn’t be happy because we don’t have a basement you could escape to!
I get how someone might want to take breaks from the whole thing from time to time, though. We have a man cave upstairs you could break away to for a little while, but it probably will have the Cowboy game playing.
I’m hosting. I’m nervous this year because my MIL’s Alz is getting worse and I think my kids will be devastated if she doesn’t recognize them.
Oh, PG. that’s hard. Wishing a good day for you and family.
Thanks! I was with my MIL on Sunday and had to reintroduce myself several times. We were at a store and she started to freak out and think that I was a stranger pushing ahead of her in line. Other times she seems to know exactly who I am and relate to me accordingly. This is all very new to me, though I know a lot of you have sadly had to deal with it. My FIL is in full good mental health and she has a caregiver in the home who is a living angel. The caregiver and the caregiver’s mother are coming too (they are from a culture where TG is unimportant).
Love to be home, but always glad to leave.
OCD father who tries to hold it together but inevitably can’t make it until the last day. One year he jumped up mid holiday meal to go shoot at geese in the backyard.
Hard working mom who will accept no help even as she gets older and crookeder.
SIL who smokes and shows up medicated i.e. stoned.
SIL who is wife #3 and speaks little English.
Bros who tease everyone. One bro gets feelings hurt and leaves early every year. I am often the butt of jokes as only girl.
H who has to show how important he is and talks on the phone way too much.
The kids are all fine.They aren’t perfect but do age appropriate things. Although one year we did end up in the emergency room T Day morning when someone needed stitches!