<p>So my youngest daughter is a sophomore in high school and our next door neighbor is a junior ( sort of awkward girl ) They are somewhat friendly and today I asked my D if she was going to the prom…she told me no, because no boy asked her. When my now 23 and 25 yr old daughters were in HS , it wasn’t uncommon for girls without dates to either go in a group of other girls or with a make friend.
Now , apparently the trend is for boys to make some magnificent gesture ( think youtube viral video ) to simply ask a girl to go to the prom…even if they are already dating !
What the heck is happening to our kids that takes the simple pleasures in life and turns them into so much pressure that it sets them up like this ?
I swear, social media is destroying this generation…
Thoughts ?</p>
<p>believe it or not, there are some teenagers that are actually decent people.</p>
<p>When I went to prom years ago, it was couples only. A friend fixed me up as a freshman with a junior boy I had a crush on. That year, there were 4 freshman who went to prom. I was the only one who didn’t end up pregnant before our own junior year. One of them married, had a baby, and was widowed by the age of 17! Neither of my own kids went to prom or were interested in that kind of thing. I think it would be better all over for kids to be able to go as a group.</p>
<p>Eh. That’s about the least disturbing disturbing thing I’ve encountered all day! 
(And certainly not close to the most disturbing thing about today’s proms…)</p>
<p>It depends where you leave. In my kids school prom is very fancy BUT, dates, friends, all go together. Last year my DS, a junior went to prom with two senior friends ( a girl and a boy) from the band. This year he is going with his girlfriend (no big invitation). My daughter ( a junior) is going with her friends because her boyfriend live in another town. I am honestly more worried with what happens after the prom…</p>
<p>lje, I hate that trend. And I mean hate.</p>
<p>I have kids ranging from 17 to 28 and it is the same now as it was then- at least around here. Many kids-girls and boys- go without dates and most kids just go in a group. My youngest does have a girlfriend but they are still going with a lot of their friends in a group. They have more fun that way and no one gets left out. Here however, sophomores may not attend unless accompanied by a senior- it is a senior prom. Not that many kids go before their senior year.</p>
<p>Here, you can go to prom with a date if you want, but everybody goes on the same bus to the same restaurant for dinner. Goes on the busses to the dance and goes on the busses from the dance to the lock in. If you can’t do those things, you can’t go. You check in at the bus to start with your stuff for the lock in and you hand it over to the parent chaperones. You have to be willing to open the bags and show what is inside and whatnot, and then you go to the dinner.</p>
<p>Everyone goes. Some with dates, but it’s not a thing. </p>
<p>This is a wealthy area but not everyone has a lot of money and we parents felt that it was getting to be a bit showy and just wanted a prom where everyone had the same thing.</p>
<p>Also, ulterior motive is that we control the contraband as best as possible.</p>
<p>sorry to hear about your situation. I hate the “big ask.” Too much pressure. the whispered ask alone is hard enough for some guys, probably the “best” guys, imho.</p>
<p>Both my kids went to prom with groups of friends, within the group were a few couples but mostly it was fairly informal.
Never heard of youtube for that, I guess some people are more exhibitionist than others.( i rarely watch tv- so I can pretend I don’t know of the exhibitionists!!
Neither of my kids really dated in high school.
Now they both have BFs that we like very much & whats more, their families love our girls.
:)</p>
<p>" believe it or not, there are some teenagers that are actually decent people."</p>
<p>I didn’t suggest otherwise…simply posting that the social pressures are disturbing to me</p>
<p>well I happen to be a glass half full kind of guy</p>
<p>Maybe it’s a regional thing…
I saw on Today Show this week about a young boy who asked a Sports Illustrated model and they made a huge deal about it…
My older girls went with dates ( our school does a combined junior senior prom ) the school does a great job at discouraging drinking , but there is still the sexual pressures that are scary. Both of them went to prom as juniors with one date and left with another, ( one because date wanted something she wasn’t willing to give so they joke with the baby sister that she has to keep up the family tradition 
. It is not an immediate problem for youngest since she is not a junior…too much drama IMO</p>
<p>and clearly not a mother</p>
<p>My local area seems to be mainly dates, though the huge promposals are still the exception rather than the rule. I hate the trend as well, as it puts so much pressure on the young person to be on display. As the mother of a son, I remember the stress that he felt the first time he asked a girl out on a date, only to be rejected. </p>
<p>Now, if you think this trend is bad, wait until they have to propose marriage. Watching those great proposals on youtube is setting the bar very high.</p>
<p>I will take this over hookup culture any day. It shouldn’t be disruptive of course. And it tends to work better if the recipient is expecting to be asked so it’s probably better done in couple situations.</p>
<p>I think part of what the OP is complaining about. Is the WAY they are asking out dates - she mentioned social media. Around here there does seem to be something to the “creative” ask - not a youtube, but creative! I’ve heard of notes on the locker (boys sneak ker to the girls school after hours and vice versa to post notes) , chalk invitations written on the driveway - stuff like that. A little ridiculous, but also kind of cute. I remember my son senior year asking his date to prom by sprinkling rose petals down a hill and then having a candlelit spot at the bottom where he was waiting to ask her - they are still a couple 3 years later and likely to stay that way!!!</p>
<p>We were discussing this again at the dinner table. Our local high school has had some minor celebrity status, which may have contributed to this trend. MTV had a show , School of Surf that featured our surf team and also one from Ca…and also a young man who graduated a year after my 23 yr old was in a commercial that aired on the Superbowl this year…a Calvin Klein ad.</p>
<p>I recall the first kid making some big splash of an invitation, pre-MTV fame.
I feel bad for the boys who have to do it AND the girls who don’t get asked</p>
<p>For my daughters, it was friends of friends as dates, and it was all good. My younger daughter asked her date, my oldest went with a great guy from another school who was just a friend, she also asked him.</p>
<p>Girls need to step it up, as long as they go along with it, it will continue of waiting and not going to prom.</p>
<p>At my school people went in groups or as dates, but there were definitely girls asking guys as well as guys asking girls for the people going with dates – there definitely wasn’t that whole stigma about girls not getting asked. I think that’s awful to perpetrate.</p>
<p>This is one of those things that varies quite a lot by region, though, I think. My school was pretty non-traditional in some other ways, like nobody cared about the football players or cheerleaders (we barely had cheerleaders) and Homecoming enthusiasm was pretty minimal with no court. We did elect a prom court but it was really low-key. So we didn’t have a lot of the hooplah around those kinds of things.</p>
<p>It’s a trend I don’t like either, OP.</p>
<p>I liked it that our hs had a mix of dates and groups at the prom. Also it was ok for DD, who didn’t want to go to the prom, to attend the fun after-prom at the gym.</p>