<p>The latest thing around here is doing everything but then not actually going to the dance. They get all dressed up, corsages, pictures, then dinner, then… not go to the dance which apparently everyone finds boring since they outlawed ‘grinding’ couple of years ago. I’ve heard of kids going bowling, others going to hang at one of the kids house… Strange.</p>
<p>It’s unfortunate that something that is meant to be fun has become really pretty unpleasant for everyone and with high stakes. I’m glad that my D had fun at hers, with lots of buddies in a large group. My understanding is that they all enjoyed it enough to do it again–all the winter banquets, JR & SR proms. This kind of social pressure does not sound healthy or good for most kids and would be a distraction from many otherwise more comfortable relationships.</p>
<p>This is all very interesting. At D’s boarding school, prom wasn’t flashy at all; in fact, I could say it was the classiest event of the year. But now looking at all the posts here it seems really flashy compared to other schools’.</p>
<p>As far as I know (and D has told me quite a lot), promposals (some were pretty elaborate) started happening in early March, then a Facebook group was created among the girls so everyone could post pictures of their dresses as soon as they got them so no one would end up wearing the same dress (some even had 2 dresses, one “main” dress and another “backup” dress in case any disaster happened). Prom was one evening end of May. Pre-prom started at around 4pm, there was a photo-taking session/reception with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, all of us parents and faculty and underclassmen were there to help take pictures of the attendees. Then 2 hours later all of the attendees got on the ~10 buses hired to take them out to the nearest port city/harbor where they got on a chartered cruise and had dinner and danced the night away while the boat sailed around NY Harbor. D and the rest of her classmates disembarked from the boat by midnight and went to party in a private club in the city. The entire group didn’t get back to the school until 4 or 5am.</p>
<p>Where the heck are you getting all of these rules? My guys are all prom gigolos. They get asked by girls all of the time, and we had to put limits on how many they could attend. One who went to his prom had his friends find a girl for him as a date because everyone he could think of to ask already had others in mind. That he was asked to other proms by three other girls didn’t seem to enter the equation. Still couldn’t find a date for his own prom without help.</p>
<p>You could run a rental business. ;)</p>
<p>Promposals are pretty typical in our area. A lot of the guys do come up with some cute and creative ideas, but only the real extroverts do something publicly (and only if they’re fairly certain of a “yes”). I haven’t found that this makes anyone feel bad or left out, though. Most kids do go to prom with a date, but there are also plenty of kids who go stag with groups of friends. No stigma at all.</p>
<p>If you want to hear something really disturbing… a friend and I sat down and figured out the average amount that each couple spent on prom: prom tickets, tux rental, dress, shoes, accessories, hair, nails, corsage, limo/party bus, etc. Combined with what the prom commitee paid for the actual prom and after-prom lock-in, we figured that over $300,000 was spent in our community for this one single evening! This is a public school in a fairly average middle/upper middle class community. Crazzzyyy.</p>
<p>Ah, but think of how you’re all helping the local economy! Very good of all of you to help businesses stay afloat! ;).</p>
<p>^ Haha, there you go! That makes me feel much better! DH still has no idea how much he “helped the local economy.” When he asked how much D’s dress cost, I told him that I’d had to sign a non-disclosure agreement and a waiver releasing the store of all liability should my husband find out the cost. ;)</p>
<p>There is a specialty dress shop in our area that keeps track of the dresses and which prom they will be worn at. This is to avoid any duplicates of the dress being seen more than once.
Then there are local groups who " recycle" dresses so that anyone who wants a dress and doesn’t have hundreds of dollars to spend can have a chance too.</p>
<p>The news yesterday said that they average student spends $1139 on prom. That just seems excessive to me.</p>
<p>D just spent $500 on a dress and is working on some elaborate scheme for asking her boyfriend, despite the fact that they have already agreed that they will go to her prom together but will not attend *his<a href=“one%20is%20enough%20apparently”>/I</a>. Going shoe shopping tonight.</p>
<p>3bm, what’s scarier about that figure is that a lot of people are like me and spend less than $100 on prom. I can’t imagine the figures some spend to even out that average. Honestly, I don’t even know how someone would spend over $1000 on prom.</p>
<p>Romanigypsyes, that is just the start. Around here, the prom venues themselves are pricey, and then there is the limo and the afterprom which usually ends up in Manhattan. Very pricey. Then some continue on to the beaches and make a weekend out of it. IT’s a big deal thing, and familes that do not have much money often really go into a hole to buy that experience for their kids. My son went with a girl to her prom; she worked part time, and her dress took all year to pay off. She’d bought it the year before on sale at some exclusive shop. And then she ended up not able to go to the college of her choice because the family and she could not come up with what they needed by the end of the summer. The gap was nothing close to the what the prom cost, but still…</p>
<p>One fo my friends’ kids is planning a $40K wedding right now and that 's about what he makes in a year. Bought a $5K ring for his SO. My friend is very upset. She doesn’t want to contribute a dime to this circus for any number of reasons, it’s all so wrong to her,but that is what they are doing. The dress alone is in the mid 4 figure range. </p>
<p>My wedding dress was from JC Penny’s and was more than I had ever spent on any dress except for two bridesmaid dresses for friend’s weddings. </p>
<p>Oh, yes, and my son did spend over $1K on his prom, not for the prom itself but the after prom. And he has a tux–just got a tie to match the girls’ dress, the prom itself was reasonably priced, IMO, especially for what it was, but the limo and the Manhattan after prom experience is what racked up the cost. The son before him spent very little on his prom as he and his friends did a very low key after prom and their dates went home immediately after the prom itself.</p>
<p>I was with a group of women yesterday who were talking about Facebook pages to list the dress and promposals. The girls were frustrated by the fact that some people would post multiple dresses and put them on hold indefinitely until they “decided.” Nice. </p>
<p>Same high school - none of this was going on four or five years ago. The “promposal” thing is also silly, IMO. In addition to the fact that it puts a lot of unnecessary and artificial pressure on the kids, it is a lot less meaningful than if the idea for a different and unique invitation was an original one in the first place.</p>
<p>We spent $1K on our wedding. Including rings & honeymoon.</p>
<p>The promprosposal is gaining popularity at our HS as well. My oldest’s class (HS class 07) did not do this or only a few. But by my younger ('11) it was expected. Most go with a “date” but more often than not it is a friend, not a BF or GF. The girls also “ask cute”. One girl made a pizza that said Prom? on top. Others use a cake or flower petals. Not super expensive. But there is some pressure on whoever is going the asking to “ask cute”. </p>
<p>It also seems that in friend groups, there is some coordination so that a “date” is found for each kid in the group. </p>
<p>I have heard the girls post on facebook about which dress they are going to wear. There are some rules about not posting more than one but I think they can change their minds. </p>
<p>The prom cost was not that high, because my kids did not rent a shore house. That really ups the cost.</p>
<p>^When I first read your last sentence I thought it said “did not rent a whore house”. I’m sure that would REALLY rack up the cost ;).</p>
<p>D found a place online that custom makes fabrics. She had a square made with the word “prom?” all over it and is now manufacturing a bow-tie for her BF who wears them all the time. Still working on how to present said object.</p>
<p>“Combined with what the prom commitee paid for the actual prom and after-prom lock-in, we figured that over $300,000 was spent in our community for this one single evening! This is a public school in a fairly average middle/upper middle class community.”</p>
<p>Out here, you could buy a whole town for that.</p>
<p>I spent about $200 at most for prom. </p>
<p>I spent about four hours in my dress. Change for a party then didnt spend a single done from then on out.</p>
<p>I noticed that the promposal became a “thing” after the sleeper hit, Napolean Dynamite featured a character that had baked a cake with an invitation in icing. After that, I noticed the surge in promposals which hadn’t existed before. Now, it’s spilled over into the Sadie Hawkins ask. One little gal called to ask if she could vandalize our car with an ask if she promised to clean it up afterwards. I have no problem with any of this good clean fun. The awkward part was talking her out of it because I knew she wasn’t the one he wanted to be asked by 
I had to beg off about availability. Truth is, the background work is usually done before the promposal, less damaging that way.</p>