<p>Our high school has a pretty elaborate after prom party that goes through the night. The focus is on games and a lot of prizes. We donate one of the prizes every year. The idea is to keep the kids from going to drinking parties and it is pretty successful. The kids change out of their prom clothes …our town is also a destination for other high schools to come for after prom parties and parents are known to rent hotel rooms for their kids. I never really understood how this happens here, since all of this is discouraged with our own high school kids, but it’s a way to boost hotel business…</p>
<p>But why do people feel that prom is such a big deal? D2 & her group of friends are not school dance people; don’t think she’s been to one since 6th grade & I’m not sure if she’s even aware that she’s missed one. Rather than being angsty about an event that has zero appeal to them, they’re planning on having a fun day hanging out & are trying to figure out what they’re going to do; current options include rock climbing, paintball, laser tag & bowling. </p>
<p>Our HS’s overnight lock in is tied to graduation. None of the prom dramatics attached.</p>
<p>At our high school, most people seem to go with dates, but a few (mostly girls) go without if they enjoy getting dressed up and dancing. Many students do not think it is worth the expense, and we are a fairly affluent community. Students can go to the after prom party from midnight to 6 a.m. even if they haven’t gone to the prom, and dateless seniors choose this option in large numbers.</p>
<p>I am comfortable with this. (I do feel sorry for the young man who goes through lots of trouble to initiate a fancy invite only to get turned down, though.)</p>
<p>What troubles me more are the Greek formals at many colleges that are held as overnights at hotels out of town. I felt sick some time back when there was a thread on “fraternity coolers” or something like that, where a date would be expected to decorate a cooler and then stock it with snacks and drinks.</p>
<p>I guess I see the opposite of the OP. When I was in hs no one would dream of going to prom without a date. It was really stressful being worried about whether you’d have a date or not. </p>
<p>I don’t like the push for romantic dates at that age.</p>
<p>With my kids it’s an anything goes - groups, couples, friends, etc. My d has a boyfriend who I suppose just assumes they are going, but it’s been planned forever that the big group of friends will all go to one persons house for pictures and dinner and parents will take them to the dance, and afterwards there are buses to the after prom party which focuses on fun activities vs drunken hookups in hotel rooms that I remember going on as a kid.</p>
<p>I think it’s way more common these days to not have a date. But I certainly understand why it feels more exciting to have a date. </p>
<p>And yes, we’ve already bought the dress and shoes and I’ll be making an appt at the salon for the hair and makeup the day of the event. I personally like the traditions and think it’s sweet to spend the time and energy to get all excited and dressed up for an event. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but attendance also isn’t mandatory.</p>
<p>One thing I really liked about my kid’s high school, was that there were no dates allowed at the senior prom. And everybody went. If they couldn’t afford the cost of the prom, the school took care of it. It was considered a class activity, not a date or group event. They had no idea what was going to happen at the prom, it was an evening/overnight activity planned secretly by the parents.</p>
<p>Our HS’s overnight lock in is tied to graduation. None of the prom dramatics attached.</p>
<p>Both of my kids high schools were same way.
It was also the " senior" prom.</p>
<p>What does it matter what we like the trend or not. If it works then it will continue. If it gets to be too much then it will die off. It is one event, try not to read too much into it. Even if you don’t like it, what can you do? Not to allow your kid to participate, I guess.</p>
<p>D1 went to a high school where parents all knew each other (at least the old timers). It was customary for few families with the nicest grounds to host the pre-prom parties. Pre-prom parties would be for parents and kids, cocktail/food and photographer included. There would also be all night post prom parties at other people’s homes. </p>
<p>D2 went to a high school where prom was a family affair, no date involved. We all had to buy tickets. Parents were in tux and gowns, sit down dinner with live band. We were asked to leave at midnight, and kids continued to party until 2-3am before they moved it to a private club. We didn’t see D2 until 9am, then there was a brunch 3 hours later.</p>
<p>In my county the biggest thing for high school proms is the after prom party, usually at a club in NYC.</p>
<p>D2 went to a high school where prom was a family affair, no date involved. We all had to buy tickets. Parents were in tux and gowns, sit down dinner with live band. We were asked to leave at midnight, and kids continued to party until 2-3am before they moved it to a private club.</p>
<p>I would be uncomfortable with this. What was the reasoning to have parents so involved?
Was it always like this?
Both the kids schools had family events, but they also had opportunities for the students to take charge. Traveling to another country to volunteer, working with homeless in our city and celebrating the end of senior year with their friends while wearing a tiara, those were things that kids did with their peers.
Some parents host dinners at home for their kids and their dates, but then the parents stay home, they don’t tag along to the dance too.</p>
<p>^^^Different country, different custom. It was a party to celebrate their kid’s milestone. The party was organized and given by the parents. The cost could rival some of the most expensive weddings in the city. Teachers were also invited free of charge. Families that couldn’t afford the tickets were able to apply for special funding through the PTA. It was very inclusive. I thought it was nice - party for the family in the beginning, and party for the students without parents later. Few speeches were given to thank parents and teachers. It was good to see some parents/students dance together. I thought it was nicer than the traditional American prom.</p>
<p>@eyemamom, I agree with you . I like the idea of keeping it a little more simple and not get too wrapped in the romance at this age. When I was a teen no one would have gone to the prom without a date.
I wish everyone felt comfortable with going, regardless if they have a date or not.</p>
<p>I was just talking to my son about junior prom because I didn’t know the date. He said he was going with this girl, they had talked about it but he hadn’t “asked her asked her.” He needs to design a t-shirt for that. What? She’s a senior but he doesn’t think she’ll ask him to her prom. He also thinks he is going to senior prom at another school with a friend but she confided in my DH that she doesn’t want to ask him now because he’s being obnoxious. He doesn’t know that and I told DH not to get in the middle of it. But apparently there are levels of “asking” and there is some kind of event that is supposed to happen when you ask. News to me!</p>
<p>D3 had a date last year, just a buddy. She said this year she doesn’t want a date. She just wants to go in her group and have fun. She said she spent half the dance worried about making sure he was having fun, and she doesn’t want to do that this year. She’s not interested in a romantic relationship right now either. She said, “What’s the point? I’m leaving in a few months. It will only end in tears.”. Lol. But yes, the formal, the jewelry, the shoes, the hair, the nails, the restaurant, the sleepover afterwards, the whole bit. She’s very excited.</p>
<p>Junior S was summoned by best friend late the other night to “help” with prom invite. (Prom is in 2 weeks.) I only know that this “promposal” involved Christmas lights. When I asked S how it went, he said, “I didn’t need to be there.” S isn’t going to prom.
Older S is on spring break in FL–the first night he was there he saw a marriage proposal–spelled out on the beach in glowsticks.</p>
<p>That sounds very romantic atomom. But both my girls. ( & myself )I think would be embarrassed by public displays. ( but surprises are fun if they aren’t too elaborate)</p>
<p>In fact if younger Ds bf wasn’t so accomplished, sweet & charming (& good looking), I would suspect that she was going out with him because they share a birthday and so they have to share the attention!</p>
<p>Son wanted to but 101 stuffed penguins and stuff girlfriends locker. After calculating the price of 101 stuffed penguins I suggested sticking post it notes all over the inside of the locker with handwritten notes asking her for prom. I think it will still look cute and is a lot less expensive.</p>
<p>What in heaven’s name would anyone DAo with 101 penguins afterwards? So glad practicality prevailed! 101 sticky notes would be much more manageable.</p>
<p>This custom is also at my D’s HS. There seem to be sooooo many “rules” I cannot keep up with all of them. It is a Jr/Sr prom but in my D’s social circle, Juniors only go if asked by a Senior. Even if the couple is arranged and all cleared via text between friends, the boy must ask in this elaborate manner. This is true also if the girl is the one looking for a date. The girl finds a boy willing to go but then the young man still must think up some way to “ask” I think this is sweet if the boy/girl has a steady boyfriend/girlfriend but to think some shy young man is going to go extremes to ask a girl seems less than likely. Alot more kids would have dates if they didnt feel they had to make a production of the asking.</p>
<p>At our HS, kids begin pairing off in Feb. for the end of April Prom. This leads to alot of prom drama as kids agree to go with one date and then are sorry they did months later when the prom is. They feel they have to ask so early so they can get their reservations in at the Wisconsin Dells hotels that they all head to afterwards. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Dont even get me started on this tradition. D(who is still 16) will not be going as a Junior because I refuse to allow her to go party with a bunch of 18 year olds. No way would I go supervise either. Usually some shenanigans go on which I do not want to be responsible for. These kids are sly as foxes.</p>
<p>This does seem like way too much pressure and expectations being put upon young people. It’s sad and takes the fun out of things, to me. I’m pleased that our D was able to keep it light, fun and friendly with her GFs and their dates. They all had a pleasant evening and the girls had a nice sleepover together, JR and SR years, as well as after their winter banquet. Not aware of anyone who had an elaborate PromPosal or anything like it. D was asked on the phone twice and flattered. It worked out.</p>
<p>Hlmom I thing this thing does build a lot of expectations specially with the girls. It is not only about if they will ask them, who will ask them and now how will they ask them. I feel that kids just like to pile more pressure into an already pressured event.</p>