<p>lje62–it might have been the norm where you are, but prom here has always been a “date” situation. There are plenty of socially awkward/chubby boys that are left out as well–or not, because they ask a socially awkward/chubby girl and have a blast. No one has to be left out. I know plenty of “cheerleader” types that don’t get asked too. There is a couple at our kids’ school that are both Down’s and they went to prom together last year. If your D is so concerned about not going to prom, what’s stopping her from asking a boy?</p>
<p>Maybe I’m just being snarky, but I suspect that if your D was being asked, you’d be fawning over how cute it is that little Joey wrote “Prom?” out in pepperonis on a pizza or made a Youtube video. </p>
<p>Not everyone gets asked to prom, it’s simply a way of life. Your D’s life will in no way be ruined if she isn’t asked to prom. Consider it a great opportunity to teach her about rejection.</p>
<p>Nope, I am not impressed by actions by conformists. I think I would prefer not to know actually if a boy does something showy to simply ask my daughter to go to the prom.</p>
<p>I don’t think my daughter is worried at all , nor do I think that her ( or anyone else’s life will be ruined if they do not attend a prom ) I just feel bad for the kids who want to go and now feel like they can’t because of the new norms in place. </p>
<p>I think they have enough pressures on them as it is, compounded by social media outlets.</p>
<p>My daughter is a sophomore anyway, so this is not about HER situation at all…
Going back to two years ago , when she was an eighth grader , there was a trend for the girls to get all out prom dresses instead of sort of slightly dressy dresses.
Most of the girls were going to an area specialty shop to pick out their dresses .
Again, it was a peer pressure situation where getting a dress that no one else would have at the same dance…heaven forbid the dress was bought at Macy’s or other store like that.
At the time I thought it was kind of silly since they are not there with dates and mostly stand against the wall , too shy to even mingle.
The school caught wind that some parents had hired limos and they put the brakes on that. I think it’s just too over the top myself</p>
<p>You’d have thrown a hissy fit at my high school. And no, we were not in an area with a high socioeconomic status. In fact, we are considered extremely blue collar, so it’s not about the money.</p>
<p>Guys all asked the girls or you went in a group. You bought your dress (at a specialty store OR at Macys/JCPenney–both categories had lists) and put your name on the list so nobody had the same dress. You rented a limo or a party bus to go to dinner and the limo so nobody had to drive</p>
<p>Not seeing what’s so disturbing about your situation–other than you being worried that your D won’t be going to prom</p>
<p>" Not seeing what’s so disturbing about your situation–other than you being worried that your D won’t be going to prom "</p>
<p>I thought I made it very clear…this is NOT about my daughter and it isn’t my situation at all. And if next year she gets invited or not , it does not matter . She is strong enough girl that she won’t crumble…not really sure why this is striking such a nerve with you , soccergurl , but I am guessing you are pretty close to prom age, give or take a few years .
My point is about feeling bad about the trend that makes people feel excluded from being able to attend what every student should feel ok about going to, with or without a date .
If anything, I feel bad for the neighbor girl who doesn’t want to go because she is dateless and now it is considered socially unacceptable to go any other way.</p>
<p>Do you still have trouble grasping it ?</p>
<p>I think that if someone wants to be creative in a promposal, then that is a wonderful memory. My Ds BF, just asked her to go… in person, as in “do you want to go to the prom together?” Last year, she was not asked by anyone and managed to ask around and found someone from another school who did not have a date and she ended up doing two proms, one night after the other. But she could have also gone alone, with a group of friends. I think it is all about how comfortable you are with your choices. In our area, the PTA hosts post prom parties which have lots of activities, prizes, food (which last til 4am) and almost everyone chooses the PTA sponsored event. AND, if you choose not to attend prom, for whatever reason, you are invited to the PTA post prom party anyway, which is free. Limo busses are fun and the girls can get in easier when wearing those long gowns! This year, we are not going to be the family sponsoring the limobus. That was the most stressful part of the whole thing. Couples are in the limo bus, then out, then can’t afford, then doesn’t like so-and-so, who is in the bus, and then asks if there is room for a friend and so-on and so-on. Too much drama! Not doing that again.</p>
<p>I think the percentage of people doing these creative prom-posals is smaller than you believe it is. Because of social media, people can go on Facebook and see pictures of “PROM?” written out in flowers, or of a boy showing up to her class with a guitar and little song. Nobody hears about the “regular” ones because those aren’t interesting or exciting and therefore aren’t spread around. At my school we certainly had our fair share of really creative ways to ask someone out, but this was far from the majority of cases. For me, I was standing in line with a guy friend to buy the tickets and he turned to me and said “so do you wanna go together?” That’s basically how it happened with most of my friends, too. We didn’t tweet about it or post it all over Facebook because it wasn’t particularly interesting. The ones that people hear about are the creative ones.</p>
<p>What’s wrong with being romantic? I think it’s really sweet that some guys want to give girls a memorable experience that they’ll always look back on with a smile. Especially at this age. There’s nothing wrong with casually asking someone out in person, but if they want to do something cute and different, why not? High school is monotonous enough.</p>
<p>disclaimer- I kept referring to guys asking girls out but I know it can be the other way around, too.</p>
<p>Cute and romantic gestures, if over the top, are “disturbing”? </p>
<p>I want to live in a world where that’s high enough on the list to merit a “disturbing” label.</p>
<p>I had an absolutely ****ty prom asking out. Meaning, there wasn’t one. A few weeks before prom I finally asked my ex if we planned on going “Yeah, I guess. Whatever.” was the response. How romantic :rolleyes:. Current SO made up for it though my a cute and sort of elaborate asking out to our theater’s “ball”.</p>
<p>It didn’t bother me and I was even involved in some of those elaborate askings. I thought it was adorable. Yes, I was a little jealous but would not at all call it disturbing.</p>
<p>When I was in high school, eons ago, no one went to Prom without a date. It just wasn’t done. I liked the fact that during my kids’ high school years groups of friends, same sex or mixed groups, went together if they didn’t have a special opposite sex friend. Everyone who wanted to go, did go, but I think there was still some envy of the girls who were asked by a boy, as a date. I would imagine same-sex couples would go now, but at that time, it wasn’t quite accepted.</p>
<p>I always encouraged my son to ask one of his female friends to the formal dances, if he wanted to go. He was a pretty popular kid and it just seemed like the appropriate thing to do. I think the fact that he asked a girl inspired some of his friends to do the same, and they’d get together and rent a limo. They didn’t do fancy “asks,” and usually the relationships were platonic. </p>
<p>This summer, my son is marrying the girl he asked to his senior high school formal, seven years ago. This one wasn’t platonic. ;)</p>
<p>I hope that when my youngest goes to her prom, if she does that it is a platonic date. I think they have a lot more fun that way.
With her sisters, they attended three proms each. Not that there was any drama really ( except the date who had expectations and got shot down, thank goodness )
When my middle daughter went to her senior prom, after going for the past two years, she went for the first time with a boy that she wasn’t dating. She used her older sister’s junior prom dress, used shoes she already had, did her own makeup . Only spent money on getting her hair done. She had a blast for once and made the prom court.
Her date’s mother was really hoping that they were going to be dating, so that was slightly awkward to run into her in the months following. By that time, daughter was only concentrating on moving on to college life and didn’t want anything holding her back .</p>
<p>I think it’s ridiculous, too. Our town is pretty working class and it’s not as prominent as at other schools. I also don’t like the trend of over the top weddings. Too much focus on the ceremony, not enough on the marriage.</p>
<p>My son isn’t dating anyone at the moment, so he’s going with a girl as a friend. </p>
<p>My ds says the boys don’t find it these fancy invitations “romantic” at all. They don’t want the pressure, and I don’t blame them.</p>
<p>Maybe this is the difference btw mothers of boys and mothers of girls.</p>
<p>I think most promposals are cute and not expensive. But I can see how it would have put a lot of pressure on my somewhat introverted son. Although maybe he would have found leaving some kind of message in sidewalk chalk or pepperoni that said, “Prom with LafSon?” easier than actually picking up the phone and calling the girl, which is what he did.</p>
<p>I agree with you lorelaigirl . When it comes to weddings , they have become a bit too competitive too with too much focus on the reception , but not enough on what it takes to make a marriage work.
Our business gets asked frequently for use of our products for props to set the atmosphere. When I explain the potential of what our product could do to their expensive wedding attire, the light goes off , usually in the mother of the bride’s head.</p>
<p>Not too many folks are interested after I tell them they would have to sign a liability waiver , absolving our company of any liability for damage to their pretty dresses.</p>
<p>I too wouldn’t want pressure on the boys or expectations from the girls</p>
<p>I’ve been in charge of prom at my school for so many years, I’ve lost count! A couple of things we’ve done that you are welcome to steal; we have a Grand March that is well attended and any junior or senior can have a family member or friend as their escort. The students with their parents/grandparents/brothers/sisters as escorts usually gets the largest round of applause. We’ve also had members of the military as escorts. That way there is less dating stress.</p>
<p>Our focus is to make prom into a party than a “date”. We had an Elvis impersonator for the Viva Las Vegas Grand March. A bus load of nursing home patients came and had a great time looking at the students and watching Elvis. This year we’re having fireworks (provided by a teacher who is a certified/bonded firework person) after our Midnight in Paris Grand March. The entire community will most likely attend. Dance afterwards! Next year, we’re thinking about a professional juggler for a circus theme!</p>
<p>It’s not just prom at the local high school. It’s every. Single. Date dance. Homecoming and twirp (Sadie Hawkins) for fresh- junior. Add prom for the seniors. We don,t have a junior prom. Because the second school dance is girls choice, the girls have to do the big ask, too. I’d think it was cute, but I hate it when the girls ask me for help when it’s their turn to ask!</p>
<p>Most kids do have dates for prom, but it’s not unusual to see one guy escorting a pair of girls. Or a larger group that includes some singles with the couples. I haven’t seen a big group if same-sex friends, though.</p>
<p>In case anyone is thinking our community is adding to the excess of prom, admission to our Grand March is an item for our local food pantry.</p>
<p>AHS, I think it sounds wonderful.</p>
<p>In the community we lived in, the guys went all out when asking girls to the Homecoming dance, but not so much for prom. The creativity used by the guys for the Homecoming invitations was just great.</p>
<p>There are a number of different issues here. One is the “big ask” or promposal. This is a trend I don’t like, not because it puts pressure on a shy boy, but because it puts pressure on a girl to say yes to a boy she doesn’t really want to go with. The alternative is an extremely awkward, “Uh, can we talk about this in private?” Both scenarios happened among my D’s friends. This was a trend at her school–but it coexisted with lots of kids going to the prom without dates as well, or with casual “friend” dates.</p>
<p>So, if you have a son who is considering one of these elaborate asks, in my opinion it is essential for him to use intermediaries to determine in advance if the request will be accepted, especially if it’s going to be in public.</p>
<p>I think the topic is interesting. Our HS lets jrs and srs go (or to take underclassmen). The trend is definitely for bigger and bigger promposals. D got asked with a cake at a restaurant with “PROM?” on it. The boy had arranged it with a friend at the restaurant and several of D’s friends were secretly watching. Of course, the friends had intermediated and the boy knew D would say “yes.” It was cute, but I think there is a lot of time and effort expended. Maybe I am a party pooper!? It’s mostly couples (romantic or platonic) at our HS, but senior year there are usally large coed “unmatched” groups that go. It’s a big deal here: mani/pedis, updos, limos, long dresses, pre-party gathering for photos, fancy dinner, prom, afterparties, etc. I think it puts a lot of pressure on the kids and costs a ridiculous amount. I think D and most of D’s friends were a little disappointed that the night could not have lived up to the hype.</p>