disturbing situation

<p>Hello. This past summer, I was visiting friends who live farther away.</p>

<p>When the visit was over, I tried to get my mail forwarded, but in the process (I guess because of timing of the mail forwarding going into effect and because certain types of mail don't get forwarded), this did not work out perfectly. Some junk mail got lost in the process, but that's ok...</p>

<p>What concerns me is that some fairly private mail fell into my friend's hands some time after I returned home. And the friend, J, opened my mail -without my permission. It happened with a couple of pieces of very private mail. I would've strongly preferred to have kept the contents of that mail to myself. (Especially since J is not very trustworthy and tends to gossip.)</p>

<p>I asked J to forward the mail, and eventually I got most of it, but not all. J put the contents of my mail put into new envelopes, then send them to me. J kept the original addressed envelopes, though I'd requested those too. To make matters worse, J admitted to having typed some of the private information that was in my mail into a computer to keep.
I was not okay about this at all. It made me feel sort of violated, because I did not choose to share that information with J. </p>

<p>What are my options at this point? Does anyone have any suggestions?</p>

<p>Wow-time to re-evaluate the friendship. I can't believe anyone would do that! Knowing that she opened mail and then entered info into a computer, I would be past the point of trying to maintain the friendship or being polite! Because she chose to invade your privacy and especially because of the computer entries, I would be consulting an attorney at this point. I don't know how else you could feel confident that she will remover the information in a permanent fashion. Of course, even then she obviously knows the information at this point and there is nothing you can do about that. Maybe some attorneys will chime in here....</p>

<p>For frame of reference; this is the parents forum, but "kids" post here too. Are you a parent or a student? Might make a difference in terms of the responses you get.</p>

<p>I'm a graduate student. I'm a bit older than the average grad student though, because I did not go to grad school right after undergrad.</p>

<p>I was always under the impression that opening up someone elses mail was a federal crime. Not something to push, obviously, if you want to maintain that friendship. But, I don't believe that friends open up other freinds personal mail without permission.</p>

<p>"I'm a graduate student. I'm a bit older than the average "</p>

<p>I see. And the "friends"?</p>

<p>What seems outrageos for an adult, might be less so when you are 17. Seems outrageous to me.</p>

<p>This is absolutely outrageous!</p>

<p>That person is no friend. I cannot imagine a scenario in which I opened the mail of a friend without permission! If J thought it was urgent, etc, why wouldn't J call you and ask if you wanted J to open it on your behalf?</p>

<p>J sounds like he/she has a real problem with boundaries.</p>

<p>What reason did J offer as to 1. why on earth they opened the mail at all and especially 2. what possible reason could J have to 'enter some of the information into a computer to keep'?</p>

<p>PS, if you used J's computer while visiting, some of your passwords could be in their history--be sure to go RIGHT NOW and change all your passwords, in case J has been snooping on you online.</p>

<p>Not a suggestion, but a story I have been following;
Husband</a> facing five years in jail after hacking wife's email - Telegraph</p>

<p>The whole thing is bizarre. Why would she open your mail? I mean, the first day, yeah, I go through big stack of mail and open all the tops with an opener, then flip it over. Now & again I open one of my kids items, but I usually don't then pull the contents out and read it unless I am asked to do so.</p>

<p>She had no business doing that. I suppose part of my outrage would be based on what kind of info the private info was- love letters, transcripts, LORs, bills or other credit related items. Each is a bizarre thing to copy in a different way.</p>

<p>I suspect you need to call it quits with this person.</p>

<p>It is obviously inappropriate for anyone to open someone else's mail without their permission, and I agree that you should not consider this person a "friend" based on what you have described. But, short of pressing charges, which I doubt you or most anyone would do, I'd just end the friendship. Now.</p>

<p>Stop the friendship right here. Block J from FB and email, change any passwords she might have. What kind of info would she have typed into her computer? I don't understand. Are you afraid she may blackmail you or otherwise use this against you? If it is, for instance, a checking account number, you might have to close the account. </p>

<p>I'm guessing there's something more here than we know.</p>

<p>This is odd...but this part is even more odd....</p>

<p>J admitted to having typed some of the private information that was in my mail into a computer to keep.</p>

<p>What? Scary! My mind is wondering what kind of stuff would this "fiend" think should be "saved" into his computer....and why? What the heck???!!!</p>

<p>This story seems too bizarre to believe. Why would this friend admit to committing a crime? Because that's what this is. </p>

<p>Is this for real?</p>

<p>Did you ask j to delete the Information and what if any reason did j give for doing what they did? Was j,s attitude one of contrition or one of I did this so what?</p>

<p>Is the info stuff that if it got out would be damaging or just embarrassing and annoying, and is what j did a surprise? </p>

<p>How you handle this depends a lot on if j can be vindictive or not...obviously the friendship is or should be over, but how it ends depends on what you think j will do if info if anything</p>

<p>I'm still scratching my head wondering why the person copied some of the illegally-gotten info into his/her computer.....and then why would he/she admit to doing so. It sounds like the "confession" was offered. I doubt the victim thought to ask, "hey, did you type up any of that sensitive info and put it into your computer". Odd.</p>

<p>It is striking how often brand new posters have the most improbable stories.</p>

<p>LOL the CC parent cafe is truly one of the gold mines for trolls. Full of the most gullible yet self-righteous folk anywhere on the internet.</p>

<p>^How DARE you!</p>

Your friend is a scary person.</p>

<p>Would not be my "friend" any longer. YMMV</p>