H & I will very likely divorce. We’ve been living mostly separate lives for quite awhile. We don’t fight, but if we do get into a disagreement, it’s usually about finances. We’ve had separate bedrooms for 2? years and that’s better for both of us. We have two kids, one launched, one in her second year in college.
It’s not clear to me who will initiate the divorce or when. It IS clear that there’s not much left now that we are not full-time, in-the-thick-of-it parents.
Our very old home is in an economically depressed area, and the last time a realtor took a look at the comparables, it wasn’t favorable. There have been a lot of foreclosures and short sales in the immediate area, so the most recent sales are very low. We are still underwater.
I’m not in any hurry. I’m not seeing anyone else. The younger kid will probably still bounce home on breaks for a couple more years. Living under one roof and having combined incomes is, obviously, better financially. We are able to swing a 3rd car for the kid away at OOS school, and we are paying down the loan we took out for the older kid’s tuition quickly. We are able to save.
What I’m concerned about is that he might be getting serious with whomever he is seeing on the side and one, might want more control over the finances (right now I’m CFO), or two, might want to initiate a divorce or separation.
Financially & emotionally, I don’t feel I’m ready. I cannot afford the house on my own. It’s not that the mortgage is high, but by time you take into account the property taxes, and utilities, and the inevitable repairs on this old beauty, I’d have almost nothing left at the end of the month. He could probably afford to keep the house, especially if he took on a roommate, which might be easier for him to do, than for me to do. But would he want to? I doubt it.
I guess in my head, I figured we would wait until the market recovered enough, then sell. And, it would be nice for the youngest one to have a place to bounce back to on breaks. What I’m saying is, if I were on my own & had to move, I’d probably shove myself into a small inexpensive one bedroom apartment somewhere. Our youngest has had some serious emotional problems, so I’m always thinking of the consequences of a big shake up, to her.
The last week or so, I’ve really been struck by how hard it would be to move and get rid of so much that you need for a 1800 sq ft house, that you don’t need for a one bedroom apartment.
I’m also imaging walking away with very little. If we do a short sale or foreclose, that would have it’s own ripple effect to our lives. Uff.
I work from home about 60% of the time, and moving my office in the midst of a new project coming up in 2018…it’s all very, very overwhelming to think about. I feel very alone.
Last year, I talked to a lawyer, who was helpful. The takeaway message was there’s nothing to do really, until we need to decide what we are going to do. I figured that can was kicked down the road, but now I’m not so sure. At least I won’t be blind-sided, and yet, I don’t feel I’m ready yet.
Seeing my therapist this week!
I’d really appreciate some kinds words and some wisdom. My head is SPINNING out scenario after scenario, without much clarity.