<p>While I am NOT a lawyer, you should know that each case is different. Again, I know of cases when assets were distributed and there were hardly any assets, one spouse got a sum of money from the other spouse’s inheritance and the courts considered the inheritance in the distribution of assets, even though the inheritance was not joint property.</p>
<p>You are asking good questions, but these are all things to discuss with a lawyer because where there may be some generalities, every case is individualized. I would consult with a lawyer even to ask these initial questions.</p>
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<p>As calmom mentioned retirement fund is a marital asset, so you will have to split it, but necessarily not literally. After you add all your assets together, you might decide to forgo some of the other assets, while keeping your retirement fund in fact.</p>
<p>If you do end up having to transfer some of the funds into your wife’s name, do it right (to avoid unnecessary taxation). Talk to your HR so that they can guide you.</p>
<p>P.S. I understand what you are feeling. Some time ago my marriage of 16 years was falling apart and I felt exactly the way your described. There is no shame in that. It will get better.</p>
<p>While my situation is different (we reconciled), I can tell that in your situation it is better to divorce sooner rather than later. After being married for 42 years my parents are finally divorcing. They’ve been going back and forth since I was in high school. Their biggest regret is that they wasted all this time with the same result.</p>
<p>If she has access to the safe deposit box, you need to clean it our immediately and put it into anther box. Also, cancel any joint credit cards or joint lines of credit. She may run them up and create debt for you that you don’t need. Remove her as a beneficiary on any life insurance or other retirement benefits if you can. If you have ever set up an account with her as survivor, remove her name if you can.</p>
<p>Go see a lawyer. </p>
<p>GENERALLY (1) what either of you earned/purchased while married including pension is community property, (2) what either of you inheirate is NOT community property to split; (3) your house will need to be sold or refinanced with one or both spouses getting out, (4) USUALLY there is give and take in something called an equalization payment (after adding/deducting everything up and deciding on what to do with the house, someone owes the other one something); (5) OFTEN pensions are doled out at the time the earner starts collecting (eg your employer sends HER half the payment if you’ve been married your whole working time and you half the payment) BUT as mentioned above you can “trade” it for something else of similar value to your wife (part of home price etc).</p>
<p>Good advice from the experts here.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>When seeing a lawyer be aware that they will listen to the emotional aspect of it but they can DO nothing about it and will charge you for every minute, every phone call, every email, every “whit if”. Better to go to a counselor with the emotional baggage and let the lawyer handle the numbers.</p>
<p>Talk to a lawyer!! </p>
<p>Razorsharp’s advice to remove your wife as beneficiary on a life insurance policy would be a very, very bad thing to do in my state! The first thing the courts do here is issue an order restraining both parties from doing exactly that!</p>
<p>Don’t, don’t, don’t follow the advice of strangers on the internet! TALK to a lawyer – in YOUR state – you don’t have to hire the first lawyer you meet with but you can at least get answers to your questions before you get yourself in big trouble by doing things make your situation worse.</p>
<p>Agree-- get a lawyer! And if you are worried about wife’s access, stop by the bank and empty the safe deposit box.</p>
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<p>Yes, it varies by State. California has some of the strangest laws in the country. California is the state that brought us the concept of palimony. I believe that under California law even a divorce will not automatically affect the beneficiary of a life insurance policy which means the issue should be addressed in a court order. </p>
<p>If both spouses are owners of the life insurance policy, in most states the signature of the other spouse is needed to remove that spouse as a beneficiary. Absent a court order or separation agreement, I don’t know of any state that would require someone to pay the premium of the policy. Thus, it can lapse. As to life insurance through one’s employer, it again varies by state, but in most states the employee can change the beneficiary of his or her policy.</p>
<p>razorsharp, yes, absent a court order, a spouse could let their policy lapse. It would be a good thing to get a temporary order which states that the policy should be kept current. Further, a temporary order, as some lawyers above pointed out, stipulate that each party cannot make these kinds of changes while the case is pending.</p>
<p>Actually, I believe that in any state the courts want to see the status quo preserved and can come down hard on a party who has demonstrated “unclean hands” by terminating insurance policies, changing beneficiary designations, emptying marital bank accounts, etc.</p>
<p>There is only one way that any person can collect on a life insurance policy, so I fail to see why there would be any particular hurry to change beneficiaries. And divorce courts generally will issue an interim order requiring that payments on policies be kept up.</p>
<p>This practice isn’t peculiar to California - I have first hand knowledge of how a few other states work as well.</p>
<p>Anything you inheirated is yours unless it’s so intertangled that you can’t suss it out. </p>
<p>Get a lawyer, you have too many questions to try to “do it yourself” without one. I have been through it, I know. Regarding your mom’s estate, if you do inherit anything, open a separate account in your name only and place any money into that account. Do not put it into any account you hold jointly with your spouse. Try not to use the money for “joint” expenditures. For example, do not pay down your joint mortgage with it or pay the monthly mortgage if you are still living in the house together from that account. The cleaner your separation and the accounting is for it, the more likely you will be able to retain this asset as a non-marital asset.</p>
<p>If you have friends who have divorced, ask who their lawyers are and what they thought of them. Meet with a lawyer before making up your mind whether to engage them for the divorce. If you can use mediation for any part of your settlement, then do it, it is cheaper than going to court. But even if you go to mediation, get a lawyer’s advice before you go.</p>
<p>*I know of cases where one spouse inherited money in only their own name during a marriage. As part of a divorce, the inheritance was considered a marital asset and the spouse who inherited the money had to give some of it to the other spouse in the divorce. *</p>
<p>If the inherited money isn’t kept cleanly and perfectly separate from marital assets/accts, then it can and often will become a marital asset.</p>
<p>You can’t deposit $50k of an inheritance into a joint savings acct and then later when you divorce take $50k off the top. Once you mingle the money it becomes a joint asset.</p>
<p>I do know of a case where the surviving grandparent wanted to avoid all the probate stuff, so she put all of her assets into her kids’ names. So, on all of her stocks and savings accts, she added her kids names. </p>
<p>So, when she died, those assets werent’ really inherited. Each child simply owned a share and they divided up the money. So, when one child began divorce proceedings, that child’s portion became an issue. I don’t know the outcome.</p>
<p>So sorry for the pain you have and are continuing to suffer. It does not sound like your wife is very tied to your marriage and it can’t really continue if both of you aren’t committed to it.</p>
<p>Another attorney here–agreeing with the unanimous chorus who says, find a good divorce attorney. Most will offer a free initial consultation and you can interview a few to figure out which one will work best for you. Some people are more comfortable with an attorney that is of the same gender, some don’t care. Be sure to get a good understanding of the fees potentially invovled in the divorce and how you will be charged. </p>
<p>You have substantial assets at stake here–your pension, your house, your future inheritance, as well as medical insurance coverage. A good attorney can best help you sort out all your rights and obligations and answer the questions you have from your decades of marriage. Do NOT talk about divorce with your wife (or anyone else) until AFTER you have spoken with your attorney and figured out how best to proceed with the attorney.</p>
<p>Try to write down all your questions and put them in a priority order, with the top question being the most important.</p>
<p>Please take good care of yourself and remember to keep engaged with your children and other loved ones. Life does go on and you will have a future after this is resolved.</p>
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<p>I’m simply stating that i know of a case where the inherited money was kept in a separate inherited account, including an inherited IRA, all under the name of the spouse who inherited the money ONLY. The spouse who inherited the money had to give a substantial amount of money from the inherited IRA (which was never co-mingled) as an asset to the other spouse in the divorce. It was the only asset the other spouse received, and it was worth far more than that person’s share would have been in the equity of the marital home (the only shared asset in the marriage).</p>
<p>Marital property laws vary widely be state, which is one of the many reasons that the OP needs to consult an attorney to know how best to proceed.</p>
<p>At this point, it’s not clear whether the OP has actually inherited anything. It sounded from the post like he’s just a trustee for his mom’s property and his mom is not in great health. A good attorney can help the original poster sort all of his rights and obligations out and figure out how to preserve his assets as well as possible. </p>
<p>The attorney can also advise about closing accounts, naming beneficiaries (or changing them), whether to get a new trustee for mom, and other issues that are related to any divorce, separation and division of assets.</p>
<p>None of us on this message board can provide the accurate information needed for this individual to proceed and the assets involved sound like quite a bit of money, making it worthwhile to promptly contact one or more good divorce attorneys to find one to work with on these complex issues.</p>
<p>HImom, I agree 100% with all you wrote above!!</p>
<p>Hire a lawyer. There isn’t a soul here who can advise YOU on YOUR situation. Do it TODAY.</p>
<p>Yup I would get a lawyer- there are definitely things you may not of thought of- that is their job to help you through this step by step</p>