<p>The spouse who inherited the money had to give a substantial amount of money from the inherited IRA (which was never co-mingled) as an asset to the other spouse in the divorce. It was the only asset the other spouse received, and it was worth far more than that person’s share would have been in the equity of the marital home (the only shared asset in the marriage).</p>
<p>Obviously we don’t know the details, but if the “other spouse” was able to argue/demonstrate that the couple had not saved enough for retirement because of this “inherited IRA” was intended to be “their retirement” then perhaps the courts were convinced that upon that “arrangement,” the asset had become a joint asset. Think about it…if the “other” spouse didn’t have really any sort of retirement, and that was because the couple had agreed that this inherited acct would be some/most/all of THEIR retirement, then I can see a court ordering the split. </p>
<p>During the Interrogatories the Other Spouse may have asked something like, "Admit or Deny, the inherited IRA was intended to be used to support the couple during their retirement years. Admit or Deny, the Other Spouse did not prepare to have a retirement acct because it was understood that the Inherited IRA would be used during the retirement years. (or something along those lines).</p>
<p>mom2collegekids, I don’t wish to divert from the OP’s thread too much, but don’t want to ignore your response either. Agree that each case is different and there can be quirks, as you call them! </p>
<p>In the case I was referring to, one spouse’s parents died and left an inheritance to just that spouse in his/her own name toward the end of a very long marriage of the couple. The other spouse had elderly parents still living at the time of the divorce, but stood to inherit money eventually as well. That spouse had not saved any money for retirement, and the other spouse’s inheritance was received toward the end of the couple’s marriage. The spouse with living parents had been gifted an IRA in his/her own name. During the separation, that spouse spent his/her entire gifted IRA (but not on marital/joint expenses). In any case, the spouse with the inherited IRA had to give a significant sum of that money to the other spouse at settlement as an asset. </p>
<p>I only shared the stories I knew since the OP asked about if he gets a possible inheritance in the near future before his divorce. Each case differs, and so a local attorney who can go over their individual case is important.</p>
<p>This is a tough time – I divorced after over 30 years and know the difficulty you’re going through. It will take some time, but eventually you’ll know that this is for the best. It helped me getting through the emotional upheaval to focus on the nuts and bolts of the property settlement.</p>
<p>For health insurance… I was entitled to continue his employer-paid insurance as an individual using the Cobra law. I am paying for it (that was our agreement) and this plan is a bit better than the ACA plans I’m eligible for. When the Cobra expires I’ll use the ACA.</p>
<p>In terms of retirement accounts (i.e. IRAs), I used a QDRO document to transfer some assets from my account to his in order to make the balances equal (again, part of our agreement). Using this method it did not count as an early withdrawal and we did not owe any taxes or penalties.</p>
<p>I agree with getting a lawyer, but there is a lot of work that you can do yourselves to save money. We worked on the property agreement over the course of several weeks, even creating separate accounts and transferring assets to get the division we agreed on. All we had to tell the lawyer was “I keep my individual accounts an he keeps his, as listed below.”</p>
<p>We also had a short meeting with our tax guy to get the details of how to handle the house, since we aren’t selling it right away.</p>
<p>Our inheritances had been kept in separate accounts, so those were not shared assets and not part of the divorce.</p>
<p>Assemble copies of all your important individual and joint financial documents (retirement account statements, insurance policies, deed/mortgage on property(ies) and bring them to your appt with your atty. If you can make a copy of your spouses’s retirement statements and separate bank accounts, do that, too. Your atty will need to know every piece of the marital and personal asset picture, as well as where the bodies are buried.</p>
<p>Then keep them in a safe place (not in your house) where your spouse cannot access/destroy them.</p>
<p>One more thought: most divorce lawyers are not accountants and most do not give tax advices. If you have stock options or RSUs, things can get really complicated during divorce process. If I had so many assets, in addition to an attorney, I would consult a financial professional who specializes in divorce counseling, e.g. a certified divorce financial analyst. And QDRO is a must. </p>
<p>“Remove her as a beneficiary on any life insurance or other retirement benefits if you can” </p>
<p>to add to what calmom said about CA, in WA it is also a bad idea to drop your soon to be ex as a beneficiary. The court will not have any warm and fuzzy feelings about it</p>
<p>Soozie…that’s too hard for my ADD brain to follow…lol. Maybe instead of “spouse”, use “wife” and “husband” where appropriate. Too many spouses spoil the story. :)</p>
<h2>*“Remove her as a beneficiary on any life insurance or other retirement benefits if you can” </h2>
<p>to add to what calmom said about CA, in WA it is also a bad idea to drop your soon to be ex as a beneficiary. The court will not have any warm and fuzzy feelings about it*</p>
<p>Calmom is RIGHT.</p>
<p>First of all, in many/most states, while you’re married, you can’t name another beneficiary other than your spouse w/o a notarized signature from the spouse (this is to prevent a new widow finding out that community property money was used to for a policy which had “the other woman” as beneficiary (or other man). </p>
<p>Secondly, retirement accts are often handled in the same way in many states. Retirement accts are typically considered to be the result of “marital earnings” therefore only one spouse doesn’t really own them.</p>
<p>I know someone who cancelled his life insurance prior to filing for divorce and the courts ordered him to repurchase (which cost a lot of money).</p>
<p>So sorry for your situation. I am a lawyer in a community property state and have been divorced twice. You are getting a lot of good suggestions here. Don’t make any changes until you talk to a lawyer. Most importantly, find a good one. If your state has a certified specialist program, find a certified specialist in family law. If you don’t know any good lawyers, spend a few hours down at the courthouse and ask the bailiffs and court reporters. THEY KNOW WHO’S GOOD AND WHO’S NOT!</p>
<p>I don’t mean to be an armchair psychologist here, but the other thing that struck me when I read your post is that your wife may have borderline personality disorder (BPD). My second wife did and a lot of what you described I can totally relate to. I was lucky to escape with my sanity. Search around on the net for BPD victim support groups. Google it on Amazon and do some reading. DO NOT LET YOURSELF GET SUCKED BACK INTO THE VORTEX. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN AND DON’T LOOK BACK!</p>
<p>the other thing that struck me when I read your post is that your wife may have borderline personality disorder (BPD). My second wife did and a lot of what you described I can totally relate to. I was lucky to escape with my sanity</p>
<p>I kind of thought the same thing…or at least one of the Axis II PDs.</p>
<p>Thanks for everyone’s concern, I am working very hard to select a lawyer. It is not easy, one lawyer wants 350/hr! A dear friend of mine is a divorce lawyer, but he is on vacation until Dec 23rd.</p>
<p>Regarding BPD, I read the followings from Wikipedia:</p>
<p>Only “Interpersonal Relationship” in that passage has some resemblance to my wife. She is not a smoker, drug user or in violence of any kind either to herself or to some one else. In fact she is more of a vegetarian.</p>
<p>However, she has the following traits from the “Million’s Subtype”</p>
<p>You may not want to use your friend for other reasons, although they may be able to give you a good recommendation. I waited (and made my ex wait) a few months for the attorney I wanted to be available to handle my divorce. It was well worth the wait to have the right person.</p>
<p>So hard on you, I’m so sorry. Do you feel that you want to also contact a pastor, clinical social worker or psychologist? It might help to have some emotional support in these difficult times, not only to feel better but to think more clearly.</p>
<p>My brother, who practices family law, often must remind clients that he’s about the business and financial side of the divorce, not emotional retribution. The court is not there to right the emotional bruises; those have to be worked out elsewhere. Otherwise, he says, too many people waste his/their time and their money trying, uselessly, to address the psychological wounds or “get even” through court maneuvers. It doesn’t work that way; it’s a business settlement, not therapy.</p>
<p>My H, who is clergy, said in the course of his career, 10 times as many women as men came to discuss what was troubling them about divorce. It troubled him that men did not go for some kind of personal help at such a trying time.</p>
<h1>*“Remove her as a beneficiary on any life insurance or other retirement benefits if you can” </h1>
<p>to add to what calmom said about CA, in WA it is also a bad idea to drop your soon to be ex as a beneficiary. The court will not have any warm and fuzzy feelings about it*</p>
<p>Be very careful about any “strategies” that are intended to “screw” your soon-to-be-ex. A co-worker of H’s decided to retire early (against his atty’s STRONG advice) in order to screw his SAHM wife. He thought he’d have to pay her less support this way. The courts “punished” him for that and awarded her a greater share of the assets. (I’m using “punished” loosely here…but in my state a court doesn’t have to split assets 50/50 if there’s been “misconduct” (adultery, addiction/alcoholism, abuse, money-games.)</p>
<p>I am not sure why several of you recommended that not to use my friend in this process. This is my friend, the lawyer does even know my wife. Does that makes difference?</p>
<p>I dont’ see the great harm in using your friend if he specializes in divorce. My SIL used her brother (my BIL) as her divorce atty because he just charged her for “basic costs”…no billable hours. she got a great settlement and fab child support…so it worked in her case.</p>
<p>As a lawyer I can say that it is tough handling a client who is a friend. The boundaries are wacky. When is it “billable time” when isn’t it? They are more likely to want to void emotionally AT LEGNTH. Also it may be harder to break certain news to someone when you have a personal relationship with them. Discussions of money, sex life, use of intoxicants, abuse, depression and other mental health issues may be embarrassing.</p>
<p>Started with g/f in FL. Shared just a few details that were a little uncomfortable, but that was it. never mentioned again. the ex-fiance insisted I use CA lawyer. Began with family friend, for reduced charges. He did nothing. Finally had to shift to typical $425/hr man. Other than first phone call, I would e-mail 1x a week, if necessary. I never met the man. </p>
<p>My situation wasn’t divorce, but owning a house together.</p>