<p>You might find more divorce-specific websites, but this is a great forum. There is so much goodwill and good advice here. Hang in there, marnik! I would just make sure you don’t rush things, take a deep breath, take care of yourself first.</p>
<p>As an adult kid of divorce, I don’t want to concern you, but I also don’t want to lie. I’ve half-written this post several times over several days. Your kids won’t be able to go on as though it’s business as usual. This will affect them as it’s affecting the two of you. Suddenly, they’ll have to figure out how to deal with holidays, splitting their time between two houses. They’ll have to deal with the sharp reality of “you can never come home”, while their college friends will get to ease into that reality. If the two of you are like most divorcing parents, they’ll have to deal with each of you badmouthing the other one, and they’ll have to reconcile their love for each of you with their definition of loyalty… They’re facing major changes in their reality, too.</p>
<p>I’m not saying you shouldn’t do what you need to do, and I’m not saying you’re not in a lot more pain than they will be. If left alone with the reality of the divorce, your college-aged kids will end up okay, and they’ll keep their scars to themselves, but they’ll be much better off if you specifically reiterate that you care about them and that you’re there for them, and encourage them to seek counseling, too. It would be great if counseling for your kids could be something that you and your husband can work out the financial means for (in addition to counseling for yourself!!) so that they have a support network in their new and unfamiliar surroundings.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you. My parents’ two-year divorce spanned the length of my engagement and dragged itself through my wedding, and looking at it from the perspective of a married person, I can’t even imagine the pain of divorce, and I hope to God that I never have to go through it.</p>
<p>marnik,
I have no words of wisdom to offer, but I am so sorry for what you’re going through. This is clearly not easy for you.
Just a thought on the job situation, which I can relate to…
maybe you could look for something part time at first; then you’d have more time to find a support group, going to meetings, etc. Or maybe working full time would be better as you’d be focusing more of your day on work. Just some things to think about.
I totally understand being discouraged by low-paying jobs as I recently went through a very tough time of job-searching over the past year or two.
I wish you peace and strength :)</p>
<p>Good luck, marnik. I’ve been looking into divorce things for a family member. Just a few things (I’m not a professional): make sure you get a credit card in your name and start establishing your independent credit. You might want to cancel your joint cards (so he can’t rack up bills). Be careful about your joint accounts (don’t want him to clean out). Keep phone bills and other proofs of adultery. In some states, adultery by one party can expedite the divorce process for you. Agree about holding off on a job right away because maybe alimony will pay for a while until you get on your feet. Maybe the time to look into schooling options? </p>
<p>Re: attorneys. Agreed, evaluate their advice. A neighbor went through a messy divorce. Her attorney (very reputable) would tell her what a ‘completely jerk’ her husband was (it was true, he was behaving very oddly). However, I could see that his stirring the flames of acrimony with her was to his benefit (the more angry and litigious she was, the more money he made). She finally stopped using him (after thousands spent) and handles routine matters herself, successfully (no legal background).</p>
<p>Marnik,
You’re in many of our thoughts. Just wondering how you’re doing today.</p>
<p>Marnik,</p>
<p>Just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing?</p>
<p>Also hoping Marnik is holding up OK and doing well.</p>
<p>Applicantmum77 … your pm box is full. I was hoping you are also holding up OK and doing better.</p>
<p>Make sure you get a good lawyer, and don’t forget to get your fair share of any retirement accounts! </p>
<p>Parents without Partners is great, both in the beginning when you’re an open wound, and later when you’re ready to start dating.</p>