<p>toblin, most of these woman are divorced. So that explains the male bashing. I feel sorry for the men.</p>
<p>Nope, hon, you are mistaken. Still happily married to the guy I fell in love with 25+ years ago. Many others replying to our OP are happily married as well.</p>
<p>Hubby is very grateful that I helped him to do a complete makeover of his wardrobe. As long as I don’t drag him to the mall with me :)</p>
<p>I have not found another divorced woman on these boards! What are you talking about, 100% feedbck is totally in support of loving and supporting their partner as is.</p>
<p>I believe I’m the only other person responding on this thread who’s stated that she’s divorced. And I don’t bash men. (My son is one, after all!) I don’t think anyone has bashed men on this thread.</p>
<p>My goodness. Sorry for diverting the subject momentarily, but I just checked True Love’s posting history to remind myself of who she is, and came across these lovely comments to me, which I’d somehow managed to miss – speaking of bashing:</p>
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<p>And this isn’t a TOS violation, exactly how?</p>
<p>Wow. Just wow. I wasn’t expecting this on CC. Even good old claremarie never went quite that far! I think if someone took my pulse right now, it would be off the charts. (You might think that stuff like that wouldn’t bother me anymore, but, remarkably enough, it still does when it’s directed at me quite that personally.)</p>
<p>Not that I really want to degrade myself by addressing this loathsome child directly, so all I’ll say is that the only “deceivers” around here are those who try to deceive others into believing that they’re actual human beings with a heart and a soul. I am who I am. And always have been. And I do happen to be a woman who’s divorced, by the way.</p>
<p>Toblin, if I were you, I wouldn’t <em>want</em> the support of someone like that.</p>
<p>Donna, let’s ignore the ■■■■■ behind the curtain. :)</p>
<p>Okay, not divorced, but single out in the dating world. I gotta say, mostly I run across some wonderful guys that it just didn’t work out. But the few disasters were at least incredibly entertaining. </p>
<p>If it’s really just clothes, I’d let it go. A recent guy met me at the door asking for advice, “Shirt tucked in or out?” I looked at him and said “Remember, you are dating an engineer. I had to get a marketing person over just to dress ME for tonight.”</p>
<p>So I have a serious question or two. I’m married but I’ve often wondered if for any reason my marriage ended (death – DH had a serious health issue last year-- or divorce) how I’d ever meet anyone to date. My sister-in-law is divorced and avidly does the online thing. It honestly seems to me that her online search for men is often practically a full-time job. She found one long-term relationship that way that didn’t work out, has dated many men and found her current boyfriend online. I saw her online profile once (and didn’t really recognize her from the description) but when I saw it I thought that I couldn’t come up with more than a couple of sentences about myself if I was trying to sell myself. “Intelligent middle-aged woman, overweight but not obese, a professional, mother of four” and then my mind goes blank. People usually write paragraph after paragraph about themselves. I can tell where my SIL is in her dating life by her weight – down she’s in courtship mode, up she’s in “comfortable in the relationship mode”. She swears that on the Internet guys won’t contact you if you’re not looking very good weight-wise. I honestly can’t imagine promoting myself on the Internet like that or feeling like I had to package myself. But I also can’t imagine where else one meets someone in this day and age especially since I don’t have the kind of job where you meet people who aren’t clients and clients aren’t potential dates for ethical reasons. So how did you all (those of you dating) start meeting people? Especially if you’d been married a long time? After my mother-in-law was widowed at 49, she told me that dating in middle age makes high school “pale in comparison.” I’ve never forgotten that.</p>
<p>Hey, I’m divorced, and before my current long term relationship spent some time in the on line dating world. I’ve met some great people. </p>
<p>To the OP-I’d buy him a few shirts, some comfy but less obviously athletic shoes for your weekend away. If he takes them, and you can give them with good grace and humor, it’s a strike in the right direction.</p>
<p>I used to be involved with someone who was brilliant and a wonderful companion. But he dressed so cluelessly it would set my teeth on edge. Not just a little sloppy, but really inappropriate for context or weather. Now I realize him for an Aspie, and think he’d have benefitted from a little more direct instruction. The visual was not his thing. For some people it just is not. </p>
<p>Hey, you could be in China, where my son says couples tend to dress in the same outfits as public statement of commitment. A girlfriend wanted him to do the same, but he evaded the topic. At 6’5, would be a little hard to fit. </p>
<p>Mimk, on line is it. I’ve never met anyone in my 15+ years of single life without an online profile or personals ad. My friends are married, and I don’t run into single people, at all.</p>
<p>I’m not saying there are not great people in the online dating world. I’m certain there are. It just seems though that men, maybe more than women, would place a premium on that first impression and that the process of putting yourself out there like that would be difficult.</p>
<p>Which is one of the reasons I haven’t done it, even though I almost never meet single people around my age either. The idea of having to summarize myself in a personal ad at this point in my life is horrifying; never mind how queasy the idea of being judged based on a photo makes me.</p>
<p>Plus, I have to confess that I met my former spouse through a personal ad I put in New York Magazine in June 1986. (It was a lot easier to write an ad about myself at 31 than it would be at 55.) So I’m naturally a little reluctant to repeat that experience, given how things ultimately turned out the first time.</p>
<p>If you divorced MILFs are looking for men who are snazzy dressers, instead of trying to meet someone online, you should be looking in gay bars.</p>
<p>One of my sisters met her eventual husband online. The rest of us thought she didn’t know what she was getting into but wealth can cover a multitude of personality problems.</p>
<p>My friend looking for dates says that everyone in the online dating scene lies. He’s an athlete and he’d like someone that shares his sport but the problem is that anyone that plays his sport is probably already married as you have to be in pretty good shape to play it well. I’ve told him that he should consider moving to Boston or San Francisco where his chances would be much better (he has a lot of job flexibility). He’s working on getting his house in shape to sell it so maybe he’ll move to someplace with more single women.</p>
<p>Snazzy dresser is not at all the issue. Knowing enough to not wear a stained sports T shirt and flip flops to a relatively nice restaurant is my minimal standard. The OP mentioned matching socks. That doesn’t sound like expecting too much. </p>
<p>This is reminding me to appreciate my BF, who does try to dress neatly and appropriately-probably more than me at times. </p>
<p>If everyone on line lies, I’d think your brother might be looking in the wrong place or demographic. Though I do think that many present their ideal self in those profiles, and reality may look and feel different.</p>
<p>I do not have any brothers.</p>
<p>He told me that a lot of women post pictures of themselves that are fifteen or twenty years old. I suggested that he take up running and join a local running club. At least that may be one way to ensure fitness. Unfortunately. He hates to run. He has tried mixed doubles at tennis clubs but all of the women at those events are married [of course].</p>
<p>I’ve heard lots of people say that everyone lies online but it has not beeen my experience. Frankly, I’ve been surprised by the quality of people I’ve met online. Everyone I’ve chosen to date I have been able to Google and get a great deal of info before even meeting.</p>
<p>I didn’t think I’d like the process but I came to learn that if you carefully sceen, there are lots of ‘normal’, well educated, accomplished, nice people to be found. It really doess make sense, many of us just don’t run into many singles in an average day.</p>
<p>I know someone who was widowed years ago. She met her second husband online. Mimk, at the time she was quite overweight. She also had a child with her first husband, so this was going to be a “package deal”. It did not stop her from finding her husband online, and he was never married, did not have children, and was not overweight. It has been many years and they still seem happily married.</p>
<p>“men, maybe more than women, would place a premium on that first impression”</p>
<p>There’s truth to what you say, but I believe that it’s just as true if you meet men at work, in bars, or even at church/temple. Men are very visual, full stop. The online world isn’t much different in that sense.</p>
<p>The first step toward writing a good online profile is to read a lot of them. Search for women in your area with similar attributes. Profiles that make you feel you’d like to meet the woman and be friends are likely to be ones that would also appeal to the men who are compatible with you. Also, show, don’t tell! People can say “I’m goofy,” but it’s way more effective to BE goofy – if you name yourself “ILikePancakes,” the goofiness comes through loud and clear. If you’re sarcastic, religious, whatever, be that.</p>
<p>I imagine the online profiles play more to some people’s strengths – i.e. creative folks – than others. I myself agonized over putting up my professional website and hate marketing myself as a professional so I would probably hate marketing myself personally. I hate it even when I have to submit a blurb to run to be on our school site council – I kind of relate to Sally Field babbling on about “you like me, you really like me.” It’s not that I lack self confidence in my day-to-day life. I just don’t like putting myself out there in any capacity where people have to give a thumbs up or thumbs down response. Anyhow, I imagine people put up an idealized version of themselves similar to the way college applicants do.</p>
<p>I’m divorced. I have had great difficulty meeting men. I wish it could just happen naturally–that I could meet someone nice while doing something I’m interested in or through a friend. </p>
<p>So, I wouldn’t care too much about the socks. If he’s a good guy–that’s what matters.</p>